![]() Author has written 6 stories for Naruto, Maximum Ride, House of Night, One Piece, and Twilight. Hey This is my Fanfic page! I just want you all to know: I am FEMALE. Now for random things I have found here on fanfiction that I like! :D Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most! In my world, I'm normal! I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose! How can I miss you if you won't go away? When in pain, laugh! Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies! It's all fun again until someone pops an eye out then hey, free eyeball! Battologist: someone who pointlessly repeats themself Battologist: someone who pointlessly repeats them self I met some crazy people. They made me their leader! I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me? homework. n. (def.) a crude form of mind control still practiced in some primitive societies One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions ZOMBIES: The solution to all of the world problems. Alcohol! Because no good story starts with a salad. Whenever someone says great minds think a like, I can't help but think 'You dirty bastard!' Sometimes I question my sanity, but the gummy bears and unicorn told me I'm fine! I'm watering a shoe, fuck off! They text me "plz" because it's shorter than "please"I answer "no" because it's shorter than "yes" DR. SHELDON COOPER "the guy is one lab accident away from being a super villain" I'm a bad influence, but damn I'm fun! DINNER CHOICES1. take it2. leave it You drink too much.You gossip too much.You have questionable morals..You're everything I ever wanted in a friend REJECTED INVENTIONS- Edible condoms- Disappearing driveways- Electronic shocking doormats- Glow in the dark body wash- Remote controlled garbage cans- Household escalators- Folding toilets By any chance were you out running nekked last night by the lake? If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic trust get's you killedlove get's you hurtbeing real get's you hated I don't get drunkI get awesome! It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit. Help your mate in a fight I WILL EAT YOU HAPPINESS!You will starve. So you can pay $6,445,883 on a commercial for starving kids, but you can't feed them? If it's not about monkeys and Ping-Pong balls, I'm not interested. There's always clean up afterwards Did you know 95% of all statistics are made up? I swear to drunk I'm not god! This is my pie chart of my favorite candy bars,and this bar graph of all my favorite pies! Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next."So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. I MIGHT HAVE A SLIGHT DRINKING PROBLEM...MY HUSBAND ASKED ME TO TOAST SOME BREAD FOR HIM... I RAISED MY WINE GLASS AND SAID "HERE'S TO BREAD!" As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. In order for you to insult me I would first have to value your opinion! I wish I could lose weight as easy as I lose my keys, pen, phone, my temper, and even my mind! If at first you don't succeed, take a nap and try again later. If life gives you lemons, read them! READ ALL OF THEM! OOPS! Did I buy vodka instead of milk again? Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. If life gives you lemons, make grape juice then sit back and watch people wonder how you did it. I am currently in the planning stages of a hangover. "Dude, dude, listen, I know how to solve world peace, dude listen!""Man, are you high?""No, dude listen. Peanut butter is awesome, think about it.""What are you on?!""PEANUT BUTTER! GOD, YOU NEVER LISTEN!" Grandma Lily: "I can feel my... hair growing. You want some soup?"Alex: "Grandma, are you high?"Lily: "Oh, no dear. Drugs are bad, we just drank some of Sofia's tea."Alex: "What tea grandma?"Lily: "The tea she left in the little lamp on the shelf."Alex: "My grandma drank all my pot."Jeff: "That is great."*Alex glares at Jeff*Jeff: "I'm just saying it's cool. I mean, how many people get to say that in their lifetime." HOW TO CREATE WORLD PEACEStep 1: get everyone to legalize weed.Step 2: spread it EVERYWHERE.Step 3: have everyone (mainly government, president, dictator, etc.) smoke it constantly.Step 4: GOAL ACHIEVED! CELEBRATE BY SMOKING WEED! If life gives you lemons, but no ice or sugar, your lemonade is going to suck! It's Friday! The only two wha are not excited about that are my bank account and my liver. My taste in music ranges from 'you need to listen to this' to 'I know, please do not judge me'. Your secrets are safe with me, because there is a good chance I wasn't listening. Let's get drunk, make mistakes and blame it on alcohol. I followed my heart. Now I'm at the liquor store. Is it your turn to take your medication, or mine? I can't tell if you are on too many drugs or not enough. I'm way too sober for this shit. If I didn't get drunk, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2 AM? Someone keeps putting vegetables in the beer crisper! It's a lot easier to start the day when you know it will end with beer. I was so inspired by a group of Saturday morning runners that I plan to briskly skip from my car to the liquor store later today. 3 RULES TO LIVE BY:Don't shop when you're hungry, don't date when you're horny, and don't update you're status when you're drunk. "Trust me, you can dance."-VODKA I'm planning on having my favorite drink this weekend, it's called a lot. This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she's never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before, REMEMBER A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN JAIME FOXX SAID MILEY CYRUS WOULD END UP ON A STRIPPER POLE AND HAD TO APOLOGIZE?I THINK EVERYONE OWES JAIME FOXX AN APOLOGY. I SAID DRINK IT BITCH! Chocolate comes from cocoa which comes out of a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad. Being drunk with your friends is the best kind of drunk. I had a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus. Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Bummer. That awkward moment when you put something in a safe place so you don't lose it, then you forget where that safe place is. My day isn't a success unless I've pissed someone off. Today was copiously successful. WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT ELECTRICITY BILL. Today I will live in the moment, unless something pisses me off, in which case I will grab a beer. Yesterday I went on a diet, thank god it's over. Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver. Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I'm not even an afternoon person! Hmm... and yet another day has passed and I did not use Algebra once... very interesting. Mother Nature is a serial killer. No one's better, more creative. Like all serial killers, she can't help the urge to wanna get caught, what good are all those brilliant crimes if no one takes the credit? So she leaves crumbs. Now the hard part, why you spend a decade in school, is seeing the crumbs for the clues they are. Sometimes, the things you thought were the most brutal aspect, turns out to be the chink in its armor. And she loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths, she's a bitch. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. A WOMAN'S POEMHe didn't like the casserole,And he didn't like my cake.He said my biscuits were too hard,Not like his mother used to make.I didn't make the coffee right,He didn't like my stew.I didn't fold his pantsthe way his mother used to do.I ponderd for an answer.I was looking for a clue.THEN I TURNED AROUND AND SMACKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM,Just like his mother used to do. FLYNN RIDER the only Disney character to question why everybody is randomly singing. Feeling, sensations that you thought were deadNo squealing, remember that it's all in your head. Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing socks by their character makes no sense and choosing friends by their color is unthinkable. WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL ME... HAD BETTER START RUNNING! When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for the many things still going right. "What would you like?""A vodka, please.""Sir, this is McDonald's.""Okay, a McVodka, please," Oh, gravity... thou art a heartless bitch! What are you talking about? I meant to run into that wall! I hope we're friends until we die... and then we stay friends, walking through walls and scaring the shit out of people! I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it! When I was born the devil woke in a cold sweat and yelled "OH SHIT, SHE'S HERE!" Sometimes I open a text and mentally respond, then forget to actually respond. "Because I'm always hungry.""Huh?""Because I'm always hungry.""What are you talking about?""I was answering your question.""What question?""The one you just asked me!""What? I don't remember that.""How? You literally just asked me that! How could you not remember?!""Hmm, must have been your imagination." Remember, remember the 5th of November.The gunpowder, treason, and plot.I know of no reason the gunpowder treasonShould ever be forgot. RAPE it can be enjoyed from a third-person point of view. THINGS THAT UPSET SHELDON COOPER:-changing the contrast of brightness setting on the television-taking a band-aid off in front of him-buying generic ketchup-forgetting to rinse the sink-talking to him through the bathroom door-adjusting the thermostat-cooking with cilantro-pronouncing the "t" in often-making fun of trains-sitting in his spot Don't blink, blink and you're dead. They're fast, faster than you can imagine. Don't turn you back. Don't look away. And don't blink. Good luck. We're trying to defeat the Daleks, not start a jumble sale! One who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure. Try not to confuse "love" with "attatchment" Attatchment is fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than another. Edward isn't a vampire. He lives in a forest, doesn't eat people, and sparkles. HE IS OBVIOUSLY A FAIRY. Wait! I take that back! That would be extremely insulting...to the fairies. How do my feet smell if they don't have a nose? I didn't fall from heaven, I rose from hell. Don't knock on death's door.Ring the bell and run- he hates that. "I’m here cus Heaven wouldn’t take me, and hell was afraid I’d take over..." When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it. Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls! Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it! OMFG! HI! You aren't drunk until you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth. It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty...just drink it and get on with your life. If life gives you lemons and not sugar and ice cubes, your lemonades going to suck... Don't come near me. I had 5 huge chocolate bars, 9 packets of pb mms, 13 Crunch bars, and a bunch of other stuuf I don' have time to list. I HAD TOO MUCH CANDY!! Candy... Drool Candy... Drool CANDY!! jumps and runs out the window Background noises: car crash, cat yowl, glass breaking, squeaking rubber, and a bunch of bad words that caused many mouths to be washed with soap. Candy is good for you. Why? Bouncing off walls is good exercise. Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done. I'm weird and I'm proud of it!! You fight, I fight You cry, i cry You jump off a bridge, im gonna miss your dumb ass! A best friend is someone who yells in the hall I LOVE YOU!! not caring that people think your a lez. A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?" "A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ... HECK, WAS THAT FUN OR WHAT?" I ran with scissors, and lived! DO NOT HIT KIDS!! No, seriously. They have guns now. I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?" A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, BITCH RUN!" See what I mean, thats real *it right there. You can't fake nothin like that After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else When Life gives you lemons, throw them at someone! just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work. If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. I'm not bossyI'm just helpful The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. I studied for my blood test! You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. Ugh...I swear ... that bitch and her cronies better hurt themselves, or I WILL DO IT FOR THEM! Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. Your envy creates my energy, ever wonder why I'm so hyper? Want my number?Call 1-800-GET LOST!! Curiosity killed the cat...but it didn't do anything to the human, and the monkey got away with murder! That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!! Let's pass around the vodka and get wasted, lets see how many lies you've told in the past First law of science: don't spit into the wind If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to dribble a football If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten Earth first.We'll screw up the other planets later Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception Welcome to loserville. Population: you Your village called, their idiot is missing I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely I dont need your attitude. I got one of my own English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England! Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters "Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted." Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss Who laughs last, thinks the slowes Don't like my attitude? Call 1-800-KISS-MY-ASS Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them Boys: can’t live with em, and it’s illegal to shoot em. What happens if you get scared half to death... twice? Smirk, it makes people wonder what you’re up to, while scaring the shit out of them at the same time! If you act crazy all your life, they'll never be able to commit you Mental Health is overrated Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge I'm looking forward to regretting this Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Things to do in Wal-Mart: 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Stalk someone and see what they buy and make a lifestory for them. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code Brown' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of MM's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!!" 16. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking. 17. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet. 18. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good" 19. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best John wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun noises and then slumping to the floor as if you've just taken several bullets to the chest. 20. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film. (soap operas and kleenex are optional) 21. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" Fly my little ones, fly and be free!" 22. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?" If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!" Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby? Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here! Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your @. FAKE VS. REAL FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down. REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition. REAL FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad ... here's a tissue." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite. REAL FRIENDS: Raise an eyebrow and say "Bitch, I'll eat what I want" and are the reason you never have food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is. REAL FRIENDS: Remind you what your number is when you forget. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell. REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink. REAL FRIENDS: Will laugh and say "Pay my ass! You'll pay for mine, bitch!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk. REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few hours and then say "You owe me for this, you fatass." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Bitch, I'm a fatass and I'm starving, now buy me some damn food." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Well no shit, Sherlock." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect. REAL FRIENDS: Would say "Face-lift? I don't think a fork-lift would help." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you. REAL FRIENDS: Laugh at you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes. REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades. REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school. REAL FRIENDS: Photoshop one of their old doctor's notes and use it to spring you from school. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him." REAL FRIENDS: Kick the guy's ass and threaten to castrate him with a spork if he comes within five miles of you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise. REAL FRIENDS: Hate you older brother as much as you do and give him the nick-name "Faggot" FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would go to your funeral if you were murdered. REAL FRIENDS: Would skip the funeral and go out looking for the murderer and kill him!! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. REAL FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. REAL FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. REAL FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because they tripped me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me. REAL FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops. REAL FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public. REAL FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will try to comfort me when my boyfiren/girlfriend breaks up with me. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick my ass until I get it together and will smack him/her for breaking up with me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me move. REAL FRIENDS: Will help me move a body. FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this. REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it Why be difficult, when with just a little bit more effort, you can be absolutely and perfectly impossible. Sharks hug with their teeth. The Zombies are coming! They're hungry for brains! Don't worry, you're safe. My mind works like lightening...One brilliant flash and it's gone. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. When life gives lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. HELP!! I got lost in my mind, it was uncharted territory... I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. The only way for people to meet your standards, is for you to lower them, a lot. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty. It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 muscles to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine... Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick. People are like Slinky's, basically useless, but it's still fun to watch them fall down the stairs. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips." Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! A best friend will help you move the dead body of your ex boyfriend to a ditch on the side of the freeway!! "Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass" "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." You Say Pink I Say Black. You Say Miley Cyrus I Say SHE SUCKS.You Say Zac Efron I Say WTF! You Say Pop I Say Rock. You Say Im Weird I Say Im Different XD PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU AGREE! 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off! 20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity. 1. At LunchTime, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point aHair Dryer AtPassing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To DoSomething, Ask If They Want Frieswith that. 4. Put Your Garbage CanOn Your Desk And Label It 'In.' 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3Weeks Once Everyone has GottenOver Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch toEspresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' ForSmugglingDiamonds' 7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In AccordanceWith The Prophecy.' 8 . Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often AsPossible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you goout to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-throughOrder Is 'To Go.' 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A PoetryRecital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito NettingAround Your Work Area And Play tropical SoundsAll Day. 15. Five DaysIn Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend TheirParty Because You'reNot In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your WrestlingName, RockBottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'IWon!, I Won!' 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parkinglot,Yelling 'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!' 19. Tell YourChildren Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are GoingTo Have To Let OneOf You Go.' 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level OfInsanity...Repost this and keep the insanity going. . . 35 fun things to do at a mall 1. If you're lucky enough and find someone with the shirt: FREE HUGS or If you find a shirt store selling it, hug the shirt/person and if they/someone notices you, say "It says free hugs!"2. go to the food court and go to a fast food place and take tons of straws and put as many possible in your mouth and stand on a table singing Elmo's world theme.3. Go to one of those toddler toy/clothing stores and hold up a baby outfit/toy and yell as loud as you can "I LOVE THIS TOY! I'D PLAY WITH IT DAY AND NIGHT!"4. Go to the bathroom and hide in a stall until you see an old lady/guy and if you're a boy yell "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOM!" And if you're a girl yell "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULU!!"5. Go in a body care store like Bath Body Works and stand by all the hand sanitizers and throw them up in the air. (This one made one staff girl go CRAZY)6. Go in a book store and pick up a baby book, and every 30 seconds yell "YAY! DUCKY MADE IT!!!"7. while walking down the hall walk up to some random dude and say: "Hi are you Lulu?"8. Go to any store and walk up to the check-outand say "I HAVE STINKY POO! IT COMES OUTTA MY BEHIND!!"8. Go to one of those radio stores with playing radios and change them to opera and when someone comes in, sing along in a really stupid way.9. Buy a new bathing suit and swim in the fountain10. Bring a bunch of pants in to the dressing room. Come out later and tell the salesperson none of them are leak-proof.11. Ask if a particular saw cuts through bone.12. Get on the first step of the stairs, wait, and tell other people the escalator must be broken.13. Pose as a dummy in a department store.14. Ask the cashier if they take pesos.15. Ask the sales person in the pet store if gerbils come in bulk and if they have much white meat on them.16. go to a computer repair store and ask a employee if they can repair your dog.17. Buy a bunch of clothes. Return them later, and when the salesperson asks why, say "they didn't look good on my dog"10. Come in to the drug store looking depressed. Ask if they have over-the-counter Prozac.18. Stay in the magazine store all day and read the magazines cover to cover.19. If you are a guy, go in to a woman's clothing store, and bring dresses into the dressing room with you. Come out, and in you're most feminine voice say "they just aren't me"20. Do cartwheels down the main part of the mall.21. Wear sunglasses, carry a cane, and set up a pot in front of you that says "help me, I'm blind" see how much money you can get.22. Test all the mattresses and beds.23. in the department stores. Stir and snore when people walk by.24. Ask to hold one of the dogs in the pet store. Let it escape.25. Go into Pier 1 and ask if they have any big pieces of junk made of straw.30. Knock over displays.31. Rock back and forth slowly in front of a security camera.32. Run around a clothing store and when someone looks at you awkwardly tell them you're on a plane.33. Stand around a crowded side of the mall and yell "THE ALIENS ARE COMING THE ALIENS ARE COMING!!!!"34. Go to a hair salon and claim that the phone you bought there didn't work.35. Go into a phone store, tell them your blender ate your last phone from there. You know you live in the year 2000 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. Funny Insanity Joke: Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man. "How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? "Home. I can't work in the dark." If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you ever suffered from FanFiction withdraw copy this into your profile! 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy paste this in your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile. If your family wonders how you can remember all the naruto character's names, copy and paste this into your profile. If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. Doing homework sucks. Copy and paste this into your profile if you agree. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. 93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile. EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If you embrace the weirdness, then copy and paste this onto your profile If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile. |
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