war can be prevented just as easily as it can be provoked...we who fail to prevent must share the guilt of the dead.

life has shown me all to often its a fragile gift. remember no one gets out of life alive.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Girls, copy and paste this on your profile!

Women's Vocabulary

Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing"

"...Whether or not you want to admit it - and certainly whether or not you care to embrace it - there is an inescapable part of us that rages and wails and capers on the graves of those who try to do us wrong. It doesn't even need a reason. It's ready to go. It'll do it just for fun. There's also a part of us that knows and understands this, and is constantly under the whip. It is restrained by the part of us that bristles at the recoil; that does not love the pain; that knows that payback is a bitch. It is kept back by the leash and the threat of tenfold retribution... But is that all that holds us back? No. That is not all there is. Because there are many other reasons for not getting lost in the beast within. There are many other reasons for decency above and beyond the norm. And chief among them is the understanding that true coolness, true decency, comes from staring down that impulse at the core of your being, and then fighting it down in your actual life. So that you don't become a monster. So that you're not a total dick. You make your peace. You come to terms. But you do not let it win."

John Mason Skipp, Dark Destiny

Penny for a Thought

"If you dont understand my silence you'll never understand my words"

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... especially since you survived."

"I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you."

"We don't really have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us."

"The government teaches us by example that it is ok to lie, cheat, steal, and kill, just don't smoke while your doing it"

"It's only funny til someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious"

"Never like life seriously...no one makes it out alive anyway."

"Let me tell you about my vow of silence."

"If you make it idiot proof, someone'll make a better idiot."

"I was lost in thought yesterday...it was unfamiliar territory."

"I'm boldly going nowhere."

"Indecision may or may not be my problem."

"I'm not suffering from insanity, I love it."

"Before insulting someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."