Hiya, I'm Bonnie

- A midget fortune teller that has escaped from jail is a small medium at large!

- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

- Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

- You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

- Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

- One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you

- What you're looking for is always in the last place you look (Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

- You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

- I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

- They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

- I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

- Having the love of your life say that you can still be friends is like your mom saying you can still keep your dog after it died.

- If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

- You park in driveway and drive on the parkway (because that's not confusing)

- Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is wrong.

- Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them

- If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

- I wasn't born yesterday, and neither were you. If you were, congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age.

- Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Actual things on products:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Continental?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a carton of milk: "Warning: This product contains milk." (OMG REALLY?)

The Review Revolution...

Even if the fic has 10,002,464 reviews already...

Even if the fic is older than time itself...

Even if it was abandoned a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago...

Even if the author turned out to be a total psychopath...

Even if the OC is a Sue and the spelling would make a dictionary cry...

I will review every fic I read. What goes around comes around, and more people will review my own fics. I have joined Review Revolution.