Writing Ability: Author and Beta

Favorite Anime: Ai Yori Aioshi, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Azumanga Daioh, Full Metal Panic

Favorite Bands: The Killers, Korn, Linkin Park, Fort Minor, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Wheezer, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, E Nomine, Reel Big Fish, Maroon 5

Favorite Movies: Princess Mononoke, Princess Bride, any Studio Ghibli movie

Favorite Video Games: Disgaea 1 & 2, Any Final Fantasy, Katamari Damacy and We Love Katamari, God of War 1 & 2, Tales of Symphonia

Current Projects: Shadow of the Kyuubi (On Suspension), Fox Champion of Khorne (Current Project)

Likes: Shojo, Video Games, Reading, Spending time with friends

Dislikes: Pompous assholes, The inability or unwillingness to look past first impressions, Ignorance, Prejudice

I am willing to beta for any person that needs it. I just need a copy of the text file, and information on the personalities of the characters. To contact me, either e-mail me at vampirealexian@gmail.com, or get me by my AIM screenname, vampirealexian. I'm usually up late at night, so that's probably the best time to contact me.

Favorite Pairings:

Naruto x Temari

Naruto x Ino

Naruto x Tayuya

Naruto x Tsunade

Naruto x Hana

Shinji x Rei

Adell x Rozalin

Sasuke x Etna (He's her little bitch)

Vincent x Yuffie

Ichigo x Rukia

Souske x Kaname

Souske x Tessa

Harry x Luna

Favorite Stories:

(Naruto)

Naruto Fuujinroku (BEST EVAR!)

Puppet Master Naruto

Blood of the Snake, Blood of the Fox

Don't Be Flashin' Steel When U Be Rollin' Through Compton

Even Hokages Have Heroes (one of the best Tsunade x Naruto stories i've read)

Two Worlds, Two Ninja

Naruto the Silver Fox

Phoenix

(Bleach)

Indefinetely

(Final Fantasy)

Always Smiling

Favorite Quotes:

Naruto absolutely beamed. He had something else that was rare. Damn straight. (The Dichotomy of Namikaze Naruto)

“Do not even think about hugging me Kurama. If you do I will remove your arms from your body,” (Conspiracies and Deception)

The Death God had nothing on Kazama Uzumaki Naruto. (Conspiracies and Deception)

“Kyuubi,” Venom began while shaking his head, large red tongue swaying like a pendulum. “You are one sick, perverted son of a bitch.”

“DAMN STRAIGHT!” The giant fox roared. Venom just laughed harder. (Venom of Konoha)

‘Hinata-sama is so… so… hot… NO! BAD NEJI! BAD NEJI!’ (The Reaper's Art)

“Oh, SHIT! Nibi-chan’s horny!” (The Reaper's Art)

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a fangirl kunoichi. They are often weak and defenseless creatures that seek the attention, and praise of the alpha male shinobi. Often, said alpha male is aloof and ignorant of the fangirl kunoichi, mainly because they spend more time on grooming themselves and attempting to catch the alpha male’s eye than becoming a strong kunoichi. Due to this tendency, the fangirl kunoichi will often die on lower ranked missions, increasing the general kunoichi death rate, and making female ninja look bad.” Haku said, almost as though she were narrating a documentary. Naruto, Kimimaro, Anko, Kisame and Hayate were snickering quietly. Ino’s face was turning redder and redder as Haku degraded her. (A Swordsman's Road)

“Death by cleavage.” (Rubies and Sapphires Book 2: Onyx and Citrine)

What happened next was something that has never happened before. The great and fearsome Kyuubi No Kitsune fainted from shock. (Rumors of a Shadow Fox)

“Your wrong Hanuro it is Hokage-sama that decides what happens with the shinobi, however if you think we can decide who shinobi of the leaf marry then I vote to have Sakura Hanuro marry Akamaru…my son’s dog” Tsume said and immediately Hiashi stood up shouting “I second that vote!” (Rumors of a Shadow Fox)

“It’s like being slowly suffocated by angry blue marshmallows…” (All That I Am XX Fox, Demon, Human, Me XX)

“Hyuuga Hinata, for you I would defy gods, slay demons, and slaughter men. I would make rocks bleed, the desert weep, and oceans burn. I would tear the world asunder just to find you, and bring heaven to earth just to stay with you. Anything you want, I shall give, and anything you give I shall cherish.” (All That I Am XX Fox, Demon, Human, Me XX)

“…What are you, gay?”
“Like a fox!” (All That I Am XX Fox, Demon, Human, Me XX)

"This bitch is more of a drama queen then Inari was" (The Spirit Fox)

"I, Hatake Kakashi, adopt Hyuuga Uchiha Haruno Shinkotama Sarutobi Inuzaka Nara Akamichi Yamanaka Aburame Yuuhi Mitarashi Uzumaki Naruto into the clan of the Hatake. May he be a proud member of the clan." After the jutsu, a small streak of Naruto's hair turned silver. "Welcome, Hyuuga Uchiha Haruno Shinkotama Sarutobi Inuzaka Nara Akamichi Yamanaka Aburame Yuuhi Mitarashi Hatake Uzumaki Naruto." (All For One)

There was one man however…who Tsunade noticed had a look that could only be described as ‘stick-up-his-ass, I-hope-each-and-every-single-one-of-you-bastards-rot-in-hell-for-dragging-me-here, I’m-fucking-Hyuuga-Hiashi.’ (Naruto: Mokuzaimusha)

Anko stood in front of the fence of her favorite training ground. ‘The Forest of Death’, the deadliest training ground Konoha had, surpassing even ‘The Tower of Pain’, or ‘The Dungeon of Many Sharp Pointy Things That Stab and Pierce as They Cut You into a Really Stupid Amount of Very Small Pieces’. (Being Found)

Naruto wasn’t sure what was worse. Tsunade and Anko trying to smother him with their breasts or beating him unconscious with their fists. (Being Found)

Confidence seems to have come back, and now that they think about it, Anko was really a very nice person……if you exclude the sadistic part……and the maniacal part……and the sluttish part……and the arrogance……yeah. (I Will Believe)

Hatake Kakashi, son of Konoha’s ‘White Fang’, former ANBU captain and one of the only students of the Yondaime Hokage, for the first time since he had walked in on his first female teammate changing, had totally fried his brain. (Demonic Nemesis)

Now though, he did not know what to do and he was starting to get bored. A bored Naruto is a dangerous Naruto, which the villagers and his friends would testify to. There was a very simple reason for this. When Naruto is bored, that is when his most wacky ideas came into play. Sure, they worked out in the end but still, the process was terrifying. (A New Life)

Zaraki smirked. Showing such disrespect to a captain in a Captain’s meeting could get you expelled from Shinigami ranks, yet this kid shows no signs of fear. He’s goooood. Meaning, hell yeah, Zaraki will have to fight this guy sometime. Oh how he’s looking forward to it. (I Live On)

Naruto sighed and put his head in his hands. Why him? He was Kyuubi, Lord of all Foxes. Why did he have to do something he didn’t want to do? Oh yeah, his mate was evil incarnate and would make his life a living hell. (Broken Hearts, Shattered Dreams)

Sasuke felt like burying his face in his hands. Ah, I see…… His mind roamed. So this is why you let us live, right, nii-san? So that my mother and your ramen-and-Pocky-addicted friend could drive me insane. Everything is so clear now. (Naruto: Fuujinroku)

"I sent him to one of my vassals in hell, a being known as Lucifer. The man has a rather twisted sense of humor when he comes up for his eternal punishments. He is being forced to watch Yaoi anime, Barney and the Teletubies for all eternity and every hour he gets a pineapple shoved up his ass...I almost pity him...almost." (Naruto Unlimited)

Naruto flushed slightly. "What in the nine levels of hell is going on here!? Oh damn...that's soft, really nice...is that a nipp...GAH!! I'm not supposed to think about those things right now...must kill dirty thoughts...umm...Orochimaru and Kabuto in the shower..."urp"...okay...bad idea and even worse visual..." Naruto's complexion had taken on a rather green look. (Naruto Unlimited)

Kiba was in shock, and even more so when Shino did the Aburame equivalent of going into a panic attack. In his usual monotone, he stated one simple word: “Fuck.” (Shy? Not Anymore)

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly, and Sakura flat out gaped in shock as Kakashi removed things from his pockets... a handful of shuriken, and scraps of jagged metal that Sasuke recognized as caltrops, as well as a scroll to begin with, but then things got odd. A rubber chicken? Why would he be carrying something like that? Or a half-eaten lollipop, or a green jumpsuit? Or a... a tiny, sequined thong... (Overlord)

One of Kurenai's eyebrows arched. There had been nothing in his profile about him being so manipulative either... he had immediately taken control of the team once she left, and used just the right combination of logical thought for Shino and subtle taunting of the possibility of Ino's 'rival' slipping ahead of her to leave both of them not only agreeing, but pleased with his decisions. That sneaky little bastard. (Blood Red Eyes)

“Please I’m a demon lord I know everything.” (The Dark Awakening)

Kyuubi stood up and smashed the table with his fist. “How dare you say that, Naruto may not be my blood son but he is indeed my son. For fourteen years I watched him as he was picked on, bullied, and stoned. I raised him the best I could training him and teaching him how to read and write. For fourteen years I tried to comfort a broken boy’s heart with only words because I couldn’t hold him and let him cry on a shoulder, and where were you?” He pointed to Tsunade who was taken back by this anger. “Off drinking and throwing all your money away.” He then pointed to Jiraiya. “And you went and spied on women to write a book. In fourteen years I watched as Naruto turned from a boy into a man, and a damn good, strong hearted man, and now that he is a proud demon I now see that he is actually happy and smiling. He has three women who love him dearly and don’t give a damn that he is a demon. Because he may be a demon but he is Naruto Uzumaki my son. So fuck you both straight up the ass.” (The Dark Awakening)

Sakura and Ino were covered from head to toe in rainbow paint! With their hair blown back, and the looks of suprise on their faces, they were the perfect example of what would happen if a rainbow shit all over them. (Brothers in Arms)

Sasuke was nervous very nervous. He felt it, the feeling of doom. They were her lots of them. Waiting to strike. They were the only things he feared. Crazy, fangirls. Kill one and two take its place. He recalled the time when Vergil took him into town to get some new clothes. They had to run from the town chased by a horde of crazy women. This is the fate of bishonen. (Bijuu May Cry)

“Hmm my brother senses are tangling…. No it couldn’t be ototo and otato are in trouble! Hold on I’ma coming!” Yelled a certain Uchiha while pushing people out of his way and running towards the wave country. (Sparda of Konoha)

It was then Iruka stood up, grinning... a few more fresh scars on his face. "I, am Umino Iruka, but from now on you'll be calling me Iruka-sensei. When my assistant shows up, you'll call him Mizuki-sensei, or Miz-uke-sensei. I don't care what you call the little bitch." Okay, he had the classes attention... and apparently Kiba's sister was rubbing off on him. (The Fox Hidden in the Hive)

“Dammit! Fucking humans and their dexterous limbs,” Kyuubi cursed. He stared grumpily at his thumb-less front paws. (A Kitsune's Dream)

Everyone who has played K.O.T.O.R (Knights of the Old republic) one and/or two is at this point looking at the screen like this O0O. (Authors Note in Jedi Knight Uzumaki Naruto)

“Naruto, you are the Hyuga pimp,” exclaimed Zanku. He began to laugh when Naruto’s jaw dropped to the ground. (Tails of the Fox Sage)

Shino: I don’t care. Wait, did she just step on a bug? SHE MUST DIE! No, wait, that was a raisin. I’m back to not caring.(Brown Eyes Meets Blue)

Kin smiled softly and leaned forward kissing Naruto softly on the lips, he didn’t fight it though, he had come to terms with the fact he somehow became the Pimpkage. (Icha Icha Engagements)

Naruto blankly stared at her chest before staring at Anko's face, "Trying to get me drunk huh? Damn it, if I get drunk with her I'm so going to get raped..." (From Ramen With Love)

"Eggs of yooooouuuuuth!" (From Ramen With Love)

"I am the Chakra Demon. I will not be fucked with!” (The Villiage of Chakra)

Asuma began to smoke his last cigarette, as he collapsed to the ground, even more blood spurting from the wounds inflicted by Hidan’s Grim Reaper lookalike technique, as Hidan and Kakuzu broke free. “You delicious bastard,” he said to the cigarette, just before the tags exploded. (Naruto, Reaper of Death)

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: ‘One. But it takes ten episodes, two level ups, Piccolo and all the human fighters dying and getting revived, and someone getting pecks the size of tires to do it.’ –Uzumaki Harry by: (fanfiction.net)

Fate got great pleasure out of bending him over and raping him up the ass with the metal-spiked strap-on of destiny. (The Melody of the Fox)

“Well, that’s just peachy.” The boy muttered in his babyish accent as he let out a long sigh. “Shinigami, I’m taking your balls the next time we meet.” (Once Upon A Midnight Moon)

Sasuke looked around before whispering in a hushed voice. “Yesterday you said that he was the most laid back jounin in our village! This is NOT a laid back jounin. This is a homicidal insane killer!”

Naruto chuckled half-heartedly. “Well, right now, Kakashi is in his Berserker Icha Icha Mode.”

Rei turned to Naruto and temporarily forgot about the impending doom. “Berserker Icha Icha Mode?”

Naruto nodded solemnly before explaining. “It's a truly fearsome weapon. I first found out about it when I accidentally threw away one of his older books. He immediately became a weapon of mass destruction, forgetting me or anyone else until his revenge was exacted. In that mode, he loses all common sense, but in return, multiplies his strength three fold. It took myself, six jounin, and the Hokage to finally calm him down.” (Insatiable Insanity)

“Yondaime must’ve been stoned or something if he thought it was worth it to sacrifice his life for those bastards.” (Cry of the Youko)

This caused all four of them to glare at the old man and unconsciously started leaking out there killing intent at him. Naruto pulled out his Wakizashi sword with a seal on it that allowed him to follow Hachi's youki into it. Sasuke pulled out a blood red double edge scythe and started to spin it wildly. Sakura pulls out both of her bladed boomerangs as Rikimaru just pulled out a regular kunai. Rikimaru twitched at this fact. 'Feels like I'm inferior.' (Power of Three)

For the first time in his life, that day¸ Naruto felt like punching his mother figure in the fucking face. (Naruto: Entwined Tails)

The scene in front of Naruto couldn’t get any more cheesier. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything just screams “it’s-so-nice-out-that-I-think-I’m-going-to-be-sick!” The old Naruto wouldn’t be bother by this, the old Naruto would probably just enhance the scene with his bright and loud attitude, but that was the old Naruto. Now, Naruto wish he could just kill everything in sight. (The Red Sun)

Matt let out a snort. "Harry, if magic is a bomb, then you are a nuke. You have about triple the amount of magic of any of the students in our grade, even most of the second years. Once I make you a proper Cooke wand...Christ. You'll be a fucking hydrogen bomb. I shudder to think of what you'll be like when you grow up. Harry Potter, then you'll be fucking Armageddon on two legs." (Cold as Ice)

"A warning however. I take shit from no one. If god exists, and he tried to give me shit, I‘d kick him in the nads. Got it?” Harry said cheerfully. (Master)

Forinsic evidence showed that Ginny Weasley had used 23 Reductos on the Death Eater known only as Yaxley. It was generally believed that the man had lived through seven of them before finally dying. (Harry Potter and the Acts of Betrayal)

Harry blinked. Did Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, all around muggle born, Gryffindor, and muggle hater, just pay him, Harry Potter, a compliment in his own twisted way? An still insult him in the same sentence? (Harry Potter and The Serpent Master)

Naruto had decided he was going to stick it to Konoha. Painfully. With a spork. (Naruto, the Black Mage)

Connections were being made in Saturobi’s mind, as he thought of Naruto’s two bloodlines combined with the power of the demon fox and a great quantity of really excellent weed. ‘Naruto’s so stoned he’s seeing the future!?’ (Play It Again, Naruto!)

Six hours later, three crimes against nature, fifteen separate laws broken each enough to put the guilty party into Azkaban for life and a duck . . . Myrtle was alive, sort of. (Let's Do The Time Warp Again)

"Do you know what hell is Major?" The old solder asked, "hell is being condemned to rot away. Hell is to spend the rest of your life rotting into uselessness . . . I know what hell is. No man here regrets his choice to join you. To die in battle with our brothers . . . to die with our brothers in a noble cause rather than to continue our sentence in hell is a gift that none of us will ever be able to repay. Do not mourn their deaths, celebrate their release for no matter what the future holds they will never go back to the rotting hell. We have a saying that when we die and go to be judged." Smythe added. The old man looked at Harry and smiled. "When we arrive, we'll announce ourselves with one more soldier reporting sir, I've spent my time in hell. He spent his time in hell sir and he died on his feet like a man, he's one of the lucky ones."

"Thank you Sergeant Major," Harry said softly.

"S' my job sir," Smythe replied. (Old Soldiers Never Die)

“We’re demons, there is no such thing as a challenge.” (Sangris)

I watch Fleur drag her sister away for a moment before looking at the Hat. It answers my unasked question. “You’re fixated on Krum, but you have four duels before him. Get your damn mind off of him and concentrate on your opponents or you will actually get beaten. Plus, I just like to piss on the French every chance I get.”

“Dare I ask why?”

“I’m English. Do I need any other reason?” (The Lie I've Lived)

"Momochi Zabuza..." hissed Kakashi, drawing a kunai in his left hand, "you are an S-ranked Missing Nin from Mist, am I incorrect? If not, then I guess I get to collect the 4 million bounty on your head, posted by the Mizukage himself." Kakashi added gleefully.

"4.5 million now..." corrected Zabuza, "I killed his dog..." (Leaves of Steel)

"James Potter was a great man, brave and courageous. He died like a stupid Gryffindor. I fucked his wife and made fun of him, Lord Voldemort" (Genesis)

“My master will free me from your clutches Potter!” Lucius declared confidently.

“There are quite a few reasons why he wont actually” Harry began brightly, turning back to face Lucius. “Firstly, he won’t know that I have you in my possession. Secondly, even if he did he can’t get into my house because of the many wards around it. Thirdly even if he could break the wards, he doesn’t have the foggiest fucking clue where this house is. For all he knows it could be in the middle of the bloody bazillion rainforest. How do you like them apples you boot licking thunder cunt.” Harry was openly grinning by the end of his little explanation. Lucius however had paled. (His Destiny)

“I couldn’t sleep because of all the moaning and the screaming of names kept me up all night so what the heck you were doing last night with Kanako and Tsuruko.” Naru asked.

“It is called having mind blowing sex Naru. You should try it sometime. It may do you some good but you have to have a boyfriend who really likes you to do that.” Kitsune responded to Naru’s question. (Love Hina: Evil Edition)

Somehow in the course of 5 minutes Naruto was able to strip his clothes from his body leaving only a pair of green boxers with little orange swirls on him and also began running down the street like a fucking monkey jacked up on a mixture of coke, crystal meth, and an extremely high dose of caffeine, laughing like a derange psychopath as loud as he could. (Fox of the Blades)

Albus frowned. “I still don’t see why he gets to do everything. Karma be damned, his childhood wasn’t that bad.”

And on a perfectly sunny Saturday afternoon, a temporarily muggle Albus Dumbledore was struck by lightning, despite being indoors. (The Untitled Cheekquel Project)

The fifth-year class was treated to the unusual sight of Harry Potter screaming and throttling the crap out of a choking, madly cackling, and winged Hermione Granger, while another Harry Potter was rolling on the floor and laughing his ass off. (Gene Spliced Harry)

Harry, to his triumph, watched as the normally in control quarter-Veela blushed to the roots of her hair. Was he that good? Thinking back, Harry remembered snagging a nymph and contemplating on a vampiress… Yes, he was pretty darned good. (Doing It All Over Again)

“Namikaze Naruto was the son of the fourth Hokage and the father of the eighth. He is recognized by most to be the greatest ninja who ever lived. In our home he has a memorial listing all his names and titles.” She cleared her throat. “He was a loving son, a good brother, a devoted husband, a beloved father, a loyal friend, a terrible enemy, a fierce warrior, a great student, an adept politician.” She needed another breath. “He never broke a single promise, he never abandoned a precious person, he never forgot an enemy, he invented over a hundred jutsus and seals, and he changed the world. In his day he was the Demon of the Leaf, the Second Flash, the Lord of Foxes, and the Summoner of the Kyuubi; but there was one other title that he was most proud of.” She grinned and looked at all her classmates. “He was the greatest of all the Hokage’s.”

With that she sat back down and put her little fox back in her lap.

The teacher nodded, that did pretty much sum it up. (A Mother's Love)

"Kakashi? Shut up. Every time you open your mouth, my desire to murder you grows." (Overlord)

“Take me away, Naruto-sama!” Naruko cried, jumping into his arms and flinging her head back with wild abandon. “Take me back to your love shack and ravish me!”

“…Okay,” he agreed. He slung her over his shoulder, displaying her pert rump to the stunned trio, gave it a little slap, gave them a wink, and jumped away. (People Lie)

Gai has me worried. Freaking elite jounin and their mind games. I’ve never really minded the games before now. Growing up around Ibiki kinda got me used to them. The man could turn ‘pass the salt’ into an exercise in psychological horror that would make a chunin weep. Don’t even get me started on one time I forgot my homework. (People Lie)

Dumbledore stood opened mouthed. This was a novel experience, being so absolutely, fundamentally wrong. (Harry Potter and the Distaff Side)

“I am your humble, devoted slave from this day onwards.”

“Eh?”

“My name is Higashiyama Yurimi, but you may call me ‘slave’, or any other way you would prefer.”

“Eh?”

“I would be particularly pleased to be called ‘you sexy thing you’.”

“Eh?”

“I have no experience, but by your age I would infer you do not have either. I hope we can learn to enjoy each other together.”

“Uh?”

“I do not know if I will find it unpleasant, but if you so desire, I would be more than happy to swallow.”

“…eh?” (Naruto Genkyouien)

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “You keep learning all sorts of interesting techniques, Naruto.”

“Oh, come on, Sasuke; don’t tell me you didn’t cackle in glee when you realized you had your family’s jutsu scrolls all for yourself.”

Sasuke actually blushed. Her mother had shot him odd looks for weeks after she heard his maniacal laughter. (Naruto Fuujinroku)

Seras punched the control panel, destroying it. No one from Umbrella would ever be making a report from it again. “Who was that?” Sheri asked.

“My boss, Sir Integra. I think she’d like you.”

“Is she a vampire too?”

Seras grinned. “Worse, she’s a Hellsing.” (Resident Hellsing)