Story info:

Unexpected Family: Harry Potter Boy-Who-Lived, Chosen One, Destroyer of Evil Dark Lords and Single Parent? This is what happens when you don't read the fine print.
Okay people first I want to say that this fic isn't great. The truth of it is that I was just In A Mood and it was born. Still I try to find inpiration for it, so far nothin',

Wolfling- On Hold for now. When Harry was seven he was bitten by a werewolf. Due to his DNA and that of the one who bit him his changes are different from a normal werewolf. (Pairing Uncertain. Timeline added to chapter eight, and contains the information for all the of prev chapters.)

The Turner Family- WIP.Harry Potter and PotC crossover. Harry learns about his family history, and then finds himself in history. (Pairing: Harry/Jack though I'm not sure how long it'll take.)

The Werewolf and the Veela: This is just going to be a collection of one-shots for Draco/Remus lovers. 1.) The Full Moon 2.) Astronomy Tower 3.) Just A Dance 4.) I'll Be

One-Shots:
To Live and Love:(Complete) Song-fic. Thing we do when in love. RL/DM, SS/HP
Seven Spanish Angels-(Completle)One-Shot, song fic. True love between a man and a woman. Boredom and Love created this, hope it's okay.
Kiss This: (Complete) A Hermione/Ron One-Shot that I was dared to put up. But I like it anyway.
My Give a Damn's Busted: (Complete) A Lily one-shot.
Fan Repellent: (Complete) Commercial? Maybe.
The Way to a Lovegood's Heart:(Complete) A funny little thing that brought back so many memories.
Betting and Life: (Complete) I have no earthly idea as to where this came from but here it is. Enjoy.
Drinking and Reckless Wand Waving:(Complete) A song fic that came out of left field.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.

We interrupt this profile for an important message to one who has passed on. He will be remembered dearly.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

Copied from Lina03's profile

--Quotes--

“Trouble for him,” said Harry calmly which caused the mobsters to look at him strangely. “So Lucius wants to sink his claws into me and become my guardian. I have a large amount of gold. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going on but when life gives you lemons, take the lemons and squeeze the juice into someone’s open wounds.” --Harry Potter in A Twisted Timeline

I like what I like and I don’t like what I do like but I know that I like it anyways so I choose to ignore what I like and dislike because I know that I’m not going to like it. -- Cuthbert Binns in Over Their Heads By:YaoiCookie

Do not mess with healers for they are evil and have many tests to inflict upon your body. -- Harry Potter in The General Said I Would Have Days Like This By: Lady FoxFire

"It’s not our fault we’re not insane,” Hermione said, crossing her arms. “No offense, Luna.”
“Why would I be offended?” Luna asked. “I’ve seen your version of sanity. It bores me.” -- Chapter 15 of Oh God!Not Again! by: Sarah1281

Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus -- Never tickle a sleeping dragon

Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don’t talk back and they’re always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won’t complain.

It's always so gratifying to completely confuse everyone.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.-- Steven Wright

When I'm old I don't want them to say, "She's so charming." I want them to say,"Be careful, I think she's armed."

Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

It takes 48 muscles to frown, 24 to smile, but only 4 to smack someone in the mouth.

I'm not cruel, I'm just evil.

I'm not evil; just misunderstood.

I'm not misunderstood; I am evil. Why deny it?

I will temperarily rule the world, forever.

You are twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I admire that in a person.

God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time and he'll evolve.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

It's improbable, immoral and against my religion.

Life without pain has no meaning. Gentlemen I'm about to bring meaning into your lives.

I have PMS and a gun. EXCUSE ME. You were saying?

There are no personal problems that can not be solved through a suitable appilaction of high explosives.

Warning: Trespasseres will be shot.
Survivors will be shot again.

Sometimes it is better not knowing.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

If at first you don't succeed, distroy all evidance that you tried.

If at first you do succeed try not to look too surprised.

Rule #1: I'm never wrong.
Rule #2: When in doubt, refer to Rule #1.

Love your enemies, it really pisses them off.

If all else fails...shoot the messenger.

People say Fate is a bitch. People say Destiny is a bitch. People say Karma is a bitch. In reality they are all the same woman, just dressed in different clothes.

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

We fall so we may rise.

In the absense of light darkness prevails.

In the begining the univers was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. ~Douglas Adams

They say the right man will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

Wake me up when it's over. ~Nara Shikamaru

If you're doing it like this; then you're doing it right. ~Jiraya -Pervy sage

Always stand up for your beliefs; even if you stand alone.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooo, let's get drunk and go to heaven. ~Bruce Aidells

I like to slap and then watch the wave. I like all of that. There's a name for men like me that like women like that. We're called Heterosexuals. Ladies, if your man likes you to be too skinny, very, very skinny, he's not your husband. He's your gay friend. "Someone's looking a little bit fat." "Really? Someone's looking a little GAY!" --Craig Ferguson "Does this need to be Said?"

-- CHINESE PROVERBS --

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man with one chopstck go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls can not walk.
Panties not best thing on Earth. But next to best thing on Earth.

-- All Me --

If a person with a split personality sings a song, is it called a duet?

I was quite bored, so I ate the cat.

That's right I have a problem. But that doesn't mean you have the answer.

Lemons are fun. But Cherries are red.

You know how that skittles commersial says 'taste the rainbow'? Well how can you if there isn't any blue?

I have major issues. But that's okay I can deal with all the little blue people.

Honestly I wasn't trying to hurt the little brat. My hand just slipped a few times.

-- Spork and Bob --

Imaginary conversation between Spork and Bob:

Sp: You've lost it.
Bob: I've never had it.
Sp: Oh right.
Bob: Well that isn't necessarily true actually.
Sp:?
Bob: I had it. But it ran away.

Another conversation between Spork and Bob:

Spork walks in with a few nails and a hammer.
Bob looks up at him. :You know I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Spork stops and looks at him. :I'm trying to fix mine again.

Sporks birthday:

Spork walks up to Bob with a frown maring his face.
Bob looks up at him. :You're thinking. Stop it. You don't know how.

Things that go bump in the night:

Spork runs into the dimly lit room and ducks under the couch.
Bob looks up from his book. :You're obviously suffering. I told you insainity wasn't for everyone.

Love and Tequila

Spork: SingingLove makes the world go 'round.
Bob: Sighs So does Tequila, what's your point?
Spork: Pouts

Pass Times

Spork: I've been thinking.
Bob: Which is a terrible pass time. You shouldn't do that you might hurt yourself.

-- Funny --

A masochist, sadist, murderer, pyromaniac, zoophile, and necrophiliac were all sitting on a bench toghether bored out of their minds. To break the silence the zoolphile spoke up,"Let's have sex with a cat." He suggested. The sadist spoke, "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it." The murderer spoke, "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, then kill it." The necrophiliac got excited and spoke. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, then have sex with it again." The pyromaniac spoke next, "Let's have sex with a cat, tortue it, kill it, have sex with it again, then burn it." They all fell quiet. The masochist then sheepishly smiled at them and said, "Meow."

-- Hey Ya'll Look at this! --

Thank you for taking the Instant IQ Test.
You scored: 135
Your IQ Range is 130 - 139 and you are GIFTED.
Congratulations on completing our IQ test! Based on your answers to the test questions, your IQ is between 130 and 139. IQ scores are based on a scale where a score of 100 is the average score. By scoring higher than 100, you have shown that you have a higher than average intelligence level. Your score range of 130 to 139 indicates that you are gifted, so again, congratulations are in order! Your intelligence level can say a lot about how you approach life. By having a high score, you are someone who can face their challenges and often overcome them easily. You look at the world and are able to make sense of it by fitting together the pieces of the puzzle.

I'm gifted isn't that awesome?

Miss Susie had a baby,
She named him Tiny Tim
She put him in the bathtub,
To see if he could swim
He drank up all the water,
He ate up all the soap,
He tried to eat the bathtub
But it wouldn’t go down his throat.
Miss Susie called the doctor,
Miss Susie called the nurse,
Miss Susie called the lady,
With the alligator purse
In came the doctor,
In came the nurse,
In came the lady,
With the alligator purse
Mumps said the doctor,
Measles said the nurse,
Hiccups said the lady
With the alligator purse
Miss Susie punched the doctor,
Miss Susie kicked the nurse,
Miss Susie thanked the lady
With the alligator purse

You are a Sadistic Seme!
It takes a special kind of uke to appreciate the punishment you dish out. Making them beg for mercy is what you're all about. You give your uke the gift of pain, and the louder their moans are, the more satisfied with the relationship you'll be. It's no fun if they don't struggle, and struggle and torture is what the Dramatic Uke, your perfect match, lives for.

Most compatible with: Dramatic Uke
Least compatible with: Everyone else