![]() Hi! Just call me Sky if ya need to call me anything! I love my friends/family, trees (NATURE), food, music (Rock, Metal, Folk, Dubstep, Classical, Rap, Alternative, ect,.), animals (all of them!), Cloudy/stormy/rainy/misty weather, reading, writing (sometimes), art (making or admiring!), SCIENCE (chemistry, physics, biology), messing with people, playing music on my guitar, laughing, making other people laugh, and a whole lot of other things! I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you". QUOTES TO LIVE BY 1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. 2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. 14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney! I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head 19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. 21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days" Guns don't kill people. I do. My imaginary friend doesn't like you either. 30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. 31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS 32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. 34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship. I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have. 39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal. 42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing. 46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock! 48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow To put it nicely, I hope you choke. If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. Would you like a cookie? So would I. 56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. 57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. 58.) A day without sunshine is like... night. 59.) A rejected invention: Instant water! just add water! 60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot 61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!! 62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. 63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! 64.) I do what cheerios tell me. 65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. 66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! 67.) I'm knocking on heaven's door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... 68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. 69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... 70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. 72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro. Things to do in a shop when you are bored. 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things. 16. So... Who noticed 4 was missing? 18. ...Look at the numbers. 19. Lol, goof. Some favorite (and completely weirdo) sayings: I had a thought but it got lonely and went away. Things To Ponder: Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? 20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask, "Why Don't The Poems Rhyme?" 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, End Everything with A C- To be Continued... (Do, do do do do) 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. Author's Proverb 01: Dead hard drives tell no tales. May the technology fairies bless my flash drive with a longer life... Author's Proverb 02: Never insult poltergeists; it can be hazardous to your sanity and personal treasures... Author's Proverb 03: Life has an aversion to cooperating with one's schedule... specifically, my schedule... Author's Proverb 04: Insanity is inherited; you get it from your children along with whatever bug or virus they picked up at school... Author's Proverb 05: If you aren't five minutes early to an appointment or event you are already ten minutes late... Author's Proverb 06: When all else fails and you don't know which way to turn, ask the Magic Eight Ball; there is always a fifty/fifty chance that it will answer your question correctly. The Magic Eight Ball is also no where near as annoying as Trelawney's constant death predictions. Author's Proverb 07: No matter how bad you think things are now; tomorrow, they could always be worse... Author's Proverb 08: Dead hard drives also have no windows. I have sacrificed the technology fairies over my new drive in the hopes it will appease the demons that ate my last drive... Author's Proverb 09: Never ignore poltergeists; they are vindictive and not afraid to cause bodily harm. Author's Proverb 10: It is not wise to anger the technology fairies in an attempt to appease any hard drive devouring demons; it tends to upset the fairies and they are not above holding a grudge nor will they refrain from holding your video card hostage until you've properly groveled. Author's Proverb 11: Sledge hammers and technology don't mix; but swinging a sledge hammer at an old worn out monitor is very cathartic Author's Proverb 12Energetic kittens are hazardous to keyboards, optical mice, and my peace of mind. FAKE VS. REAL FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Dang … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!” FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours. FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you. FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you. FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would go to your funeral if you were murdered. REAL FRIENDS: Would skip the funeral and go out looking for the murderer and kill him!! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. REAL FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. REAL FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. REAL FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because he tripped me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me. REAL FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops. REAL FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public. REAL FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will try to comfort me when my girlfriend breaks up with me. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick my ass until I get it together and will smack her for breaking up with me. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me move. REAL FRIENDS: Will help me move a body. FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this. REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. Cool Quotes I saw on other people's profiles! You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had. Save the earth, it's the only planet with chocolate! Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. ("Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional." "You should know, you never grew up. Children are the future. Be afraid, be very afraid.) The God's must love stupid people, they made so many! My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Heck is the place for people who don't belive in Gosh. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. Procrastinate NOW! The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. Don't take life too seriously; no on gets out alive. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. The trouble with life is that there's no background music. If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile |
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