Name: Rik

Age: 22

Location: Rocky Mountains

Currently Writing: Nothin, but maybe I will

Favorites: X-Men, Star Wars, The Lost Boys, Supernatural, The Bourne Series, Them Good Ol' Beats, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, House, The Mentalist, Charmed, Legend of the Seeker, Stargate: Atlantis, Poetry MAN (Nothin better) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Orar-V3y5Sk

"The first thing Michael Phelps should have done when that photo came out was call Kobe Bryant’s publicist. Cuz Kobe was accused of rape, and all he had to do was settle in court for millions of dollars, change his jersey number and win a championship and that soulless town in LA couldn’t be prouder. I just hope that when parents let their kids run around in #24 jerseys, they have the decency to say: ‘well come on, number 8 was the rapist'."

- Daniel Tosh

"[On the security questions asked at the airport] "Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?" No. Usually the night before I travel, just as the moon is rising, I place my suitcases out on the street corner and leave them there unattended for several hours. Just for good luck."

- George Carlin

BD: "Carelessness. I lost my one true love. I started drinking. The first thing I know, I'm in a card game. Then I'm in a crap game. I wake up in a pool hall. Then this big Mexican lady drags me off the table, takes me to Philadelphia. She leaves me alone in her house, and it burns down. I wind up in Phoenix. I get a job as a Chinaman. I start working in a dime store, and move in with a 13-year-old girl. Then this big Mexican lady from Philadelphia comes in and burns the house down. I go down to Dallas. I get a job as a "before" in a Charles Atlas "before and after" ad. I move in with a delivery boy who can cook fantastic chili and hot dogs. Then this 13-year-old girl from Phoenix comes and burns the house down. The delivery boy - he ain't so mild: He gives her the knife, and the next thing I know I'm in Omaha. It's so cold there, by this time I'm robbing my own bicycles and frying my own fish. I stumble onto some luck and get a job as a carburetor out at the hot-rod races every Thursday night. I move in with a high school teacher who also does a little plumbing on the side, who ain't much to look at, but who's built a special kind of refrigerator that can turn newspaper into lettuce. Everything's going good until that delivery boy shows up and tries to knife me. Needless to say, he burned the house down, and I hit the road. The first guy that picked me up asked me if I wanted to be a star. What could I say?"

INTERVIEWER: "And that's how you became a rock-'n'-roll singer?"

BD: No, that's how I got tuberculosis.

"They try to make raising a kid seem like the hardest shit in the world. It's not. All you have to do is follow the 3 steps. Step 1: Put your kid out on a street corner. Step 2: Come back a week later. Step 3: If the kid's still there you got yourself a stupid fuckin kid."

- George Carlin

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

- Stephen Colbert

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

-George W. Bush