What's eating Paul? What's with that flame on the water? What was Laurent doing just standing in Edward and Bella's meadow? Why does Edward care about Mike's car? Why doesn't Alice know about her past? Cammy knows.

"I'd accepted the fact that I was going to imprint just like my other brothers had. I'd been pretty much been waiting for it. Then one day, Sam goes and blows my mind: I might not imprint. So, I have to find a girlfriend all by myself? This sucks…" This is the piece that will attempt to combat many of the major issues I have with Twilight. Nothing is sacred. AU.

Peek into the intimate pages of Seth Clearwater's man-journal as he complains about life, love, and teenage shape-shifter angst. Post BD, canon-compliant, rating for language and sex humor...because Seth is a teenage boy.