Some quick facts about me if you'd care to know:

I once denied a six year-old a button. Though, in my defense, it belonged to my Labyrinth collection.

I swear like a sailor and have a hard-on for pirates (mmmmnnnnn, Norrington. oh. pardon me!)

I study Fine Arts with focuses in printmaking, painting, and illustration at Iowa State University.

My fandoms and pairings include:

Inuyasha - Sesshoumaru/Kagome (my original OTP)

Nartuto - Kakashi/Sakura (hot for teacher)

Ouran High School Host Club - Mori/Haruhi (enjoy the silence) Kyouya/Haruhi (glasses love) Nekozawa/Haruhi (so pretty it should be illegal)

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko/Katara (ZUTARA LIVES!! 4EVA!!1!)

Labyrinth - Jareth/Sarah (officially canon after 22 years)

Peter Pan: Hook/Wendy (Freud never looked so good)

Harry Potter: Snape/Hermione (and nothing you say can stop me)

Story Status:

Make You Mine: AFTER TWO YEARS CHAPTER 2 IS UP!! HIT THE MARK!

LOOKING FOR A BETA FOR "MAKE YOU MINE"! PLEASE E-MAIL OR MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED!

For My Eyes Only: Chapter 3 in the works.

Sight: On hiatus. If you're interested in Sight the coverart is here

And some final thoughts/general things that piss me off about fandom:

Drugs, Sex, and Fandom: A Concise Rant (please stop reading if you are easily offended/sheltered/too young to be involved with such unscrupulous subject-matter)

Part A: Drugs (a.k.a. Sarah did what while she was stoned? WHY DIDN'T I EVER THINK OF THAT?!)

I'm so sick of seeing pot demonized in fandom while alcohol remains a deus ex machina for hooking up two characters who otherwise would have to work through an actual plot to have any sort of stable relationship. NEWS FLASH: ALCOHOL IS A MIND-ALTERING SUBSTANCE (as is caffeine you energy-drink guzzling masses). Having imbibed both of these mind-altering substances I'll say this: I'll take a bowl over a beer any day.

Imagine: a room full of hippies. Best case scenario: nirvana (and I don't mean the band). Worst case scenario: running out of munchies and someone saying something profoundly stupid and/or hilarious. Room full of drunks. Best case scenario: beer goggles and thinking you're the best dancer there ever was. Worst case scenario: rape, violence, blackout, vomit, hangover, and beer goggles. I've known all of these things happen IRL (!). If you've never tried something and don't know anything about it (outside of the propaganda you've been spoon-fed) then it's best to not try and write about it in any realistic manner. Best case scenario: a bunch of 14 year-old sheltered kids (who really can't offer much aside from vapid praise a.k.a. won't actually make you a better writer) review your work (omg! i luv this sooooo much! can't wait til u write moar!). Worst case scenario: you come off as a tool and a douche-bag.

Try this site on for size if you'd like to find all the information you'd ever need to know (both positive, negative, and scientific) about substances:

Part B: Sex (a.k.a. Tab 1 goes in Slot C so . . . what do I do with this wrench?)

I've read a lot of sex-scenes. Full blown (pun intended) romance, porn without plot, the works. I've seen so many lemons I will give you the standard format for a het pairing:

1. Guy + Girl (who is likely a virgin or has very limited experience "Inuyasha was a total sleaze in bed that one time and he's screwing around with Kikyo and I'm all alone in this hot spring oh won't you please show me what a real man can do?"

2. Nipples (use your imaginations, you little perverts)

3. Hand-Check! (fingers go where?)

4. Oral (usually preformed on the girl/woman which I must say is quite refreshing though not all that surprising considering how female dominated fandom is)

5. Penetration

6. Moments of Pain Followed by Pure Orgasmic Bliss (usually ends in simultaneous climax)

7. Da Coda (music term = return to the beginning and repeat until coda)

There you have it. For all you authors who whine about how you just can't write those sticky scenes just follow Kitsune-Bot's 7 Easy Steps to Being a Pervert (Hentai!!1!!) and you're totally good to go.

Well, being a modern woman I would like to state for the record this is not how sex works. Obviously, this is how is works in a general sense, but in real-life it hurts for the first umpteen times or so and just because you don't have a hymen doesn't mean stretching to maximum capacity is any easier on a lady. Imagine lady cramps in reverse. Done imagining that yet? Yeah.

Of course, I understand the main reason we write fanfiction is to avoid the complications and all around awkward sticky mess that is real-life, but I've found even the most well-developed plots and characters can have the most (literally) unbelievable sex scenes. I would blame this on the fact that virgins are writing these god-awful mockery of romances, but I don't really believe that to be true. Plenty of girls/women in the fandom have engaged in less-holier-than-thou behavior (am I right ladies? nudgenudge) and are married, have kids (immaculate conception maybe?), and go to college. (really? . . . I'm the only college-aged person here who's smoked pot and done the deed? I don't believe you.)

It's not that I think every lemon should include a Nile's worth of virgin blood or that these scenes should be as awkward as in real-life, I'm just at a point where I skip the damn things because they don't do anything to further the plot and they certainly don't turn me on. Sex isn't just romantic. It's hilarious and joyful and curious and powerful and a million other aspects that make it truly beautiful. Following the 7 steps is just a fandom away from being poorly-written dime-store novels.

Also: adjectives.

Part 3: Fandom (a.k.a. "AU so lyke Kagome's a punk/geek/emo/vampire and Sess KING OF THE VAMPS!!1! wants to take her away? What's a girl to do?! R/r! or i will send my pet vamp after u!

That pretty much sums up everything I hate in fandoms in one (blessedly satirical) summary.

1. AU's: I would like to make one very simple point: IF YOU CAN'T MAKE YOUR PAIRING WORK IN THE CANON THAN DO YOU REALLY HAVE ANY CLUE AS TO WHY THOSE TWO CHARACTERS SHOULD BE TOGETHER?! Thank you.

Admittedly, there are a few great AU's out there. But mostly they're god-awful. Take the Sesshoumaru/Kagome fandom if you will (and I will): on this fandom's top-ranked site, Dokuga, there are 2,408 stories total (not including left-overs from the hay-day that was A Single Spark). Of these 1,152 fics are listed as Canon (and some of these only because it is the default setting) and 1,191 are Alternate Universe. OVER HALF OF THE FANFICS ARE ALTERNATE?! Really guys? That's just sad. It's like announcing to the world "HEY GUYZ! WE CAN'T ACTUALLY JUSTIFY OUR PAIRING SO HERE'S A BUNCH OF OUT OF CHARACTER CRAP!"

2. First Fic: I don't care if this is your first fanfiction or your 9000. If you're going to put it out there for the internets to read than take some pride in your work and be open to honest constructive criticism.

3. I'm so sick of movie and vampire AU's I'm ready to hunt down the author of the next one I see and punch them in the face.

That's all for now. My firey ranting anger has been assuaged. Remember kids: don't do drugs and respect your elders.