About me:

Favorite movie(s): Edward Scissorhands, Phantom of the Opera (Team Erik), The Illusionist, The Village, Clue, Dracula (1992), and Star Wars Episode 3.

Favorite book(s): The Twilight Saga (Twilight out of them all), The Host, My Sister's Keeper, Watchers, Sunday's at Tiffany's, The Book Thief, Blood and Chocolate, and The Tale of Desperaux.

Favorite TV Show(s): 3rd Rock From The Sun, Life, and Big Brother.

Favorite Quotes: This will go one for a while, folks!

"Television has brought murder back into the home... where it belongs." --Alfred Hitchcock

"I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away." --Xander; Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, 'Why me?' Then a voice answers, 'Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.'" --Charlie Brown

"Television: a medium, so called because it is neither rare nor well don." --Ernie Kovacs

"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." --Emo Philips

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Meninvade another country." --Elayne Boosler

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." --G. K. Chesterton

"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." --Homer Simpson

"I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." --Ian O'Shea

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them." --Ivy Walker

"God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs." "Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the earth." --Jurassic Park

"Age is to women as kryptonite is to Superman." --Kathy Lette

"In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith if the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space, wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever, festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this, I thought... I really must put a roof on this outhouse." --Les Dawson

"Wait a minute. You think my eyes are brown? I'm hurt. It's obvious my eyes are a reflective gold."

"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something." --Mitch Hedburg

"You mean, what we thought, they thought. We think and thought what they thought. We think?" --Patrick; Spongebob

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." --R. D. Laing

"If you see a light at the end of a tunnel, it's probably the light of an oncoming train." --Robert Lowell

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" --Steven Wright

"I inherited a painting and a violin, which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins, and Stradivarius was a terrible painter." --Tommy Cooper

Reality is in the eye of the beholder.

Obsessed is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I don't have ADD. I have ADOS. Attention Deficit Oooooh Shiny!

Some people really ruin fun. They try to spell the word 'fun,' but forget the N.

I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.

A life? Cool! How do I download one of those?

You're just jealous because we can act stupid and people still love us.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

What's the speed of dark?

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If Tylenol, Duct tape, or a Band-Aid can't fix it, then that is one serious problem.

People make mistakes all the time... your parents never told you how you came along, did they?

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses are wilted, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

Right now, I'm experiencing amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

Don't walk in my footsteps. I run into walls.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

The doctors tell me I'm special.

I see dumb people.

I do everything the rice crispies tell me to do.

Reality bites... I have the teeth marks to show it.

I brake for the invisible creatures that only I can see.

Ways To Annoy The Phantom (or How To Get Yourself Mysteriously Hanged In The Opera House)
Constantly tell everyone that he lost Christine to a guy with swishy hair.
Drill holes in his boat.
Pull a Christine and yank his mask off at inopportune moments.
Reprogram the monkey music box to play It's A Small World.
Hide all his ropes.
Replace all the candles in Christine's dressing room with relighting ones.
Do your best (worst) imitation of Carlotta singing.
Hug him. A lot.
Refer to him as the Deformed Social Reject Of The Theater.
Come running down to his lair at random moments screaming, "The mob is coming!"

And One Way To Make The Phantom Really Happy:
Kill GirlyBoy for him.

Save a drum. Bang a drummer.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.

It's not what you wear, it's how you take it off.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'd bet it's hard to pronounce.

Vampires vs Werewolves... it's kinda like ninjas vs pirates, but cooler.

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in back seats can lead to children.

If all the world's a stage, then why do I keep falling in the orchestra pit?

Great Rules Of Writing
1) Do not write sentences in negative form.
2) And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
3) If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading.
4) Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do.
5) Unqualified superlatives are worst of all.
6) De-accession euphemisms.
7) If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
8) Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
9) Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
--William Safire

Favorite Vampire Quotes: may or may not be Twilight

"I never drink... wine." --Count Dracula

The only difference between being a vampire and being an art student is that I actually suffer from lack of food, sleep, and sunlight.

Do not feed the bears. Let the bears feed Emmett.

Hmm. I think today should consist of... a red apple for breakfast, then I'll go pick some red and white ruffled tulips. After, I'll put a red ribbon in my hair and play chess with my red and white chess pieces.

Team Emmett: Because we're all a little gutter-minded at times.

I make major decisions by asking myself WWAD (What Would Alice Do)?

This next one is the best random thing I have ever seen. My friends and I were arguing over who'd looked up the most random thing on Google, so I said:
"I Googled adrenaline rushes."
Of course, only those few who had seen the greenhouse scene knew what I was talking about. I did win that debate, though.

I was a predator. She was my prey. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth.
There was no room full of witnesses – they were already collateral damage in my head. The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten. Her thoughts meant nothing, for she would not go on thinking them much longer.
I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in eighty years.
--Edward Cullen; Midnight Sun

"What? You think he's going to pull a Romeo? Ha!"
--Rosalie Hale; New Moon extras, Miscalculation

Life sucks, and then you die.
Yeah, I should be so lucky.
--Jacob Black; Breaking Dawn

Listen to them, the children of the night. What sweet music they make. --Count Dracula

Demetri Martin Quotes:

I bought a dictionary. The first thing I did was I looked up the word 'dictionary.' And it said, "You're an asshole."

By the way, if you wanna sound like a creep, just add the word 'ladies' to the end of things that you say. It could be harmless, too, it doesn't matter, like, "Thanks for coming to my show... ladies."

'Sort of' is a harmless thing to say, sort of. It's just a filler. It doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, it sort of means everything. Like after, "I love you sort of." Or, "You're going to live sort of." Or, "It's a boy! sort of."

I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

I think a bad place for a fire would the be factory where they make those trick birthday candles.

There's a saying that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Okay. How about, nobody should throw stones. That's crappy behavior. My policy is no stone throwing regardless of housing situation. Don't do it. The is one exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, throw it. What, are you an idiot? So really, it's only people who live in glass houses should throw stones.

Now, after an incredibly long bio, you can get to my stories! Enjoy, and please, R&R if you can.