What to say... uh, ok I'm eighteen years old and i love reading and writing. I also like kayaking and running (when it's not too cold!) and hanging out with my weird but fabulous mates! And I've suddenly become addicted to YouTube :S it's a bit worrying to be honest!! (by the way, happy now, Bex??)

My favourite books are the Alex Rider series, Good Omens, Discworld books, His dark materials trilogy, harry potter, lord of the rings, Stolen, Inheritance cycle (OMG!! Brisingr is SO amazingly good!!) etc, and a whole load of others whose names i can't be bothered to write down!

I'm currently writing the second of three books that I've (finally) got planned out!!!

And I've got a FictionPress account! Yay! http://www.fictionpress.com/u/655031/TeenAssassin Where I write random poetry when i get annoyed! :)

Oh no! Even I'm getting a bit confused with my stories now! Basically, "A New Beginning", "Life Goes On", "United We Stand" and "Like Father, Like Daughter" are a series, to be read in that order. "Yassen" was a totally random thing that I did during an excruciatingly boring lesson. "Lonely" was thought of at 11 o'clock at night, and doesn't fit anywhere. "Undercover" REALLY doesn't fit anywhere, and nor does "Shades Of Black".

My favourite quotes!

People are like slinkies... basically useless.. but yet so amusing to watch them fall down stairs!!

LIFE is too SHORT to WAKE UP in the morning with REGRETS. So LOVE the people who TREAT you RIGHT, FORGET about the ones who DON'T. BELIEVE that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON. If you get a CHANCE, TAKE IT. If it changes your LIFE than LET IT. NOBODY said it'd be EASY, they just PROMISED that it'd be WORTH IT!

Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

Don't follow in my footsteps... i run into walls!!

With friendships, it doesn't matter how long you've known each other, how many fights you've gotten into. What MATTERS is who said, "I'll be there 4 u!" and proved it!

By the time you finish reading this you'll realize i just wasted 5 seconds of your life!!

Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!

Every Story Has an End, But In Life, Every End is a New Beginning!

I Have No Idea What's Going On But I'm Excited!!

WARNING: Random attacks of Hyperness... I cant be held responsible for my actions!!

Nothing is impossible, Except skiing through revolving doors.

Dont upset me im running out of places to put the bodies.

You'll never learn to sing if ur not prepared to open ur mouth and hit a few bum notes.

There are two mistakes you can make in life; One is to think ur special, the other is to think that ur not.

Dream as if you will live forever, Live as if its ur last day.

Ive spent most of my life in a saddle, the rest i just wasted.

When god made boyz, she was only joking.

Why Horses are better than boyz... A horse will love you forever.

"Friends listen to what you say... but Best Friends listen to what you dont say..."

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

The voices in my head are telling me I will get back to you as soon as they are done with me

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking.

The worst mistake of my life was meeting you.

Heaven kicked me out. Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Keeping A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3 Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4 .Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

I only have PMT on days that end in the letter "y".

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that it's weird.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

My night in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.'"

"If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot."

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
~Anonymous English Professor, Ohio University

I know writing can be a form of cheap therapy, but there are some times that you should shell out the money and get a good shrink."

Common sense is not so common.

"We promised we'd be nice, but you promised you'd write decently, so in a way, we both lied."

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

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Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line. X

Great minds roll in the same gutter

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen rideralex, CherubChick92, Glissoning Raven, Aleksandrya Gregonovitch, freakily obsessed Yassen fan

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, mysterys, Adderstar, Glissoning Raven, Aleksandrya Gregonovitch, freakily obsessed Yassen fan

If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you live in your own little world, copy and paste.

If it doesn't matter that you live in your own little world because they know you there, copy and paste.

Ninety-five percent of children are concerned with being popular and fitting in. if you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste.

If your hyper, like being hyper and are hyper almost all the time, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think everyone is out of their minds, copy and paste.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste.

If you've ever been on your computer for hours on end reading numerous fanfics, copy and paste this.

If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn! That was fun!'

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favourite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumb war with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

A good friend will offer you an umbrella if it starts to rain; a true friend will steal yours and yell ''run you're getting wet!''

My train of thought has derailed.

Sanity is nice to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Only the insane have strength enough to prosper; only those that prosper may judge what is truly sane.

Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.

Some books make me want to go adventuring. Others feel they have saved me the trouble.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

Error: Press any key except... no, No, NO NOT THAT ONE!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them as much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Just remember; if the world didn't suck, we'd fall off.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

When the blind lead the blind, get out of the way.

Only the paranoid survive.

Don't worry; I forgot your name too.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.

When there's a will, I want to be in it

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.

Thank you for not annoying me more than you do

Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Normal people make good pets.

Better to understand a little, than to misunderstand a lot.

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Why when two cars almost collide do the call it a near miss? Sounds like a near hit to me!

I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words (what's up with that?)

Don't worry about that hole in the wall. That's just where the bomb squad had to cut their way in.

Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon.

Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up.

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better", but best friends will prank call him whispering "You will die in seven days..."

A friend wipes your tears away when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the cell next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. (Aww, crap)

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I grab a paddle and save your ass.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

If you were killed I wouldn't go to your funeral, because I would be stuck in jail after killing the guy that killed you.

Why is it that when kids leave, it's called running away, and when adults run away, it's called leaving?

Thank you for making me not kill you.

Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.

Why do we remember what we want to forget but let what we want to remember slip away?

I live to dream and dream to live.

Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.

Don't cry because it is over; smile because it happened.

The world is cruel... get used to it!

Sometimes you don't realize how much you care about someone till they stop caring for you.

What is this "work" that you speak of?

If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people who answer: "Where to begin?"

My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your pro.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these, copy this into your profile!

If your parents have ever told you that you weren't normal copy this to your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

Copy and paste this if you just checked.

If you absolutely love Yassen Gregorovich, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang+Iggy from maximum ride, Edward+Jasper from twilight!), teeny-weeny-munchkin (it's...he's...no I can't say!!) True Colours (Hey, they can never reject you, only Alex Rider just stole Yassen from me...in my head...which cannot be normal...curses) Mellorocx(well this ought to be long..Alex Rider, Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter(but I think a portion of that is Daniel Radcliffe), Fang, Jasper, Carlise, and multiple manga characters) A a Reader ( Yassen, Wolf, Sesshomura, Emmet, Iggy, Ikuto, and many more )Freakily Obsessed Yassen Fan (oohhh... three guesses!! It's Yassen of course, though I also quite like Crowley from Good Omens)

WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN TWO MALES, TWO FEMALES, OR A MALE AND A FEMALE, LOVE IS LOVE!! ...if you agree, put this in your profile.

If fanfiction is to you what myspace is to other people, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews (or maybe even one review...), add this to your profile(totally me)

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Some books make me want to go adventuring. Others feel they have saved me the trouble.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well

If you think that Twilight has more fame than it's worth...but read it obsessively anyway...copy and paste.

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

You know you're crazy when the wheel is turning but the hamsters dead.

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad."

AND IF YOU JUST READ ALL OF MY QUOTES, YOU DESERVE A MEDAL!! (But I've run out.)