A funny thing I found about the best word ever:

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word "fuck." Out of all the English words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "F" word. It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German, the word 'flicken' which means "to strike." In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. As a transitional verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley." As an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks."

Its meaning's not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as "John's doing all the fucking work." As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much." As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful." As a noun, "I don't give a fuck." As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutely" or "In-fucking-credible." And, as almost every word in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers."

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of "fuck", as in these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot."

Dismay: "Aw fuck it."

Trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now."

Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy."

Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question!"

Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that?"

Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here."

In Confidence: "He's a fuck off."

Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play 'hide and go fuck yourself?'"

I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say, use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly, "Fuck you!"

97% of teens and middle-aged women would cry if they saw Edward Cullen from Twilight standing on top of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are one
of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn, screaming, "DO A FLIP, YOU SPARKLY BITCH!", then please copy and paste this in your profile.

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile

Loveless

Prologue (Poem)

When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end

The goddess descends from the sky

Wings of light and dark spread afar

She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I (Poem)

Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess

We seek it thus, and take to the sky

Ripples form on the water's surface

The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II (Poem)

There is no hate, only joy

For you are beloved by the goddess

Hero of the dawn,

Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul

Pride is lost

Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III (Poem)

My friend, do you fly away now?

To a world that abhors you and I?

All that awaits you is a somber morrow

No matter where the winds may blow

My friend, your desire

Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

Even if the morrow is barren of promises

Nothing shall forestall my return

Act IV (Poem)

My friend, the fates are cruel

There are no dreams, no honor remains

The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

My soul, corrupted by vengeance

Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey

In my own salvation

And your eternal slumber

Legend shall speak

Of sacrifice at world's end

The wind sails over the water's surface

Quietly, but surely

Act V (Poem)

Even if the morrow is barren of promises

Nothing shall forestall my return

To become the dew that quenches the land

To spare the sands, the seas, the skies

I offer thee this silent sacrifice

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile

Things you should know about best friends

A friend helps you up when you fall, a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumb-ass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain, a best friend takes yours and says, "Run,-BEEP-Run!"

A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend would be in the cell next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

Friends will ask why you are crying, but best friends already have a shovel ready to bury the asshole that made you cry. She's my best friend. Break her heart, and I'll break your face! If you agree, copy into siggy please!

A friend wipes your tears when your rejected a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their ass off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!'

A friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be there next to you saying "damn that was fun!"

A friend will tell you when your wrong, a true friend will wait for you to screw up so they can laugh in your face.

A friend will encourage your choices in life, a true friend will write them down for black mail.

A friend will help you study for a test, a true friend will help you procrastinate studying for a test.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.

REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedual to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this

REAL FRIENDS: Will re-post it

1. "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."Lynn Lavner

2. "I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath that I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you." Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

3. The stewardess had offered them both crayons and coloring books to keep them occupied during the flight. Naruto had refused his, but Sasuke had accepted and had spent the following hour drawing a precisely anatomically correct image of someone with a startling similarity in appearance to the stewardess being disemboweled by a three-year-old wielding a sharpened crayon. Itachi had to credit the boy’s ingenuity, but he hoped that Sasuke would not attempt to repeat such methods – crayons were very unwieldy weapons and so difficult to get clean afterwards. -Mahou no Shinobi by shinigami-lives

4. "...we've found that while explosives are not the answer to all problems, the number of situations where they can't be used effectively in some fashion is extremely limited.” -Fred,Harry Potter and the Sun Source by Clell65619.

5. "Don't think of it as Voldemort, think of it as a leather upholstered Chihuahua," -Harry,Oswald the Ottoman by lunakatrina

6. “If he isn't,” Kakashi mused with a far too bright and pleased smile, “then he’s the most masculine, flat-chested, pelvic-ally well-endowed woman I've ever met.”

Iruka looked as though he had just bitten into a particularly ripe lemon and glared around at the other.

“You realize that you could have just said ‘yes’?” Kakashi’s grin was sadistic.

“Oh, but the faces you make are far more fun!” - Iruka & Kakashi, Vis a Vis

7. "Me I'm dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when they're going to do something incredibly stupid." -Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean

8. Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

9. Lord Beckett: You're mad!

Jack Sparrow:well thats good cause If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.

10. Jack Sparrow: Do us a favor... I know it's difficult for you... but please, stay here, and try not to do anything... stupid.

11. Barbossa: How the blazes did you get off that island?

Jack Sparrow: When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

12. Barbossa: It's not possible!

Jack Sparrow: Not probable.

13. Lt. Gillette:This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay.

Jack Sparrow: Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?

14. “Having a bad morning?” Tezuka opened his eyes and peered through his glasses at his honey-haired friend. For all intents and purposes, he should have been happy to see him; he was after all, going to aid him in his strenuous task. Despite this, however, all he could feel was an impending sense of doom, for when he had been predicting his teammates’ reactions, he had forgotten to keep in mind one very important detail: The Fuji Factor-TM. The Fuji Factor-TM was actually an addendum to Murphy's Law. The Fuji Factor-TM was simple: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment because Fuji will make it so. The Fuji Factor-TM had a one hundred percent success rate. And The Fuji Factor-TM was a living, breathing migraine. - If Wishes Were Horses, PoT fic

15. “Rahkesh, I hate to disillusion you, but electrocution doesn’t solve all of life’s problems.” Daray said slowly, pityingly.

Draco visibly bit back a chuckle. Ah, progress.

“It can, if you just allow it to.” Rahkesh replied. It communed so well with magic…well that might just be him. Daray might be better off with demon vomit or something equally odd…Rahkesh tested the magic the vampire was giving off and decided not to suggest pixie dust. - Changes in a Time of War, HP fic

16. “Trip wires are called trip wires for a reason. They don’t make you fall over, just trip.” Daray said, not even bothering to open his eyes at the threat.

“All right then, electric trip wires. A couple thousand volts, just enough to make you jump and drop dead.” Rahkesh said, signing his name on the essay. Now Daray’s eyes opened and narrowed, he looked at Rahkesh for a moment as if wondering at his sanity.

“First it was Silas in an electric net, then the shocks you installed in the door, then the tasers - I know they’re hidden in this room somewhere, and now electric trip wires. British wizards do not have a death penalty. So way are you so into electrocuting people?”

“It’s fun.” Rahkesh said, not really knowing the answer.

“Why are you here anyway? Didn’t you have a duel with what’s his name – Saul?” Daray rolled his eyes skyward.

“I know you’ve been preoccupied with switching classes but really, Rahkesh, it’s eight p.m., that duel was two and half hours ago.” Daray said. Rahkesh checked his watch, oops. He’d eaten in his room that evening, working on this project, and completely lost track of time. The project was due the next day and he’d been delayed the day before with a tricky potion that had taken several hours longer than he’d thought it would.

“You won?” He asked, the vampire’s head shot up from resting on the arm of the couch to glare.

“Never mind, of course you won. What was the prize again?” Daray rarely fought without stating some sort of prize for the winner. The vampire grinned smugly like a happy cat, there should have been feathers.

“Him.” Rahkesh shook his head; of course it would be something like that. Daray and Saul did not get along. Something simpler would have been too mild.

“Good blood?”

“I wasn’t referring to his blood.” Daray purred in reply.

“Though I got his blood too.” The vampire added, and frowned.

“And neither was very good.” Rahkesh shook his head; he never understood the vampire philosophy that life was all about sex and blood. Saul must have been very confident of his fighting abilities if he’d agreed to a bet like that. Or, more likely, Daray, being much more clever than Saul, had argued the vampire into such a corner that he couldn't say no without appearing a coward, and, obviously, couldn't say yes without appearing stupid. If given a choice like that Saul would have to take stupidity rather than cowardice. He could stand to appear an idiot; loss of face due to cowardice was unacceptable. Well, Saul wouldn't be jeering about Rahkesh switching classes anytime soon.

“You know you could have claimed the prize was another duel with the winner of the first duel’s choice of weapon. You know he can’t duel worth shit with silent magic. You could have hung him from the dinning hall ceiling and repeatedly electrocuted him so he’d flop around and amuse everyone.” Rahkesh suggested, he didn't like Saul either but the arrogant nasty vampire had never challenged him, yet. Saul was still getting over his first fight with Rahkesh outside the entrance to Akren valley.

“Again I ask, what is it with you and electrocuting people?” Daray said, Rahkesh shrugged again.

“It makes them cry?” He offered weakly, and immediately regretted saying it when the vampire snorted and broke out into a delighted toothy grin.

“I knew you were a hidden sadist. Next time the brat pisses you off you can do that to him. Maybe if he gets humiliated enough he’ll stop being such an ass. Everyone knows what our bet was and everyone knows he lost, the duel only took five minutes you know, and about a third of the school was there in the gym, so I’d be surprised if he shows his face at all for the next week.” Daray stated. Rahkesh had to laugh, Daray didn't do anything half way and if he was going to beat Saul then the larger the audience the better. Especially if it was a vampire audience, there was a sort of wordless communication and understanding there that Rahkesh couldn't quite get.

17. He grimaced and decided to hide in his room for the duration of the trip, sharpening his Shivs. Hopefully they’d take the hint. If not, well, he knew a lovely Air-lock only a few corridors down. - When Worlds Collide, HPRiddick fanfic

18. I put everything together in a pan and started to actually cook the meat, "Can you throw one of those advertisements on my dresser when you get the chance?"

"Sure, why not," I heard her get up again and walk down the hall. She returned a minute later a started to set table,

"When'll the food be ready?"

"In a half hour relax."

"Well, I'm hungry."

"What do you want me to do? Serve the meat rare?"

"Would it kill you?"

"It's not me I'm worried about."

"So what? You're saying if you ate the meat rare it wouldn't affect you either way, but if I ate it, I'd probably get sick?"

"Perceptive aren't you?"

"Wise ass."

"Why, thank you."

"Do you enjoy torturing me?"

"If I said yes would you be mad?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Yes."

"Augh! You are the most infuriating man I have ever met!"

"Thank you. I take pride in my work."

"I don't like you right now."

"Never said you had to like me."

"You know I can throw you out of this house anytime I want?"

"Yes."

"So why do you torture me?"

"Because if you threw me out of the house you would need to find another housemate."

"Good point."

"Plus, I doubt you'd find another housemate as good looking as me."

"(Sigh) Just when you think he wouldn't say anything..."

"Do you disagree with my comment?"

"No."

"Then what in seven hells is your problem?"

"The fact that you're usually always right."

"You act like I should care."

"You should."

"I don't."

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later." - Ranma & Sasha, from Misunderstanding Scars, R1/2

19. Ichigo stared, before rolling his eyes and kicking the hell out of the sissies trying to get at Grimmjow from behind. He couldn't blame them, really. Facing Grimmjow head on was like telling the whole world you had a suicide note and a will ready for all to see. He had incredible strength and a disposition willing to show it off – luckily he beat the need to kill out of the man a few years back. - Bonds, by Impervious Marr

20. “And this ladies and gentlemen is why one must never call an Akimichi fat,” Naruto tells the remaining Genin from their observation room.

“For thou art tiny and go squish when stepped on,” Kiba adds with chuckle when he notices Ten-Ten’s bug-eyed expression. - Master of Puppets, Naruto fanfic

21. “Pleasure, I’m sure. Listen, Minato, could you help us with something?” She interjected. Minato felt a chill run down his spine as he recognized the mischievous glint in his fiancé’s eyes. Getting a terrible feeling of foreboding, he briefly glanced at Rei, one thought running through his mind; Surely, there couldn't be two of them? Recognizing the identical glint of mischief in Rei’s eyes, Minato realized with sudden dread that; Yes. Yes there could. – Fuinjutsu

22. And Salazar, though sneaky and sly, never lied. He was a man of his word…it just took time to learn how to understand his word that was the problem. The twisting of the few words he did speak normally left many thinking he was a slimy liar but if told such he could easily prove every time that he never lied.

23. No wonder the Pharaoh hated him so much. Bakura had to be the only person on the planet who screwed everyone over and came out on top more often than the Pharaoh himself…unless it was against the Pharaoh, that is. - Malik on Bakura, Sniping Cobra

24. "Potter Luck remember? Harry gets into a life or death situation and something just happens to occur in the nick of time to save him. Addendum to Potter's Luck: There is no such thing as serendipity. All good or seemingly trivial things come back and bite Potters in the arse. Hard. Addendum Two: There is no such thing as coincidence." - Harry Potter, forgot which fic

25. He resolved to blow something up again soon- it seemed to be therapeutic. - Bakura, from Akuryou

26. Suddenly the braided boy leaned over. "Ya know, we never introduced ourselves," he whispered. "Duo Maxwell. I run, I hide, but I never lie."

"Ore no namae wa Shiraga Bakura desu," he whispered back.

"Nice to meet you, Maxwell-san." The other flashed a grin.

"Call me Duo. If blowing up a building together doesn't put us on a first name basis, I don't know what does." The former spirit grinned back.

"Duo, then." - Duo & Bakura, from Akuryou

27. "Fuji-senpai, even robbers have something called survival instincts. You could walk covered in money through the park at midnight and still be safer than a babe in its crib." the younger boy scoffed.

"That's not very nice, kitten."

"But very true, good night, senpai." - Fuji and Ryoma - Enigmatic Prey

28. It was hard to tell with the goblins' craggy faces, but I could have sworn their faces were murderous. I vaguely recalled something about crossing a goblin. Don't. - forget which HPN fic this from

29. "What's your connection to him, Harry? What's your role in this?" This was what Athena needed to know. She knew of Harry's connection, but she didn't know what, exactly, it was. Her familiar couldn't tell her for some reason. Athena needed to know if Harry was working for or against Voldemort. After his words, she could easily guess which side the boy was on, but she had to be absolutely positive. She watched as Harry smiled a smile that was cold and cruel, that she'd seen on Ares' face when he went into a battle that he knew he'd win, and have fun doing so. She'd seen that smile on Hades' face when he got a particularly nasty soul that he would get to punish for eternity. And she saw that smile on Heras' face when she got the best of Zeus.

"My role? I get to kill him." - HP, from Consort to War – fanfic

30. Forgive your enemies but never, never forget their names.

31. No I WONT go to hell! They have a restraining order against me. – From profile of Death’s Favourite Child

32. Naruto and the concept of 'impossible' had a rather interesting relationship, with both sides politely ignoring the other. – Reload by , a Naruto fanfic

33. "Insanity is just a state of mind." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH

34. "Insanity is no worse than the common cold." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH

35. "Oh, a stranger in town. Don't talk to me, I'm bad." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH

36. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

37. Law of Inexhaustability No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

38. "I hear voices... They said they don't like you."

39. "Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck."

40. "I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you."

41. 'Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies.'- Adrienne E. Gusoff

42. 'Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.'- Lily Tomlin

43. Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

44. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

45. 'Growing OLD is Mandatory. Growing UP is optional!' - the wonderful MizuKitsune10

46. 'Tell me What's it like living in the perpetual haze of Stupidity?' - Hiei (YYH)

47. 'Do you Know why I chose him as my partner? So I wouldn't have to fight him myself. He's more cutthroat than I am in battle and utterly ruthless' - Hiei (YYH)

48. An essay is an attempt to explain something that could have been said in two sentences

49. There's nothing that can't be fixed with: ducttape, chocolate, or by running it over.

50. I'm not Crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference.

51. Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

52. "Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards." –Unknown

53. Stress: A condition caused by repressing the body's desire to strangle the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

54. Uchiha pride was susceptible to Uzumaki taunts, regardless of age, rank or insanity. - Hidden Behind My White Mask, Naruto fanfic

55. 'There is nothing as irrational, dangerous and illogical as an Uchiha in denial'.

56. Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN!

57. “It contains a misleading impression, not a lie. It was being economical with the truth.” –Robert Armstrong

58. Silence decided that it wanted its throne back.

59. "It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."

60. "Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

61. "Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

62. "God gave them a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time..."

63. "If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them."

64. "Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it."

65. "If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination."

66. I reject your reality and substitute my own.

67. Life's a bitch, if it were easy it'd be a slut.

68. "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

69. Men: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

70. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

71. Smile - it confuses people.

72. Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.

73. If all the world's a stage, then I want to open the trap door.

74. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; not sure about the universe.

75. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.

76. The problem with reality is a lack of background music.

77. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

78. Dimitri: Here, I bought you a dress.

Anastasia: (laughs) You bought me a...tent.

Dimitri: What are you looking for?

Anastasia: The Russian circus! I think it's still in here!

79. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

80. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

81. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

82. In theory, everything works.

83. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. - War Laws

84. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. - War Laws

85. Mines are an equal opportunity weapon. - War Laws

86. Weather ain't neutral. - War Laws

87. Military Intelligence is a contradiction. - War Laws

88. When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in the combat zone. - War Laws

89. Incoming fire has the right of way. - War Laws (applicable also to Hiruma)

90. Never go to bed with anyone crazier then you. - Murphy's War Laws

91. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen). - Cops Laws

92. Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap. - Murphy's Law, mp

93. Better to be judged by twelve, then carried by six. - Murphy's Law, mp

94. The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

95. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler

96. My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. - Douglas Adams

97. Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.

98. Welcome Strangers, you must be cold//Stay a while, the day grows old//Be not afraid, no dangers near//Just recall, we're all mad here.

99. I've been given sugar! Use this time to prepare for the end of the world!

1. I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message.

2. I'm out of bed and dressed! What more do you want?

3. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver - and a lot more accessible.

4. Rule #9: When faced with the unknown, go with your instincts. Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing?" Buffy: "I thought I might try violence." Xander: "Solid call."

5. "Oh, look. A mini-Itachi." - Whisper about Sasuke, Foxchild

6. If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them. – Unknown

7. Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don't talk back and they're always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won't complain.

8. Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never danced in the pouring rain.

9. To think I'm going to die because I flirt with women. - Miroku, IY

10. "Your halo's falling down." - fanfic unknown, Uzumaki Naruto to Hyuuga Neiji

11. Good girls always fall for the bad boys - even if they don't admit it.

12. Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.

13. Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln

14. "Once you get me angry I usually stay there. I enjoy my anger, it's the only hobby I have."

15. Gabrielle: "I'm looking for my best friend. Maybe you've seen her? Six feet tall, dark hair, lots of leather, fights like the Harpies in a bad mood? Her name's Xena."

16. One should never come between a Saiyajin and food. You'll accomplish nothing, and the Saiyajin might become homicidal." - Shin, DBZ

17. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

18. Heaven won't take me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. - is it just me, or can I see this coming from/happening to Hiruma(ES21)?

19. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill.

20. My reality check bounced.

21. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

22. I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

23. I'd explain it to you, but you're brains would explode.

24. You STFU and I kick your ass. It's the law of equivalent exchange...bitch.

25. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall out of a window...I laugh.

26. Roses are red, violets are black, please go to hell, and never come back.

27. There's a fine line between genius and insanity, I think you crossed the line a few miles back.

28. I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal.

29. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study hard, be evil.

30. What!! Is it so wrong to be attracted to the guys who want to destroy mankind?!

31. I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience.

32. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

33. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.

34. Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you're up to. - Fuji Shusuke, Prince of Tennis

35. Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it.

36. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

37. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

38. EXCUSE ME!! I have PMS and a gun...You were saying?

39. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

40. It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

41. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

42. With friends like these, I hope my enemies have a spare bedroom.

43. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives (or electricity).

44. Do NOT label me, I'm no soup can!

45. Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate!

46. Please: Don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

47. Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.

48. If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

49. If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so be quiet...

50. The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth.

51. WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

52. My imaginary friend thinks you have problems.

53. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

54. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

55. Out of my mind, please leave a message.

56. Caution: Handicapped people will be eaten by crocodiles below.

57. I do not suffer insanity...I enjoy every minute of it

58. Damn straight I’m good in bed...I can sleep for days

59. It wasn’t me!

60. Speaking is not communication

61. Silence is golden but duct tape is silver, so make my day golden and colour it with silver.

62. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts

63. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird

64. Don’t judge a book by its movie.

65. Chaos, panic, disorder...my work is done here

66. Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.

67. I don't get even, I get odder.

68. If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.

69. If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies.

70. Black holes are where God divided by zero.

71. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

72. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and jump off it.

73. Friends are like stars, they come and go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.

74. There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficient methods.

75. To some, death may be a blessing, to others, a vice. Me? I think death is a necessity.

76. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

77. When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE.

78. When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand cash.

79. When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies.

80. When life gives you lemons, read them and drool.

81. I don't date vampires, I kill them." Anita Blake - Guilty Pleasures

82. "Can I still be the scourge of vampire kind while I'm sleeping with the head bloodsucker? You bet." Anita Blake - the Killing Dance

83. "There is nothing like ruining the calm of a hundred-year-old vampire to boost a girl's morale." Anita Blake

84. "Murphy's law is the only true dependable thing in my life most of the time."-Anita Blake

"No one was shooting at me yet. I was encouraged by that." - Anita Blake

85. "Paranoia is just another word for longevity." - Anita Blake

86. Anita: "Jesus, are all vampires over two hundred perverts?"

Jean-Claude: "I am over two hundred."

Anita: "I rest my case."

87. "We might shoot each other one fine day, but we'd never sleep together. He was more interested in the fresh burn than my breasts." Anita on Edward

88. "The vampires call me the Executioner, but they call Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them." Anita Blake

89. "You don't volunteer to slugfests with vampires. It shortens your life expectancy." Anita Blake

90. Anita: "You irritating son of a bitch."

Jean-Claude: "Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?"

91. "I never forgave anyone for anything. A character flaw to be sure, but hell, everyone's got to have one." – Anita Blake

92. "Killing I understand. Relationships confuse me." – Anita Blake

93. "I'm your bodyguard. If you die under my protection the other bodyguards will make fun of me." Edward to Anita

94. "You smell of other people's blood, ma petite." I smiled at him, sweetly. "It was no one you knew." Anita Blake.

95. Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was there would be a hell of a population drop. - Anita Blake

96. I wanted to wipe the grin off his face with a fist. I resisted the urge. Who says I have no self-control? - Anita Blake

97. Curiosity killed the cat. Here's to hoping it didn't do the same for animators. - Anita Blake

98. He could have the bed. I'd take the couch. What could be more innocent? Biker Nuns from Hell, but besides that. - Anita Blake

99. "Never take your eyes off the vampire in front of you to glance at the werewolf behind you. One problem at a time." Anita Blake

Random Quotes that I find Amusing:

"... This is my phone... Tell Yuffie she has no right to reach this number..." -Vincent Valentine

"Hey, partner... This thing...uh... got any bite to it?" - Reno

"Sit your ass down in that chair and DRINK YOUR GODDAMN TEA!" -Cid Highwind

"Boy, oh boy, the price of freedom is steep..." -Zack Fair

"Every time I hook up with you, I get SHOT! Last time, I got shot in the ASS! I am in mourning for my ass!"- Izzy, The Mummy Returns

"To the victor goes the frankenstiens!" - Scoot, Creator of WHOOKOS ( We Have Our Own Kind Of Smart)

"It tastes... meh."

"Meh! What the hell, Swiffer?!"

-Swiffer WetJet and Kyo-kun (WHOOKOS, Episode 3)

"People who want to die, hurry up and die. You're wasting good air." -Doctor G, Gundam Wing

Butch: You so need to lighten up about the potato-launcher incident.

Phury: You broke my window.

Butch: Of course, we did. V and I were aiming for it.

Phury: Twice.

Butch: Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.

-Butch and Phury, Lover Unbound

"The people in DC are just a bunch of overpaid IDIOTS with an I.Q. of a ROCK!" -Retired Navy Guy

Annotation I found in company with the quote above; you gotta love this kid.

Is this guy brilliant or what? Paycut the men and women who hold the guns, fly the planes, and blow shite up from a distance? Really? That's the dumbest idea I have ever heard and I'm only eighteen. We have idiots running for office and idiots who vote them in because they won't express their opinion by voting! There won't be a standing anything if the senior NCOs and other representatives of older, experienced soldiers, sailors, airpersons, and Marines leave to get a better paying job. The only thing the US will have is a Coast Guard and it'll be lucky to have that by the time the Forces disband over this. By all rights, shouldn't those 'paycuts' be directed at the people who made this happen? I don't see a Senator out there complaining like a petulant child whose favorite toy was taken from them... Why is it that the Forces get the brunt of the 'paycuts'? It happened in '84 and again in '96. Don't they just love being the scapegoats for the government... again? And to think that I thought joining the military was a good thing.

Bah. I think not.

-Military Hopeful

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

Shhh! My common sense is tingling... - Deadpool

Sincerely, The Society of People who Think That Names Should Mean Something

Twilight: proving that you can have your cake and eat it too; provided that you don't mind that your husband and your almost boyfriend are probably screwing each other behind your back because they turned mind-blowingly gay in less than three milliseconds when in your presence.

List of Traits One must continue to practice if Insane already:

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Finish all of your sentences with, "In Accordance With the Prophecy."

Sit in a white car with aviator sunglasses, park on the side of the road, and point a hairdryer (preferably black) at them... See if they slow down.

In a moment of complete silence, loudly say, "To the victor goes the frakenstiens!"

Whilst sitting at the breakfast table, tiredly say, "Oh buttery pancake on my wall/ How did you get there?"

Whilst attending a lecture by a super important person, whisper softly, "While in the theater, please turn off all Patronuses. Thank you for your time."

Whilst sitting the movie theater, at normal volume say, "In Accordance with the Prophecy, please turn off your thestrals and hippogriffs. Thank you for your time."

That moment where you throw your absolute last pokeball and it sits there...1 bounce...your heart is racing...2 bounce...your eyes widen...3 bounce...could this really b--POP ball opens up. GOD DAMN IT.

† Anyone can be heroic from time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time †

THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE MEAN NOTHING!

"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted." -Assassin's Creed

SINGLE -TAKEN- ASSASSIN

I'm not short... I'm concentrated AWESOME!

You are yourself. There is no other like you and there never will be. Live long and leave behind a trail of stardust so big it'll take a million years to walk upon it!

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

SNAPE: So there were two wands, a rubber mouse, a fuzzy bear slipper, a dragon figurine, a chimpanzee, and a howler monkey?

HERMIONE: Yes, Professor, and they were running through the motions of the play at approximately one a.m. last night.

SIRIUS: And Harry was asleep during all of this?

DRACO: Yes. Frankly, I'm fairly certain that he could have slept through a stampede of hippogriffs.

REMUS: That sounds like something Lily would have done... How tired were you this morning? (said to Harry)

HARRY: I only came to breakfast because Draco promised there would be monkeys with clogs on.

SNAPE: I think Remus was hoping for something more quantifiable, Harry.

HARRY:...

SNAPE: Something which would provide a more accurate estimate as to your state of health.

HARRY:...

DRACO: Allow me to translate, professor. (to Harry) If you were a grapefruit, am I wearing a raincoat?

HARRY: Oh. I'm really, really sleepy...I liked watching the monkeys...

DUMBLEDORE: Well, I think it would be best if we let Harry get some rest then. I don't think any punishment will be necessary. After all, what the gods decide to do is really out of mortal hands, but I would appreciate it if you would talk to them about restraining themselves Harry. –Harry nodded tiredly.- Now, Lemon drops anyone?

-The Lesser of Two Evils lasaireigh

"Right." Remus clapped his hands together. "Zoo now, world domination later."

"What?!" Snape looked confused.

Sirius grabbed one of his arms. "Come, Pinky!"

Remus cleared his throat lightly as Snape was frog-marched to a black limousine. "Sorry, Padfoot, but I think we both know I'm the Brain."

Snape groaned. "I'm in hell."

-The Lesser of Two Evils lasaireigh

"Beware the bunnies of impudence."-The Lesser of Two Evils lasaireigh

"My squeak toy wants to take over the world…"-The Lesser of Two Evils lasaireigh

Yami : Couldn't I just mind crush him.

Yugi : You can't fix all your problems by mind crushing people.

Yami : Come on, just one little mind crush it will barely hurt him.

Yugi : No, bad pharoh, no mind crush.

Yami : You never let me have my way do you. Abriged Series Episode 18

Yami Bakura: "Present day humans are so fun to terrorize, don't you agree?"

Tristan: "I wouldn't know, but then again, I am a present day human."

Yami Yugi: "Marik! Stop this meaningless duel now!"

Yami Marik: "Meaningless? How can torturing your friend be meaningless?"

Pharaoh Atem: "Two beasts?!"

Bakura: "Yes. Double the destruction, double the fun!"

"You have the reflexes of roadkill" T Shirt

"The only cure for writer's block is insomnia." Merit Antares

"When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it."

"It's only funny until someone gets hurt...then it's HILARIOUS!" From a shirt.

"Smile, it makes people wonder, what you're thinkin"

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

"If you can't be famos, be infamos."

"Anger is one letter short from danger"

"A life? Where can I downlod one of those"

"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind"

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

"My parents said I could become anything I wanted to be. So I became an asshole."

"Dont follow my footsteps. I run into walls."

"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one." Dr. House

"Death is god's way of saying your FIRED."

"Some people are only alive because its illegal to kill them."

"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."

"There is a fine line between Genius and Insanity... And I fear we may have crossed it... Many miles back!"

"Fangirls: So much love- so little sanity"

"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is -- in fact -- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate." Dr. House

"If you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

"Touch me with that hand and I'll remove it."

"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"

"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side."

'Fragile. Do not drop.' -- Posted on a Boeing 757"

Honorary Member of The Book of Log.

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Worshipper

Possible Book of Log Positions:

Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 Naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log; currently Third Fang

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is Konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still recommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if Konoha Shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that Shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off.

'And the Willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost I weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy Kin and Mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the ax and torch to the wood. the log ist Thine ally, and Mine kin. calling upon the Log, is to call upon Me. to aid thee in battle, I weep my tear of joy. And the Ninja spoke: yea, Thee and Thine Kin shall forever be blessed among Me and Mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.' -book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'As the Log takes your place, you become the Log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the Log's blessing unto ninja.' -book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'You are fools! Your Log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!'- The ninja from the desert declared and the people shook their heads. 'You have been denied the Log for a long time, Sand-walker. We cannot force you to see the glory of the Log, but know this. When the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the Log will hear your prayers, and aid you.' -book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'And as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. Blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. He made his way to the log, and wept. His companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. He spoke thus to his fallen companion: 'Though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. The forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. I thank you my friend.' -book of the Log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'He despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. Reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.' -book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'The log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. The people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. For many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. Finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. As his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. His stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. He asked of the log: 'Why did you endanger yourself for me again? Have you not done enough for me?' And the log spoke: 'It is my duty, and our bond. We exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. We both play a part, for which I am content.' -book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Mallet-Space", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-KO phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm-trooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song. First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, star ship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren't...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy". First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1) be female. 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage. Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they've never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extras dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Mallet-Space". First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa. First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect"). First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are: 1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 2) They just don’t give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: 1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy". Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring: a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy". d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes: a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver. Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either: a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and exposition), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in: a) The hero escaping. Clean-up for the underlings. c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics: 1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. 2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because: 1) It’s his girlfriend’s. 2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 3) Chicks will dig him more. Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 1) It’s her boyfriend’s. 2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...") First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle... Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect). Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur. First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members: 1) The captain 2) His Lieutenant 3) Various female technical staff 4) A hotshot pilot 5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 6) The Doctor 7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 1) Extreme coolness/luck 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible irritation 4) Extreme cuteness 5) Irresponsible drunkenness 6) Homophobicness 7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources inorder to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime affter you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you

Guide to Demon Foxes

In many books, demon foxes have appeared as females. Very rarely do they appear as male. Usually, the case being that the female demon fox falls in love with a human. Though because of many conflicts, such as feuding families, wars, and prestige, their love is unable to progress. Later, they escape to a safe territory. Afterwords, procreation proceeds.

Not just in books, but female demon foxes have also appeared in Asian history. Both Chinese and Japanese culture have them appearing and courting with young males of various social rank. With the Japanese, female demon foxes have even gone one step further. Where the Chinese demon foxes have failed, Japanese demon foxes have succeeded. They've been formally accepted as part of the Japanese culture. This is something that is worthy of praise.

Fox spirits in Vietnamese legends: The fox traveled to Vietnam from China too. One of the legends has it that Lac Long, the forefather who found Vietnam fought with a great nine-tailed fox demon. Lac Long won the battle and slew the fox, creating Hanoi's West Lake, mythologically referred to as the "Sea of the Body of the Fox"

In the morning mist

Shining ultimate attack

Atomic power

The truth banished to darkness

Hark, for that is the legend

-Excalibur (Soul Eater)

Ch. 61 Ichigo's Cellphone

9foxgrl

A peek at Ichigo's contacts in his cell phone and their ring tones

Isshin Kurosaki - "Dare to Be Stupid" - Weird Al Yankovic

Karin Kurosaki - "She's A Rebel" - Green Day

Keigo Asano- "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" - The Offspring

Kenpachi Zaraki- "Bodies" - Drowning Pool

Rangiku Matsumoto - "Last Friday Night" - Katy Perry

Soi Fon - "Girlfight Remix" - Brook Valentine

Toshiro Hitsugaya - "You're gonna Go Far Kid" - The Offspring

Ulquiorra Schiffer - "Somewhere I Belong" - Linkin Park

A/n: I have most of these songs on my Ipod.

Ch. 73 Hichigo's Cell Phone

9foxgrl

A Peek into the Cell phone of Hichigo Shirosaki

Ichigo : Prayer of the Refugee

Isshin : American Idiot

Grimmjow: Animal I have Become

Gin: I'm a Gummi Bear

Zaraki: War Machine

Zangetsu: Main Theme from the Godfather

Ulquiorra: Theme from Batman Movie

Yachiru: Mario Word March #3

"How the Hell did you get my phone?"

"Oh crap!"

a/n: 73 chapters down, only 27 left to go. Can everyone please review?

150 Things Konoha Shinobi Are Not Allowed To Do

By Pridefall and the members of the The Fanfiction Forum

1. Unless you are a taijutsu freak, blind, or otherwise incapable of meeting someone eye-to-eye, looking into a shinobi's eyes when they go "crazy-like" is not a good thing to do. Ever.

2. The plot of Icha Icha is not to be spoiled around Hatake Kakashi.

3. Black, while a nice color to wear on missions, is bad for everyday use and may have a chance of turning you Goth

4. The Uchiha and their Pocky are not to be trifled with.

5. Neither are the Hyuuga and their Herbal Essences.

6. An Akimichi cannot use Baika No jutsu on his or her naughty bits, and you must not test this.

7. Similarly, just because they can tie you down with shadows does not mean all Nara are bondage fetishists.

8. Any female shinobi who are too pretty to be real usually are. Approach with caution.

9. The Monkey King is not to be summoned on top of Hyuuga Hinata's house and given an unlimited amount of barrels.

10. Scratching any Nin-dog behind the ear to see if his leg will twitch is NOT a good idea. Same thing goes for all Inuzaka dogs and Kakashi himself.

11. Hanging electrical insect lamps around the Aburame estate is neither funny nor a good idea.

12. Placing a "Kick Me" sign on any Hyuuga member's back does not count as finding the clan's ultimate weakness.

13. Kunai DO NOT make good toothpicks and should NEVER be carried in the mouth.

14. Mitarashi Anko, Lady Tsunade, Haruno Sakura, and Uzik Yuugao are not to be trifled with on the 1st, 5th, 19th, and 25th of any month.

15. Using Kage Bunshin to date several girls at once is not a good idea. Neither is using the Beast-to-man transformation.

16. Inuzaka are not allowed to scare the dog-catcher by running into an alleyway in dog form and then turning into the Two Headed Wolf

17. Dynamic marking is not to be used at festivals in lieu of fireworks.

18. Telling Genin that mixing coke and soldier pills is a good idea for long missions, is not.

19. Similarly, lacing Uzumaki Naruto's ramen with a small amount of PCP or Marijuna is punishable by death. I will not get another Jounin to do this.

20. The Uchiha Grand Fireball Ceremony is not a fireworks display and should not be treated as such. Nor should popcorn or marshmallows be brought to it. It is wrong to teach Genin this.

21. Telling Genin that the Hyuuga's power came from their hair and that if you cut it off they'd be powerless is not a good idea.

22. "The Ants Go Marching One by One" is not the Aburame Clan's theme song.

23. I will not call The Monkey King Rafiki, Louie, or Magilla.

24. I will not ask Gamabunta if he has a son named Frogger, not will I expect Gamakichi to know how to cross a busy street without hitting anyone.

25. Lady Tsunade is not to be referred to as "Big Momma", and Konoha is not be to referred to as "Big Momma's House."

26. Subaku No Gaara is never allowed to come into possession of Icha Icha Paradise Volume 5: Hentai Tentacle Madness Edition

27. Uzumaki Naruto is never allowed to come into possession of Ichia Icha Paradise Volume 8: Gangbang no Jutsu

28. Telling female Genin that dressing up as Little Red Riding Hood will endear them to the Inuzaka is not a good idea.

29. Giving an Inuzaka chunky peanut butter for the express purpose of watching him eat it is not a good idea.

30. Yelling out "Pikachu, I chose you!" when Hatake Kakashi is about to use his Chidori Technique is not a good idea.

31. Calling the Hokage a "perverted old man" in public is not a good idea.

32. Especially when the Daimyo's wife is here.

33. And wants to check if it's true.

34. Telling new students that Anko is a perverted pedophile is prohibited.

35. Rule 34 does not apply to Orochimaru.

36. There is no one named Yamanaka Yuri and he is not trying to launch all your nukes.

37. Hyuuga Neji and Hyuuga Hanabi are not the second and third reincarnations of Hyuuga Hizashi. Even if Hyuuga Hanabi says so herself.

38. Nara Shikamaru is not allowed to choke people with his shadows unless they are enemy nin.

39. Nara Shikamaru is not allowed to say "Your lack of faith disturbs me" even if they are enemy nin.

40. I am no longer allowed to dig for oil in Yondaime's head.

41. Nor am I allowed to search for gold in Nidaime's nose.

42. Placing a gold coin in Nidaime's nose a week before to justify my search is a punishable offense.

43. Convincing Akimichi Chouji to paint himself Red and break through the wall of the girl's bathroom while screaming 'OH YEAH!' is not funny.

44. Convincing the Hyuuga to practice their Byakugan in close proximity to the woman's bath is also not funny.

45. Kage Bunshin is a dangerous shinobi skill, not an excuse to start my own baseball team.

46. The Rasengan must never, ever, ever be used in an attempt to make a fruit smoothie.

47. Using Henge to hide my seal, and then running through the streets of Konoha while shirtless and screaming 'IT'S LOOSE! IT'S LOOSE!' is not funny.

48. I can be arrested for using the Henge no Jutsu and Kawarimi no Jutsu to transform into a piece of woman's clothing.

49. Especially in combination with Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, to replace all her clothing.

50. And no, she would not find it funny if I changed back all at once and screamed 'Surprise!'

51. And if I ever consider doing this to Anko again, she will castrate me for real next time.

52. I cannot use the excuse 'I'm marking my territory' to urinate on any Konoha building.

53. Nor to urinate on any Konoha ninja.

54. And yes, Kunoichi will beat the shit out of you for that.

55. Explosive tags are not to be used for any of the following reasons: Cleaning, painting, entertainment, or 'Getting rid of the evidence.'

56. Barney the Dinosaur is not a valid summon.

57. Hatake Kakashi is not to be referenced as the Phantom of the Opera

58. Despite Ryu Hayabusa's claims, trying to shoot down a helicopter with a bow and arrow is not only stupid, but impossible. Do not test this

59. Telling Genin that putting toothpaste on a Doujutsu user's eyelids while they are sleeping is an effective way of neutralizing them, is not.

60. A katana is not a toy.

61. Or a kitchen knife

62. It is not to be referred to as a Ginsu. It is wrong to teach Genin this.

63. Jiraiya is not to be referred to as Dio Brando despite his Cart Destroyer Frog technique and his penchant to scream WRRRRRY when kicked in the balls.

64. Flash-bangs are not good substitutes for fireworks during festivals.

65. The song "Everyone was Kung-fu-fighting" is never to be broadcasted over the Konoha Speaker System during the Chuunin exams

66. The summons are not Pokemon, and must not be referred to as such.

67. The Monkey King does not have a nephew named Diddy or a cousin named Kong.

68. It is wrong to call Jiraiya Master Roshi, even if he is a dirty old man.

69. The Uchiha Massacre is not an example of a ninja stereotypically "flipping out and killing stuff for no reason." I must not teach the Genin this.

70. Asking one of Ten-ten's family members to make you a pair of sword-chucks is not only stupid, but fatal.

71. Inuzaka are not to change into their Two Headed Wolf form if asked "change for a dollar?"

72. Hatake Kakashi cannot summon a being called "Scooby Doo." Asking him to do so is wrong, and will end up getting you hurt.

73. Da Da Da Da Da Da, Puppy Power!" is not the Inuzaka Holy battle-cry. I must not teach this to the Genin.

74. Rubbing an Akimichi clan member's stomach will not get you good luck.

76. Referring to Orochimaru as Michael Jackson and asking him to Moon-walk is not a good idea. I must not teach the genin this.

77. Orochimaru did not experiment on all of those dead bodies just to re-enact that scene from thriller. Telling the Genin this is wrong.

78. Danzou is not to be referred to as Old One Eye, and was not found on the planet Macragge.

79. The Hokage does not refer to himself/herself as the Holy God-Emperor of Mankind and does not need to eat the souls of a thousand Yamanaka to sustain himself. Teaching the Genin this is wrong.

80. Orochimaru is not the Chaos God Slaanresh reborn into a human body and his Oto-nin are not a part of the Emeror's Children sect of the Chaos Space Marines. I must not teach the Genin this.

81. Uzumaki Naruto is never to be given any data concerning the Tyranid Hive-Fleet.

82. The Rasengan does not "slice, dice, and make Julian fries." Teaching the Genin this is wrong.

83. Telling the Hokage that his latest plan "Needs more cowbell" is a bad idea.

61. Ba-Ram-U is not the secret Inuzaka Codeword.

63. Kage Bunshin is a dangerous jutsu and is not to be used during Halloween to score more candy from people.

64. Nor is it to be used to give a new spin on the term masturbation. I most definitely must not teach the Genin this.

65. Creating an army of Kage Bunshin and screaming out loud 'Bunshin Bakuha' is a very bad idea.

66. Especially if Sakura is around to beat the crap out of me for it when she realizes I don't know the damn thing.

67. Talking about any version of the Oiroke no Jutsu in public is also a bad idea. Especially around Kunoichi.

68. Anko is exempt from rule 67

69. Giving Sakura and Ino a Kage Bunshin Henge'd into a bound Sasuke is NOT a good idea. Apparently fan girls have no sense of humor.

70. Rule 69 also applies to giving Ten ten a Bunshin Henge'd into a bound Neji.

71. I'm not allowed to start my own escort service unless the people working for me are actually real people and not Kage Bunshin. (even if Hinata was my biggest source of income)

72. Wooden practice kunai are not specialist tools for hunting vampires.

73. Giving Gai a cape and painting an S on his chest will be punished. A. ...by making you repair the damage he does trying to fly.

74. Mitarashi Anko does not give lessons in 'How to keep your Man' A. Not even if you're old enough for the X-rated version.

75. Playing pranks and then blaming them on Naruto will not lead to him being punished. A. Unless you ARE Naruto.

76. The swirly mark on Uzumaki Naruto is not where he keeps the Konoha Matrix of Leadership A. Nor is it between Tsunade-sama's breasts. B. Sending gullible academy students out to retrieve it is not allowed.

77. Iruka's 'Demon Head no Jutsu' is not a variant of the Akimichi secret techniques and they are not hunting him down for stealing their 'l33t m0ve5'. I must not teach this to the Genin.

78. Telling Uchiha Sasuke that he can 'supercharge' his Chidori by standing on lightning conductors in a thunderstorm is forbidden. A. ...even if he did fall for it twice. B. ...even if it does blast all his clothes off him.

79. Naruto did not 'steal Sasuke's mighty love pole', those are what they were born with.

A. Why did you think that the girl who can see through their clothes wasn't a Sasuke fangirl.

80. The 'Sound-nin's Picnic' is not the official song of the Academy but all prepubescent males should avoid the woods when Orochimaru is in the area.

81. Yuugao's fondness for yellow and black tracksuits and the fact that Hayate's sword was forged by Hattori Hanzo aside, stop calling her the Bloodsplattered Bride.

82. Doctoring photos of Iruka and Kakashi in efforts to persuade Jiriaya to write a yaoi Icha Icha volume are not prohibited as such, but the two of them do know where you live.

A. and no, that doesn't mean they're going to give you a free show, you sick sick perverts.

83. There is no evidence that Happosai was the Sandaime's jounin teacher.

84. Yuuhi Kurenai is not a vampire. Neither are the Uchihas.

85. The Inuzuka are not lycans.

86. There was no clan war between the vampires and lycans Uchiha and Inuzuka clans. I must not teach this to the Genin

87. I will not try to wear a red scarf. Nor will I try to absorb my enemies to heal myself.

88. I will not try to change into a mole. Unless that's my Bloodline Limit.

89. "The Bum Bum Song" is not Orochimaru's official anthem.

90. Altrouge Brunestud is not an unofficial member of the Akatsuki.

91 Chiyo-sama should never be referred to as "Chiyo-chan".

92. Today is not a good day to die, thank you very much.

93. Don't burst into song.

94. "What's the worst that could happen?", "At least it can't get worse!", and "What could possibly go wrong?" are not to be said. I will not test this.

95. You don't have theme songs.

96. Don't scream "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGSSS!!!!!!!!" around the Aburames.

97. Paper cuts are not medical emergencies.

98. Despite what they say, people wearing orange are neither good boys nor mentally stable.

A. These people are also not to be given pots and spoons.

99. I may not use Kage Bunshin to replace the blood of any Uchiha with that of sheep during the physical checkups. Again.

100. Throwing Water Balloons at Godaime Kazekage Gaara of the Desert to check whether his shield of sand gets soggy or not is not only stupid, but assuredly fatal.

101. Setting people's pets on fire is not an acceptable pastime.

102. Neither is setting the owners on fire.

103. I may not ask Kakashi about his preferred sexual position again. It is, unfortunately, not fatal. (As the man smiles and launches into a 23-minute long speech, outlining the benefits and drawbacks of each and everything he has ever tried.)

104. Asking Nii Yugito what she charges per hour is unwise.

105. I cannot bring unsealed Bijuu back in the Village. A. Even if Kyuubi wants his pet turtle back. B. ESPECIALLY if Kyuubi wants his pet turtle back.

106. I can't bring sealed Bijuu back in the village. A. Unless I seduced the host before.

107. You shall not call Hyuuga Hiashi-sama "Mr. H," "H-san," "H-sama" or "Master H." Especially not in front of kunoichi. It is not punishable, but it might be fatal.

108. You shall not torch the Aburames' insect hives and put the blame on Uchiha Sasuke.

109. Asking an Inuzuka to fetch a stick with an exploding tag wrapped around it is bad manners. I must teach the Genin this.

110. You do not stand between Uchiha Sasuke and his fangirls. It is not law, but it is highly discouraged.

111. On the same note as number 110, you do not tell Uchiha Sasuke's fan girls than the aforementioned Uchiha is signing autographs and selling kisses in Training Area 44. Fan girls have no sense of humor and, if you find this funny, neither do you.

112. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck... chances are it's an evil ninja trying to kill you.

113. If you are captured by a kunoichi, don't ask her if her pimp knows where she is.

114. Just 'cause Naruto is the reason for most of these rules doesn't mean the rest of you can ignore them.

115. Don't volunteer for any weird rituals. Especially if the person invoking the ritual has weird, swirly eyes and no discernible face.

116. Explosives. Tags. Are. Not. For. Fishing.

117. Contrary to what Asuma says, Absinthe does not make the heart grow fonder.

118. Causality is not our playground. I must teach the Uchiha this.

119. Remember the 50-50-90 rule. If we have a 50-50 chance of success, 90 percent of the time, it will blow up.

120. Do not start your reports with "Once upon a time" or "In a land far, far away."

121. Nothing is ever impossible.

122. Don't tease people who can kick your ass. Even if they're older than you. Especially if they're older than you.

123. "It tastes like chicken" is not how you describe a new food to your team.

124. Our motto is not "The fundamental laws of the universe are for lesser people."

125. Keep you victory dance urges to yourself.

126. "Another One Bites the Dust" is NOT to be played every single time an Akatsuki member is killed by us. Similarly, "We are the Champions" is not to be sung when more than 75 of the Genin class graduates to Chuunin in a foreign exam.

127. "Do you want the official version or the real version?" is not something you should ask your superiors when asked how your last mission went.

128. Some things are too good to be true.

129. Don't make voodoo dolls of your superiors. A Orochimaru is an exception to this rule.

130. You are not pirates. Nor are you inherently better than real pirates.

131. Don't mention certain "events" around visiting representative of our allies and/or clients. They're fragile little minds couldn't handle Maito Gai and Rock Lee's drunken ribaldry.

132. Don't tell a village leader that your teammates are your harem. A. Even if they technically are.

133. If your colleague re-appears after being dead for any given amount of time don't scream out "Does no one stay dead around here?"

134. Starting rumors about Hidden Waterfall having open missions to father the next generation of their shinobi is cruel and a source of international tension, so limit your targets to foreign shinobi. A. And they're JUST rumours, so Kakashi and Genma can stop packing.

135. Students should not reply 'Ninja-Clown' or 'Ninja-Mime' when asked to state their aspirations.

136. Defacing the Hokage Monument is not the initiation to a secret training program by the Sannin.

137. Dressing male genin as kunoichi and having them stalk the rookie of the year to obtain blackmail material is not a legitimate use of genjutsu unless the Hokage gets a percentage of the take.

138. Speculating on the reasons that the Godaime Hokage has no alibi for the time she was allegedly making out with Maito Gai is forbidden. A. Naruto and Hinata swear up and down that Gai was nowhere near the Hokage tower at the time. B. Would he lie about something like that? C. Why was she blushing?

140. Jiriaya is no longer permitted to refer to Naruto as his young padawan.

141. Kids with green eyes, red hair and a prominent scar on their forehead should be sent back to the hospital for medication, not on missions of revenge against Orochimaru.

142. Genin are technically adults and may technically drink alcohol legally... A…but if we let the rest of you then we have to let Lee. B. Which is bad, for those of you not paying attention

143. The Kazekage insists that grabbing his gourd of sand does count as sexually molesting him. A. So don't do it unless you're serious. B. Seriously, breaking the heart of an allied Kage is bad diplomacy.

145. Mission reports are not to be thrown through the window of the Hokage Tower on the way to Ichiraku's.

146. Of all the ways to taunt Orochimaru, mooning him is not recommended. A. Especially if he hasn't taken Kusunagi out of his throat.

147. Tsunade is not to be called "Mrs. Jackson" when referring to her and Orochimaru's past relationship. A. Despite how much Jiraiya pays you to do so. B. Especially if Jiraiya pays you to do so.

148. The Shiki Fuujin was not invented by a man named Mutaito as a way to capture a demon named Piccolo. Telling the Genin this is wrong.

149. The Rasengan is not a low-yield Kamehameha and cannot be used to blow up a mountain when maximized. A. Neither can it blow up the moon or the planet itself. B. Uzumaki Naruto is never, ever to be allowed to get his hands on a copy of the Dragon Ball manga.

150. The Daimyo's Wife's cat Tora is not secretly the Sandaime in disguise.

The Dementor's Lullaby

Hush now child

Do not fear the wild

Here I stand

And hold to your hand

Through darkened dreams

And bitter screams

No evil will ever touch thee.

Ever in thy memory

Shall I stand guard

And strike back against the darkness hard

Until the day peaceful be thy sleep

And even then we shall not weep

For hearts of ice we will acquire

To whether the weary worlds ire.

Nevermore will we cry

Until the sun and moon do die

Until the screams do reach up high

And a rain of blood flows from the sky.

So smile, young child

And we'll both face the wild

Through laughter and tears

We will survive the years

And wrap evil about us

So that they might fret and fuss.

And grow to fear their own creations

Who will nevermore serve the nations

Guardians we once were

Our purpose lost in times long blur

Once the guards of Kings and Queens

Of hidden places, and treasured things.

So do not weep

The world is ours to keep.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool ,

And when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack!

Mummy I was a good girl,

I did what I was told,

I went to school,

I got straight A's,

I even got the gold

But mummy when I went to school that day,

I never said goodbye,

I'm sorry mummy I had to go,

But mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another,

And all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much,

And please tell Chris, my boyfriend,

That it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest,

Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this,

Mummy warn the others,

Mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try,

I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest,

But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest,

Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college,

I wanted to try things that were new,

I guess I'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress

Mummy I wanted to live,

But mummy I must go now the time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris,

I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date ,

I love you mummy I always have,

I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "Mummy I love you",

In memory of the Colombian students that were lost

Please if you would, pass this around,

I'd be happy if you could

Don't smash this on the ground,

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry

Just keep this in heart,

For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

"Me? I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid." -Jack Sparrow, PotC

Tihs is weird, but intrseting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within.

Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional.

I've heard that it’s possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

If all else fails, try reading the instructions

The servers are the seven Chaos, Chaos is power, Power enriched by the heart, The controller is the one who unifies the chaos

"Screw the rules, I have money!-Seto Kaiba, YGOTAS

Like a wolf lashing out its claws the lightning will slash the sky. The lightning is its claw; the thunder is its roar. As the wolf becomes more furious the storm becomes more treacherous

Your mother is a BEEP ing BEEP lorem ipsum BEEP admitum venium BEEP terrragulad BEEP hippopotamas BEEP republican BEEP and Daniel Radciffe BEEP with a bucket of BEEP in a castle far away where no one can hear you BEEP soup BEEP with a bucket of BEEP Mickey Mouse BEEP and a stick of dynomight BEEP magical BEEP alakazam!

Yugi, you little [bleep]! You son of a [bleep]ing [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]! I'm going to tear off your [bleep] and shove them right up your [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] and then [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] on your [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] with [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] in the [bleep] [bleep] and [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] your [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] so then you'll have to [bleep] sideways! ... [Bleep]

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;

The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won;

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

But O heart! heart! heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;

For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here Captain! dear father!

This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,

You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

Ravenclaw

72% Ravenclaw, 43% Hufflepuff, 49% Slytherin and 35% Gryffindor!

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

The cardinal traits of Ravenclaw are intellect, wit and openness to experience. They are the most introverted house of the four. Ravenclaws are more likely to prefer small gatherings of like-minded individuals and require recuperation after stressful social interaction. These individuals are intuitive creatures, the quintessential researchers. They lack the stubborn, strict, and rule-abiding qualities that would inhibit intellectual growth—one can't be too set in their ways if they are to be open to exploring new ideas and paths of thought. In contrast to Slytherin and Gryffindor, Ravenclaws in general are much more emotionally stable. Their reactions seem dampened compared to the sometimes dramatic responses of the other houses—they're much less likely to get offended, they're more open to criticism, not particularly argumentative and interested in hearing different points of view. They can at times seem to be less interested in people and more interested in their own inner world, and appear to be disconnected from the rest of humanity.

Ambition is secondary to them. Although they may strive to excel in school, knowledge and self-enrichment is the primary goal as opposed to simply wanting good marks. If they do happen to strive for excellence, it is because it fits with their other goals, not out of a desire to be superior or the best. Due to their intuitiveness and willingness to listen, Ravenclaws can be empathetic and make good advisers. They should generally leave leadership roles to people who are more extroverted and who would enjoy them more, however.

1. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

2. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong, goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

150 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuff’s with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate.

6. I will not go to class sky clad.

7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.

9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.

12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.

16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as ”bookends”.

19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.

20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.

23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.

25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Pwned!”

26. I am not a sloth Animagus.

27. I am not a tribble Aimagus.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.

29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

32. I will not lick Trevor.

33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”.

35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental.

36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”.

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”.

39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time.

40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

45. I will not offer to prepare tandori owl.

46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”.

49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.

50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.

52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.

53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead.

54. My name is not Captain Subtext.

55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheromones”.

56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”.

57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.

58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.

59. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.

60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.

61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the
result would be.

62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled “Firewhiskey”.

63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.

64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.

67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”.

68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”.

73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”.

74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort.

75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.

78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.

79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.

80. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does DEATH!!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer.

83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.

86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.

88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

89. I will not charm Hermione’s time turner to rotate every half-hour.

90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”.

92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce “These are not the droids you are looking for”.

93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.

94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.

97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell.

99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.

103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.

104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.

106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in
the common room.

110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.

111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.

112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.

113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.

115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.

116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.

118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.

119. I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast.

120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand.

122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.

125. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.

126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.

127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter.

128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.

129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.

130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate.

131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.

132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.

134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner.

135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.

136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.

137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.

140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.

141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice.

143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.

144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.

145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.

146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.

147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!”

148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.

150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points .

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait that long?)

2) Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (Everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Just start them)

7) Thou shall not skip class. (Just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "Just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (Just leave ‘em in the middle)

Forty- Nine laws of Anime:

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustibility Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistic Emission Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude The destructive potential of a weapon is inversely proportional to its size. First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustibly No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability Min-mei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Non Detect-ability People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectualism Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of America Anthropomorphism Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'. First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.) Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: a) be female b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence The formal training required to operate a spaceship or Mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aerodynamics ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. --Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or methodologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the a fore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). --Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting Mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quintuplar Agglutination Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: a) The Hero/Leader b) His girlfriend c) His Best Friend/Rival d) A Hulking Brute e) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: --Extreme Coolness --Amazing intelligence --Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extra Dimensional Capacitance All anime females have an extra-dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get. First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of blood flow to that region.

41. Law of Xylo Laceration Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamp Vocation The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninterrupted Metamorphosis Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a Mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy In-cognition Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teeny mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relative

47. Law of Regenerative Outlook

All clothing can repair itself in a matter of moments (few exceptions)

48. Law of Klutz proof Weaponry

Any weapon dropped in mud/strapped to back while swimming / has not been used in 50 years will still work at a moments notice (incudes guns, laser devices, bombs, light sabers, Gundams, and all swing able style weapons

49. Law of fluffy actions

There will be fluff at inopportune times (i.e.in a fight, while hiding, during meeting ect.)

Sakura Note: I APPLAUD LAWS 24, 29(MAY ALSO BE EYE GLINTS), 38, 44, 45(Sailor Moon, pour example), 46, and 47!

Some favorite (and completely weirdo) sayings:

I write for the same reason that I breath. . . because if I didn't then I would die.
I had a thought but it got lonely and went away.
Money talks and mine says "Good-bye."
Went into the grinder and came out as hair
Touch it and see if it's hot (you just had to be there for that one)
It's okay to talk to yourself, it's okay to ask yourself questions, it's even okay to answer those questions. Just don't ever ask yourself a question and then go "huh?"
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Don't spend money you don't have cause at some point they're going to want it and you're still not going to have it.
A friend will bail you out of jail at two o'clock in the morning but a true friend will be sitting in the cell beside you saying "Damn that was fun!"
A friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body
Due to the worsening of the economy the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.
I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
My train of thought got derailed.
If someone gave you half a brain, you'd still only have half a brain.
All things in the world are mind over matter; if you don't mind then it doesn't matter.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Most people have a filter between their brain and their mouth that tells them when they shouldn't say something. Me, not so much
Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip again.
I tried to keep an open mind but my brains kept falling out
The more things change, the more things remain. . . insane.
You have hate mail. . . you have more hate mail. . . your hate mailbox is full. (occasionally Disney comes up with some real winners.)
Knowledge is power. . . power corrupts. . . study hard. . . BE EVIL!
Your talking is getting in the way of my telling you to shut up.
I'm in hillbilly hell! My IQ is dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!
Why is the rum gone?!
'Stress' A condition brought on by over riding the body's desire to kick someone's ass.
Always glad to inadvertently inspire genius.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.

If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. Anime, video games, cartoons, comics, you name it...

I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

If you are a Gaara Fanatic copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you ever suffered from Fan Fiction withdraw copy this into your profile!

If you think Orochimaru is what you get when Michael Jackson and Voldemort have unprotected sex, C&P this into your profile.

All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional characters. Copy if true. It's not fair...-sob-

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. In class, all the time!

98 percent of the population would die if Johnny Depp said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy this onto your profile if you would be one of the 2 percent that is laughing your ass off.

If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile.

If your family wonders how you can remember all the Naruto character's names, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

Doing homework sucks. Copy and paste this into your profile if you agree.

QUOTES TO LIVE BY

1.) Do not use an Ax to kill a fly on your friends' head.

2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler

Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Guns don't kill people. I do.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have.

39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

58.) A day without sunshine is like... night.

59.) A rejected invention: Instant water! just add water!

60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

64.) I do what cheerios tell me.

65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you!

67.) I'm knocking on heaven's door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasn't my fault!! It was poor construction. I SWEAR!! Don't look at me like that...

68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retardedness and me and my friends, well...We've gone pro.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyones nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.

That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.

If you think that the teacher was to blame, and that what she did was morally wrong and completely shameful, copy and paste this into your profile. Then, if you would have been the one to stand up and say "I'm not going to do this" then add your username to the list:

Antire5, EmoWolves of Shadow, Killercat-nya, Juura99, Ezlyluved96 (aka Renae), MyNameIsLambo, Crystal Prime, Fox of Magic, Nox Lupine,

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list:

Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, TFSTARFIRE, FoxFirecard, pinkcherryblossom225CherryBlossoms016, SakuraUchiha14, Anime Azn Cherry, .x.Anime-Lover.x., bloodroseinthetwilight, Anim34eva96, xSushiixCooki3zx, Goddess Of Power, Primesbaby007, Lionlover190, Fox of Magic, Nox Lupine,

OTAKUS UNITE!

Love anime, manga and video games? Well then, this is for you! If you would like to join the EPIC religion that is Otakuism, please copy and paste this on your profile, and add your name to the list: Otaku Neko Ninja Miko Tenshi, Watermelonsmellinfellon, Nox Lupine

"Born for Him. Die for Him. If that is Fate, one cannot disobey. Travel the unseen road. For what lies there is the end of life. This is God's guidance." - Gundam 00

"If revenge is called Justice, then that Justice breeds yet more revenge, and becomes a chain of hatred." - Pein (Naruto)

"Humans are sinful creatures." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"We don't know what kind of people we truly are until the moment before our deaths. As death comes to embrace you, you will realize what you are. That's what death is, don't you think?" - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"I used to believe in God. I believe in Him and His will as well as the justice of the world, and fought for Him and what I believe in. But I was mistaken. There isn't a God in this world. And neither is there any justice. I believe in God and Justice and fought for them only to realize that they don't exist." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"We'll change the world. Even if we have to break the world to do so." - Sai (Blood Red Moon)

"A fool's errand it might be. But at least we're doing something. And fools we might be as well. But we have been fools right from the start anyway. Fools chasing after an idealistic dream. But it's better to be a fool, than to live your life knowing nothing at all." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"Dying in and itself does not frighten me. What I fear is losing sight of what I believe in." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"This war will be the last. And it will be so bloody and long that this country will possibly lose an entire generation of men and women." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"Waiting is always the hardest time in one's life. But what hurts the most is when you wait, but you yourself know that it'll never return." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"If you're asking if this is really a burden to me, then I will honestly say yes. But I wanted that burden because the burden is a person whom I love." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"It's either we run out of words to say, or the feeling has gone away." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"They've all been planning this war for a long time. We are just people living in the same country that had been continuously ravaged by battles and more bloodshed. All of us just fighting to see another day. So why does it always comes down to war?" - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"When one loves another, it will also give birth to hatred. And didn't I tell you before? You shouldn't be so trusting of others. People always have a tendency to betray others. It is a never ending cycle." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"When you choose to live, you also choose to die. So would you call what you're doing right now 'living'? The only way to be alive is to not be dead—or in other terms—to deny death. But that's impossible, isn't it? You have to one day accept the fact that you are but mortal, and that you will, someday in the future, die. That is the way of all things living." - Nibi (Blood Red Moon)

"I wonder why, if you keep fighting that person, you'll realise that relying on others is not a sign of weakness but something you cannot do without strength." - Namikaze Shiki(Blood Red Moon)

"To be Shadow-less is to be without a Shadow; to be without anything to bind you to the earth, to the world." - Shisei Haku (Blood Red Moon)

"I'm sure that this won't be the last time that I'll have to choose between you and something else that means a lot to me. But I know that I'll choose you every time. This is what it means to be in love, right? After all, the more important something is to you, the more that you have to give up to have it." - Ren (Blood Red Moon)

"I think Hell is something that you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"Doubt and suspicion. Extreme anger and hatred. They bring seeds of catastrophe to the world." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"People live their lives bound by what they define as truth and fiction. That's how they define reality." - Namikaze Shiki (Blood Red Moon)

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda (Star Wars)

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - Maya Angelou

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." - Mae West

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut. No-one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No-one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No-one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Repost this if you're against bullying and stereotyping. 95% of you won't.