I have reviewed and read many stories, and at long last have decided to join Fanfiction! So, without further ado, welcome to the strange mind of Hugz Kissez! *insert manical laugh here* ;D

One wish I have that I wish for multiple times a day: 1. I will turn into an animal talent Never Fairy. ;D

If you want to see my stories or my favorites list, click the words " Hide Profile" at the top. Trust me, if you try to scroll through all this, it will take a little bit of time. ;D

I have taken a pledge to favorite every Fabina story that is at least half decent so that others may enjoy it. I am up to 772, give or take a few fandoms. ;D

I have over 100,000 words on here! My profile is so long! I'm so proud. ;D

I have officially submitted over 1,000 reviews! Keep updating all of your ehma-amazing stories! ;D

I love to PM, so if you ever want to chat, I'm here! ;D

Important notes:

Complete the three R's: (w)Riting, Reading, and Reviewing!

Check out my site for info on stories and more!

Who Is Hugz Kissez?

Eye color: Dark brown, looks black unless you're close. And you really shouldn't be that close, so...

Hair color: Brown

Skin color: Light brown

Favorites List: Fave Color is Pink, Fave Movie is Peter Pan(the real one, not the animated one), Fave Animal is all, Fave Job is Veterinarian, Fave Song is Raise Your Glass by Pink, Fave Book is none(You REALLY expect me to pick a favorite? My books are my babies!), Fave Activity is Reading, Fave TV Show is House of Anubis(Obviously!), Fave Anime is Ouran High School Host Club, Fave Website is Fanfiction.net.

Okay, that list only covers my absolute favorites. I love DIY activites, reading, writing, almost anything to do with a computer, almost anything pink, my books(I have over 30 and counting!), my radio, my doll collection(I have over 50 and counting!), my stuffed animals(over 30 and counting!), my figurine collection(over 20 and counting!), bookstores, and libraries.

Ships:

Cassander(Cassia and Xander, Matched Trilogy)

Kyssia(Cassia and Ky, Matched Trilogy)

Leider(Lei Nea and Xander, Matched Trilogy)

Vicnea(Vick and Lei Nea, Matched Trilogy)

Xandie(Xander and Indie, Matched Trilogy)

Fabina(Fabian and Nina, House of Anubis) OTP

Amfie(Amber and Alfie, House of Anubis)

Peddie(Patricia and Eddie, House of Anubis)

Ramshi(Ramil and Tashi, Dragonfly) OTP

Mill(Mibs and Will, Savvy) OTP

Clam(Claire and Cam, Clique) OTP

Massington(Massie and Derrington, Clique) OTP

Charwin(Charlie and Darwin, A-List) OTP

Tye(Taz and Skye, A-List)

Briley(Brennion and Kiley, Growing Up Together, a PJO fanfic by Awesome one) OTP NO ARGUEMENTS!!!

Lilade(Lilah and Cade, Platinum)

Mildun(Millie and Audun, Tales of the Frog Princess) OTP

Emdric(Emma and Eadric, Tales of the Frog Princess) OTP

Chella(Char and Ella, Ella Enchanted[the book, not the movie]) OTP

Colnie(Col and Connie, Companions Quartet) OTP

Jarran(Jessica and Arran, Companions Quartet)

Creddie(Carly and Freddie, iCarly)

LOOK AT THIS EPIC THING!!!

Teacher: And Columbus had all these ships ...

Me: ME TOO!!

Teacher: ...

Me: Oh, you meant like, boats. :P

I am the girl who changes everything about her so she can fit in with "the popular crowd", even though on the inside, she is wild and wacky and crazy and unique. I am the girl who gets left out of trips to the mall or spa, and I am the girl people talk about behind their back. Yet I still hold my head up high, and try to get into the best and most exclusive clique, because I don't ever give up. I am amazing and wonderful and perfect in her own way, and I am proud of it! Copy and paste this with your screenname if this is you! Hugz Kissez,

A Whole Lot of Stupid Stuff

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?

Don't knock at Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Confucius says: Man who stand in middle of road get hit by bus.

I haven't lost my mind! I sold it on eBay.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

The one who smiles when all goes wrong has thought of someone to blame.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

1 day of coal, 364 days of fun. I think I'll take my chances.

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

Keep smiling; it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who would we laugh at?

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyways.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

You're a great friend, but if zombies chase us . . . I'm tripping you.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you please run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities, and none of them like you.

I don't understand white crayons! Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

The next sentence is true. The previous sentience is false.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I don't think you'd kill too many people.

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Yeah, I'm a loser. But the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me.

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons?

When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

Life isn’t passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.

I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches?

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thank You for embracing it!

Give a person a fish and feed them they won't bother you for a day, teach them how to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks!

The statistics of insanity is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder...

My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

Welcome to the internet, pants optional.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

The problem with reality is a lack of background music.

I laugh in the face of death... maybe not laugh more like a snicker... a quiet snicker... and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back.

Oh? Rock beats paper? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

A criminal will stab you in the front. A friend will stab you in the back. A boyfriend will stab you in the heart. But only best friends poke each other with straws.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... 'Nuff said.

LIfe Lessons (In no way do I mean any offense to moms. I just find it quite funny.)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Things I am not to do at Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not attack my fellow classmates

51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

A friend helps you up when you fall; a best friend laughs at you, trips you again, and continues to laugh.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's only yours that's stupid.

There are no stupid questions; just stupid people.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

If you have spent multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're not obsessed with Twilight or just don't like it copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: Grimm Gal, grimmgirl, Elligoat, grimmgurl4ya, SabrinaDaphne13, iizninja (AND VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE! THEY DIE!!!!), charn14,nabian8735(I'm not obsessed), harrypottergirl998, artsoccer, Hugz Kissez( I've never read any of the books or seen the movies, bleech!)

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Confucius says: Man who stand in middle of road get hit by bus.

Confucius says: Man who sit on tack is better off. (Of course a woman would have never sat on tack to begin with)

I haven't lost my mind! I sold it on eBay.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver and working ear plugs are platinum

The one who smiles when all goes wrong has thought of someone to blame

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

Don't knock at Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans like we try and have British accents?

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

(o.o)

(u u)

This is bunny. Copy and paste this bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination. (do it now)

Something to think about: If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Oh, deep, I know.

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!

I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyways.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

There's no place like home . . . but Wal-mart's close.

"When can we live in a world where chickens can cross the road without being questioned about their motives?"

"I'm the type of girl that can watch all the scary movies I want and not get scared, but I scream at the top of my lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster."

"Blondes have more fun, but brunettes actually remember it the next day."

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

"A palm can say a lot, especially when it smacks you."

"I trip UP the stairs."

"Don't follow me. I run into walls."

"I am the bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up."

"Brilliant brunette with many blonde moments."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

“You call it insanity, I call it inspiration.”

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"

"I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do!"

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

"Live for the nights you won't remember. With the friends you'll never forget."

"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."

"Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"I HATE IT WHEN THE LITTLE VOICES ARGUE WITH MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS!"

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

"Never tell anyone your problems. 20% don't care, and the other 80% are glad you have them."

"Every story has an end, but in life, every end is just a new beginning."

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon!"

"I'm the kind of person who spends hours trying to drown a fish."

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO MYSELF!"

"Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."

"I'm not crazy. My reality is just... different than yours."

"NEVER go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge."

"It takes skill to trip over a flat surface!"

“Between two evils, I go with the one I haven’t tried yet!”

"People change. Things go wrong. But just remember: Life Goes On..."

Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!

Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?

You should always proofread what you write in case you any words.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.

I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?

On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

I see no good reason to act my age.

Be a dork!! Because being cool is overrated.

At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?

Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.

Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

The trouble with real life is that there is no background music

I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologize

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense

I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

You say physco like it's a bad thing

I hear voices, and they don't like you

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "Hey, what are these?" "They're Orange." "What about these?" "Ah Shit!"

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.

I intend to live forever *looks at watch* so far, so good

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you

God created men first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece.

The next time you think your perfect, try walking on water.

Don't follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Go ahead and call the cops! I'll order pizza and we'll see who gets here first!

So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Worst. Idea. Ever. [pause] Let's do it.

People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.

I'm not weird, I'm limited edition.

It takes skill to trip over a flat surface. I have that skill.

For the people who don't know me, they think I'm quiet. For the people who do know me, they wish I was.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished

I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the train coming

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Best friends. We’re the kind of people who laugh at a joke three times. The first time, when it’s told. The second, when someone explains it. The third, five minutes later when we actually get it.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

Smile... it confuses people.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo

I can resist anything but temptation.

The best place to hide is in plain sight.

Guys aren't worth your tears.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

Music is my boyfriend.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

"I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? (I'm good with advice too, but I'm an extremely sarcastic person)

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

I didn't trip. I was just testing gravity... It still works.

Secret Admirer? More like a stalker with stationary.

When I say 'LOL,' I'm not 'laughing out loud.' I just have nothing better to say.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Sarcasm is my automatic response to stupidity.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Heck's afraid I’ll take over.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

If Walmart is lowering prices daily, then how come none of it is free yet?

Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

How in the world do all the mad scientists finish their experiments in the middle of a thunderstorm?

It's you an me versus the world . . . we attack at dawn.

Yo-yos were invented as a weapon.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, on to a little see-saw, or jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

The other day, I was walking out of a completely empty room, said, "See ya!" and waved. How stupid is that?

My friends say that I amazingly manage to sneak up on them. I'm proud of that, because it means I'm that much closer to being a ninja!

The voices assure me that I'm normal.

It's such a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my medications.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

How in the world do all the mad scientists finish their experiments in the middle of a thunderstorm?

It's you an me versus the world . . . we attack at dawn.

Yo-yos were invented as a weapon.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, on to a little see-saw, or jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

The other day, I was walking out of a completely empty room, said, "See ya!" and waved. How stupid is that?

My friends say that I amazingly manage to sneak up on them. I'm proud of that, because it means I'm that much closer to being a ninja!

The voices assure me that I'm normal.

It's such a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my medications.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I found a great way to attract money... work!

Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

There are three kinds of people in the world: those that can count, and those that can't.

Please refrain from excessively licking the ceiling.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky escalator = endless fun

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . now where the heck am I?

Education is important, school, however, is another matter.

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call a "floor"- a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, friends, for I may not return alive.

People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME!

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.

Who is this "life" person and where does he get all these lemons?

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

My glass isn't half empty. It isn't half full. It's just a glass with water in it.

I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

They have sent us to this dungeon more commonly known as school.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird.

Burning someone at the stake is considered rude in some parts of America.

Notice: Need help moving bodies . . . I mean, stuff! Please contact the local jail.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

I have ranted to an empty room, and then ended with a "Thanks for listening," because if no one heard, it's okay, but if somebody did, then I have officially freaked out some secret agent corporation.

Don’t look at me with that tone of voice.

If Tylenol, Duct tape, or a Band-Aid can't fix it, then that is one serious problem.

People make mistakes all the time... your parents never told you how you came along, did they?

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses are wilted, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

The doctors tell me I'm special.

I see dumb people.

I do everything the rice crispies tell me to do.

Reality bites... I have the teeth marks to show it.

I brake for the invisible creatures that only I can see.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in back seats can lead to children.

If all the world's a stage, then why do I keep falling in the orchestra pit?

Great Rules Of Writing

1) Do not write sentences in negative form.

2) And don't start sentences with a conjunction.

3) If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading.

4) Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do.

5) Unqualified superlatives are worst of all.

6) De-accession euphemisms.

7) If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

8) Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

9) Last, but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.

Rules for my English lessons...

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).

Always avoid annoying alliteration.

Be more or less specific.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it really is very highly superfluous.

One should never generalize.

Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

Don't use no double negatives.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing is like water off the back of a duck.The passive voice is to be ignored.

Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

Kill all exclamation points!!!!

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth-shattering ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Puns are not for children, they are intended for groan readers.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

The spell chequer is knot always write.

When in doubt, make up words

Ooooo . . . A life. Where can I download one?

Obsessed is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated.

Some people really ruin fun. They try to spell the word 'fun,' but forget the N.

I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.

A life? Cool! How do I download one of those?

We are the people our parents warned us about.

What's the speed of dark?

I am not crazy! U know what! The voices don't like u anymore!

Death is life’s way of saying you’ve been fired.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.

The trouble with life is there's no background music

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is man's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

If someone insults you say 'How sweet thanks for noticing' and walk away

If someone says you'll die old and alone say 'No I won't I'll have my cats'

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though they know that you are slightly cracked.

"I survived 9-11, Ice Storm 08, and Swine 09. Doomsday 2012? BRING IT ONNNNN!" -Facebook

The acorn said" I look like a person!"

The Banana said" I'm not going to say I look like anything."

My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

A two-year-old is like having a blender, but there is no top.

Weather Forecast for tonight: dark

Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more!

Some people ask me, "why are you so weird?" I say "Well, why do I have to be THIS when I could be tthhhhiiiisssss!

if idoits could fly, this place would be an airport.

I don't have a drinking problem, I'm just really thirsty.

When I'm sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.

I don't stalk, I investigate.

I hate it when people I know see me at the super market and are all like "Hey, what are you doing here?" and I'm like "Oh, you know, hunting elephants."

I'm not weird, I'm limited edition.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much screwed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

It’s retarded it’s ridiculous it’s re-dic-u-tard-ed.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, pretty lights!

You look at the clock at 11:09 and say "I WILL NOT MISS 11:11" then stare at the clock until 11:10 and look away and when you look back its 11:12... "DANG-IT!" lol

You're watching tv and when it goes to commercials you forget what you are watching

Have you ever noticed how lol looks like someone drowning? But this makes it look like they are drowning and getting chased by a shark-

lol

Something to think about: If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Oh, deep, I know.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

I don't understand white crayons! Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no freaking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh snap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

In your bed, its 6 am. You close your eyes for 5 minutes and its 7:45.

At school, its 1:30 pm. You close your eyes for 5 minutes and its 1:30 pm. =D

what's up with that?

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the heck you DID that.

When life gives you lemons, read them and drool.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Don't ever frown, you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

I would say "screw you" but I think to many people already have.

I am really trying to imagine you with a personality. Oops, I can't.

Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Your a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.

You just won't leave me alone, will you? You know, people like you are the reason why people like me need medication.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me beautiful, What happened to you?

List 5 reasons why I shouldn't talk to you. And then read them over and over.

If stupidity was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.

Perfection is a waste of time.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns. But those bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again...

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science: ‘Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts: ‘Do you want fries with that?

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

I blame my attitude on videogames.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs. ninjas, but cooler.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

How can I miss you if you never left?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually.

You're in bed at 6AM. You close your eyes. It's 7:45. You're at school at 12:30. You close your eyes. It's 12:30.

What I say to my mum: Where's my shirt? I'm hungry? Can I get a lift? Do I have to go? My friends coming. I'm cold. I can't find my homework.

What I say to my dad: Where's mum?

After Tuesday, even my calendar goes W T F.

Shop Keeper: Can I help you? Me: No, I just waited 30 minutes in a line to say hi.

I hate how chocolate melts on my finger. I mean, am I that hot?

When a girl and boy kiss...

Primary: Everyone: EWWWWWWWWW

Secondary school: Everyone: Awww, how cute!!!

University: Get a damn room!

Dare haters, I couldn't help but notice awesome ends in "ME" and ugly starts with "U".

School Work: 22=4

Homework: 242=8

Exam: Omar has 2 apple, his train is 7 minutes late, calculate the mass of the sun.

Me: WTF???

Dear Teacher,

I talk wherever I am. Moving me will not help.

Why do we need school?

Music: we have youtube

PE: wii sport

English: everything's shortened anyway

Maths: we have calculators for that

Spanish: there's DORA

Geography: I'll buy a globe

History: They're all dead anyway

Preschool- "Sit behind the desk and don't break anything"

School: "It's a lot harder in High School"

High School: "It's a lot harder in College"

College: "It's a lot harder in the real world"

Real world (Job): "Sit behind the desk and don't break anything"

I put earlier dates on my homework so it doesn't look like I procrastinate.

Dear Algebra,

I am sick of trying to find your X. Just accept that she is gone.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

If you love laughing until it hurts and you can't breathe.

If you really wish you could record your dreams and watch them later.

If you wish music played during epic moments in your life, like in movies.

If you love it when teachers get off track and tell you stories about their life.

If you mentally say "Wed-nes-day" when writing the word "Wednesday".

If you were first in Mario Kart, you fell off a cliff, and then you were... last.

If whenever someone says 'I like your shirt', you look down to see what you're wearing.

If you hate when teachers say "From all the talking, I assume everyone is done."

If you have dropped your phone on your face while laying down texting.

If you feel like a ninja whenever you drop something and catch it

I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

100% of people that drink water... DIE! -gasp-

Bold the stupid things you've done!

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out

2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails(I was seven, and I got so scared when I realized I was stuck!)

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else (several times)

13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it

18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name(I was so embarrassed!)

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.

23. Have run into a closed door - It wasn't even a transparent/glass door!

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside

33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else (I once peered my head inside a car I thought was my Mom's. It wasn't.)

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot.(I've touched a candle flame. Multiple times.)

36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on

37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard

39. Walked into a wall

40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house- and realized it after school.

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small(I'm stubborn.)

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. Have poked yourself in the eye

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on (HAHA! Yeah.)

50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

60. Have laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side (What??!!! I have 35 of these left to do????)

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jamb

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band

78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't ( Dang Sprite!)

79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out

81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone (all the time)

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them

93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours (my mom's, GROSS!)

95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

Copy and paste this if you have done one of the below: DBold.

1) You walked into a room, forgot why, walked out, then remembered

2) When you were younger, you drew the sun in the corner of the paper

3) When you were little, you thought the shape of a real heart was the same a romantic heart

4) Closed the fridge really slow, just to see the lights go out

5) Tried to balance the light switch between on and off

SARCASM AND OTHER STUFF...

1. Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children (so we have children's aspirin...that children can't get to)

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts (Really? Now that's shocking...Seriously, I think that was life changing)

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping (Dang. I've become addicted to sleep-hair-curling. This will never work!)

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire (And here I thought it was ice. Face-palm!)

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (You mean we can't chew through all that frozen goodness?)

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado (Does this mean people can use it to protect themselves from hurricanes?)

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts (Uhhh...I kinda thought frisbees were all one piece...Do they come with batteries now or something?)

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children (So now sticking them in kids' stomachs when they don't behave is out of the question. That's not abusive or dangerous, now is it?)

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (So there's going to be a trial during that person's funeral. Sounds like fun!)

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping (You mean it's not a substitute for whipped cream? NO WAY!)

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap (As opposed to non-regular soap?)

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness (So that's why we take them! I thought they were a replacement for coffee)

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (You mean puzzles don't come all put together in one box?)

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use (Uhhh...I don't think I even want to know)

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets"

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances"

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping."

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness"

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark"

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe."

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe."

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain."

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping"

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regaular soap"

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving sugestion: Defrost"

Even more absurd...

On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp. (that's news...)

On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. (why did I even buy these things?)

On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot. (Oh?)

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. (...)

On a Harry Potter wizards broom: This broom does not actually fly. (Dang, no fair.)

In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position. (you haven't mentioned how to switch it OFF!!!)

On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food.

On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking. (why not swallow it all? Much more wholesome...)

A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people. (...)

Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted. (this is actually a real law in a few countries.)

On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.

On a pair of socks bought in Egypt: Do not wash. (my mum so appreciates this...)

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.

On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes.

Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one. (this is the 21st century right?)

On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face.

On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe.

On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair.

On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth. (-gasp- WHY NOT??!!)

On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. (I have to see that packaging sometime...)

On a toaster: Do not use underwater. (...)

On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow (and I'm sure we've all tried that sometime...)

Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Cute but psycho- things even out.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!

My heart is not a playground

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

I'm looking forward to regretting this.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

Join the dark side. We have cookies!

I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I don't take orders, and I don't deliver death wishes. If you wish to die, kill yourself.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS!

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

I see regular people! Run for your lives!

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

You say physco like it's a bad thing (some people just don't understand)

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

Normal people worry me.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "Hey, what are these?" "They're Orange." "What about these?" "Ah Shit!"

If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I intend to live forever *looks at watch* so far, so good

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again.

Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight

Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you

I am not weird... just plotting

I don't obsess! I think intensely!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die.

Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.

Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry

Proof that the world is going to end because of Man kinds stupidity:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what? Outer space?)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest have to test the electric fence for themselves

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't!

I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ??

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

"I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." Anonymous

Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge

Real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long

The world is cruel... get used to it!

Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. (I found that I'm a very tough opponent.) If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.

I don't hate you, I just hope you get your next period in a shark tank...

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON!!!!!!!!!"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

25 Fun Things to do at McDonald's:

1. Sit in a corner and pretend like you’re making out with yourself. (This works even better when 2 people are doing it separately.)

2. Pay entirely in pennies.

3. Tell them you require three copies of the receipt for filing reasons.

4. Order a shake, and tell them you want bacon with it. If they say no, complain loudly for others to hear, and scream out, "I guess you really don't wana see me smile do you, because right now I don't exactly feel like smiling in light of the extenuating circumstances!"

5. Ask to see the manager, then complain to him about all of life’s problems. If they don’t let you talk to the manager, walk out muttering, “You're gonna be reading about this in the papers.”

6. While you’re in line, jump up and down like you’re having a spazz attack and scream repeatedly, “YO QUIERO TACO BELL!”

7. Sell White Castle food in the restrooms. Then when people get food poisoning you can blame it on McDonald’s.

8. Walk in wearing a Burger King hat. (Great when 3 or 4 people do this at the same time.)

9. Bring in a fart machine and keep setting it off, meanwhile making comments like, “Man, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten here.”

10. Return your food and tell them you’re allergic to nuclear waste mixed with gasoline byproducts.

11. Bring in a video camera and tell them they’re live on 20/20. (You should see the looks on their faces!)

12. Stand on a table with a megaphone and whenever somebody complains say, “This isn’t Burger King, you can’t have it your way.”

13. Flood the soda fountain machine. (It’s more interesting than flooding toilets.)

14. Walk to the drive-thru window and order. (If you really wanna tick ‘em off, skateboard.)

15. Take about 30 or so straws and blow all the wrappers at people. If anyone gives you a look, act a bit too innocent.

16. Speak gibberish, and act confused when they try to tell you that they don’t know how to speak gibberish too.

17. Chuck something at one of the employees. (I bet you five bucks they chuck it back.)

18. Chuck Skittles, M&Ms, or other small candy back into the cooking area.

19. Take two bites out of your burger, then tell the employee it’s cold and ask for a new one. Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat.”

20. Act like a schizo while you’re ordering. (“I’ll have a cheeseburger.” “No, chicken nuggets!” “Cheeseburger!”) Slap yourself to make it look convincing.

21. Climb on top the Play Place. When they tell you to come down, fall off and pretend your hurt, then threaten to sue.

22. When it’s your turn to order, start a conversation with the employee. Ask them how was their day, etc. When someone gets ticked and calls for the manager, scram, or start a conversation with him too.

23. Try to stuff your coins sideways into the charity box. Then when they don’t fit, start complaining loudly about how McDonald’s is so greedy and how they’re ripping off their charities. (Act really outraged about it.)

24. Try to bribe an employee for cheaper food. If they give in, call the manager. (Keep any food they gave you, though.)

25. Walk in and go sit down in a seat, then grab the little table advertisement thingy, (you know what I'm talking about, the triangular thingy by the salt and pepper, yeah that.) Well look at it turning it over and over and then say defiantly, "I know what I'm going to order, I'm ready!" After about five minutes, scream out, "Waiter!" Then after about five more minutes get up, and stomp out of the restaurant with the advertisement thingy. Then turn arround, come back in, and throw the advertisement thingy at the cashier and yell, "Your service sucks! You just lost yourself a customer, you hear that! A customer! Your not gonna see me smile!"

What to Do During an Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)
15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (I would never do that)
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Act spazzy
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
43. Cross-Dress.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

Ways to annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when it's your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit in the front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themselves.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end.

Impossibilities of the world:

1) You can't count your hair

2) You can't wash your eyes with soap

3) You can't breath with your tongue out. Put your tongue back in fool!

10 things I know about you:

1. You are reading this

2. You are human

3. You can't say "P" without separating your lips

4. You just attempted that

6. You are laughing at yourself

7. You are smiling and have missed number 5

8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5

9. You laugh at this because you are a fool

10. You are on the Internet.

11. You think that is a stupid fact.

12. You didn't realise there is only meant to be 10 facts.

13. You will share this to see who else falls for it.

I can't take this long distance relationship any more. Fridge, you're coming to my room.

When you fall, I'll be there for you- Floor.

I need a six month vacation twice a year.

I don't like morning people... or mornings... or people...

I throw my Spanish in the air sometimes saying "AYYOOOOOO NO COMPRENDO!"- me

I blow up supplies in the air sometimes saying "AYYYOOOOOO TAKE THAT CATOOOO!"- Katniss Everdeen

Who knocks on the door of a bathroom and asks the person inside What Are They Doing?

Who agrees it takes very much skill to trip on a flat surface?

Who hates it when a person is chewing gum then takes a strand from their mouth and shows it around?

Who likes the fact you could go on a rollercoaster with somebody whose older, yet be smiling the whole time?

Who loves to watch kid shows instead of the drabbling drama on other channels?

Who tries living up to a fortune cookie, but in the end gets laughed at for being so naive?

Who laughs at the person trying to follow a fortune cookie?

Who thinks its weird that a native from a country asks an immigrant or foreigner help on grammar or interpretation?

Who loves the fact when your recent/former state's name is mentioned besides California- such as Nebraska, South/North Dakota, Maine …ect?

Who hates the fact when you put a passcode/password on you computer/T.V./ipod… and a person asks for it? (Isn't that what Passcodes/words are for?)

Things Life Tells Me.

1. Walking into walls hurts.

2. Voldemort's parents took the "I Got Your Nose" game a little too seriously.

3. Life is weird, first you want grow up, then you want to be a kid again.

4. Has anyone else noticed that Hannah Montana looks a lot like Miley Cyrus?

5. If the people in horror movies listened to to me, they'd still be alive.

6. If you always expect the unexpected then doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

7. 3 out of the 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other one wants to know if penguins have knees.

ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get delivered to your house before an ambulance can.
...are there handicapped parking spaces in front of a skating rink.
...do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
...do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet coke.
...do banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters.
...do we leave expensive cars in the driveway and worthless stuff in the garage.
...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
...do we use the word "politics" so freely: in Latin, "poli" meaning many, and "ticks" meaning blood-sucking leeches.
...do we have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Funny Answering Machine Messages

Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep

"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."

I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply

Like Barney (the purple dinosaur): I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the _ family. So leave your name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.   Â

 "Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."

"Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message. BEEP."

You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"

This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. BEEP!

Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP!

These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.

Hey, it's _ Sorry you can't get through Leave your name and your number And I'll get back to you

Sorry weâre not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine .

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future...

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after and we tell each other everything. Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

Ask not for whom the bell tolls,

Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.

Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Bullwinkle Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Rocky: Again? Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! [Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.]

Bullwinkle: Must have been a wrong number. Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message. but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.

Canât take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!

Comrades! Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn that your unit has re-established communications. The entire staff is currently busy discussing forthcoming operations with other units, but if you leave your unit name and how we may reach you, Chief of Staff Sterrett will contact you as soon as possible to discuss your concerns.

Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone. Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone.

Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?

Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Heaven, God speaking...

Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere. So... Leave your name and number and tell us where YOU saw Elvis!

Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera.

Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day.

Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you backâ”only that I won't.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.

Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Hello, this is Johnâs answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.

Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?

Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.

Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress.

BEEP Hello, this is WVKE, you're on the air.

Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower? (The most common response: "Well, sure, but my neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle elephants.")

Hello, we are unable to come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number unless of course you are a salesman or trying to solicit money.

Hello, you have reached the _ family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping.

Hello, you have reached the _'s residence; we cannot reach the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep. (Then you find something that makes a beeping sound, and make the beep sound, then wait 5 seconds, until they start talking, then make another beep, and do that over and over.)

Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your name), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.

Hello, you've reached 555-1552, the Apartment at the End of the Universe. Please leave your message, name and number at the sound of the tone. Keep your hands, feet, extremities, and obscenities inside the car at all times. Enjoy your ride.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?

Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)

Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?

Hellooo...Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...

Hi this is _'s machine. My name is (pause) well that's not important. (Pause) Ya know it gets very lonely being here all day. (Pause) maybe you could stay and talk. (Pause) please talk to me after the beep, please talk to me after the beep ... BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi this is Andrew. If you are an ex-girlfriend, suck it up and move on. If not, I do have a life that is obviously being used so leave a message and if I have time, ill try to squeeze you in.

Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didnât send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

hi you've reached the home of (name) also known as 007 agents if you get this machine we are probably saving the world this tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP)

Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of a paper bag exploding.)

Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?

Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Jane and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep.

Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else.(Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks

Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.

Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.

Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine. If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys. If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)

Hi, this is you know who and I'm not you know where, so please leave a

Hi, you have reached _(phone number)_ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?

Hi, you have reached Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Show me the message!

Hi, you know the drill.

Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.

Hi. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.

Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I'll play my messages. Please leave one.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!

I am not home to talk to you, But please don't be a creep. Just leave your name and number, At the sound of the...

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

I can't come to the phone now, so... Heyâ”that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I donât know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how itâs going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you donât want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you

Iâm sorry, Iâve been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. And I will call you back. If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number...

If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your motherâs maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep.

I'm gone.

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message. I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message?

I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity.

In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE! is so much better & thatâs why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a

Just put on a recording of a busy signal.

Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...

Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

let the machine get it.

like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible .

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval. Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak, his "Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72." No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color.

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...

Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name...

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Susan and I are not here right now. We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you.

Thank you for calling 555-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!

Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not... er... Bear a... er... Shalt not witness thy... uh... Neighbor's ass, Oh, I mean, false... er... Shalt not commit a bear... Dern...

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day.

Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.

Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.

These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.

This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP

This is 321-1234, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do FOR you.

This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

This is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air...

This is Fred. We are not... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.

This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone, sing "Vesti la Giubba" and "La Donna e Mobile."

This is the National Security Emergency Password Notification Network. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today's password. Today's password is "baby booties."

This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs. to get away from you!"

Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks they dialed long distance.)

voice synth software, that way, it sounds even more like

WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.

We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually.

Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back... (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. After that we'll play your requests. Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in, given programming constraints. Thank you for listening to our show.

You have reached 555-1234. This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do.

You have reached 555-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to

leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.

You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers.

None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.

You have reached our secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back. But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment. However, your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the new order. Long groblint the ultimate blenstron.

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.

You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.

you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,

You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call u back, when your not home.

You've reached the B&D Hotline. All our operators are tied up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance.

(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?

(Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams:) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic. (Raspy gasp.) We can't come to the phone right now because we're making a couple of adjustments. (Break a few small twigs; big scream.) Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible. Thank you very much.

(Drawling granny voice:) Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a message. Thanks a lot.

(Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 555-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message.

(French monologue in the background:) Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non". (From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!

(Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister. You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. Please speak loudly, clearly, and in tongues.

(Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.

(In a good Australian accent:) G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

(In British voice) Hello! I'll be eating lunch on my yacht, but I might be able to clear my schedule if youâd like to do something... leave me a pleasant message after the beep.

(In Joe Friday voice:) This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. Thank you. (In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Hi...

You've just reached Sharon's Pleasure Palace. We're all busy as I'm sure you can tell, but when we're done... we'll get back to you in whatever way we can.

(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.)

(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)

(Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room:") "I ain't home, I ain't home, you better leave a message 'cause I ain't home." (Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

(Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

(Militaristic mechanical voice:) FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!

(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

(Ominous electronic background music:) In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by? SINT MIHI DEI ACHERONTIS PROPITII...

(Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.

(or)

(Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":) You have reached 555-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")

(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

(Sinister organ music:) Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. (Angelic "Hallelujah!") Or number two, suffer eternal damnation. (Horrid death scream.) You decide.

(Stoned, slow voice:) Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.

(Sultry female voice:) Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of Delights. We would be delighted if you would leave your name, number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong way...

(Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.

(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor...

(Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag.

(To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign. Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message...

(To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music:) I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP

(To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana:) Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.

(US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.

(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

(Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":) We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

(With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What?

(With strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.

(Woman, seductively:) Hi, I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to... (Interrupting:) Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone... (Ask them to leave a message.)

[Classical music in background, slow stoned voice] Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? ...

[Deadpan voice] Hi, This is Dave. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

[Drunken voice] You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!

[In a bored voice] Heaven, God speaking...

[in a computer generated voice] Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.

[in a computer generated voice] Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.

[Lots of phone pick-up noise] Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number, I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

[Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice] Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

[Must have good Australian accent] G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

[Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massageâ”my shoulders really could use it, and... What? You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn...

[Star Trek theme in the background] [Voice 1] Room 17, the final frontier. [Voice 2] These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two-semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. [Voice 3] To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

[Very fast] Hi, this is 555-5555. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

[Voice 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [Voice 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

Stuipid Fears

Ablutophobia - The fear of taking showers

Anablephobia - The fear of looking up

Anglophobia- The fear of England

Aulophobia - The fear of flutes

Basophobia - The fear of walking

Cinophobia - The fear of going to bed

Geliophobia - The fear of laughter

Linonophobia - The fear of string (but string is fun!)

Omphalophobia - The fear of belly buttons (i wonder about this one...)

Scriptophobia - The fear of writing in public(how did u get through school?)

Sinistrophobia - The fear of left-handed people

Trichopathophobia - The fear of hair

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words (kinda ironic)

Panophobia- Fear of everything

Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body

Chromatophobia- Fear of colors

Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down

Geliophobia- Fear of laughter

Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom

Turophobia- Fear of cheese

Lachanophobia - Fear of vegetables. (half of kids would use this as an excuse...)

Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of your mouth (odd...)

Unatractiphobia - Fear of ugly people. (how nice)

Pogonophobia - Fear of beards. (What about Santa Claus?)

Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity.

Didaskaleinophobia - Fear of going to school. (I'm going to use this one)

Sitophobia or Sitiophobia - Fear of food or eating (How do they survive?)

Japanohpobia- The fear of Japanese people (Why would people fear them?)

Phobophobia - fear of having a phobia (okay, this one is messed up)

Scopophobia - fear of being looked at or stared at. (depends on who is staring)

Haptephobia - fear of being touched.

Chorophobia - fear of dancing. (The dancers can be scary...)

Olfactophobia - fear of smells.

Decidophobia - fear of making decisions

Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers (I can't stop laughing)

Homichlophobia- Fear of fog. (odd)

Phobos is very proud of the following:

Ablutophobia - Fear of washing or bathing. Acarophobia - Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching. Acerophobia - Fear of sourness. Achluophobia - Fear of darkness. Acousticophobia - Fear of noise. Aeroacrophobia - Fear of open high places. Aeronausiphobia - Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness. Aerophobia - Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airborne noxious substances. Agliophobia - Fear of pain. Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place. Fear of crowds. Agraphobia - Fear of sexual abuse. Agrizoophobia - Fear of wild animals. Agyrophobia - Fear of streets or crossing the street. Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects. Ailurophobia - Fear of cats. Albuminurophobia - Fear of kidney disease. Alektorophobia - Fear of chickens. Algophobia - Fear of pain. Alliumphobia - Fear of garlic. Allodoxaphobia - Fear of opinions. Altophobia - Fear of heights. Amathophobia - Fear of dust. Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car. Ambulophobia - Fear of walking. Amnesiphobia - Fear of amnesia. Amychophobia - Fear of scratches or being scratched. Anablephobia - Fear of looking up. Ancraophobia - Fear of wind. Androphobia - Fear of men. Anemophobia - Fear of air drafts or wind. Anemophobia - Fear of wind. Anginophobia - Fear of angina, choking of narrowness. Anglophobia - Fear of England, English culture, ect. Angrophobia - Fear of becoming angry.

Ankylophobia - Fear of immobility of a joint. Anthophobia - Fear of flowers. Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers. Anthropophobia - Fear of people of society. Antlophobia - Fear of floods. Anuptaphobia - Fear of staying single. Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity. Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched. Apiphobia - Fear of bees. Apotemnophobia - Fear of persons with amputations. Arachibutyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. Arachnephobiba - Fear of spiders. Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders. Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers. Arrhenophobia - Fear of men. Arsonphobia - Fear of fire. Ashenophobia - Fear of fainting or weakness. Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning. Astrapophobia - Fear of thunder and lightning. Astrophobia - Fear of stars and celestial space. Asymmetriphobia - Fear of asymmetrical things. Ataxiophobia - Fear of ataxia (muscular incoordination) Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness. Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection. Atephobia - Fear of ruin or ruins. Athazagoraphobia - Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting. Atomosophobia - Fear of atomic explosions. Atychiphobia - Fear of failure. Aulophobia - Fear of flutes. Aurophobia - Fear of gold. Auroraphobia - Fear of Northern Lights. Autodysomophobia - Fear that one has a vile odor. Automatonophobia - Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues-anything that falsely represents a sentient being. Automysophobia - Fear of being dirty. Autophobia - Fear of being alone or of oneself. Aviatophobia - Fear of flying. Aviophobia - Fear of flying.

Bacillophobia - Fear of microbes Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria. Balenephobia - Fear of pins and needles. Ballistophobia - Fear of missles or bullets. Barophobia - Fear of gravity. Basiphobia - Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling. Basophobia - Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling. Bathophobia - Fear of depth. Batonophobia - Fear of plants. Batophobia - Fear of heights or being close to high buildings. Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc. Bibliophobia - Fear of books. Blennophobia - Fear of slime. Bogyphobia - Fear of bogies or the bogeyman. Bolshephobia - Fear of Bulsheviks. Bromidrophobia - Fear of body smells. Bromidrosiphobia - Fear of body smells. Brontophobia - Fear of thunder and lightning. Bufonophobia - Fear of toads.

Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness. Cainophobia - Fear of newness, novelty. Cainotophobia - Fear of newness, novelty. Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women. Cancerophobia - Fear of cancer. Carcinophobia - Fear of cancer. Cardiophobia - Fear of the heart. Carnophobia - Fear of meat. Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed. Catapedaphobia - Fear of jumping from high and low places. Cathisophobia - Fear of sitting. Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors. Cenophobia - Fear of new things or ideas. Centophobia - Fear of new things or ideas. Ceraunophobia - Fear of thunder. Chaetophobia - Fear of hair. Cheimaphobia - Fear of cold. Cheimatophobia - Fear of cold. chemophobia - Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals. Cherophobia - Fear of gaiety. Chionophobia - Fear of snow. Chiraptophobia - Fear of being touched. Cholerophobia - Fear of anger or the fear of cholera. Chorophobia - Fear of dancing. Chrematophobia - Fear of money. Chromatophobia - Fear of colors. Chrometophobia - Fear of money. Chromophobia - Fear of colors. Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks. Chronophobia - Fear of time. Cibophobia - Fear of food. Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces. Cleisiophobia - Fear of being locked in an enclosed place. Cleithrophobia - Fear of being enclosed.,brCleithrophobia - Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.,brCleptophobia - Fear of stealing. Climacophobia - Fear of stairs, climbing or of falling downstairs. Clinophobia - Fear of going to bed. Clithrophobia - Fear of being enclosed. Cnidophobia - Fear of strings. Coimetrophobia - Fear of cemeteries. Coitophobia - Fear of coitus. Cometophobia - Fear of comets. Contreltophobia - Fear of sexual abuse. Coprastasophobia - Fear of constipation. Coprophobia - Fear of feces. Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns. Counterphobia - The preference by a phobic for fearful situations. Cremnophobia - Fear of precipices. Cryophobia - Fear fo extreme cold, ice or frost. Crystallophobia - Fear of crystals or glass. Cyberphobia - Fear of computers or working on a computer. Cyclophobia - Fear of bicycles. Cymophobia - Fear of waves or wave like motions. Cynophobia - Fear of dogs or rabies. Cyprianophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease. Cypridophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease. Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease. Cypriphobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease.

Daemonophobia - Fear of demons. Decidophobia - Fear of making decisions. Defecaloesiphobia - Fear of painful bowels movements. Deipnophobia - Fear of dining and dinner conversation. Dematophobia - Fear of skin lesions. Dementophobia - Fear of insanity. Demonophobia - Fear of demons. Demophobia - Fear of crowds. Dendrophobia - Fear of trees. Dentophobia - Fear of dentist. Dermatophathophobia - Fear of skin disease. Dermatophobia - Fear of skin disease. Dermatosiophobia - Fear of skin disease. Dextrophobia - Fear of objects at the right side of the body. Diabetophobia - Fear of diabetes. Didaskaleinophobia - Fear of going to school. Diderodromophobia - Fear of trains, railroads or train travel. Dikephobia - Fear of justice. Dinophobia - Fear of dizziness or whirlpools. Diplophobia - Fear of double vision. Dipsophobia - Fear drinking. Dishabiliophobia - Fear of undressing in front of someone. Domatophobia - Fear of houses or being in a home. Doraphobia - Fear of fur or skins of animals .Dromophobia - Fear of crossing streets. Dutchphobia - Fear of the Dutch. Dysmorphophobia - Fear of deformity. Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.

Ecclesiophobia - Fear of church. Ecophobia - Fear of home. Eicophobia - Fear of home surroundings. Eisoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror. Electrophobia - Fear of electricity. Eleutherophobia - Fear of freedom. Elurophobia - Fear of cats. Emetophobia - Fear of vomiting. Enetophobia - Fear of pins. Enissophobia - Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism. Enochlophobia - Fear of crowds. Enosiophobia - Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism. Entomophobia - Fear of insects. Eosophobia - Fear of dawn or daylight. Epistaxiophobia - Fear of nosebleeds. Epistemphobia - Fear of knowledge. Equinophobia - Fear of hourse. Eremophobia - Fear of being oneself or of lonliness. Ereuthophobia - Fear of redlights. Fear of blushing. Fear of red. Ereuthrophobia - Fear of blushing. Ergasiophobia - Fear of work or functioning. Surgeon's fear of operating. Ergophobia - Fear of work. Erythrophobia - Fear of redlights. Fear of blushing. Fear of red. Erytophobia- Fear of redlights. Fear of blushing. Fear of red. Euphobia - Fear of hearing good news. Eurotophobia - Fear of female genitalia.

Febriphobia - Fear of fever. Felinophobia - Fear of cats. Fibriophobia - Fear of fever. Fibriphobia - Fear of fever. Francophobia - Fear of France, French culture.

Galeophobia - Fear of cats. Galiophobia - Fear of France, French culture. Gallophobia - Fear of France, French culture. Gamophobia - Fear of marriage. Gatophobia - Fear of cats. Geliophobia - Fear of laughter. Geniophobia - Fear of chins. Genophobia - Fear of sex. Genuphobia - Fear of knees. Gephydrophobia - Fear of crossing bridges. Gephyrophobia - Fear of crossing bridges. Gephysrophobia - Fear of crossing bridges. Gerascophobia - Fear of growing old. Germanophobia - Fear of Germany, German culture, etc. Gerontophobia - Fear of old people or of growing old. Geumaphobia - Fear of taste. Geumophobia - Fear of taste.Gnosiophobia - Fear of knowledge. Graphophobia - Fear of writing or handwritting. Gymnophobia - Fear of nudity. Gynephobia - Fear of women. Gynophobia - Fear of women.

Hadephobia - Fear of hell. Hagiophobia - Fear of saints or holy things. Hamartophobia - Fear of sinning. Haphephobia - Fear of being touched. Haptephobia - Fear of being touched. Harpaxophobia - Fear of being robbed. Hedonophobia - Fear of feeling pleasure. Heliophobia - Fear of the sun. Hellenologophobia - Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology. Helminthophobia - Fear of being infested with worms. Hemaphobia - Fear of blood. Hematophobia - Fear of blood. Hemophobia - Fear of blood. Hereiophobia - Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation. Heresyphobia - Fear of challenges to official doctrine or radical deviation. Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things. Heterophobia - Fear of the opposite sex. Hierophobia - Fear of priest or sacred things. Hippophobia - Fear of horses. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words. Hobophobia - Fear of bums or beggars. Hodophobia - Fear of road travel. Homichlophobia - Fear of fog. Homilophobia - Fear of sermons. Hominophobia - Fear of men. Homophobia - Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual. Hoplophobia * Fear of firearms. Hormephobia - Fear of shock. Hydrargyophobia - Fear of mercuial medicines. Hydrophobia - Fear of water of of rabies. Hydrophobophobia - Fear or rabies. Hyelophobia - Fear of glass. Hygrophobia - Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture. Hylephobia - Fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy. Hylophobia - Fear of forests. Hynophobia - Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized. Hypegiaphobia - Fear of responsibility. Hypengyophobia - Fear of responsibility. Hypsiphobia - Fear of height.

Iatrophobia - Fear of going to the doctor or doctors. Ichthyophobia - Fear of fish. Ideophobia - Fear of ideas. Illyngophobia - Fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down. insectophobia - fear of insects. Iophobia - Fear of poison. Isolophobia - Fear of solitude, being alone. Isopterophobia - Fear of termites, insects that eat wood. Ithyphallophobia - Fear of seeing, thinking about, or having an erect penis.

Japanophobia - Fear of Japanese. Judeophobia - Fear of Jews.

Kainolophobia - Fear of novelty. Kainophobia - Fear of anything new, novelty. Kakorrhaphiophobia - Fear of failure or defeat. Katagelophobia - Fear of ridicule. Kathisophobia - Fear of sitting down. Kenophobia - Fear of voids or empty spaces. Keraunophobia - Fear of thunder and lightning. Kinesophobia - Fear of movement or motion. Kinetophobia - Fear of movement or motion. Kleptophobia - Fear of movement or motion. Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms. Kolpophobia - Fear of genitals, particulary female. Koniophobia - Fear of dust. Kopophobia - Fear of fatigue. Kosmikophobi - Fear of cosmic phenomenon. Kymophobia - Fear of waves. Kynophobia - Fear of rabies. Kyphophobia - Fear of stooping.

Lachanophobia - Fear of vegitables. Laliophobia - Fear of speaking. Lalophobia - Fear of speaking. Lepraphobia - Fear of leprosy. Leprophobia - Fear of leprosy. Leukophobia - Fear of the color white. Levophobia - Fear of things to the left side of the body. Ligyrophobia - Fear of loud noises. Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes. Limnophobia - Fear of lakes. Linonophobia - Fear of string. Liticaphobia - Fear of lawsuits. Lockiophobia - Fear fo childbirth. Logizomechanophobia - Fear of computers. Logophobia - Fear of words. Luiphobia - Fear of lues, syphillis. Lutraphobia - Fear of otters. Lygophobia - Fear of darkness. Lysssophobia - Fear of rabies or of becoming mad.

Macrophobia - Fear of long waits. Mageirocophobia *- Fear of cooking. Maieusiophobia - Fear of childbirth. Malaxophobia - Fear of love play. Maniaphobia - Fear of insanity. Mastigophobia - Fear of punishment. Mechanophobia - Fear of machines. Medomalacuphobia - Fear of losing an erection. Medorthophobia - Fear of an erect penis. Megalophobia - Fear of large things. Melanophobia - Fear of the color black. Melissophobia - Fear of bees. Melophobia - Fear of hatred or music. Meningitiophobia - Fear of brain disease. Merinthophobia - Fear of being bound or tied up. Mertophobia - Fear or hatred of poetry. Metallophobia - Fear of metal. Metathesiophobia - Fear of changes. Meterorophobia - Fear of Meteors. Methyphobia - Fear of alcohol. Microbiophobia - Fear of microbes. Microphobia - Fear of small things. Misophobia - Fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs. Mnemophobia - Fear of memories. Molysmophobia - Fear of dirt or contamination. Molysomophobia - Fear of dirt or contamination. Monopathophobia - Fear of difinite disease. Monophobia - Fear of solitude or being alone. Monophobia - Fear of menstruation. Motorphobia - Fear of automobiles. Mottophobia - Fear of moths. Murophobia - Fear of mice. Musophobia - Fear of mice. Mycophobia - Fear or aversion to mushrooms. Mycrophobia - Fear of small things. Myctophobia - Fear of darkness. Myrmecophobia - Fear of ants. Mysophobia - Fear of germs or contamination or dirt. Mythophobia - Fear of myths or stories or false statements. Myxophobia - Fear of slime.

Namatophobia - Fear of names. Nebulaphobia - Fear of fog. Necrophobia - Fear of death or or dead things. Nelophobia - Fear of glass. Neopharmaphobia - Fear of new drugs. neophobia - Fear of anything new. Nephophobia - Fear of clouds. Noctiphobia - Fear of the night. Nosemaphobia - Fear of becoming ill. Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals. Nosophobia - Fear of becoming ill. Nostophobia - Fear of returning home. Novercaphobia - Fear of your step-mother. Nucleomituphobia - Fear of nuclear weapons. Nudophobia - Fear of nudity. Numerophobia - Fear of numbers. Nyctohlophobia - Fear of dark wooded areas, of forest at night. Nyctophobia - Fear of the dark or of the night.

Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight. Ochlophobia - Fear of crowds or mobs. Ochophobia - Fear of vehicles. Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8. Odontophobia - Fear of teeth or dental surgery. Odynephobia - Fear of pain. Odynophobia - Fear of pain. Oenophobia - Fear of wines. Oikophobia - Fear of home surroundings, house. Oikophobia - Fear of houses or being in a house. Oikophobia - Fear of home surroundings. Olfactophobia - Fear of smells. Ombrophobia - Fear of rain or being rained on. Ommatophobia - Fear of eyes. Ommetaphobia - Fear of eyes. Oneirogmophobia - Fear of wet dreams. Oneirophobia - Fear of dreams. Onomatophobia - Fear of hearing a certain word or names. Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes. Opthalmophobia - Fear of being stared at. Optophobia - Fear of opening one's eyes. Ornithophobia - Fear of birds. Orthophobia - Fear of property. Osmophobia - Fear of smells or odors. Osphesiophobia - Fear of smells or odors. Ostraconophobia - Fear of shellfish. Ouranophobia - Fear of heaven.

Pagophobia - Fear of ice or frost. Panophobia - Fear of everything. Panthophobia - Fear of suffering and disease. Pantophobia - Fear of everything. Papaphobia - Fear fo the Pope. Papyrophobia - Fear of paper. Paralipophobia - Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility. Paraphobia - Fear of sexual perversion. Parasitophobia - Fear of parasites. Paraskavedekatriaphobia - Fear of Friday the 13th. Parthenophobia - Fear of virgins or young girls. Parturiphobia - Fear of childbirth. Pathophobia - Fear of disease. Patroiophobia - Fear of heredity. Peccatophobia - Fear of sinning. (imaginary crime) Pediculophobia - Fear of lice. Pediophobia - Fear of dolls. Pedophobia - Fear of children. Peladophobia - Fear of bald people. Pellagrophobia - Fear of pellagra. Peniaphobioa - Fear of poverty. Pentheraphobia - Fear of mother-in-law. Phagophobia - Fear of swallowing or eating or of being eaten. Phalacrophobia - Fear of becoming bald. Phallophobia - Fear of penis, esp erect. Pharmacophobia - Fear of taking medicine. Pharmacophobia - Fear of drugs. Phasmophobia - Fear of ghost. Phengophobia - Fear of daylight or sunshine. Philemaphobia - Fear of kissing. Philematophobia - Fear of kissing. Philophobia - Fear of falling in love or being in love. Philosophobia - Fear of philosophy. Phobophobia - Fear of phobias. Phonophobia - Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones. Photoaugliaphobia - Fear of glaring lights. Photophobia - Fear of light. Phronemophobia - Fear of thinking. Phthiriophobia - Fear of lice. Phthisiophobia - Fear of tuberculosis. Placophobia - Fear of tombstones. Plutophobia - Fear of wealth. Pluviophobia - Fear of rain or of being rained on. Pneumatiphobia - Fear of spirits. Pnigerophobia - Fear of choking or of being smothered. Pnigophobia - Fear of choking or of being smothered. Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight. Pocresophobia - Fear of gaining weight. Pogonophobia - Fear of beards. Poinephobia - Fear of punishment. Poliosophobia - Fear of contracting poliomyelitis. Politicophobia - Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians. Polyphobia - Fear of many things. Ponophobia - Fear of overworking or of pain. Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple. Potamophobia - Fear of rivers or running water. Potophobia - Fear of alcohol. Proctophobia - Fear or rectum. Prosophobia - Fear of progress. Psellismophobia - Fear of stuttering. Psychophobia - Fear of mind. Psychrophobia - Fear of cold. Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying. Pteronophobia - Fear of being tickled by feathers. Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets. Pyrexiophobia - Fear of fever. Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.

Radiophobia - Fear of radiation, x-rays. Ranidaphobia - Fear of frogs. Rectophobia - Fear of rectum or rectal diseases. Rhabdophobia - Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic. (wand) Rhypophobia - Fear of defecation. Rhytiphobia - Fear of getting wrinkles. Rupophobia - Fear of dirt. Russophobia - Fear of Russians.

Samhainophobia - Fear of Halloween. Sarmassophobia - Fear of love play. Sarmassophobia - Fear of love play. Satanophobia - Fear of Satin. Scabiophobia - Fear of scabies. Scatophobia - Fear of fecal matter. Scelerophobia - Fear of bad men, burglars. Sciaphobia - Fear of shadows. Sciophobia - Fear of shadows. Scoionophobia - Fear of school. Scoleciphobia - Fear of worms. Scopophobia - Fear of being seen or stared at. Scoptophobia - Fear of being seen or stared at. Scotomaphobia - Fear of blindness in visual field. Scotophobia - Fear of darkness. Scriptophobia - Fear of writing in public. Selaphobia - Fear of light flashes. Selenophobia - Fear of the moon. Seplophobia - Fear of decaying matter. Sesquipedalophobia - Fear of long words. Sexophobia - Fear of the opposit sex. Sexophobia - Fear of the opposite sex. Siderophobia - Fear of stars. Sinistrophobia - Fear of things to the left, left-handed. Sinophobia - Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture. Sitiophobia - Fear of food. Sitiophobia - Fear of food or eating. Sitophobia - Fear of food or eating. Sitophobia - Fear of food. Snakephobia - Fear of snakes. Soceraphobia - Fear of parents-in-law. Social Phobia - Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations. Sociophobia - Fear of society or people in general. Somniphobia - Fear of sleep. Sophophobia - Fear of learning. Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others. Spacephobia - Fear of outer space. Spectrophobia - Fear of specters or ghosts. Spermatophobia - Fear of germs. Spermophobia - Fear of germs. Spheksophobia - Fear of wasps. Stasibasiphobia - Fear fo standing or walking. Stasiphobia - Fear of standing or walking. Staurophobia - Fear of crosses or the crucifix. Stenophobia - Fear of narrow things or places. Stigiophobia - Fear of hell. Stygiophobia - Fear of hell. Suriphobia - Fear of mice. Symbolophobia - Fear of symbolism. Symmetrophobia - Fear of symmetry. Syngenesophobia - Fear of relatives. Syphilophobia - Fear of syphilis.

Tachophobia - Fear of speed. Taeniophobia - Fear of tapeworms. Teniophobia - Fear of tapeworms. Taphephobia - Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries. Taphophobia - Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries. Tapinophobia - Fear of being contagious. Taurophobia - Fear of bulls. Technophobia - Fear of technology. Teleophobia - Fear fo difinite plans. Fear of Religious ceremony. Telephonophobia - Fear of telephones. Teratophobia - Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people. Testaphobia - Fear of taking test. Tetanophobia - Fear of lockjaw, tetnus. Teutophobia - Fear of German or German things. Textophobia - Fear of certain fabrics. Thaasophobia - Fear of sitting. Thalassophobia - Fear of the sea. Thanatophobia - Fear of death or dying. Thantophobia - Fear of death or dying. Theatrophobia - Fear of theaters. Theophobia - Fear of gods or religion. Theologicophobia - Fear of theology. Thermophobia - Fear of heat. Tocophobia Fear of pregnancy or childbirth. Tomophobia - Fear of surgical operations. Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder. Topophobia - Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright. Toxiphobia - Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned. Toxophobia - Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned. Toxicophobia - Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned. Traumatophobia - Fear of injury. Tremophobia - Fear of trembling. Trichinophobia - Fear of trichinosis. Trichopathophobia - Fear of hair. Trichophobia - Fear of hair. Hypertrichophobia - Fear of hair. Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13. Tropophobia - Fear of moving or making changes. Trypanophobia - Fear of injections. Tuberculophobia - Fear of tuberculosis. Tyrannophobia - Fear of tyrants.

Uranophobia - Fear of heaven. Urophobia - Fear of urine or urinating.

Vaccinophobia - Fear of vaccination. Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women. Verbophobia - Fear of words. Verminophobia - Fear of germs. Vestiphobia - Fear of clothing. Virginitiphobia - Fear of rape. Vitricophobia - Fear of step-father.

Walloonphobia - Fear of Walloons. Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.

Xanthophobia - Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow. Xenophobia - Fear of strangers or foreigners. Xerophobia - Fear of dryness. Xylophobia - Fear of wooden objects. Forests.

Zelophobia - Fear of jealousy. Zeusophobia - Fear of God or gods. Zemmiphobia - Fear of the great mole rat. Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

CREEPY!:

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION- RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES- LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS NO MORE ZS

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

This has got to be one of the cleverest brainteasers I've seen in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION - RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

RANDOM FACTS THAT ARE GREAT TIME-WASTERS:

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow. (Bet you already knew this or you decided to try it out. For all y'all who did: Do you believe me now?)

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over theU.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration ofIndependence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

9 Things I Really Hate-

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where is yours?

2 People who are willing to get off their but to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why in the world would you keep looking after you've found it?

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the freak?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I still be standing here? I don't think so.

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. Best friends Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.

Great comebacks:

If someone you hate asks you this: "How much do you hate me?"

YOU respond: "Im not allowed to use that kind of language."

If someone you like asks you this: "Do you like me?"

YOU respond: "Good question!" then walk away.

If someone really mean says this: "Your really bad at *insert something here*

YOU respond: Yes. yes i am. (it totally works!)

If someone asks you something and you didnt hear them..

YOU shrug your shoulders! works for everything.

If your late to class and your teacher asks: "Why are you late?"

YOU respond: "I was fighting Aliens in the 4th dimension when one of their cheese rays blew one of the tires on my space jeep and I had to stop and get it changed on my way here. There was also a HUGE line for the popcorn."

if you put your name on the bottom of all your school papers instead of on the NAME line for a week and your teacher gets irratated and asks this: "Why cant you just put it up on the line that says NAME instead of making me look for it? its easier."

YOU respond: yeah but its TOO easy.

90% of people marry their 7th-12th grade love. Since u have read this u will receive good news 2night. If u dont post this on nine status your worst week starts now.

1) i need to tell you a secret. go to 5

2) the answer is... go to 11

3) dont get angry. go to 15

4) calm down don't get frustrated. go to 13

5) first go to 2

6) dont be angry just go to 12

7) i just wanted to say hi

8) what i wanted to tell you is...is on 14

9) Be patient and go to 4

10) this is the last time im going to send u to a number. go to 7

11) i hope ur not annoyed when i say this...but go to 6

12) sorry out of order. go to 8

13) don't get mad just yet...go to 10

14) i dont know how to say this but... go to 3

15) You must be really bored so go to 9

IF YOU WERE ANNOYED OR LIKED IT, COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE!!!!

Friends vs. Best Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shirt and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd home that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella when it's raining. BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and yell "RUN GIRL RUN!!"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "We screwed up again."

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!!

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Real Headlines:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says ( Ya think? )

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over ( What a guy!)

Miners Refuse to Work after Death ( No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (See if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace ( I can see where it might have that effect!)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile (Ya think?!)

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (Who would have thought!)

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (They may be on to something!)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? )

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge (He probably IS the battery charge!)

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (Weren't they fat enough?!)

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (That's what he gets for eating those beans!)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Do they taste like chicken?)

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Boy, are they tall!)

And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

(Did I read that right?)

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em

If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em

If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em

If you can't kill 'em, your screwed

Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about global warming. Karmas a * , Sincerely, The Titanic.

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.

Reply from dad... Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad

A mother sees how untidy her son, Jamie leaves his room. So she leaves him a letter pretending it was by the room.

Dear Jamie, I am so untidy. Please clean me. -Sincerely Your Room

Jamies mother sees how tidy Jamies room is and then sees a letter on the bed. It said:

Dear Room, I cleaned you, so if you need anything else. Just ask. Sincerely Jamie PS: You are starting to sound like Mom!

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.

Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.

I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

Dear Facebook, They will soon abandon you as well, don't feel bad about it. Sincerely, Myspace.

Dear Diary: Ohio Winters:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ohio . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ohio. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnif icent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white * coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. @ss-hole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of * into fireplace wood when I had the chance.

March 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow *.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Ohio

January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….. Helllloooo!!!…….bottles won’t fit in printer !!!

March Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….. box said “2-4 years!”

April Trapped on escalator for hours …. power went out!!!

May Tried to make Kool-Aid….wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June Tried to go water skiing…….couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August Got locked out of my car in rain storm…. car swamped because soft-top was open.

September The capital of California is “C”….isn’t it???

October Hate M & M’s….they are so hard to peel.

November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December Couldn’t call 911 …… “duh”…..there’s no “eleven” Button on the stupid phone!!!

Blonde Cookbook

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, 'OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?'Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, 'The one in the middle.'The young man is astounded. 'How in the world did you figure it out?''Easy,' she says. 'I don't like her.'

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.Bob has been missing since Friday.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from a cop in the woods. They find 3 potato sacks and each jump into one. The cop kicks the potato sack with the brunette in it, and she says "Meow, Meow" and the cop says "Oh, it's just a cat." he kicks the potato sack with the redhead in it and she says "Woof Woof" and he says "Oh, it's just a dog." he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she says "Poootaaatooo"

3 blond guys are stranded on an island. they find a genie and he says he'll give them each a wish. the 1st blond man asks to be a little bit smarter than he already is, so the genie changes him into a redhead, and he swims back home. the second blond guy wishes he would be a little bit smarter than the first guy, so the genie changes him into a brunette and he builds a raft and floats home. The 3rd blond guy asks to be the smartest of them all, so the genie turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places

Boss: You got your hair cut on company time. Susie: It grew on company time. Boss: Not all that hair. Susie: I didn't get it all cut.

Teacher: Johnny, say 4 phrases Johnny: I dont know any Teacher: Then go home tonight and ask your parents

At home when he came in he went to his little brother. He was being fed brocolli.

Johnny: Tell me a phrase! Brother: I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!

Johnny went to his older sisters room. She was talking on the phone with her BFF

Johnny: Tell me a phrase Sister: I think he really likes me! We kissed!

Then he went to the living room. His dad was watching T.V.

Johnny: Tell me a phrase Dad: Fiiine you big butt (it was on the T.V. channel)

And finally, he went to his older brothers room, who was playing video games and talking on his cellphone

Johnny: Tell me a phrase Brother: im gonna say "take that you big fat retarded alligator!"

Next day little johnny goes to school

Teacher: Tell me your 4 phrases!

Johnny: I dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna!

Teacher:You're going to go to the principles office!

Johnny: I think he really likes me! We kissed!

Teacher:Don't sass me! Now go to the principles office and say these exact words: "im a bad kid! I deserve detention! I backsass my teacher!"

Johnny: fiiiine you big butt!

Teacher: That was the last straw! Immediatly march to the principles office! And tell him what i told you to say! Now what are you going to say?

Johnny: Im gonna say "take that you big fat retarded alligator!

Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Minnesota.

Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching.After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.The police officer having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence that the man consumed alcohol at all!Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken.""I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

THEY WERE HAVING AN AUDITION FOR THE IDANA JONES MOVIE AND A FEW BRUNETTES AUDITION THE JUDGES ASKED THEM HOW MANY "Ds" are in Indiana Jones the all said 1 then a blonde audition and they asked her the same question she waited a few minutes and the started to count with her fingers then finally she replies 16 they asked her how she got that number she replied dadadadada dada dadad ( Indiana Jones theme song lol) Stopped by the police

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

23.TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE:

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!

7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. WORLD DOMINATION! And the dark side is sooo much better than the good side!

9.you get to wear a white lab coat (ooh la la)

10.you can access our stock of cool evil gadgets (aka a blender and toaster.)

11.you get to wear tall black shiny boots and a black shiny belt (NO SUSPENERS! WE'RE NOT FIREFIGHTERS OR PEOPLE WHOSE PANTS FALL DOWN!)

12.you get to wear creepy masks

13. key word: POWER you get lots of it

14.all of the black capes have cool inside pockets to hold my secret bunny collection. did i just say that out loud?

15.we get a vacation unlike the jedi's

16.we can do dangerous things like sky diving or eating chili or sunbathing(though it is hard to sunbathe when you are wearing black)

17.we get to order our minons around

18.when no one is looking, we have funny faces contests

19.we love to mix stuff in the blenders and dare each other to drink it

20.sometimes, we hijack the tv studios and make our own commercials

21.HOT BAD GUYS!!!

22.you get to act stupid any time and people are too afraid to laugh at you

If Life gives you lemons...

When life gives you apples say: Oi! What happened to the lemons?

"When life gives you lemons, build a lemonade stand and make lemonade. Then use the profits of your lemonade business to buy a machine gun. Let's see if life makes the same mistake twice"

"When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in his eye"

"When life gives you lemons, grab them and eat them before he descides to take them back"

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Where does life get all these lemons?

Unless life gives you water and sugar with those lemons, your lemonade's gonna stink.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade while Chuck Norris beats him up, cause that was the deal.

Something to think about: If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Oh, deep, I know.

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Keep smiling; it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who would we laugh at?

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

It’s retarded it’s ridiculous it’s re-dic-u-tard-ed.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky escalator = endless fun

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!

I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyways.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

There's no place like home . . . but Wal-mart's close.

You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their own way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

You're a great friend, but if zombies chase us . . . I'm tripping you.

So many stupid people, so little duct tape.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you please run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities, and none of them like you.

I don't understand white crayons! Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.

- I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...

- When in doubt, make up words!

- All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.

- I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

- Music is like candy: You throw away the (w)rappers.

- WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

- Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

- I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OOH, LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

- Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

Come to the dark side, we have good life insurance!

Have you ever noticed how lol looks like someone drowning? But this makes it look like they are drowning and getting chased by a shark -lol

Opens mailbox and skims through mail* "Junk...junk...junk...coupon...ooo they're having a sale at Bob's Buffalo Buffet...junk...junk...UGH! I joined the dark side years ago! Why do they keep sending me brochures!" *Throws down mail and stomps inside then runs back out* "I almost forgot my coupon!"

Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7

Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Impossible, Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater. Sincerely, SpongeBob

I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!

Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing

I have a gun!... would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder. Hey, I'm the one that pushed you!

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

"Diamonds are a girls best friend...because they're shaper then knives."

"Boys are like lava lamps fun to look at, but not very bright."

I took the road less traveled... NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I?

Always forgive your enemies: Nothing annoys them more

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. I think its Collin.

Remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me

Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies.

My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious.

if you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'!

OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!

let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook.

yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.

warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.!

I don't obsess, I think intensely!

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."

"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. (XDDD)

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I do not deny everything.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.

Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less

Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

The road to success is always under construction.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape

Life's tough...Get a helmet

I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!

SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...

If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends

Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do

Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain

Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!

"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."

Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

An atheist is a person who believes in not believing anything.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public

Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

If you think about it, Benjamin Franklin is sort of stupid. Who goes outside and flies a kite with a key on it in a thunder storm? That's like writing your will before you're born!

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Life is hard compared to what?

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out?

If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Was today really necessary?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. (That would be so gross...)

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Stressed is Desserts backwards :)

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I am in shape...round is a shape.

I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?!

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

Questions to Ponder...

Why can pizza get to your house faster then an ambulance?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

Where's the good in goodbye?

Why are they called apartments when they all stick together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Am I the only one who finds it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

When the guy first discovered milk...what do you think he was doing?

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people.

333: Only half evil.

Common sense is so rare these day, it should be classified as a super power.

Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.

I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too, but the possibilites are endless!

D.A.A.D.-Dads Against Daughters Dating: Shoot the first one and word will spread.

Don't grow up: It's a trap!

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Does wine count as a serving of fruit?

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says (W)ednesday (T)hursday (F)riday!

Bipolar-:(:

I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.

I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.

Future Trophy Wife

Hangovers: A way of saying, " You kicked ass last night!

Grammar: The difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts.

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Don't blame me, I was born awesome!

I couldn't help but notice that...AwesoME ends with "Me" and Ugly starts with "U"!

Always give 100%;unless you're donating blood.

Beer is the answer, but I can't remember the question.

Good girls just never get caught.

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

Every great idea I have gets me in trouble.

Calm down, take a deep breath, and hold it for about 20 minutes.

All men are idiots; I married their king!

I did not mean to offend you: that was just a bonus.

Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel. I like you.

Does this shirt make me look drunk?

After exercising, I always eat pizza. Just kidding...I don't exercise.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everybody else.

Blondes have more fun...but brunettes can read!

An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown had enough.

Drink like a champion today.

I brought sexy back.

Danger: Women drinking.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I'm a bitch!

Do Not Disturb: I'm disturbed enough already.

I believe everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.

A friend will help you move, but a real friend will help you move a body!

I can't wait to procrastinate!

Free Contradictions: $2.00

Buy me another beer: you're still ugly.

Dear Lord: If you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!

Allergic to stupid people.

Hot girls drink beer!

Good things come to those who go out and earn them!

For a good time, just add beer!

Buy me things and I'll be nicer.

A B C D E F G H I J K ELEMENO P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I can do all those things your boyfriend can't.

Guess where I'm pierced?

Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.

Exaggerators Anonymous: A trillion strong and growing!

Certified Whack Off Material.

Admitting you're an asshole is the first step.

Don't waste water; shower together.

Face down, ass up: That's the way I like to...tie my shoes.

Get Lucky With An Irish Girl!

I'm actually not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

I hear voices...and they don't like you.

I'm Mom's favorite.

If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur!

I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be.

I know the voices aren't real, but they have some great ideas.

I hate being bipolar. It's awesome!

I'm kind of a big deal.

I used to be a people person...but people ruined that for me.

I should come with a warning label.

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better.

I'd love to explain it to you, but I don't have any crayons.

I'd be unstoppable if not for law enforcement and physics.

I see dumb people.

I. Like. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.

I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm just saying you've got bad luck when it comes to thinking.

If at first you don't succeed, reload your gun and try again.

I keep pressing escape, but I'm still here.

If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just suck.

I love shoes, booze, and boys with tattoos.

I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-stupid.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.

If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.

I'm not childish. You're just a big doody head.

I have a feeling my "Check Liver" light may come on this weekend.

I love the sound you make when you shut up!

I'm not rude, I just say what everyone else is thinking.

I never finish anythi

I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire.

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure!

I'm not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing.

I have sexdaily. I mean, dyslexia!

I'm not cynical. Everything just sucks!

I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, and loud. But I'm fun!

I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.

I'm silently correcting your grammar.

I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister!

I smile because you've all finally driven me insane!

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

I am going to my happy place. Be back soon.

I see no good reason to act my age.

I know I'm not perfect...but I'm so close it's scary.

I used to be f*cking stupid...but then we broke up.

I just want to drink and make bad choices.

I'm multi-talented. I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

If you fall, I'll be there.-Floor

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

If you met MY family, you would understand.

I'm fairly certain "YOLO" is "Carpe Diem" for stupid people.

If you think I'm a BITCH, you should meet my DAUGHTER!

I'm proficient in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.

I'm allergic to stupidity so I break out in sarcasm.

If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

If you can't be a good example, be a warning!

I want you to know that someone out there cares. I don't, but someone does.

If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

I

I feel sorry for people that don't know me.

I taught your boyfriend that thing you like.

I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumb shit.

I'm not getting older, I'm just becoming a classic!

I'm just here to establish an alibi.

I took a pain pill...why are you still here?

I

If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I'd be screwed!

I'm not bossy...I just know what you should be doing.

I feel violated...do it again!

I understand, I just don't care.

I'm an acquired taste.

I live at the corner of Kiss My Ass Avenue and No Friggin Way.

I'm just like you...only smarter and better looking.

If you're awesome and you know it, clap your hands.

I

I'd like to offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.

If you ask me to hold your drink, I will drink it.

If you think I'm a BITCH, you should meet my mother-in-law!

I'm mean because you're stupid!

I'm cooler than anybody here.

I slept with tiger.

I would like to apologize in advance for my behavior tonight.

I'll see you all at my intervention!

If you're this close already...we might as well make out.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

It's ok if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right.

Yet despite the look on my face...you are still talking.

P.E.T.A.-People Eating Tasty Animals

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Sarcastic comment: Loading... Please wait...

Thinking: 70% loaded. Please be patient.

The voices are back. Excellent.

When I was a kid...no, wait, I still do that.

Let's handle this like adults: Rock, paper, or scissors?

My bucket list: 1. Beer 2. Ice

Sarcasm: Because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Only trust people who like big butts...they cannot lie.

You can't fix stupid...not even with duct tape.

Sorry, I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

They tell me I have ADD, they just don't underst...Hey look a chicken!

National Sarcasm Society-Like we need your support!

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

You find it offensive? I find it funny. That's why I'm happier than you.

Yes, I'm single. You're gonna have to be AMAZING to change that.

Sarcasm is just one more free service we offer.

You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions.

Keep calm and don't forget to be awesome.

Well, another day has passed and I didn't use algebra once.

Pretending to be a mature adult is so exhausting.

My headphones are in. Stop talking to me.

Mostly, I just sit around being fantastic all day.

The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest!

Save your breath. You'll need it later to blow up your date.

3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep...the other wants to know if penguins have knees!

People keep thinking that I care. Weird.

Let's not complicate thing with words or feelings.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

I'm sorry, was it my job to fill your life with joy today?

When I was a kid I wanted to be older...this is not what I expected!

Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again!

Karma takes too long, I'd rater just beat the crap out of you now.

Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

Sarcasm: The body's natural defense against stupidity.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Trust me, you can dance.-Alcohol

You look like I need another drink.

This beer is making me awesome.

Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?

Sometimes I pee when I laugh.

Relax, we're all crazy. It's not a competition.

Winey Bitch.

People think I'm too patronizing. That means I talk down to people.

Little Miss Can't Behave

Photoshop: Helping the ugly since 1988.

My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm with.

Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

My family is temperamental. Half temper, half mental.

My eyes are up here...

I'm sorry Honey, I can't hear you without a beer in my hand.

My dream job would be driving the Karma Bus.

I

Warning: You can go blind from my pure awesomeness.

Sarcasm is just one other service I offer.

Words cannot express how much I don't care.

Irish Girls Rock!

Losing faith in humanity, one person at a time.

It's not PMS, it's you!

Three wise men...you can't be serious!

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the Bad Girls live.

Irish Girl: Best Damm drinking buddy a guy could have.

There's no award for stupid, so stop competing!

Yes, I'm evil...but it's the fun kind of evil.

You read my shirt. That's enough social interaction for one day.

Zombies want me for my brain.

You're on my "To Do" list.

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.

I used to have a life but, that was before Fanfiction.

Don't look for inspiration. Start working and inspiration will come to you.

Take risks, if you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise.

There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the heck is happening.

The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then procede to tell you exactly why it isn't.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and dark side, and holds the universe together.

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Doesn't 'expecting the unexpecting' make the unexpected expected?

I do visit reality, although it's only on a tourist visa.

I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.

Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this

Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why

I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

I do visit reality once in a while. Want to see my tourist visa?

Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

Be yourself. That's crazy enough

I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

I'm not random. I just have many bluebird waffles

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

The below statement is true

The above statement is false

In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense

When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why are you so scared?!

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

I know KUNG-FU! And 42 other dangerous words

Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Quick, what's the number for 9-1-1?

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday

Hi! I'm human. What're you?

Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty!

I haven't lost my marbles, they're under my bed somewhere.

Don't take life too seriously -You'll never get out of it alive.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Give me chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours

"DANG-IT!" lol

You're watching tv and when it goes to commercials you forget what you are watching In your bed, its 6 am. You close your eyes for 5 minutes and its 7:45.

At school, its 1:30 pm. You close your eyes for 5 minutes and its 1:30 pm. =D

what's up with that?

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the heck you DID that.

When life gives you lemons, read them and drool.

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time...

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Christmas is the time when you buy presents with the money from next year.

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in America it caught 100, in France 1000, and in Romania, somebody stole the robot.

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

The household cat is really a tiger that has undergone three counseling programs.

Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!

Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.

Forecast for tonight: darkness

If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

-The below statement is true

-The above statement is false

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much

I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah!

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

A good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, idiot?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever (Stole this too)

FRIENDS:calm you down when you're mad
BEST FRIENDS:come up behind you and say..."ooooo somebody's going to get it"
FRIENDS:knock before they come into your house
BEST FRIENDS:walk right in
FRIENDS:wait to be offered something to eat/drink
BEST FRIENDS:help themselves
FRIENDS:talk to you to calm down
BEST FRIENDS:read your diary and laugh at your stupidness
FRIENDS:think you're overreacting after a break-up
BEST FRIENDS:prank call him to say 7 Days...
FRIENDS:bail you outta trouble
BEST FRIENDS:are right next to you saying "LET'S DO IT AGAIN"
FRIENDS:help you study
BEST FRIENDS:let you cheat
FRIENDS:will help you up when you fall
BEST FRIENDS:will laugh,help you up,and then knock you over again.

If you're still reading my profile than I give you a hand (just not my hand), I wouldn't have read this far.

You do realize that if you've read this far, you've given me brief control of your mind. You shall never be the same. Bwaha!

WHY CHILDREN ARE ADORABLE

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

--The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

--One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

--A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

--A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS.

THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross?

THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did.

THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did when mommy and daddy fought he sat next to me behind the couch telling me everything was gonna be alright...

66 of u won't repost this. BUT REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, ''DENY JESUS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER."Repost this IF YOUR NOT ASHAMED. Let God's love spread

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.

VERY TRUE STORY AND LIFE LESSON*
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was
going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy.
TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay.(He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't
there! He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The
teacher agreed and the little girl asked:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yesses (getting tired of the questions by this time).
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yesses
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school,
she must not have one!
"FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT"

Sarcasm

Reality

90% OF TEENS WOULD HAVE A BREAKDOWN IF JUSTIN BEIBER WAS STANDING ON THE EDGE OF A TOWER READY TO JUMP. COPY AND PASTE THIS IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE 10% OF PEOPLE THAT WOULD BRING A LAWN CHAIR AND POPCORN AND SCREAM "JUMP!"

Most teens would suffer a heart attack if they saw somebody burning Twilight Repost this and add your name if you'd be singing campfire songs and toasting marshmallows around it: Ninjakat403, HetaliaSparkleParty, Gir'sdoomsongofdoom, Fluteorwrite, Katnissfire87654, Mellarkfan121, 1pjlover, Hugz Kissez

IMPORTANT- Teenage girls who are NOT in love with Edward Cullen/ Robert Pattison are fast becoming an endangered species. If you are part of this endangered species, copy and paste this in your profile. Quick, we need sponsors!

Some people say they are big readers. That they're so into books it's not funny. However the only way to tell is if they 1.) Suddenly gasp when something exciting happens in the book. 2.) Start talking to the book because that's not how they want the book to go. 3.) Hurl the book across the room when one of their favorite characters dies. Copy and paste this if you are one of these people.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you don't read 800 lines worth of stuff people have copied into their profile, don't copy this.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nintey-six percent of teens won't stand up to God copy and paste this on your profile if your one of the four percent who will

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

COPY THIS ON YOUR PROFILE A guy and a girl were riding on a motorcycle... Girl: slow down i'm scared. Guy: no this is fun. Girl: no it's not please it's way to scary! Guy: then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you now slow down. Guy: now give me a big hug. She gave him a big hug. Guy: can you take off my helmet & put it on yourself? it's bothering me.

-In the newspaper the next day a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for a person you love then copy and paste this on your profile.

"Don't worry, I'm so over him. I honestly don't ca--" he walks by "Oh my gosh, he's gorgeous..."

I didnt fall for him... my best friend pushed me

When you find a real man... Ask him if he has a SINGLE brother!

Him: What time should i ask to be home? Her: Never. Him: Deal. . . think mom'll go for it? Her: If not, i'll kidnap you. Him: Its not kidnapping if i go willingly Her:...pretend to fight me then!

Trying love a second time is like eating a hamburger, throwing it up, and then eating it again.

Girl: your amazing Boy: why's that? Girl: because your the only thing that keeps me sane Boy: really because your the only thing that drives me crazy

Boy: who do you like girl: some guy that doesnt like me boy: well then he is missing out girl: who do you like? Boy: some girl who likes some guy whos missing out

Guys are horrible creatures They break our hearts And never bother to mend it But yet we love them so

Love is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel it's true warmth.

Ohh my, you clearly are oblivious to the fact that your eyes do so much damage.

I love him, oh yes i do.. He's for me and not for you so if by chance you take my place... i'll take my fist and smash your face

Love is a stalker, it just never leaves you alone.

I was sad when i found out that you were taken... but then i saw her and laughed cause she was UGLY!!

They say kissing is the language of love. Care to indulge in a little convo?

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

I didn't fall for you... You tripped me.

We have a communication problem and I don't wanna talk about it.

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you dont but its even harder to pretend you dont love someone when you really do

I just want one guy to come up and say to me "sorry my whole entire gender sucks"

He broke my heart...So I broke his JAW!!

I wish they sold hearts at walmart. I would buy them in bulk so when one gets broken I can shug it off and say it's ok I got more... then I would never feel this pain again. (Cheesy, yes. True? Yes.)

"Guys are like babies, you never really know exactly what they want, but we can make a pretty good guess."

Pass the liquor... the boy is still ugly!

he Said "i love you" and i sneezed and said "ohh sorry;; But im Alergic to :.B.u.l.l.s.h.i.t.

Every time i walk pass you my words jummble into something stupid ...so i come out with somthing like...i like your phone...it's very small..(ackward silence)

I have skittles in my mouth... wanna taste the rainbow?

Virginity is like a bubble, one tiny prick and it's gone.

.heres to the guys that have us.the losers that lost us.& the lucky b-astards that will meet us.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

GUY: you look familiar GIRL:really? GUY:yeah but idk where i saw you GIRL:oh you probably just looked up nerd in the dictionary GUY:More like beautiful

If nothing lasts forever, can i be your nothing?

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks.

When life gives you lemons trade them for guys.

Friends aren't suppose to be jealous when you meet a new guy; they're suppose to ask if they have a brother!

A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.

Girls don't make mistakes, we date them.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

I found this really funny:

Emmet Cullen: Creepier Than You Since 1916

Jasper Hale: More Manipulative Than You Since 1843

Alice Cullen: More Irritating Than You Since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Bigger Bitch Than You Since 1916

Edward Cullen: More of a Pedophilic Rapist-Stalker Than You Since 1901

Bella Swan: More of a Mary Sue Than You Since 1988

You know how Edward knocked up a girl 1/5 his age? Yeah, that's disgusting. Oh, and also physically impossible. 'Cause he's dead. Men don't produce sperm when they're dead.

You know how Jacob made out with Bella against her will? Yeah, that's sexual assault. It's illegal.

You know how Edward followed Bella around and snuck into her bedroom to watch her sleep for several months without her knowledge? Yeah, that's stalking. It's illegal too.

Repost with you screen name if you are not a Twilight fan! Hugz Kissez,

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you THIN,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?

so you're saying that

I'm a loser because I don't want to be popular.

I'm a pansy because I don't ask every guy out.

I'm special because I act silly

in public.

I'm a slut because I actually dance at...dances.

I'm nasty

because I have a single zit on my face.

I'm a hippie because I'm not cool with violence.

I'm a whore because my boyfriend kissed me.

I'm a freak because I don't dress just like you.

I'm a bitch

because I stand up for myself.

I'm a retard when I make a C on a test...

but a nerd

when I make an A, or a B.

I'm anorexic because I forgot my lunch one day.

the next day, I'm fat because I eat all of it.

can I tell you something, sweetheart?

labels don't define me

The Girl you just called fat? She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night.The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There's a lot more to people than you think. Copy and paste this if you're against bullying.

Dear bullies,

See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he Talked His friend out of suicide.

See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.

See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country.

See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor.

The girl you just called fat? She's in a coma after ODing on pills. The girl you just called ugly. She had an allergic reaction after spending hours putting make up on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He was abused at home and just commited suicide. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for his country. You know that guy with one arm? he stood up for a friend. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother has died recently. You never know what it’s like until you walk a mile in their shoes. Trust me

Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs

Re-Post this if u r against bullying. I bet 95% of u won't.

Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour Movie? Why is it so hard to talk about God, but so easy to Gossip? Why are we so bored when we look at a Christian magazine, but find it easy to read Playboy? Why is it so easy to ignore a Godly Facebook Wall Post, yet we repost the Nasty Ones? Why are Churches getting smaller, but Bars and Clubs are growing? Think about it, are you going to repost this? Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you'll get laughed at? Would You Have Read This if it Said... Read This In Gods Name?

95% of girls would sit and cry if Justin Beiber jumped off of the Empire State Building. Copy and Paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a soda and yell, "Do a flip!"

DEAR FLAMERS,

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You're better of dead

Than to have me know you

Love:dark coffee beans,x.X-Pretty 'n Punk-X.x,Anime34Eva96,Uchihablossom0602,NarutoFreak123,Lacy-Chan,Mangafairy101,SparxZenithPrincess27, Hugz Kissez

(If you support this,copy it on your profile and add your name on the list!Lets stop the haters!)

To my Haters: I keep it real and that's a promise. I may be whatever you wanna call me, but at least I'm honest. When I walk by, you stop and glare. Well keep looking, 'Cause I don't care. I have my own life and style. Not trying to please or make you smile. When it comes to competition, your out. So shut your hatin' self and KEEP ME OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!

When u carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

When u open it, he collapses.

When he see's u reading it, he faints.

When he see's u living it, he flees.

And just when your about 2 re-post this, he will try & discourage u.

I just defeated him. Like, Copy, & Paste this if your in God's Army :)

This is for the girls who don’t always win. The girls who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them. The girls that laugh, smile, cry and think all on a daily basis. The girls who love, learn and regret. The girls who may never have it easy. The girls who learn the hard way to live and tell about it. They are the real girls.”

“One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.”

I'm not weird... My reality is just a little different than yours. If you agree, put this on your profile.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you'd rather read than do sports, paste this into your profile.

If you ever pushed a door that says pull, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish you could write with a feather pen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your English teacher ever told you to stop reading in class, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever proved your teacher wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

If talking to yourself is a common thing, copy and paste this into your profile.

93% of american teens would have a severe emotinal break-down if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 that would ask,"What was your first clue?" Then copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are wondering what it would be like to have wings, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it gets strange.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile. I did.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, copy this into your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you aren't, copy this into your profile

If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile.

If you are crazy, odd,not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies, copy and paste this to your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself . So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you frequently have conversations with yourself and/or fictional characters from your favorite books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are a proud shipper of whatever you ship, put this in your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile

If you frequently use words that your spell checker says don't exist, put this in your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

No event is complete without theme music. If you have ever started humming/singing your own theme music, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love looking at profiles that are ridiculously long, copy and paste this on your profile!

If your a copy cat and love to copy things off of other people's profiles, copy and paste this on your profile!

If you think you went overboard with copy and pasting, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If the scroll bar on the side of your screen is so small it cant get any smaller, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If it takes you more than an hour to read your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you think you have copy and pasted everything there is to copy and paste onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If have ever eaten someone else's food without realizing it, copy this into your profile.

if you think girls and boys are equal human beings, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teens have tried smoking pot. If you haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think hair color doesn't determine how smart you are, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends have ever called you evil, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a million dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a billion dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't care about politics, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate spinach, copy and paste this into your profile.

Did you konw taht you can raed mix-up wrods vrey esialy if the frist and lsat ltetrs are in the rgiht palce? If you could read that, copy and paste this into your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend, copy and paste this to your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile...

If you think that sugar is a reason to live, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.

Ifyour English teacher ever told you to stop reading in class, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever proved your teacher wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you randomly start talking/singing/dancing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If talking to yourself is a common thing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you'd rather read than do sports, paste this into your profile.

If you run upstairs to your room right after school to get on your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star had the same tune.

65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then read. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV then copy and paste this to your profile.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on to your profile.

If you work better to music or TV, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you day-dream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are wondering what it would be like to have wings, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you secretly wished you had gotten a letter to Hogwarts when you were little, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6 (hoo yeah), GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc.(:D), Ice wolf13, AlyxtheDarkWanderer, BellaSwan321, Bookworm614, lukexthaliaxfan23, charn14, allyouneedislove1797, WireWriter...izzi08, HOAdragonfly!!!, Hugz Kissez,

If you have ever wanted to kill someone (including a man in a purple and green dinosaur suit known as 'Barney the Dinosaur', any sound-nin from Naruto, George Bush, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or any other fool) then realized murder is illegal then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. ( Unfortunately, one of these people is me. We all want to be " Platinum , don't we?

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you get 2 reveiws copy and paste this into your profile!

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combonation of both...copy and paste this onto your profile

If fanfiction shut down and you would go insane because of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.( I would probably die. I can-NAWT live without this website!)

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are obsesed with fanfiction, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull (or visa versa) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen going up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you are a book worm, repost this

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you ever proved your teacher wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a SUPER MEGA #1 Fabina fan, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are a Jertricia fan, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love Peddie but also like Jertricia, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you screamed, squealed, and jumped up and down when Fabian and Nina kissed in the Season Finale, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you can't decide if you like Mamber or Amfie better, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE super cute Fabina love stories, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you sometimes write sad one-shots, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate school work, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like smiling, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like writing stories, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever been told that you have pretty eyes, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

If you have written a fanfic, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wonder if other websites have these 'copy and paste' things, but don't know because you spend about 90% of your time on FanFiction anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have deja vu a lot, copy this into your profile.

If you believe that those who criticize our generation forget who raised it, copy and paste this on your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul copy and paste this into your profile.

If you feel the need to read through someone's profile even when you don't know them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

Less than 1 percent of teenagers don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE!

98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teens would be dead if Ambercromibe and Fitch said to stop breathing, if you're part of the 8 that would be laughing your head off, copy and past this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, or the O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, then copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever wondered who made up all of the 'copy this into your profile' things then copy this into your profile.

If you've ever threatened a computer copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they can spread their 6-AM cheer to say, Martians, copy this into your profile.

If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever forgotten your own name while introducing yourself copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever spent more than six hours on FanFiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish writing fanfiction was a school subject, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this to your profile.

If you ever wonder who makes up these 'copy and paste this into your profile' things, copy and past this into your profile

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

90 prosent of teens today would die if Facebook had a system failure and was completely destroyed If you are one of the 10 prosent that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom225CherryBlossoms016, SakuraUchiha14,Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan,Sasusakufan2357, Itachi'sbestfangirl, The New Legendary Sannin, Neko Graphic, XeverythingXseemsXwrongX, Kawaii Chibi-kun, Xx Falcon's Eye xX, SaturnXK, Silverleaf2157, HOATTSTHG, Hugz Kissez,

98% of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol. Paste this if you like muffins.

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". Or "it's" and "its". Or "there", "their" and "they're". If you are one of the ones that do know the differences and want to deck those who don't, put this in your profile.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction then put this into your profile.

If fanfiction is to you what myspace is to other people, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or Orlando Bloom told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you're like in a parallel universe, put this on your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, put this in your profile.

If you can smell trouble a mile away and still walk straight into it, put this in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, put this in your profile.

If you think life without computers would be useless then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone has ever called you weird, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think kid shows are getting dirtier and dirtier (haha!), copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you fall in love with male characters from movies and books, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. (I found that I'm a very tough opponent.) If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you find Spongebob funny SOMETIMES, but most of the time he is SO annoying you want to throw the TV out the window, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you wierd, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile XD

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are reading this line, copy and paste it in ur profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've ever thought out loud to yourself during class then get yelled at by the teacher copy and paste this on your profile.

Ever wonder what happens to those people who mysteriously stop updating?

It is a known fact that 94% of people who mysteriously stop updating have been eaten by dragons. The other 6% are hiding in their bathtubs with a fire extinguisher. If you believe this is true, copy this into your profile.

If you realize that by joining this site, you are a part of something special, paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have/had a scary crush on a book, anime, or game character, then copy and post this into your profile

99.5 of all teens would cry if Hannah Montana(Miley Cyrus) were on a 20 story building about to jump. The other 0.5 would bring a chair and popcorn. Copy and Paste if you're one of those 0.5 that would bring popcorn and a good chair screaming "JUMP!" the entire time.

If you don't fit the description of the non-existent word of 'normal', then put this into your profile right now!!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

92 of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're one of the 8 who would be watching and laughing and add ur name to this list. XxcrimsonxgothicxtidexX, kunoichixakura,cherryblossom429, crystal-mist. Fashiongirl23

98 of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you threaten inanimate objects, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever talked about something that you're hooked on non-stop with someone who doesn't know what the hell your talking about then copy this onto your profile.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else (alot), copy this into your profile.

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

I am that girl. The one who likes books more than boys. The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy. The one who alwayswonders what she did wrong. The one who writes to escape. The one who just wants to help. The one that really wants to make a difference. The one that sticks to her values. The one that refuses to believe that this is it. The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow. Copy and Paste if you can relate.

-90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing/hacked the site in the first place, copy and paste this to your Profile.
-If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

-If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!
-If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.
-If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile.
-If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. Oh the irony...
-If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it copy this into your profile.
-If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!
-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
-Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
-My friends used to be simi-normal. Then they met me.
-If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
-If you Yell at people who think PJO is stupid copy this to your profile

If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever burst out laughing while reading a book and people look at you funny-copy and paste this into your profile.

You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had

If you ever stayed up all night copy and paste this into your profile

If when people call you crazy you take it as a complement copy and paste this onto you profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forget what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you ever gone crazy looking for something that was in your hand all along, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If have ever eaten someone else's food without realizing it, copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile...

If you think that sugar is a reason to live, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination put this on your profile

If, with no warning, laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy this on your profile

If you have ever thrown something at a TV screen when you saw a character you despised, copy and paste this on your profile

If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer

If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to you're profile

If your parents have ever told you that you weren't normal, and are proud of it copy this to your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever been so obsessed with a tv or Movie character that you scare everyone who knows you, join the club, and copy and paste this to your profile

If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile

If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe that fictional characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile.

If you think the world is heading to a bad place, and are planning on doing something about it by making wonderful stories, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies and you're proud of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories written by people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it, and if you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a klutz, copy and past this into your profile (for the dignity of klutzes everywhere).

If your friends give you odd looks for being yourself, copy this into your profile.

If you think the school week is way too long and weekends are way too short, copy this onto your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If there's still a kid inside you, copy&paste.

If you ever become so obsessed with a book that you spend a whole day with your head in it and totally oblivious to the outside world copy and paste this onto your profile.

A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike. Copy this into your profile if you're a Ninja!

If you feel like you are often underestimated, copy and paste this onto your profile

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your friends give you odd looks for being yourself, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't and never will smoke, drink, (Like get drunk and do something stupid. Occasional wine and church wine is fine) and do drugs and are proud of it, (Which you are!) copy this into your profile.

If you love using exclamation marks copy and paste this onto your profile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever seen a movie SO many times that you can quote it word for word. And you have at random moments; copy and paste this into your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Robert Pattinson said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off

If you are insane but intellegent, put this in your profile!

If you have your own little world, copy this into your profile.

If you love all the "copy and paste this into your profile" sentences...COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever eaten something none of your friends would try, copy/paste this in your profile.

If you get way too excited about certain books/movies/TV show episodes coming out, copy this onto your profile.

If you sometimes find yourself narrating your life as if you were writing a story, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

.I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

f you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

f several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile. (plenty of them)

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped on a person, copy this into your profile.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS!

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!!

If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a myspace and you don't want a myspace, copy this into your profile.

If you lack common sense, copy and paste this onto you're profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: the fear of long words. Now what SmartAss came up with that? If you think that is really funny, but can't pronounce it, copy and paste this into your profile.(Hippo-poto-mon-storsis-quipid-allyo-phobia).

If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever yelled out a random food item during class or just randomly, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck fanfiction doesn't have colour for profiles, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the hell up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get way too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are good at annoying people (especially on loooooong car journeys) copy and paste this onto your profile. (i don't even try and i'm called annoying)

If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves" song copy this into your profile!

If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

We now have the technology to copy human skin cells to test on for all cosmetics and beauty supplies. If you are against any type of animal testing, post this on your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you would kill to have wings, post this on your profile.

If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. The irony...

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile

People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever awenserd a question with a really obvious awenser copy and paste this on your profile!

If you get way to excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have insanely annoying siblings copy and paste this on your profile

If you are an expert at doing absolutely nothing for hours on end, paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If your friends think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog), and you don’t care, copy and paste this is your profile.

If you dream of killing a character in a book so you can go out with their boyfriend, post this in your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you're not paying attention when the teacher is rambling and you think of something funny from the other day that you don't realize is funny til that moment and you burst into hysterical laughter and the entire class turns around and stares at you and you look the other way and pretend you don't notice. Crazy is when you star in your own movie and pretend to be an assassin... multiple times. Crazy is when you scream for no reason or sing nursery rymes. Crazy is when you have a post-book comatose state after reading a book and then half an hour later are spouting off random qoutes, character facts and character descriptions to people you know don't give a crap. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe teenagers are steryotyped, put this on your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you love walking around in the pouring rain without an umbrella, copy this to your profile. (I totally do this!)

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

(O.o )

This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

If you are a total klutz copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you give annoyingly cute nicknames to all the people you know, and they hate them with a passion, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!)

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile

97 percent of youth would go emo if Miley Cyrus was on top of a building about to jump. If your one of the 3 percent that would be screaming "JUMP MORONIC LOSER JUMP" and pushing her off , copy and paste this onto your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you:

love to read and act crazy,

laugh and have fun,

ignore people who call you names or think you are less than them,

are always there to help your friend in their greatest time of need,

run bare foot through the grass just for the joy of the sea of cold green that tickles your feet,

spend as much time outside as you do reading or on the computer,

are a night owl who hardly sleeps,

act weird and crazy just to scare other people or make them laugh with you,

then we would be great friends. :D Copy and paste this in your profile if this is you.

Re-post this and spread the stupidity!

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (OMG! Once i asked how to spell 'Was' That was in the fifth grade! I was like 'oh wait! Never mind i remember!')

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (so many times...T.T)

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have a long list of fictional book/ movie characters that you are in love with, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to your profile.

If you don't review, I won't write. If I don't write, you won't review. If you think people should review after they read, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...about yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friends pretend to have inside jokes in front of everyone else even though you have no idea what you're actually saying, copy and paste. (lol, waffles.)

Normality is over-rated. If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever read past two AM in the morning copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have the strangest dreams that you wish you remember but only end up remembering half of it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.

If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the mess up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped on a person, copy this into your profile.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :)

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you don't have a MySpace and you don't want a MySpace, copy this into your profile.

If you have friends that threaten, hit, or call you names for GOOD

reasons, copy this into your profile.

If someone calls me weird I tell them thank you.

If someone says I'm crazy I tell them I'm insane

If I fall

I laugh

If I don't know the words to a song

I make up my own

If you were to die I'd cry

And if you ever need a friend

I'm here for you

COPY.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!! xD

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you're awesome, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever said a word, copy and paste this into your profile

If crayons are made of wax, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have eyes, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to a human, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're even mildly annnoyed with all the things I'm telling you to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a chocoholic, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're in la la land most of the time, copy and paste this into your profile

If you don't have a Myspace and don't want a Myspace, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think girls and boys are equal human beings, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you want a million dollars, copy and paste this into your profile

If you want a billion dollars, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think the Trix kids should just give the rabbit some Trix, copy and paste this into your profile

If you like every book Lisi Harrison has ever written, copy and paste this into your profile

If you wish the Pretty Committee was real, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think the Cocoa Puffs turkey-bird weird thing should go into rehab, copy and paste this into your profile.

Olny fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. If you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie

If you have ever run into a door or a tree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. And Also Baa Baa Black sheep!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible) copy and past this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

RACISM IS WRONG!

Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message and my symbol for equality to your profile.

If you've ever stared at someone because you couldn't decide if they were a boy or a girl, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you actually read other people's profiles.

If you love copy thingies, copy this into your profile.

If you want to copy and paste this onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice verse copy this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate(or dislike) those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ECT, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are an absolute anime freak then copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you daydream 24/7, copy this to your profile.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

if you can raed tihs psas it on!

For me, crazy is a loose term.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least).

Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it.

Crazy is when you act completely, well, crazy and make a total fool of yourself and don’t even care.

Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being (every cell in your body) to Eragon, Star Wars, and fanfiction.

Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-mums glare at you.

Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school excursion to bush gardens, laugh for two hours straight WHILE riding roller-coaster, then sstill laugh after you get slapped by your friends, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it."

Crazy is when you claim you can walk on water and then get your best friend to hold you by your waist in the air and you move your legs in a walking movement (It works!!)

Crazy is when you fight with your friend over which vegetable you want to be.

Crazy is when you say pineapple and then threaten to slap someone if they even mention the word; claiming that it's yours.

Crazy is when you have a whole glass of coke in one go and go so hyper you laugh for several hours straight and bounce on your knees on your friend's bed until it breaks (it was an accident okay).

Crazy is when you walk up to random people in the swimming pool and do a Rose Tyler impersonation and ask what planet your on.

Crazy is when you walk up to someone you've never seen before in the street and sprout some random technobabble that ends with "And that's why you should always carry a banana around with you."

Crazy is when you ruin your science exams by answering them using only Gallifreyan numerals and covering it in other random...alien symbols, and then trying to pass it off as legitimate to the Head of Department, by claiming that really, you honestly are a time lady from the planet Gallifrey.

Crazy is when you insist on dressing up as Doctor Who characters for an Olympic themed fundraiser, then end up going as an Olympic Torch instead!

Crazy is when you can't sit in Physics without nicking the teacher's shaky thing!

Crazy is when you do a headstand against you classroom wall and start to sing "By the Sea" from Sweeney Todd.

Crazy is when you randomly burst into song for no apparent reason.

Crazy is when you roll down a hill and into a soccer match.

If you're crazy and crazy about it, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done too.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix, Copy and past this in to your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing at them.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, TheDevilsAngel93 xD, muckrake, Destiny Writes, Unwritten.25,I-luv-jess-mariano, CampRockfan4ever/YugiohObsessed now ObsessedwReading), Hugz Kissez,

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

To many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, write this to your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile

If you wish you could meet all your favorite celebs, copy and past this on your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:)

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you still have to think 'righty tighty, left loosy' when opening, well, anything, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it

I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile.

If you like blue copy this to your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a profile, do the opposite of copying this to your profile, make the opposite of copying this to your profile 9 times... not.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are sugar high most of the time, copy and paste this into your profile. (Me? Sugar high?)

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you fantasize about meeting one or more of the characters you made up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

wowlookatthisimtypingthisveryoddlinebreakifyoucanreaditcopyandpasteyousmartperson

If you're a bookworm and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever ran into a glass door because you thought it was open, copy and paste this to your profile

If you still need the alphabet to remember the letter's order, copy this to yout profile

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you want a £1,000,000, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a £1,000,000,000,000,000,000, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and throw those lemons back in the face of the person who gave them to you until you get the oranges you originally asked for.

If you hate those people who are obsessed with what's spam and what's not, copy and paste this into your profile.

f you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" things, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

-Lol

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.(Constantly and always.)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.(See above.)

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.(In my head and out loud.)

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'(Multiple times. Nuff said.)

You live off of sugar and caffeine(When I can...)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.(Ah, procrastination and a lack of self-confidence. What a wonderful combination.)

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.(Sometimes.)

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.(Not always, but yeah.)

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.(its not exactly stealing is it?)(Defie. Next question.)

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.(Yep, always in my purse, and my purse is always near me, sooo...)

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.(What do you mean, wearing? I think the better word is worn.)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.(What the fudge is that?)

People think you have A.D.D.(Do I count?)

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.(Eh, 50/50.)

You zone out even with other people.(Thinking of my next chapter or newest story!)

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.(Not constantly, but yes, sometimes.)

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason(Yup, all the time!)

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

Your profile is REALLY long.(Have you read any of this?)

Your computer runs out of memory.(Constantly.)

You can't stop writing!(On the rare occasions that I do, I'm either sleeping or thinking about what to write next.)

Your parents take away your computer, and you almost die. Literally. ( Seriously, this actually happens every night! I've become a self-induced insomniac just so I can sneak downstairs once my parents go to sleep, grab my laptop, type and read until I pass out, sneak my laptop back downstairs, and go to bed. Even on school nights. I stay up until at least 2:00 A.M.!!!)

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 7.

-If you talk to yourself.

-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)

-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)

-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’

-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.

-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.

-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.

-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.

-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.

-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.

-If people think you might have A.D.D.

-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.

-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.

-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.

-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship English 101

You May Be A Writer If-

1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.

2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.

3. You often imagine your books becoming movies.

4. Spell check is your best friend.

5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.

6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.

7. You smile really big when your gonna finally write a character love scene.

8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.

9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.

10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.

11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.

13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.

14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.

15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.

16. If you're note writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

17. You talk to yourself... constantly.

18. You forget what day it is when you're writing.

19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

20. You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.

22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.

25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

26. You are in love with the Thesaurus.

27. You dream about your stories.

28. You dream of new stories.

29. You often revisit some of your old stories.

30. Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing.

Mom turns on radio:

BABY BABY BABY OOH OH BABY BABY BABY OH

Girl: TURN THAT OFF!

Mom: she has a sweet voice :)

Girl:... That's Justin Bieber

Mom: O_o Justin is a boy name

Girl:... exactly

You know you're obsessed with FanFiction when:

1. You are writing a fic in your head during every episode. (Yes!)

2. If your favorite 'ship' finally kiss/do something adorable, you squeal like a fangirl. (Yes!)

3. You hear a song on the radio and your first thought is 'songfic!'. (Yes!)

4. You will stick to your ships until they either happen or one of the characters dies/leaves the show, and even then you write fics about them. (Yes!)

5. You cry when one of your favorite characters dies. (Yes!)

6. You have frequent dreams about characters from your favorite shows. (No, unless daydreams count!)

7. You sometimes have elaborate dreams that could be easily be fanfictions. ( Yes, sometimes.

8. Fanfiction is your facebook, and everyone knows it. (Not really...)

Copy and past this into your profile, if like me you go around on other people's profiles looking for stuff to copy and paste.

Know I'll Be An Author Because...

You talk to yourself,

You talk to yourself as if there is another person in front of you, but you know there isn't,

The Keyboard letters are fading because of over typing,

You love to read,

It's not hard to find paper and pen near you,

One of your Idols is an Author,

You spend most of your time on Fan Fiction,

If someone asks "What are you doing?" you'll answer either writing, reading or what not.

If the Library is one of your favorite places.

You want to be an Author when you grow up.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH THE CLIQUE WHEN:

You call people LBRs behind their back

You use Massie's comebacks in public

You've made a role-playing Massie blog

You start wanting to have a real clique

You hate it when someone has bangs

You start pronouncing words like "puh-lease" or "cuh-razy"

You start typing "nawt" instead of "not" on things

You type "ah-mazing" instead of "amazing," and "ah-dore" instead of "adore"

You imagine that your school is OCD

You rate your outfit every morning

You own every CLIQUE book

You want to own every CLIQUE book

You've read every CLIQUE book, and watched the movie

You've wrote to Lisi Harrison

THE ONES IN BOLD ARE TRUE ABOUT ME

If you repost this within the next 5 min. something major that you've been wanting will happen.

I'm the kind of girl who laughs at... nothing.

I'm the kind of girl who is considered weird.

I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care what you think.

I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care if you care what I think because I don't care what you think, so you needn't care what I think and I don't care.

I'm the kind of girl who plots against fictional characters.

I'm the kind of girl who would scream "Boo!" at a football game and then ask what the bad call was.

I'm the kind of girl who thinks that as you read this, you will laugh and nod and repost.

I'm the kind of girl who believes in equal rights, and doesn't care if I sound cheesy.

I'm the kind of girl who finds what's lost where I already looked.

"How many pounds til I'm happy? How many pounds til I'm thin? Three more pounds and I'm skinny. Three more pounds and I win."

"She paints a pretty picture, but this story has a twist. Her razor is her paintbrush and her canvas is her wrist."

"Belittled, insulted, and pushed in' the dirt. Still I managed to hide the hurt! As I looked up, I heard no sound. And since I had nothing, no one was around!"

She paints a pretty picture,
But this story has a twist.
Her paint brush is her razor,
And her canvas is her wrist.

She paints her pretty picture,
In a color that's blood red.
While using her sharp paint brush,
She finally ends up dead.

Her pretty picture's fading,
Quite slowly on her arm.
The blood is racing through her,
She can no longer do any harm.

She painted her pretty picture,
But her picture has a twist.
You see, her mind was her razor,
And her heart was her wrist.

Mirror, mirror, on my wall,
I just want to be thin, pretty and tall

Mirror, mirror, if I change my hair,
maybe someone will care?

Mirror, mirror, if I starve myself,
at least I'll be beautiful, forget my health.

Mirror, mirror, if I cut my wrist
will I feel like I exist?

Mirror, Mirror, don't you see?
What you show, is ruining me.

For far too long it had watched her cry,
so the mirror decided to reply:

"What you think you see? It isn't true.
This misery is found inside of you.

Don't lock yourself in a broken soul,
or I promise you one day, you'll lose all control."

Pretty is someone with good hair, nice clothes, great makeup. Obviously, anybody has the capability to be pretty.

Beauty on the other hand and as cliché as it sounds, it is not external. Beauty is found inside a person's heart, that's why it's called 'inner beauty'. That person is beautiful if she speaks words of kindness and wisdom to encourage others to be themselves, who listens to good things and doesn't make conclusions right away, who looks at a person's good side and though she sees this person's flaws, she doesn't judge a person through his or her mistakes. This person has good morals and values that no one can take away from her, because she believes in them and nothing can change what she believes in. Only you have the ability to see if you're beautiful or not.

Though I feel I'm not that pretty, I know I can be beautiful. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you know you can and you are beautiful and add your name to the list.

miramisa90212, miyame-chan, Hugz Kissez,

If you HATE child abusing copy and paste this to your profile.

My name Kelly

I am only three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Kelly

I am only three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school

He told his friends that it was cool

And when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack

Mummy I was a good girl

I did what I was told

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye

I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another

And all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much

And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now

And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest

Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class

And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this

Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try

I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest

But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest

Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would

I wanted to go to college

I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with daddy

On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married

I wanted to have a kid

I wanted to be an actress

Mummy I wanted to live

But mummy I must go now

The time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris

I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date

I love you mummy I always have

I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"

In memory of the Columbian students that were lost

Please if you would

Pass this around

I'd be happy if you could

Don't smash this on the ground

If you pass this on

Maybe people will cry

Just keep this in heart

For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices

1) repost and show you care

2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care

I went to a party, Mom

And remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom

So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,

The way you said I would,

That I didn't drink and drive,

Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,

And your advice to me was right,

The party finally ended,

And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,

Sure to get home in one piece,

I never knew what was coming, Mom

Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,

And I hear the policeman say,

The kid that caused this wreck was drunk, Mom,

his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,

As I try hard not to cry.

I can hear the paramedic say,

This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,

While he was flying high,

Because he chose to drink and drive,

Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom

Knowing that it ruins lives?

And now the pain is cutting me,

Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom

Tell daddy to be brave,

And when I go to heaven,

Put Daddy's Girl on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,

That it's wrong to drink and drive.

Maybe if his parents had,

I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom

I'm getting really scared.

These are my final moments,

And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,

As I lie here and die.

I wish that I could say I love you, Mom

So I love you and good-bye.

one message: don't drink and drive!!

They hurt her

About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concret at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell...they believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.

If you don't repost this saying They hurt her, then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.

... its Very Creepy.

The WHOLE story of the Girl who was pushed (Aka) THEY HURT HER( Poor Carmen)

Carmen Winstead was a young girl who died when she was pushed down the sewer by five girls she thought were her friends.

Carmen was 17 years old when her parents decided to move to Indiana. Her father had lost his job and the only way he could find new employment was by moving to a new state. The relocation caused a lot of problems for Carmen. She had to leave her friends behind and attend a whole new school in Indiana. Carmen had a hard time making friends when she changed schools. It was the middle of the school year and most of the students had no interest in befriending the new girl. Initially, she spent many days alone, walking from class to class without speaking to anyone, but she eventually started hanging around with a group of five other girls. Carmen thought these girls were her friends, but it wasn’t long before she discovered that they had been talking about her behind her back and spreading vile rumors.

When she confronted them, the girls turned on her and began bullying her every day, making her life a misery. They started out calling her names, but then the bullying got much worse. One day, she left her school books in the classroom at break time. When she returned, she found someone had taken a sharpie and written dirty words all over her books. Another day, she opened her bag and discovered someone had poured yoghurt all over the insides. Sometimes, she would come to school and find her locker had been vandalized. The final straw came when she put on her coat at recess and found that someone had stuffed dog poop in her pockets.

There and then, Carmen decided that she couldn’t take the bullying any longer. She planned to stay behind, that evening, after school, and tell her teacher what had been happening. Unfortunately, her decision came too late to save her life.

After lunch, her teacher announced that the school was holding a fire drill. When the alarm sounded, Carmen and the other students filed out of the classroom and assembled in the yard outside. As the teachers read out the roll call, the gang of five girls decided that this was a great opportunity to embarrass Carmen in front of the whole school during the fire drill. They moved over to where Carmen was standing, near a sewer drain, and began crowding the poor girl, getting in her face and nudging her towards the open manhole.

They pushed her and she tripped over and fell head-first down the manhole. When they saw her falling, the girls started giggling and when Carmen’s name was called out, they shouted "She’s down in the sewer!"

All of the other students began laughing. But when the teachers looked down the manhole and saw Carmen’s body lying at the bottom in the muck and the poop, the laughter abruptly stopped. Her head was twisted around at an odd angle and her face was covered in blood. Worse still, she wasn’t moving. There was nothing any of the teachers could do for her. Carmen was dead. When the police arrived and went down into the sewer, they determined that she had broken her neck. Her face had been torn off when she hit the ladder on the way down and her neck snapped when she landed on her head on the concrete at the bottom.

The police hauled Carmen’s body out of the sewer and sent her to the mortuary. Everyone had to stay behind after school while the police questioned all of Carmen’s classmates. The five girls lied to the police, saying they had witnessed Carmen falling down the sewer. The police believed the girls and Carmen Winstead’s death was ruled an accident and the case was closed. Everyone thought that was the last they would hear of Carmen Winstead, but they were wrong. Dead Wrong.

Months later, Carmen’s classmates began receiving strange e-mails on their MySpaces. The e-mails were titled "They Pushed Her" and claimed that Carmen hadn’t really fallen down the sewer, she had been pushed. The e-mails also warned that the guilty people should own up and take responsibility for their crime. If they didn’t there would be horrible consequences. Most people dismissed the e-mails as a hoax, but others were not so sure.

A few days later, one of the girls who pushed Carmen down the sewer was at home taking a shower, when she heard a strange cackling laugh. It seemed to be coming from the drain. The girl started to freak out and ran out of the bathroom. That night, the girl said goodnight to her mom and went to sleep. Five hours later, her mom was awoken in the middle of the night, by a loud noise that resounded throughout the house. She ran into her daughter’s room, only to find it empty. There was no trace of the girl. The worried mother called the police and when they arrived, they conducted a search of the area. Eventually, they discovered the girl’s grisly remains.

Her corpse was lying in the sewer, covered in muck and poop. Her neck was broken and her face missing. It had been completely torn off. One by one, all of the girls who pushed Carmen that day were found dead. They had all been killed in exactly the same way and were all found at exactly the same spot. In the sewer at the bottom of the same uncovered manhole where Carmen had met her doom. But the killing didn’t stop there. More and more of Carmen’s former classmates were found dead. It seemed that anyone who didn’t believe that Carmen had been pushed, was eventually found down in the sewer with their necks broken and their faces torn off.

They say that Carmen’s ghost is still on the rampage, hunting down anyone who doesn’t believe her story. According to the legend, Carmen will get you, whether it’s from a toilet, a shower, a sink or a drain. When you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in complete darkness, paralyzed, unable to move, hearing cackling laughter all around you. Then, as you scream in horror, Carmen will come and tear your face off.

So be careful who you bully, because you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the curse of Carmen Winstead.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.

If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

I chose choice 1

Her name was Auroura She was only five This is what happened When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk Her mom was an addict Her parents kept her Locked in an attic

Her only friend was a little toy bear It was old and worn out And had patches of hair

She always talked to it When no one's around She lays there and hugs it Not a peep of sound

Until her parents unlock the door Some more and more pain She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg A scar on her face Why would she be In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear And softly cries She loves her parents But they want her to die

She sits in the corner Quiet but thinking, "Please God, why is My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life For a sad little kid She'd get beaten and beaten For anything she did

Then one night Her mom came home high And the poor child was beaten As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly Grabbed for a blade It was sharp and pointy One that she made

She thrusted the blade Right in her chest, "You deserve to die You worthless piece of s!"

The mom walked out Leaving the girl slowly dying She grabbed her bear And again started crying

Police showed up At the small little house Then quickly barged in Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly Opened a door To find the little girl Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad To go through so much harm But at least she died With her best friend in her arms

(add this to your profile if your against child abuse)

I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile Thank you to flamin. guitarist for posting this in your profile and for letting others read it.

xXx

If you HATE child abusing like me copy and paste this to your profile.

My name is Sally

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I'll try and be nice,but when he does come

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

and i run for the door

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless!

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is May

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me

Child abuse, if you want to stop child abuse past this onto your profile, please make it stop

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

If you care at all about this poor child, paste it onto your profile, before it's too late..

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

If you cried reading that, copy and paste both of these to your profile.

--Oooo--

--oooO--

--Oooo--

--oooO--

I have so much stuff on my profile, I don't even know what I've posted before or not, so I know for a true FACT that I've copy-and-pasted some stuff on here more than once. If you are like me and have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have even flung your pencil across the room at school during class, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you make faces at your teachers while no one is looking, copy and paste this to your profile.

I can't believe it

Do you realize how happy I am now?

I see life a different way without you.

I can't even remember how we fell in love.

It was a sad day, then everything got better!

I don't love you.

I really don't.

Trust me, I am not lying!

I'm fine without you...

Can't you see how sad I really am without you...

Did u know before u go to sleep at night there is one person of the opposite gender is thinking of you .they want to kiss you ,they want to be with you they are always thinking about you bfore they go to sleep at night they are longing to be with you this is not at all fake if you post within 5 mins the person who is longing for you will approach you in 1 month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you . but if u break this chain no1 will ask u out in 5 years

Girls Need To Realize: WRITTEN BY A GUY :)

We guys don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy callsOR TEXTS but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood i'm in.

Let us pay for you! don't 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you.

Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not what you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care.You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand i'm not saying i wouldn't like it ether ; )

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect... Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.

Guys repost this if you agree. Girls repost this if you think it's cute. Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.

This is funny but also true on BOTH sides...

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlikeEnglish, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

Whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better one.

The women won (although in Spanish, it technically is La Computadora)

Female dictionary

Nothing, Forget It: You better figure out what you did wrong.

Are you tired?: Don't go to sleep. I love talking to you.

I'm OK: Hold me tight. I need a shoulder to cry on.

I'm cold: Get a blanket and snuggle up with me.

Please leave me alone: Don't go.

I love you: Tell me you do more.

Male dictionary

Nothing, forget it: Stop talking about it.

Are you tired: Generally wants to know if you are sleepy.

I'm OK: Nothings wrong.

I'm cold: I better get a blanket or something.

Please leave me alone: I need some me time.

I love you: I love you. Just that. I don't expect a response.

97 of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3 who would sit there eating pop corn screaming "DO A FLIP!" then copy and paste this

If you talk to yourself or fictional characters copy/paste this into your profile

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

Post this on your profile if you've ever laughed at something completely random that happened like a week ago.

Post this on your profile is you have ever been in a serious conversation and shouted "SHINY!", randomly.

If you have ever run into a door or a tree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you haven't died yet copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever laughed at something that really wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile

No boy is worth crying for, and the one that is won't make you cry. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a bookworm and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever ran into a glass door because you thought it was open, copy and paste this to your profile

If you still need the alphabet to remember the letter's order, copy this to your profile

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

90% of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing on the edge of a 6 story building about to jump.Copy and paste this on your profile if you're the other 10% that would scream,"Jump bitch JUMP!"

93% of people would have a severe emotional breakdown if they were called a freak.Copy and paste this on your profile if you're one of the 7% that would say,"What was your first guess?"

95% of girls would cry if Justin Beiber went missing.Copy and paste this on your profile if you would just smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.

Fanfiction to me is like facebook to othersCopy and paste this on your profile if you agree

96% of girls would cry if they were to see Justin Beiber about to jump off a plane 20,000 feet in the air.Copy and paste this on your profie if you're the 6% that would get a lawn chair,and a cooler.

92% of teens would die if abacrombie and fitch/american eagle said it was un-cool to breath.copy and paste this on your profile if you're the 8% that would stand there and laugh.

Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93% of the people that read this won’t repost it?

-If you have ever ran into a door, copy this onto your profile

-If you have ever zoned out for more than 5 consecutive minutes, copy this onto your profile

-If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy this onto your profile

-If you have ever talked to yourself, copy this onto your profile

-If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you have ever pasted anything on your profile, paste this on your profile.

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.

If you are a girl, paste this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push, copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved onto rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.(but you get used to it.)

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this to your profile! XD

If you day-dream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile

I just read a copy and paste that said "Fanfiction is to me what facebook is to others" Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on to your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star had the same tune. (don't worry i was just as shocked as you are!)

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you randomly start talking/singing/dancing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

if you think girls and boys are equal human beings, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teens have tried smoking pot. If you haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think hair color doesn't determine how smart you are, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a million dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a billion dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't care about politics, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile

.••) .•).•.•) .•)
(.• (.• Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

BOIZ SHOULDN'T CHEAT There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack.

Jack was the most popular guy in school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies. Courtney tried to steal Jack away every time she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything...what movie theatre and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. she watched them get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre. Courtney told jack "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied "hell yes."

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were

messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing.

The next day at school Ashley wasn't there. For the next few days Ashley wasn't there. A week later her mother found her in her closet dead... she committed suicide because she had loved Jack so much. Next to Ashley's dead body was a note.

A note that read: My dearest Jack, I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me. I really loved you jack. I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you, Ashley

Please forward this or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney.

I'm the Girl

I'm the girl who will put my head on your shoulder, not because I'm sleepy, but because I want to be closer to you. I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive restaurant.

I'm the girl who says,"Okay, but you owe me...", not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you.

I'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you.

I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like; I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms. I'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me. I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have.

I'm the girl who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart,

I'm the girl who never forgets you. I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss. I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything. I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends. I'm the girl who will listen to you talk. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind. I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend. I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word.

I'm the girl who loves it when you give me flowers for no apparent reason.

I'm the girl who thinks the world of you. All I want is for us to be together.

I'm the girl that if you call my friend a brat I WILL say something.
I'm the girl that will slap you if you push me.
I'm the girl that speaks my mind, whether you like it or not.
I'm the girl that you don't wanna be on her bad side.
I'm the girl that doesn't take crap from anyone.
BUT I'm also the girl that carries a book in her purse.
I'm the girl that wears sweat pants to the dance.
I'm the girl that no one knows her name, for good or bad and I like it that way.
I'm the girl who acts shy one second and the next I will be laughing like an idot.
I'm the girl that people call "Bitch" and "Freak" "Mean" and "Weird" but I take that as a compliment.
I'm the girl that doesn't have normal hobbies. I read and I write.
I'm the girl who isn't a people person but I am when it comes to friends.
I'm also the girl they call "best friend."

I WANT A GUY...

who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me,

hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.

Someone who would sing to me at random moments.

Who would let me sleep on his chest.

A BOY who would get mad at someone if they called me UGLY or were mean to me.

I want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away.

Someone who would let me gossip to him

and just smile and agree with everything I said.

He would throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then

KISS ME A MILLION TIMES.

Someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh.

He would take me to the park and

put his hands around my waist and

give me big bearhugs all the time.

He would tell all his friends about me and SMILE when he did.

And we'd make out in the pouring rain.

He would never be afraid to say "I love you" in front of his friends,

and we'd argue about silly things and then make up.

I want a boy who would kiss me at midnight on New Years

and COUNT STARS with me.

Who would stay home with me on a Friday night

just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket.

Someone who would tell me I'm beauiful but not too often,

who would make me laugh like NO ONE else could.

But mostly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never BREAK MY HEART

Cutest Sayings: I was looking up at the stars and giving them each a reason why I loved you and I was doing great until I ran out of stars

And sometimes you just make me want to throw you into ongoing traffic but then I realize I'd probably kill myself trying to save you.

I'm the type of girl who bursts out laughing in the dead of silence from something that happened yesterday

Don't tell me you love unless you mean it because I may do something stupid like believe it

I wanna be the girl he can be goofy around.I wanna be the girl he can tell anything too.I wanna be the girl he's scared to lose.I wanna be the girl he can hold hands in public with and not care what anyone says.I wanna be the girl that's always on his mind.Most of all-I wanna be the girl he loves.

I wanna be the girl you hit a home-run for, score a goal for, write a song for. The one you give your hoodie to but most of all I want to be the girl who you turn to your friends and say "Yeah,that's her," when I'm in sweats,a tank, and converse-that's all!

I wish I was 8 again-because back then, all he had to do was tag me and I was IT.

I wanna be the girl he's scared to lose.The one he can't walk away from knowing she's mad at him.The one who can't fall asleep without her voice having been the last thing he heard.The one he can't live without

Remember:It's mandatory to grow old but optional to grow up.

I like people who smile because it's raining.

Life is a roller coaster-you can scream every time you go over a bump, or you can throw up your arms and enjoy the ride.

Teenage Quotes Just crank up the volume&we can sing like superstars&dance around like we're famous in ripped jeans&huge sunglasses cause girl,that's how we roll.

In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.I'll have 20.

Truth hurts so we lie.

So I'm basically your typical teenage girl.My hair never goes the way I want it to go,my room won't stay clean for more than a day, and there's this guy I'm absolutely crazy about.

I love the color green and dancing around in my pajamas before school.I'm a mess and my room usually is too.I laugh at the stupidest things and always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.I cry for no reason and sometimes I get mad easily but I'm just me and that's all I can be.

Silence-Golden.Duct Tape-silver.

So here's to teenage romance and not knowing why it hurts so bad.

I love to walk in the rain becase it's the only time people can't tell I'm crying

I am selfish,impatient and insecure.I make mistake and I'm out of control and sometimes I'm a little hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst you definetly don't deserve me at my best.

Sometimes the smallest things to do in life are the hardest.Like clicking on his screenname and just saying HEY.

They ignore each other and look away but they both know deep down that it wasn't supossed to end this way.

Why do I love you?Because I finally know what the word means and you were the one that taught it to me.

Love is like a ghost.Everyone talks about it but few have seen it.

It's been said that you only fall in love once.I don't believe it because everytime I see you I fall inlove again.

I hate you-then I love you.I want to throw you off a cliff-the I want to rush to the bottom to save you.

He gives her 12 roses.11 are real and 1 is fake."I'll love you until the last one dies,"is all he said.

Psychological Fact: All emotional pain lasts a maximum of 12 minutes. Anything longer than that is self inflicted.

Psychological Fact: A Crush can last only a maximum of 4 months.After that, it's already love.

I treat others how I want to be treated. If I'm mean to you-well, what did you do to me?

Perfect Boyfriend List
1.Give her space-Trust is the basis of all relationships
2.Respect her-Try not to let your ego get the best of you
3.Make her feel beautiful-Girls want to look good for their boyfriends and proving that to her will be proof that you only have eyes for her
4.Be Spontaneous-Be unpredictable and mysterious in order to keep her guessing
5.Trust her around her guy friends-'nuff said

HOW GUYS FLIRT: 1. He stares at you alot.

2. He hits you alot. (just play hitting )

3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a converstaion with you

4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mum that day she picked you up from school

6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process

7. His voice gets softer when ever you two talk.

8. You hung up on him. He called you back.

9. You were invited by him to a group outing.

10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.

11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do laugh PRETTY LOUD. Which makes you laugh even harder...

12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation

13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.

14. He uses every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, thighs, KNEES,ect.)

HOW GIRLS FLIRT:

1.She calls you by your full name not just a nick name.

2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.

3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.

4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.

5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her face.

6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly interested.

7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends and she is almost always next to you.

8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.

9. You catch her staring at you.

10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.

11. Her friends outside of school and in school know about you, and says she talks about you a lot.

12. She knows your phone number and address.

13. She will try and talk, and spend time with you as much as possible

44 things a girl would die for

1-touch her waist 2-talk to her 3-share secrets 4-give her your jacket 5-kiss her slowly and touch her face.

are you remembering this?

6-hug her 7-hold her 8-laugh with her 9-invite her somewhere 10-let her be with you when you're with your friends

keep reading

11-smile with her 12-take pics with her 13-pull her onto your lap 14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back 15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.

Are you thinking about someone?

16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her 17-kiss her unexpectedly 18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST 19- NEVER ignore her. 20-tell her the way you feel about her!

oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too

21-kiss her on the lips 22-Tell her she means everything to you 23-tell her what feels good 24-make her feel loved 25-kiss her in front of other girls you know

26-don't lie to her 27-dont cheat on her 28-take her anywhere she wants 29-instant message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her 30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

are you still reading this? u better be, its important

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too. 32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the cheek (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. 35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her

remember this next time you are with her

36. when people diss her, stand up for her. take her side no matter what. 37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (if you mean it) 38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. 40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for long walks at night. (she'll feel safe, if you put your arms around her.) 44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

youll never know when she needs just a lil more love

repost this in 20 sec. or you will lose the one you care about the most!!

A few things to say to guys (i might use these later!):

Guy: Haven't I seen you some place before? Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore

Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Guy: How did you get to be so beautiful? Woman: I must have been given your share.

Guy: Your face must turn a few heads. Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Guy: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. Woman: Okay, get out.

Guy: I think I could make you very happy. Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Guy: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Guy: Can I have your name? Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Guy: want to see a movie? Woman: I've already seen one.

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Man: I'm God's gift to women Woman: God certainly has a sense of humor.

Guy: I'd like to call you. What's your number? Girl: It's in the phone book Guy: But I don't know your name Girl: That's in the phone book too

Guy: I know how to please a woman Girl: Then please leave me alone

Guy: I can tell you want me Girl: Ohhhh, your so right, I want you to leave

Guy: If you were a hamburger at McDonalds you would be McGorgeous Girl: Would that be under your McLame Burger

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven Girl: Not nearly as bad as when you fell on planet rejection

Guy: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again Girl: No, but sure...next time just be sure to keep walking

Guy: I want to give myself to you Girl: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts

Guy: It's a good thing I have a library card because I'm checking you out Girl: Sorry, I'm on reserve for someone else

Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here! Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your @.

Man: Are you from Tenessee, 'cause your the only TEN-I-SEE Woman: No, but are you from Zeroland, because obvioulsy, you don't look right.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

44 things a girl would die for

1-touch her waist 2-talk to her 3-share secrets 4-give her your jacket 5-kiss her slowly and touch her face.

are you remembering this?

6-hug her 7-hold her 8-laugh with her 9-invite her somewhere 10-let her be with you when you're with your friends

keep reading

11-smile with her 12-take pics with her 13-pull her onto your lap 14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back 15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.

Are you thinking about someone?

16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her 17-kiss her unexpectedly 18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST 19- NEVER ignore her. 20-tell her the way you feel about her!

oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too

21-kiss her on the lips 22-Tell her she means everything to you 23-tell her what feels good 24-make her feel loved 25-kiss her in front of other girls you know

26-don't lie to her 27-dont cheat on her 28-take her anywhere she wants 29-instant message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her 30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

are you still reading this? u better be, its important

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too. 32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the cheek (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. 35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her

remember this next time you are with her

36. when people diss her, stand up for her. take her side no matter what. 37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (if you mean it) 38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. 40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for long walks at night. (she'll feel safe, if you put your arms around her.) 44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

youll never know when she needs just a lil more love

repost this in 20 sec. or you will lose the one you care about the most!!

Silence is golden but ductape is silver

65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then read. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV then copy and paste this to your profile.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

What A Boyfriend Should Do:

When she walks away mad...

Follow her.

When she stares at your mouth...

Kiss her.

When she pushes you or hits you...

Grab her and don't let go.

When she's quiet...

Ask her what's wrong.

When she ignores you...

Give her you FULL attention.

When she pulls away...

Pull her back.

When you see her at her worse...

Tell her she is beautiful.

When you see her start to cry...

Just hold her and don't say a word.

When you see her walking...

Sneak up from behind and hug her waist from behind.

When she's scared...

Protect her.

When she lays her head on your shoulder...

Tilt her head up and kiss her.

When she steals your favorite hat...

Let her keep it and sleep with it for the night.

When she teases you...

Tease her back and make her laugh.

When she doesn't answer you for a long time...

Reasure her that everything is alright.

When she looks at you with doubt..

Back yourself up.

When she says that she likes you...

She really does...more than you understand.

When she grabs at your hand...

Hold hers and play with her fingers.

When she bumbs into you..

Bump her back and make her laugh.

When she tells you a secret...

Keep it safe and untold.

When she looks into your eyes...

Don't look away until she does.

When she misses you...

She's hurting inside.

When you break her heart...

The pain NEVER really goes away.

When she says 'it's over'...

She still wants you to be hers.

When she re-posts this bullentin...

She WANTS you to read it.

Stay on the phone with her...

Even if she's not saying anything.

When she's mad...

Hug her tight and don't let go.

When she says she okay...

Dont believe her and talk about it because 10 years from know...

she will remember you.

Call her at 12:00...

Just to tell her you love her.

Call her before you sleep and...

after you wake up.

Treat her like...

she's ALL that matters to you.

Tease her...

and let her tease you back.

Stay up with her All night when she's sick and watch her favorite TV show or Movie with her...

even if you think it is stupid.

Give her the world...

and let her wear your clothes.

When she's bored and alone...

Hang out with her.

Let her know how important she is to you...

and kiss her in the pouring rain.

If you post this in the next four minutes...

The one you love will:

Call you.

Kiss you.

Love you.

Text You

if you think girls and boys are equal human beings, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teens have tried smoking pot. If you haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think hair color doesn't determine how smart you are, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a million dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want a billion dollars, copy and paste this into your profile.

Did you konw taht you can raed mix-up wrods vrey esialy if the frist and lsat ltetrs are in the rgiht palce? If you could read that, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend, copy and paste this to your profile.

Ways to Annoy Your Parents

-I am not responsible for any shouting, yelling and punishments they give you. Please note: USE AT YOUR OWN RISK! Please do not sue me when your parents hand out your punishment for using this.

1 - Follow them all the time 2 - Say "Muu" when they call you 3 - Pretend you got amnesia 4 - Keep walking backwards 5 - Run all over the house with a bulb in your hand and saying "The Sun! It's dying!" 6 - Run on the walls 7 - Sing out loud while you run all over the house wearing only underwear 8 - Say that wearing clothes is against your religion 9 - Stay in fron of them at four in the morning and with a big smile in the face say "Good morning, sunshine!" 10 - Run in circles 11 - Recite a whole movie. Three times. 12 - Pretend you're fighting yourself. Lose. 13 - Pull somebody's hair and scream "DNA!" 14 - Wear a T-Shirt that reads "I'm Retarded!" 15 - Wear jeans on your heads, a t-shirt on your waist and say it's a new fashion concept 16 - Try to find another way to drink something in a glass 17 - Glue your finger on your nose with Super Glue 18 - Talk to a pen 19 - Have imaginary friends. Talk to them all the time. 20 - Pretend you're a viking 21 - Try to climb on the walls 22 - Scream really loud "WHERE-IS-MY-MOTHER!?" 23 - Put an ice-cream cone on your forehead and say you're a beautiful unicorn 24 - Do what they tell you to 25 - Stay turning the lights on and off and after 5min say "ooh! I get it now..." 26 - Eat non-eatable things. 27 - Sit in front of the fan with your arms wide open and sing "I believe I can fly!!" 28 - Hold their hands and say "I see dead people..." 29 - When taking a shower, scream "I'm drowning!" 30 - Chase an imaginary tail 31 - Demand your own telephone number 32 - Scream "Lie!" for everything they say 33 - Pretend you're 268 years old 34 - Stay upside down in your closet 35 - Pretend you're a telephone 36 - Try to swim on the ground 37 - Knock on their door all the night 38 - Pretend you have multiple personalities 39 - Deny everything they say before they finish saying and say "Why what? Are you trying to find a reason to punish me?". Take a long breath, blink three times and say "Can I help you?" 40 - Ask "What?" for everything they say and pretend youdon't understand 41 - Look at you father for some time and then say "I'M USING NEW SOCKS!" 42 - Always repeat "What would give you that idea?" 43 - When your mother start talking to you, say "Lo siento, No hablo Inglés" 44 - Tell them you have a very imporant secret that you can't tell to anyone, they'll insist on you to tell the secret, then you whisper "I'm Spiderman/Catwoman!" 45 - Stay looking at nowhere for some time and quickly look at your parents with a scared expression and say "Did you feel that?!" 46 - Write "Will you really eat this little bird?"/"Eggs are friends, not food!" on every egg you got in the freezer 47 - When having dinner, stand up and say to one of your siblings: "Due to economic problems, you will be banished from this house." 48 - When visiting your grandparents, start singing "Uuhm, you touch my tchalala!" 49 - Always say "That's so hot" with Paris Hilton acent 50 - Tell them everything you did was just to annoy them

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1. Thou shalt not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(Why wait?) 2. Thou shalt not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer) 3. Thou shalt not steel from K-Mart. (WalMart has a bigger selection) 4. Thou shalt not get arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect) 5. Thou shalt not steal from thy parents. (Every one knows grandma has more money) 6. Thou shalt not get into fights. (Just start them) 7. Thou shalt not skip class. (Just take the whole day off) 8. Thou shalt not strip in class. (Hooters pays more) 9. Thou shalt not think about having sex. (As Nike says - Just Do It!) 10. Thou shalt not help old ladies cross the street. (Just leave them in the middle!)

Barbie's Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but it’s definitely payback time! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m going to call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won’t wanna be around to smell it).

So, here’s my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa.

l. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I’m sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man — maybe GI Joe. I’d take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boy toy Ken. And, what’s with that earring anyway? If I’m gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don’t care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don’t cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90’s persona. Maybe “PMS Barbie”, complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; “Animal Rights Barbie” with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or “Stop Smoking Barbie” sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald’s endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It’s been 37 years — I think I deserve it.

Okay, Santa, that’s it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don’t think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new doll next Christmas. It’s that simple.

Yours Truly,

Barbie

Supercrapafuckaliciousexpialibullshit

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"

Stick that in your Juic Box & Suck it!

I DON'T BITE... (HARD)

Put this on your profile If you like to laugh!

You say prep - I say goth

You say pink - I say black

you say Jesse McCartney - I say DIE!!!

You say Paris Hilton - I say what the heck?

You say Pop - I say Rock

You say Hannah Montana - I say Evanescence

you say im weird - I say I'm different

I'm the Girl

I'm the girl who will put my head on your shoulder, not because I'm sleepy, but because I want to be closer to you. I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive restaurant.

I'm the girl who says,"Okay, but you owe me...", not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you.

I'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you.

I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like; I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms. I'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me. I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have.

I'm the girl who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart,

I'm the girl who never forgets you. I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss. I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything. I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends. I'm the girl who will listen to you talk. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind. I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend. I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word.

I'm the girl who loves it when you give me flowers for no apparent reason.

I'm the girl who thinks the world of you. All I want is for us to be together.

I am not that girl, The one that is super popular. The one that is rich. The one obsessed with Twilight. The one that will lie to get her way. The one that doesn't care about your feelings. The one that wears her Team Edward or Team Jacob shirt proudly. The one that has a new boyfriend every week. The one that hates her life because she wears size-two jeans. The one that would cry over a boy. The one that loves Justin Bieber. The one that will give up because she broke a nail. The one that started wearing makeup at nine years old.

BUT

I am that girl, The one who likes books more than boys. The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy. The one who reads and writes to escape. The one who just wants to help. The one that really wants to make a difference. The one that sticks to her values. The one that doesn't look at race or homosexuality. The one that cries when she feels alone and helpless; it only shows she's strong. The one that knows she's beautiful, no matter what others say. The one that refuses to believe that this is it. The one that doesn't care if she eats too many cinnamon buns...they taste good. The one that people like, because she's crazy. The one that doesn't care if she looks like a retard, because if looking like a retard is what it takes, go for it. The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow. The one who won't give in. The one won't give up.

Paste this to your profile if you agree with every one of these.

96% of girls would cry if they saw Justin Bieber about to jump from a very high plane 20,000 feet in the air with no parachute. If you're in the 4% that would bring a cooler of food and drinks and a lawnchair and watch then copy and paste this in your profile. (I'd video tape it!)

G_ F_CK Y_ _RSELF! Would you like to buy a vowel?

Of course I have a boyfriend! He just doesn't know I exist...

What to Do During an Exam

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)

15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (I would never do that)

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Act spazzy

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Cross-Dress.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Frito's:... You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going to be frozen... darn.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!!...) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and put this on your profile to bring a smile to someone (maybe even a chuckle)...

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

You know you live in 2007 when...(haha it's not 2007 anymore)

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn;t even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

HOW TO SUCCEED AT BEING A NORMALTEENAGER (In 15 easy steps):

1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.

2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!

3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a girl, that means you wear leggings as pants and cut up your t-shirts so they just barely cover your chest. Uggs are a must, for any time of the year, including midsummer. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly recommended. Jerseys and shorts are the number one choice for extremely cold weather.

4. Now that you're dressed like the little snowflake you are, it's time to talk about relationships with your parents! The next time they ask you to perform a non time-consuming chore or a small favor, be sure to throw a complete tantrum in the kitchen. Tell them how much you hate them and how they don't accept your individuality, as they can see by your intuition in fashion. Be sure to include that they don't love you and that they wish you were never born. Follow this by running to your room and slamming your door off its hinges. If they attempt to speak to you at any time after this, lay face down on your bed and scream at them through your pillow. Scream about how no one loves you and let your excessive eye makeup run down your face, too.

5. To ensure that you're everyone's favorite person in the morning, don't ever sleep. It's recommended that you should stay up all night on Facebook chat, having the exact same conversation with nine different people. It should be going something like this: YOU: hey "FRIEND": hi YOU: wassup "FRIEND": nm, u YOU: nm "FRIEND": im bored YOU: same "FRIEND": wat r u doin YOU: nothing u "FRIEND": nothing YOU: lol "FRIEND": lol …And should continue this way until the wee hours in the morning. During this time, no homework should be done, and only caffeine and sugar filled foods should be consumed.

6. If someone offers you an alcoholic drink, TAKE IT. CHUG IT DOWN. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK LIKE A LOSER WHO DOESN'T DRINK. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DRINK IT. DRINK IIIIIIIIIIT.

7. Speaking of your amazing friends that are so nice to you and you to them, you must remain in contact with them at all times. They have to know everything that's happening in your life, just like you need to know theirs. Every time you start and finish a meal, update your Facebook status. Each time you borrow your mom's car to drive to someone's house to do nothing but sit on their couch for three hours, you should tweet when you left, while you drive there, when you get there, while you're there, when you leave, on your way home, and when you get home. Your phone must be in your hand, or within five inches of it at all times. You can't afford to not have it. What if you miss an important tweet? Your friend could be eating a cheeseburger and you won't know about it! YOU NEED THAT PHONE. Treat it like your child. No, treat it BETTER than your child, which you'll likely have in the next two years. *Important Note: Don't forget to do it while you drive!

8. Go beat up/ridicule a gay kid. Even a kid you think is gay and really isn't. Assume that every guy in the school play and any girl not dressing like a slut is gay.

9. You must use these words/phrases a minimum of five times per minute: - 'Like' - 'Um' or 'Uh' - 'Ohmigod' - 'Literally' - 'Legit' - 'I know, right?!' - 'Dude' - A swear of some kind - 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!' - A misinterpretation of the word 'Irony' (And for those familiar with internet vernacular) - 'Derp' and/or 'Herp' - 'Fail' - 'FFFFFFUUUUUU' - 'ASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF' - 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN' - Sentences that begin with 'Y U NO' - 'UR GAY' - 'FIRST!'

10. No matter how pretty, thin, and beautiful your outward appearance is, you must always dismiss yourself as "ugly", "disgusting", "hideous", etc.

11. Interpret EVERYTHING you see and hear as sexual.

12. You should ALWAYS expect sympathy from others no matter WHAT you do. Expect that your friends will cry and hug you when you tell them about that tragic weekend your mom took your phone away, ALL because you were caught driving drunk and having sex.

13. The only words you read should come from a TV, a computer screen, or your phone. Reading is for losers who don't have friends to text.

14. If you are doing poorly in any class, expect that the teacher secretly hates you. They really, really hate you. Even though you're doing awesome in that class, they give you bad grades because they are secretly trying to destroy you, and keep from you getting into the party school you want to go too, even though mommy and daddy will buy your way in there anyway. It's NEVER your fault. That teacher WANTS to see you crash and burn. Don't forget to say that to their face and to complain to all of your friends!

15. What's that? SOMEONE IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU! They are assaulting your individuality with individuality of their own! They don't listen to the music you do! They're a girl, and you can't even see their bra straps! How can she hope to be respected when she's not even a d-cup?! They're a guy and you can't even see their boxers! The smell of Axe body spray isn't activating your gag reflex! You know what you must do? ATTACK! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! How dare they act more intelligent and insightful than you, even though they are! DESTROY THEM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY! What's this?! THEY'RE GAY TOO? NO! THAT GOES AGAINST THE RELIGION YOU SAY YOU FOLLOW BUT REALLY DON'T! NOOOOOOO!*explode*

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW A COMPLETELY NORMAL TEEN. Go cry now.

Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says... "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your own life, copy and paste this into your profile

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile

If you day-dream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLL --_--_--_--_--_--_OOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLL--_--_--_--_--_--_ LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOO--_--_--_--_ OOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

WHAT A KISS MEANS

Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready" Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever" Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything" Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends" Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you" Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together" Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you" Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means... Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other" Slap on the Butt = "That's mine" Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go" Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you" Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me" Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go" Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you" picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"

--Advice-- Dont ask for a kiss, take one If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.

--Requirements-- Post this again after reading!!

A B C D E F G Gummy Bears are chasing me

One is red and one is blue

One is trying to steal my shoe

Now I'm running for my life

'Cause the red one has a knife

Repost if you LOVE Gummy Bears

Wake up in the morning', Feeling' like detectives, Got my clues, I'm out the door, Gonna hit the United Nation, Before I leave, I say Sibuna, Throw some stuff in the fire, The teachers say that Joy's at home, but they're all just liars..

I'm talking' what kind of spy name is Rene, Rene? Victor says we're gonna pay, pay Let's find some clues today, day We're sneaking' up into the att-ic, Down into the base-ment, What's up with Joy's disappearance...?

Don't stop, make it pop! Fabian, blow my cylinder up tonight, Imma fight, till Victor drops the pin tonight, Tik tok, picked a lock, Man, this attic is really hot! Oh-whoa-whoa, Oh-whoa-whoa-

So now the teachers are lining up, 'Cause they hear we're onto them But we'll just run away, unless Fabian's got a plan again.. I'm talking', Corbier’s feathers everywhere, where Steal Victor's keys if we dare, dare [repeat chorus]

If you care at all about this poor child, paste it onto your profile, before it's too late..

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

If you cried reading that, copy and paste both of these to your profile.

I have so much stuff on my profile, I don't even know what I've posted before or not, so I know for a true FACT that I've copy-and-pasted some stuff on here more than once. If you are like me and have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have even flung your pencil across the room at school during class, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you make faces at your teachers while no one is looking, copy and paste this to your profile.

I can't believe itDo you realize how happy I am now?I see life a different way without you.I can't even remember how we fell in love.It was a sad day, then everything got better!I don't love you.I really don't.Trust me, I am not lying!I'm fine without you...

Can't you see how sad I really am without you...

Meaning of Each Letter in Your Name

A: Hot B: Loves people C: A good kisser D: Makes people laugh E: Has gorgeous eyes F: People wild and crazy adore you G: Very outgoing H: Easy to fall in love with I: Loves to smile and laugh J: Really sweet K: Really silly L: Smile to die for M: Makes dating fun N: Can kick the crap out of you O: Has one of the best personalities ever P: Popular with all types of people Q: A hypocrite R: Good boyfriend/girlfriend S: Cute T: A very good kisser U: Is very flirtatious. V: Not judgemental W: Very broad minded X: Never let people tell you what to do Y: Is loved by everyone Z: Can be funny and dumb at times

AQUARIUS - The Slut (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

PISCES - The Addict (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

LEO - The Cool One (7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! Very beautiful. Amazing. however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

CANCER - The Smart One. (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

ARIES- The Irresistible One (3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SASGITTARIUs-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.

TAURUS- The Aggressive One (4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

LIBRA - The Partner for Life (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. (Aww, this describes me perfectly!)5 years of bad luck if you do not repost

CAPRICORN - The Cute One (12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it... Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind. Gorgeous Smile. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

VIRGO- The Promiscuous One (8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

GEMINI - The Liar (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.16 years of bad luck if you do not repost

Pick the month you were born: January--I kicked February--I loved March--I kissed April--I licked May--I jumped on June--I smelled July--I did the Macarena With August--I had lunch with September--I danced with October--I sang to November--I yelled at December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1--a birdbath 2--a monster 3--a phone 4--a fork 5--a snowman 6--a gangster 7--my mobile phone 8--my dog 9--my best friends' boyfriend 10--my neighbor 11--my science teacher 12--a banana 13--a fireman 14--a stuffed animal 15--a goat 16--a pickle 17--your mom 18--a spoon 19-- - a smurf 20--a baseball bat 21--a ninja 22--Chuck Norris 23--a noodle 24--a squirrel 25--a football player 26--my sister 27--my brother 28--an iPod 29--a surfer 30--a llama 31--A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White--because I'm cool like that Black--because that's how I roll. Pink--because I'm crazy. Red--because the voices told me to. Blue--because I'm sexy and I do what I want Green--because I think I need some serious help. Purple--because I'm AWESOME! Gray--because Pewdiepie said to and he's my leader. Yellow--because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars Orange--because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway. Brown--because I can.. Other--because I'm a Ninja! None--because I can't control myself!

I sang to my best friend's boyfriend because I'm sexy and I do what I want. (Wow, seriously?)

Your Girl Side

You wear lip gloss/stick.

You love to shop.

You wear eyeliner.

You wear the color pink.

Go to your mom for advice.

You consider cheerleading a sport.

You hate wearing the color black.

You like hanging out at the mall.

You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

You like wearing jewelry

Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

You don't like the movie Star Wars.

You were in gymnastics/dance?

It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

You smile a lot more than you should

You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

You care about what you look like.

You like wearing dresses when you can.

You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.

You love the movies.

Used to play with dolls as little kid.

Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.

Like being the star of everything

Total: 21

My Boy Side

You love hoodies.

You love jeans.

Dogs are better than cats.

It's hilarious when people get hurt.

You've played with/against boys on a team.

Shopping is torture.

Sad movies suck

You own/ed an X-Box.

Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.

At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter

You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.

You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

You watch sports on TV

Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.

You like going to high school football games.

You used to/do collect football/baseball cards

Baggy pants are cool to wear.

It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.

You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

Sports are fun.

Talk with food in your mouth.

Sleep with your socks on at night

Total : 10

1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Indizzle (Huh?)

2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (colour and animal): Pink Unicorn (Cute!)

3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Gabrielle Innie Minnie (Um...wow.)

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Horinrey (Does that sound wrong to you?)

5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favourite colour, drink): Purple 7UP (I guess...)

6. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Nriiexe (What the what now?)

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Latrice (Okay.)

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Scamper (Er...hmm.)

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong): Pineapple Plan (See above comment.)

10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (colour, pirate accessory): Pink Eyepatch

Bold what makes you:

A boy

A girl

A boyfriend

A girlfriend

Gay

Lesbian

Football

Baseball

Basketball

Soccor

Tennis

Golf

Runner

Body-Builder

Gamer

Reader

Friendly

Loving

Caring

Bitchy

Stuck up

Christian

Comedian

Dancer

Singer

Actor/Actress

Fat

Scrawny

Good Shape

Abs

Trained Pecs

Biceps

Triceps

Flexible

Twilight Fan

Virgin

Fighter

Gangsta

Terrorist

Hero

Sibling

GET TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME...

1.You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What do you buy?

Some apple juice and a Twix. Then I have money left over for gum!

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?

A Dolphin. Preferably a pink one.

3. Who's your favorite redhead?

I don't really have one...

4. What do you order when you're at IHOP?

Pancakes, yum!

5. Last book you read?

The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester.

6. Describe your mood.

Silghty bored and really giddy.

7. Describe the last time you were injured?

Um, yesterday. I ran into a door.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?

Definitely Jasmine.

9. Rock concert or symphony?

Rock concert, but I'd like the symphony too.

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?

A picture of myself with big shades, lipgloss, and pink headphones.

11. Favorite Soda?

7Up.

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?

Black, white, and dark purple Hello Kitty long sleeved t-shirt.

13. If you could only use one form of transportation, what would it be?

Teleportation. Most definitely.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theatres?

Frozen. It's sooo ehma-amazing!

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for:

Um, whoever plays Fletcher on Ant Farm. He's just sooo cuh-ute!

16. What's your favorite kind of cake?

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!

17. What did you have for dinner last night?

Pizza and green beans.

18. Look to your left, what do you see?

The living room.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Why? I'd just have to retie them anyway.

20. Favorite toy as a child?

My cooking playset. I had over 100 different plastic food items, silverware, and dishes, and three of those kitchen sets(You know, the stove/oven/microwave things?)

21. Do you buy your own groceries?

Nope.

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

Probably. But it's not like I care. I mean, I'm a beta and they're LBR's, so it's no biggie.

23. Whens the last time you had gummy worms?

Years and years ago. My parents never let me eat them anymore.

24. Whats your favorite fruit?

Easy. Pineapple.

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?

I can't do a cartwheel. So, no.

26. Do you like running long distances?

Sometimes, but I usually can't move for a while afterwards.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?

Snowflakes, yes. Snow off the ground? No way.

28. What color are your bedsheets?

Pink, blue, and green with white polka-dots. I'm quite girly.

29. Whats your favorite flower?

Pink roses.

30. Do you do ballet?

I used to when I was, like, five.

31. Do you listen to classical music?

I love it!

32. What is the 1st TV Theme song that pops in your head?

Jessie from Disney Channel.

33. Do you watch Spongebob?

Yes.

34. What temperature is it outside right now?

Um, I dunno. Like, 36F.

35. Do people consider you smart?

I guess...

36. How many piercings do you have?

I had both my ears pierced, but they resealed.

37. Are you signed on AIM?

What's that?

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?

Mmm-hmm. Next question.

39. How do you feel about your family?

I hate them. Point blank. Not love/hate, just hate.

40. Do you have an iPod?

No, but I want one.

41. What time do you go to bed?

Anytime between 12PM and 3AM ;)

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?

The Serpent's Shadow by Rick Riordan.

43. What movie do you know every line to?

Um, I'm not sure...OH! Peter Pan! The real version, with actors, not the animated one.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?

It's a tie between Thousand Island and Italian.

45. What do you want for Christmas this year?

More dolls, books and stuffed animals.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you? Where?

Um, I think we have family in Ireland, so...yeah.

47. Do you like hugs?

Only from my parents, girl friends, and future boyfriend.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

Um, when I thought about meeting people in real life. So scary.

49. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?

They normally don't mispronounce my name. I mean, it's India, so it's kind of straight forward.

50. Last person you hugged?

My mom.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' (LOL!)

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

People think you can be socially awkward because you never come out of you room because you're always writing. (THANK GOD!)

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.(Sorta)

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "clear" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no clear reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

(Italics of what I've done!)

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

To Every Girl

To every girl that is SCARED to put her heart out there again because she has been HURT too many times or so badly.

To every girl that has been cheated on because she's not a slut who gives it up to any guy

To every girl that dresses cute, not skanky.

To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for a perfect present for you

To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose that bitch again. T

o every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend.

To every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess.

To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.

To every girl that just wants to hold hands.

To every girl that kisses him with meaning.

To every girl who wishes he cared more.

To every girl who would just once wants a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.

To every girl who just wants him to call.

To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him.

To every girl who just wants to cuddle.

To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex.

To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.

To every girl who thought "maybe this one could be the one".

To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and having a rough time along the way.

To every girl that doesn't want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels.

To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.

To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.

To every girl hat gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face never again.

To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be. Copy and paste this into your profile titled "To Every Girl"

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. (I don't own this)

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Funny Phobias If you laugh at any of these, paste it in your profile!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words Doctor: "You have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Patient: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Androphobia- Fear of males A guy wakes one morning, "OMG!!!"

Unatractivephobia- Fear of ugly people You walk outside to your car and some old ladies walking down the street and you run inside screaming.

Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful woman A guy looks at his fiance

Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting Teacher: "Bobby, it's time to SIT DOWN OR ELSE." Bobby: "It's alright, I'm not *yawn* tired, I'll stand."

Sophophobia- Fear of learning Mom: "Honey, what did you learn today?" Kid: "MOMMY!! DON'T SAY THE 'L' WORD!!!"

Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public A famous person. Signing autographs. Ouch.

Scolionophobia- Fear of school Kid: "But Mommy, you're a teacher, what do you mean you don't like school?" Mom/Teacher: "I can just hear all those fingernails on the chalkboard!!"

Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking Wife: "Just think how wonderful a trip to Paris would be..." Husband: "I WON'T DO IT!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13.

People call another Guy fat, No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight .

People call an old man ugly, No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.

Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 95% of you won't.

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.

(x) You have run into a glass/screen door.

() You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

(x) You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

total so far=5

(X) You have run into a tree.

() It IS possible to lick your elbow

(X) You just tried to lick your elbow.

() You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same rhythm.

(X) You just tried to sing them.

(x) You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

(X) You have choked on your own spit.

(x) You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.

(X) You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice

(X) You just looked at it.

() Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde/has blonde in it.

() People have called you slow.

total so far= 13

(X) You have accidentally caught something on fire

(x) You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.

(x) You have caught yourself drooling.

(x) You’ve fallen asleep in class

(x) If someone says “fart” you laugh.

(x) You just laughed.

total so far= 19

(x) Sometimes you just stop thinking

(x) You tell a story and forget what you were talking about

() People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you

() You are often told to use your “inside voice”.

(X) You use your fingers to do simple math.

total so far= 22

() You have eaten a bug.

(x) You are taking this test when you should be doing something important

(x) You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it

(x) You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, pocket, head, etc.

total so far= 25

(x) You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.

(X) You break a lot of things.

() Your friends know not to use big words around you

(X) You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused

(x) You have fallen out of your chair before

(x) When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

Total all together= 30 (Was this a stupidity test? ...Never mind...)

Total all together= 27 (Was this a stupidity test? ...Never mind...)

There's a 13 year old girl, and she wished that her dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg. It was 2:53 p.m . When she made her wish. At 3:07 p.m. (14 minutes later), the doorbell rang, and there her Dad was, luggage and all!!

I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting. I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was at 1:35 and at 1:55 there was an announcement that he was promoted and was leaving for another city. Believe me...this really works!

My name is Ann and I am 45 years of age. I had always been single and had been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many years. While kind of daydreaming (and right after receiving this email) I wished that a quality person would finally come into my life. That was at 9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM a FedEx delivery man came into my office.He was cute, polite and could not stop smiling at me. He started coming back almost everyday (even without packages) and asked me out a week later. We married 6 months later and now have been happily married for 2 years.

What a great email it was!!

Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. ex.you are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true).

Go for it!

SCROLL DOWN!

STOP!

Congratulations! Your wish will now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this carefully...it can be very rewarding!

If you repost this within the next 5 min. something major that you've been wanting will happen.

You know you're a House of Anubis fan when...

You can't hear the term "party animal" without thinking of Alfie.

You can't listen to your history teacher talk about Lewis and Clark without giggling.

You can't think about prom without thinking about Fabian and Nina.

Whenever someone says you're insane, you say, "Very observant."

You want to go to a British boarding school just to see if some weird mystery starts unfolding.

You will ace anything you have to learn about Egyptian mythology.

You know your numerology number and have compared it to your favorite character's multiple times.

You compare yourself to Nina and try to figure out who the Fabian, Amber, Patricia, Alfie, Jerome, Mick, and Mara are in your life.

You think of Mick when anyone mentions a scholarship.

You think of Fabian when you think about astronomy.

You know what song Fabian and Nina danced to and are plotting to get your high school to play it at your prom.

You are constantly trying to figure out how to get deadly bugs into an hour-glass to threaten your enemies with.

You have looked up what a degenerative condition is and you now feel very sorry for Mr. Winkler.

You have had at least one dream where you were Nina and your boyfriend was Fabian.

Copy and paste this to your profile if you have done at least three of these things. I've done italics

If you (try to) sneak books into gym class, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile.

If you'd rather read than do sports, paste this into your profile.

If your English teacher ever told you to stop reading in class, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever proved your teacher wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

Fan fiction is to me what Facebook is to others! Copy and paste this to your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star had the same tune.(After I read that, I was like, Oh My Gawsh! *Singing the songs in my head to compare.* I get it now!!!)

If you run upstairs to your room right after school to get on your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.(What do you mean, after?)

If you randomly start talking/singing/dancing, copy and paste this into your profile

5 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of Cereal and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressant are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud-speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice-cream cone. You thanked her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.

When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming to soccer to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.

When you were 10, your mom paid for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.

When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thaned her by talking on the phone all night.

When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.

When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.

When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.

When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to in front of your friends.

When you were 26, your mom paid for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.

When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents are to their children.

Then on night she died quietly and everything you did came crashing down on you.

If you love your mom, copy and paste this in your profile. If you don't, then you won't care if your mom dies, will you?

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: Already has the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: Bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you in the process

FRIENDS: Will be embarassed when all goes silent and you start to sing the song that has been stuck in your head for days

BEST FRIENDS: Will be singing along with you

FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping with you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your butt and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: Are there when you're sitting in a bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you

BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you

FRIENDS: Will tell you they know how you feel

BEST FRIENDS: Will sit down and cry with you

FRIENDS: Ask nicely for your stuff

BEST FRIENDS: Just shout "GIMME" it

FRIENDS: Wait to call you at a reasonable hour

BEST FRIENDS: Will call you at two in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things

BEST FRIENDS: won't let you do stupid things 'alone'.

«FRIENDS: Will take you to buy a pregnancy test

«BEST FRIENDS: Will stand outside the bathroom screaming "NAME IT AFTER ME!"

FRIENDS: Will buy you lunch

BEST FRIENDS: Will eat yours

FRIENDS: will come and ask you to get a drink with her if some strange boy grabs you on the dance floor and you need an 'out'.

BEST FRIENDS: Will push herself in between you and the punk, wrap her arms around you, and say. "I'm sorry she's here with me, find your own date."

FRIENDS: Will not try anything that will embarass you while near your crush.

BEST FRIENDS: Will cackle evily and try to push you 'by accident' into him while standing next to him.

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this

BEST FRIENDS: Would repost this crap

FRIENDS: Fade

BEST FRIENDS: Are forever

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If you love music copy and paste this to your profile

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If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you just tried to lick your elbow because of the phrase above, copy and paste this onto you profile page (OMG I WAS SO CLOSE I LICKED THE EDGE!!LOL)

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile...

If you think that sugar is a reason to live, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Something to think about: If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Oh, deep, I know.

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Keep smiling; it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well-aimed.

if at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If u stood there & yelled BANG! I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

When I die, I wanna go peacefully like Grandpa did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

1 day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, & is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road & not have their motives questioned.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

You're laughing now because u're older than me by months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

On those restaurant signs that say 'No shirt, no shoes, no service,' does that mean you can wear a shirt and shoes, but no pants, and they have to serve you?

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday.

My mother told me never to talk to strange people. I never talk to myself, parents, or friends anymore.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

A bookstore is one of the few pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

I am in shape...round is a shape. (Not really, but this is funny)

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.

Flying is not inherently dangerous crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are we scared?!

Yes I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet!

They're laughing at us because we're idiots. We're laughing at them because they just found out.

If love isn't a game, then why are there so many players?

We girls don't need you to be Superman, we just need you to be here.

You call me crazy as if it was the last insult, but I just stare at you and say "so?"

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit if there are freaking footsteps on the moon!

Some say the glass is half full others the glass is half empty, Me:I wanna know who's drinking my soda!

Life was so much easier when our worries were when recess was too short. decisions were solved by eni meani mini mo. only skinned knees brought tears. boys were yucky & goodbyes meant tomorrow

There's always a reason beyond 'just wondering'

Sometimes I wonder if love was ever worth fighting for. Then I remembered your face and now I'm ready.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not scared of the dark, I'm scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back

I think I'll go anti-love.Really.Who wants butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping beats? That can't be safe.

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

Weird is good, strange is bad, & odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird & proud of it,copy this onto your profile!

U say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thank U for embracing it!

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

It's just you and me against the world... we attack at dawn.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

If you have strange dreams that never, ever make any sense whatsoever, put this into your profile

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

If u realize that copying & pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet u do it anyways, copy & paste this into ur profile.

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you :)

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I'm on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of something called "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

You can't spell awesome without ME!

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Recent studies show that 92% of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8% that hasn't, put this in your profile

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy & paste this onto your profile. if they are right... copy & paste this into your profile.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky escalator = endless fun

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people who know all about you and still put up with you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!

I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyways.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their own way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

If you are a SUPER MEGA #1 Fabina fan, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you screamed, squealed, and jumped up and down when Fabian and Nina kissed in the Season Finale, copy and paste this to your profile

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a lot cooler.

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

You're a great friend, but if zombies chase us . . . I'm tripping you.

So many stupid people, so little duct tape.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you please run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities, and none of them like you.

I don't understand white crayons! Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

If your English teacher ever told you to stop reading in class, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever proved your teacher wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you randomly start talking/singing/dancing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If talking to yourself is a common thing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you'd rather read than do sports, paste this into your profile.

If you run upstairs to your room right after school to get on your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star had the same tune.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on to your profile.

If you work better to music or TV, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you day-dream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are wondering what it would be like to have wings, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile

Oink. I'm a cow.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I trip UP the stairs.

OMG. THE RAIN'S WET!

I have superpowers, I just don't wanna show you.

OOPS. Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Get over it.