Hi Guys!

Omigod (yes that's one word. Back off you Grammar Nazis I have mace!), I posted something. Okay so it's a worthless scrap of writing, but I actually posted something!

Also new: I have newly declared Frisky Muffin my beta. I just haven't told her that yet. Oh well, she'll figure it out ;) I need her to keep feeding me the crack. The crack keeps the juices aflowin' and the bunnies abreedin' if you know what I mean.

So far mostly a reader. I've got some longer stories in the making, but nothing publishable yet.

I'm Canadian/ Kiwi (the glory of dual citizenship...) and female, and that's all the imformation I'm giving out right now.

I like my favorites (no duh) and would recommend most of them to others depending on what you like. If an author is in my favorite list it means I like pretty much everything they've written, so I recommend them also.

Below is a collection of quotes, some funny, some strange, some profound. I like them anyway. If you want to read some or copy some to stick in your own profile, feel free. That's what they're there for. :) Don't let the long profile scare you off. It's not me talking for most of it.

I'm also always up for a discussion of my quotes or stories (etc.). I'm a geek/loser that way. :)

Quotes

"Smile, nod, and back away slowly."

"Violaters will be shot. Survivers will be shot again."

"The only way to stop being bored is to do something interesting. Or criminal. These days it comes to the same thing." -Kill Your Girlfriend by Becka

"Where is the justice of political power if it executes the murderer and jails the plunderer, and then itself marches upon neighboring lands, killing thousands and pillaging the very hills?" -Kahlil Gibran, "The Voice of the Poet"

-"life's funny some of the time, fucking hilarious other times, ridiculous at other times, and then sometimes it just gets so quiet and sad you wonder what exactly was ever so funny in the first place" - LoG

-It's possible to be psychotically happy and morbid as hell at the same time.

-No one pays attention to the happy guy, but that's a good thing. It give you the element of surprise.

-Not even the perfect soldier can stand up in the face of pure, unadulterated friendliness.

-You can't talk too much; no subject is too insane, no remark too silly.

-If someone actually asks you to punch them, they're up to something.

-Sarcasm is just lost on some people.

-Smile at your enemies; they'll think you're on some kind of mind altering substance.

-No girl can resist a winsome grin and a smooth escape attempt.

“I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?” Demian – Hermann Hesse

-Remember, kids: sharing is for Communists!

Isn't it funny how people finally realize you're there when your gone?

-It's called reality. Try living in it.

-Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.-Plato
Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. - Janis Joplin

"Witches do not kiss the Devil's posterior, first because they do not kiss anyone's posterior and, secondly, because the Devil is never there for anyone to kiss." - Gerald Gardner

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramps. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. ~ Dorothy Parker

"I love children, but I could never eat a whole one." -Hex, ReBoot

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein

Make them laugh. They'll have a harder time shooting you.

You are all just jealous because the voices aren't talkng to you!

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I used to have superpowers, but then my therapist took them away.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

Duct tape is like the Force. There is a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Love is not something you feel. Love is something that you do. And if you are with someone who doesn't want to do it with you, then save it for someone who does.

They put "in God we trust" on the money, and every year it's worth less than it was the year before

When walking through the "valley of shadows," remember, a shadow is cast by a Light.-H. K. Barclay

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.-Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where—" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk," said the Cat.
"—so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "If only you walk long enough."
Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

-What if I don't believe in Ouija boards?

That is perfectly all right. We don't believe in you either.

But I'm doing a college report! I need a complete list of your sources to satisfy my professor's requirements!

We are a website, not a public library. The answer is no. If you would like to make a donation to help pay for the Museum, we might reconsider.

You collect talking boards. That's a rather strange hobby, isn't it?

We think collecting Beanie Babies is a strange hobby.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.
--JRR Tolkien

The oposite sex is the most dangerous and addictive drug out there, but the high is unlike anything else

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." -Apple

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar;
I love not Man the less, but Nature more.
~ Lord Byron

If the universe puts a mystery in front of us as a gift, then politeness requires that we at least try and solve it.

"When in doubt, go left, if that doesn't work, Riverdance!" - random friend

"If you've only studied one religion, you've studied no religion."

History teaches us this: no-one learns anything from history

Join the army, meet interesting people, then kill them.

You have the subtlety of a pink bulldozer.

"Have you just inherited a mansion whose previous owner went mad, died horribly or simply vanished? Never ever sleep in the master bedroom, explore the unmapped caverns beneath the cellar and never try to find the source of that insane piping-sound going on at night. In fact, never ever visit the mansion in question." - Call of Cthulhu Survival Tips

A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body. --Margaret Fuller

"A dabbler walks the path to pick up the fruit upon it. A Pagan walks the path to see where it goes." ~Tanoro Lockheart'

-Anger harms no-one more than he who harbors it.

-Brighten the corner where you are, and you will light the world.

-He who angers you, conquers you.

-I am not a body with a soul, I am a soul which has a body.

"..The clinging darkness of the Long Ago,
Cruel as death, and closer than a kiss,
This horror of great darkness.
I am come Into this darkness to
attain the light..
Serpent's breath,
charm of death and life,
thy omen of making.."

"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."

If you can be convinced to follow
someone else's beliefs, you probably aren't studying your own deeply enough."Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it.
Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held.
Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books.
Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin.
Believe nothing just because someone else believes it.
Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true." -Buddha

Every man…should periodically be compelled to listen to opinions which are infuriating to him. To hear nothing but what is pleasing to one is to make a pillow of the mind. - St. John Ervine

Love All, Trust Few, and Do Wrong to No one- Shakespeare

"Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.. . . I'll find someone. "

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- President Harry S Truman

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W C Fields

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
- Ronald Reagan (I'm not agreeing with this nessarily I just thought it was a great quote)

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Don't worry, I stuck up for the pigs.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

I heard when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

-You! Off my planet!

-See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

-Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

-I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

-This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

-“Where are they wrath!” he shouted “TELL ME!”

“Hmmm…err…no?” --The Order of Wrath, Lady Treason

"When all is said and done I think every Witch should, at some time, face the moon alone, feet planted on the ground, with only his or her voice chanting in the starry night." - Laurie Cabot, Power of the Witch

"I was born to catch dragons in their dens
And pick flowers
To tell tales and laugh away the morning
To drift and dream like a lazy stream
And walk barefoot across sunshine days."

All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail. That is the talisman, the formula, the command of right-about-face which turns us from failure towards success. -Dorothea Brande

-"Wit is educated insolence."
~Aristotle

"Friends are just enemies who stab you in the front."
~Unknown

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But oh my foes and oh my friends-
It gives a lovely light.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Night's winged horses
No one can outpace...
For Midnight is no moment,
Midnight is a place.
~Denzil's Song

"Have you hugged your Potions Master today?"

"What would Jesus do...for a Klondike bar?"

"Jesus Loves You! (just not that way)"

"Homophobia is so gay."

"I haven't had this much fun since the last time I ate a lightbulb."

“You may be only one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person.”

DISAGREEMENT DOES NOT MEAN DISRESPECT.

-Bowing to the masses gives you a heavy heart and a bad back

~I ride the Dawn, I sail the Dusk, I am the world in between. ~

-Never summon Anything you can't banish.-
-Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.-

-Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

-I find you to be very strange. Lets be best friends for life!

-balance:
there is no right or wrong, only the will of things
without the dark there would BE NO REASON for the light

Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out--it's the grain of sand in your shoe. -Robert Service

"If god answers your prayer he is increasing your faith. If he delays he is increasing your patience. If he doesn't answer he knows you can handle it perfectly."-Chaudhary Tipu

“Beware of the tangled web you weave, when you learn to decieve." --Anonymous

If there were no hypothetical questions, what would this say?

Our seasons, of which there are only 2, are winter and construction. Our state animal is the barrier horse, our state mineral is asphalt, and the state motto is 'single lane next 100 miles. Be prepared to stop.'." - 'Welcome to Massachusetts' email

The perfect universe: peace, love and harmony...and chocolate.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of Totalitarianism or the holy name of Liberty and Democracy?" - Mahatma Gandhi

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." - Benjamin Franklin

"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel/Is just a freight train coming your way..." -Metallica-

all the little sick-o-maniacs out there
be sure to say your vitamins and eat your prayers
stay in drugs and don't get high on schools

Passion and emotion free life? Been there, done that. No thanks.

I like long walks, especially taken by people who annoy me...

Death is but a doorway we all must walk through.

"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever... and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...

You're not pretty you're beautiful.I don't want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die... (I just thought that was cute)

THINGS TO DO IN A ELEVATOR!
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8)Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space"

Stop talking...I'm out of aspirin

I love you as much I like being lit on fire

The fire is good. It takes away the bad people...heh heh heh...

IT WASN'T ATTEMPTED MURDER...I missed!

Random Comment #43567!

The ultimate release from reality is not drugs, but the piece of paper in front of you

PYROMANIACS IGNITE! BUAHAHAHA!

Boys...you can't live with them, and you can't do sadistic and satanic rituals without them.

Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called "rain." --Michael McClary

-What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.

-CUTE BUT PSYCHO...THINGS EVEN OUT

Blessed are the cracked:
For it is they who let in the light . . .

"Don't change colors to match the walls, act like you belong and the walls will change colors to match you."-Tasslehoff Burrfoot

"Whoever said animals don't have souls aren't looking deep enough into their own."

"Sometimes her mind works in mysterious ways, so don't take it personally."

For those of you with of a nervous disposition you may be disturbed to realise that the TV is off and I am talking to you from inside your mind

-"By admitting to not knowing, and in so saying realize that to know not, and know that, is to know that which is not knowingly knowable, ya know"?

GO ST.STUPID'S DAY PARADE!

-Piss me off and the last thing you'll ever do is run

Cleverly disguised as a responsible teen--those bastard won't even know what hit them...

Gimme the chocolate and no one get's hurt.

"Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ah HELL diddily ding dong crap! Can't you morons do anything RIGHT?"--Ned Flanders

"I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work." -Ben Franklin

‘And spoke the skull, as wards were sealed, that death would come to thee and thine, for power festers in the dark, and fools forget when given time,”The Final Words of Darkness

“If I do nothing else, I will protect my people.”
-Unknown

‘Never underestimate the power of the soul unleashed.’

"My mind is a dangerous neighborhood, I try not to go there alone."

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

"From lashes to ashes, from lust to dust, in your sweetest torment, I am lost and no heaven can help us"

"They say that time is the greatest teacher, but unfortunately...it kills all it's students."
--Anonymous

"I take my hat off to you--or I would, if I were not afraid of showering you in spiders." --Dumbledore (HBP)

Harry: "He accused me of being Dumbledore's man through and through."

Dumbledore:"How very rude of him."

Harry: "I told him I was." (HBP)

"And he shall know our ways as if born to them"
--Dune, Frank Herbert

Ben: "It must be awfully lonely up there on your pedestal, Jenn?"
Jenn:"You know, it really isn't with all these angels around"

If College Students Wrote The Bible

The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.

The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.

A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.

Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.

Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.

“Yeah, I’m here. Kind of want to join the rebellion and train as a Jedi, but I’m here.” He told Paul. The entire group laughed.- Harry Potter after first seeing Star Wars, "An Aunt's Love" Church Bulletin Bloopers

-The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

-Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

-Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

-For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

“It matters not how strait the gate/How charged with punishments the scroll/I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

“You going mad would solve several of my problems. Please, don’t stop yourself on my account.” --"An Aunt's Love" (fanfiction)

Paul closed the journal and looked at Harry in his usual “Please Ignore the Human Ball” pose. “Harry, please un-ball.” --"An Aunt's Love" (fanfiction)

25 CHRISTMAS IDEAS TO TORTURE YOUR ROOMMATE ...

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder
and thrash on the floor.

Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off

Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.

Squat in a corner rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus
is coming to town..."

Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a big wet one on his/her lips.

Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been
very naughty this year."

Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer
games.

Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (i.e., "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath
the mistletoe last night.")

Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.

Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.

Build a snowman with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically
"it didn't work!"

Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donna, and Blitzen, etc."

Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!"

Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!"
(The Lords Of Darkness apply here too...)

Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street.

Pin a poinsetta to your lapel.

Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.

Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give it a yank."

Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets his/her wings."

Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear.

Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.

Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, "he sees you when you're sleeping..."

Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let
them stay here, there's no room at the inn."

When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have
done it.

Because I Said So!

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve! We got Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes WAY!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did Not!"

"DID so!"

"DID NOT!"

"I think the wolf has been cornered by a bigger badder predator"--on Remus/Tonks

"Sometimes, I really miss wearing pants. Y'know the way they lift and cradle? Ahhhhhhhhhh, you wouldn't understand..."
- Daxter (JAK 3)

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own butt, okay?

Never put a sock in a toaster

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "-Charlie Brown.

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway.-Mary C. Crowley

"This must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.” Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

“The story so far: in the beginning the Universe was created.-This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”-Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

"We'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere ... and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys." -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

”Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
'It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.'” -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (p139)

"So much for the laws of physics..."-Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Charming man. I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him... -Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continuously stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in 'It's a nice day', or 'You're very tall', or 'Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?'" -The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Who said anything about panicking?" snapped Arthur. "This is still just the culture shock. You wait till I've settled down into the situation and found my bearings. Then I'll start panicking." -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

"Look, I'm a bit upset about that."Arthur Dent (about the destruction of Earth) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Ah. This is probably some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I'm not aware of."-Arthur Dent, Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy

“But the plans were on display…”

“On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.”

“That’s the display department.”

“With a flashlight.”

“Ah, well, the lights had probably gone.”

“So had the stairs.”

“But look, you found the notice, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” said Arthur, “yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’.”--Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes. --Life, The Universe and Everything (Sequel to Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy)

Arthur: Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Trillian: What is normality?
Ford: What is home?
Zaphod: What're cows? -Hitchhiker Guide to The Galaxy Movie

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."- Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

"I could calculate your chance of survival, but you wouldn't like it." -Marvin the Depressed Robot

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." -Zaphod Beeblebrox (Hitchhiker Guide to The Galaxy)

‘pink bunnies from outer space are attacking with cough drops’ sets aside strawberry shortcake in order to argue about pink bunnies Ahem. Pink bunnies from outer space are attacking with cough drops insert a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quote here. This is probably a bad thing. Find your towel and get ready to thumb.

Three Proofs that Jesus Was...

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

More ...
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

"If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun" ~Katherin Hepburn

"Someone's opinion of you does not have become your reality." ~Les Brown

" It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are." ~e.e. cummings

Murder is only extroverted suicide.

Bumper Stickers

Quick! Jesus is coming! Look Christian!

I don't care WHO you are. You're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

God please grant me chastity, but not just yet. - St. Augustine

If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?

Thank God I'm an Atheist!

I'm pretty sure God prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts.

Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?

God is coming -- and is SHE pissed!

When the Church ruled the World it was called the Dark Ages.

O God, Protect Me From Your Followers.

I Give Evolution Two Opposable Thumbs Up.

I Don't Mind Straight People, So Long As They Act Gay In Public.

Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

Honk if you think I'm Jesus

Life isn’t too short. It’s the longest thing anyone will ever do.

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons...For You are Crunchy and Taste Good With Ketchup. (I think I may have this somewhere else, but I like it therefore I can repeat it.)

I do listen to your prayers. I'm just not interested in the game. -- God

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?

Honk, if you don't exist.

The meek are merely getting ready.

God's true name is unpronounceable...because God is Irish.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

God doesn't believe in atheists.

The Lord giveth...the IRS taketh away.

Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Eve Was Framed

Honk if you ARE Jesus
Ask Me About My Previous Lives

I’m a Frisbeteerian. When I die my soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck there.

The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.

I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures.

God favors no group--only religions do that

God give me patience...And make it quick!

"My other car is a broomstick."

Sorry I missed church, I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

Caution! I stop for gnomes, elves, pixies, unicorns, leprechauns, faeries, dragons, and other mystical creatures only I can see.

My life goal is to piss off Brahma so much that I won't need another life goal.

Born OK the first time

Dyslexic Satanists, sell your souls To SANTA

Hail to the Sun God, For he is a Fun God, Ra Ra Ra.

Witches' parking only. All others will be toad

My Karma ran over your Dogma

I'll believe in reincarnation in my next life.

It's okay. I didn't believe in reincarnation last time either.

Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.

Hell's too hot; heaven's full of religious people. That's supposed to be a choice?

Come the Rapture, can I have your car?

What part of 'Thou Shalt Not...' didn't you understand? -God

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. —God

Jesus is coming--Look busy!

Jesus saves; Buddha recycles.

The Ten Commandments Are Not Multiple Choice

God is here: She's cooking dinner for Jesus.

You eat three times a day. Why can't you pray five times?

Lightbulbs

How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

How many members of your horoscope sign does it take to change a light bulb?

Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?

Taurus: One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done--they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done.

Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

Leo: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them while they're out.

Virgo: Approximately 1.0000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

Scorpio: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?

Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...

Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Into what?

It's possible that we're merely a group of odd people that managed to find one another over the terrifying techonology that is the internet. Or this was all preordained, & we're going to inadvertently bring about the apocalypse. Either way.

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

Q: Your pastime includes...

A: stealing souls. Why not? There's nothing else to do.

(Or) A: ...wondering why you have a pastime. Aren't there people out to get you?

"Abuse the system that abuses you."

"Because that’s what love is, Sirius. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about forgiving and having wicked make up sex on the kitchen floor. " -Remus

"Guns do kill, but so can diplomats."

-"But tape is my friend!"

-"Hey, tomorrow's 6-6-6... wanna go to school dressed in black?"

-"Busy stabbing people with a spork, be back soon!" -My away message

-"You know, I think I'll just gnaw on your ear..."

-"Yeah, you know the song that goes We have seen the glory of the burn- I mean, coming of the Lord. NOT burning of the school... Ok, moving on..." My S.S teacher

"Ahhhh I'm melting!"

"Not fast enough..."-- insane classmate and annoyed gym teacher

"How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"I haven't had anything to drink!"

"You haven't had anything to drink okay... I'm just going to remove this beer can now." --A cop and a drunk guy on a show I was watching

"Failure is always an option." -- Mythbusters.

"Yeah, but you need... -pause- sorry, I couldn't eat and talk at the same time. Okay as I was saying... -pause- Sorry, I just got really interested in my fork."

"...That banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour! OORRR that every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie? Whoa."- Random facts I picked up

"Frankie... one of these days you will wake up and be strangled... wait, you can't wake up if your strangled!"

"So I'll wake up to find me being strangled?"

"No! You'll wake up dead... wait, you can't wake up if you're dead! Argh! Never mind!"

Friend: cant wait!

Me: me neiytherh!

Me: Inm so exccited I cant shpell eright!

"Food that smiles (AKA Goldfish) scares me. I mean, they're about to be eaten! Why the heck are they smiling?"

Canada: We're so nice, only the cows get mad!

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--Whitney Brown

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased

"Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves..will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we're gone...and wonder who we were...how bravely we fought..how fiercely we loved?.."
--TROY

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -- Aristotle

95 of the time, a hero is someone who is hungry enough, cold enough, and tired enough not to give a damn Hawkeye

Now the only question is...Will insurance cover the psych bills for this place?

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this:
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
--Pablo Neruda

~ Light up, light up, ~
~ As if you have a choice ~
~ Even if you cannot hear my voice, ~
~ I'll be right beside you dear. ~

You never know what a sheep is thinking.

The Soul will have no rainbow if the eyes have no tears.

The League of Extraordinary Weirdos

How can you say that a oak is more beautiful than an elm, or the mountain more beautiful than the ocean? Everything from the Goddess is beautiful in its own way, but not everyone is going to see the beauty. Don't spend your lives being the mountain that longs to be the ocean.

"Weren't you frightened?" Dorathy said.

"My dear, you are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death! Sneered at doom! And chuckled at catastrophe! I was Petrified ." --the wizard,

You're so cute when you scream.

I’s is so wanting to set him on fire right now, but Eppy is not being able to find her matches. (Eppy made me put this in here. She's one scary elf. If you don't believe me ask Fangalla Marie)

Snape: Dementor #518 bursts in.
Remus: Dementor #735 follows, fapping all the way
Snape: Dementor #518 rolls its eyes at #735.
Snape: Or it would, if it had any eyes. It's the thought that counts.
Remus: Dementor #735 tries to seduce #518. OMG watching them makes me so hot.

-Dolohov hates you, all of you, and he'll kill you the moment he works out how to escape from Azkaban... again

I'm a about to embark on a difficult, dangerous, and technically unexplainable journey!--The Wizard of Oz

It isn't paranoia when they really are out to get you.

I’ve been made an offer I couldn’t refuse more than once, and I refused.

"Billy, I'm soaking wet, I'm naked, and there are monsters everywhere. What the hell is going on?"

"Don't worry, they won't hurt you. Unless they decided to hurt you."--The Advetures of Billy and Mandy (children's shows are a lot scarier now than when I was a kid...)

"Stop it! You're acting like spoiled children! Grow up! Act like spoiled adults and settle this in court instead."--same children's show, over a tug-of-war type fight.

It is less dangerous to injure most people than to treat them too kindly.
Judged by most of its results, love is closer to hatred than to friendship.
-Duc Francoise de La Rochefoucauld

Without Darkness there can be no light,
Without Evil there can be no good.
There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.-Camus

Contrary to popular belief, Hello Kitty is not my totem animal.

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean you aren't being
followed.

That which doesn't kill you, will probably try again.

Let go of pride, ego, and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook. Though, if there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Religion as Baseball

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.

Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.

Quakers won't swing.

Unitarians can catch anything.

Amish walk a lot.

Pagans sacrifice.

Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.

Televangelists get caught stealing.

Episcopalians pass the plate.

Evangelicals make effective pitches.

Fundamentalists balk.

Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.

Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.

Baptists want to play hardball.

Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.

The Pope claims never to have committed an error.

I'm an artist, but I'm also a professional, and that means you make your deadlines if at all possible. --Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake books

Books are like people, they have their own personalities, their own rhythm's. Not just each series is different, but each book is different, unique. For everything that is the same from book to book in the process of writing, there are a dozen, or a hundred things that are different. Experiences you only have with this book, this person, this moment. --Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake books

Apparently, Jon and Richard finally turned their weapons on each other. Jon also discovered you can, indeed, shoot down your own escape helicopter. Why you would want to do that, well, that's a different question.-- playing X-box

You can ask people to look stuff over once you're finished, or bounce ideas off them, but in the end the writing is done alone. You fight the dragon by yourself. But it's nice to know I've got a base camp where people are waiting at the bottom of the hill with tea and sandwiches. It's even nicer to know that if I've been too long in the cave that someone will grab a torch and brave the hill, and see who's winning. --Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake books

The dragon is dead, the book is done. But I guess writing a book is like a CSI episode where the dragon slayer has to dissect the body, and clean up the cave, get it ready for it's next occupant. Hmm. Writing for me is part muse driven rush, almost sexual, then sheer battle with blood and sword, then forensics where you dissect the battle and decide how best to cut the body up, then finally land lord,time to clean up the cage and put out a sign saying, "Dragon wanted." --Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake books

Can you imagine what goes on in my head? I barely know!--my friend Hanna, aka Frisky Muffin

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. -Ani DiFranco

Do unto others. Then run.--graffiti

Kill yourself and you also kill the world.

I'm mocking myself, your assistence won't be required.

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink... But if you must...
Lie in the arms of your love,
Steal away from bad company,
Cheat only death,
And drink to the moments that take your breath away."

-It's a variation of the golden rule, he who has the gold makes the rules

"Oh, ew. Ew and why? EW and WHY!"

-Stalking is a form of flattery until someone gets hurt

I see Elves!

Proud Chocoholic

Actually I AM a rocket scientist.

Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss...it's slavery.

The Nymphs' Realm: an alternative camping experience.

The Muffin Shop is Closed. That means go away. Yes, you too.

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph in the world, is for a good person to do nothing..."

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." -Buddha.

Me: Yeah. What he said.

"I have always found the Bible to be a 2000 year old sleeping pill.'

"Are you kidding? It's all sex and violence. Makes Saving Private Ryan look like Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."

Comfort the Disturbed
Disturb the Comfortable
This has always been my mission in life

I am the religious right.
Just not the religion most people expect

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." -Stephen Colbert

Sometimes I wonder if this is even my own reality...

In dog years I'm dead.

Sanity is madness put to good uses."
~George Santayana~

"No man is sane who does not know
how to be insane on proper occasions."
~Henry Ward Beecher~

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak
it is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you
Open up your mind; let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight,
The darkness of the music of the night

You and me and the Devil makes three...

Some days its not worth chewing through the straps...

People who act in spite of their fear are truly brave
-Unknown

With our thought, we make the world.
-Buddha

"Keep your feet on the ground,
but let your heart soar as high as it will.
Refuse to be average or to surrender to
the chill of your spiritual environment."
-A. W. Tozer

"Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?"
-Frank Scully

"God created humanity, but human beings create God. That is the way it is in the world - human beings make gods, and worship their creation. It would be appropriate for the gods to worship human beings!" - Gospel of Phillip 71:35 - 72:4

Imagine a world without disclaimers.

That which hath past is ne'er truly gone. History repeats, though mortals choose not to see.

"I've been defeated and brought down
Dropped to my knees when hope ran out
The time has come to change my ways"

"Marriage is the promise of eternal love," he said, frowning slightly. "How can I promise eternally that which I have never felt momentarily?"

I write my full name down on the paper. I quietly hiss, "Jumblio" and watch the magic change ‘Tom Marvolo Riddle’ into… ‘Lord Leotard Mom IV’? Really? What the hell happened to the first three mothers of Lord Leotard? You know what? I don’t think I want to know. --Birth of a Name, nonjon, fanfiction.net/s/2620851/1/

"Really?" Harry asked curiously, "You’re a Malfoy?" Harry looked over the boy, noticing the heavily gelled blonde hair and pale blue eyes. "I’ve never met anyone from a different species before! My name’s Harry, do you have a name or do Malfoys not have names?"--So sue me 7, Go baby, go, go, Lunakatrina

And they call me
"Happy Go Lucky"
They don't know my heart is dying inside
This smile's a frown turned upside down
I do my "happy go lucky" so well
I'm even fooling myself

It seems some folks confuse "secrets" with Mysteries.

The Mysteries aren't secret.

They are there for whoever wishes to seek them out.

There just aren't any shortcuts.

That's the Secret.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. ~Albert Einstein

I am but a dream to some and a nightmare to others!

That's the thing about magic. There's always consequences. Always.

"Insults are the last arguments of a man with no vocabulary."

In the World of the Weird, we're all Normal...

"I looked up 'bisexual' in the dictionary...It just said, 'See GAY'." -Nick Thune, Comic

I may be small but the pain I create is not. Don't Cross me.

Ink runs from the corners of my mouth
There is no happiness like mine
I have been eating poetry

LOOK
its a bird ,
Its a plane ,
NO you dumb ass' it's
HANNA
the worlds first social hermit.

-Sometimes you're the windshield, and well sometimes ...you're the fly.

Ways to Annoy the Neighbours

Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don't have a house.

Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!". Then point at each one and declare them good or bad plants, while watering the bad ones.

Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (i.e.: chairs, books, lamps, etc.)

Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of bodies", then stutter and say, "I uh mean other garbage." walk away laughing hysterically.

At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on the move again."

Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbors. Each day hack off a different part of their body.

Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household appliances.

Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Douglas Adams

"D: Ngaio needs to add something so I can find her and watch her ! XD i just realized how wierd that sounds" --My friends scare me sometimes, you know?

Dean: “You’re like a walking Encyclopedia of Weirdness!”
Sam: “...I know.”

"Are the gods not just?"
"Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?"
~Till We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis

In the game of war there are only losers
Fighting for the right to loose less
People can decide to fight or not
But nature don't have that prerogative
Being dragged into war for survival

Public Education: Where information is transferred from the teacher to the student without passing through the minds of either.

Sex was arguably the original team sport.

"I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen cause no one else cared
After my dreaming I woke with this fear... What am I leaving when I'm done here?"
Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park

T-shirt Slogans

-I Wouldn't Recommend Sex, Drugs
or Insanity For Everyone, But
they've Always Worked For Me.

-Madness Takes Its Toll.
Please Have Exact Change.

-Every night The Clowns Come
& Steal a Little More of My Sanity (Hanna, this is yours!)

-Come to the Dark Side
The Sex is Better

-Kill Unto Others Before
They Kill Unto You

-Heave to and
Surrender Yer Booty!

-Even Pirates & Ninjas Can Agree:
Cowboys Suck

-Haiku Are Simple
But they Often Don't Make Sense.
Hippopotamus.

-Hopeless Romantic Seeks Intelligent
Ectomorph (If you Have to Ask,
Move Along) and this one is mine

-If You're a Fairy,
Then I'm a Goblin

-I am The Crazy Peoples (I need this one)

-I Eat the Hearts of My Enemies. With Ketchup (and this one...)

-Yes I Am.
No, You Can't Watch.

-I Eat Bunnies Like You
For Breakfast

-Deport Pedro

-Wanna See a Trick
I Learned In Prison?

-Meat is Murder!
Hot, Greasy, Tasty Murder...

-You Blow Up Our Buildings,
We Blow up Your Country. (And the
Countries Around You Just to Be Safe) Have a Nice Day!

-The U.S Department of Transportation: Successfully Protecting Americans
From Rogue Toiletries , Scissors,
& Aftershave Since 2001

-Osama Bin Forgotten?

-Parental Advisory
I Say Fuck A Lot

-Drugs Are Bad
Unless You're Bipolar

-Recovering Catholic Schoolgirl

-333 Half Evil

-Recovering Catholic need this one too

Single, Sexy & Out
of Your League

-DO ME
(A Favor)

-I Like Going Down (Stairs)

-If You Really Are What You Eat,
I Could Be You By Morning

-Strangers Always Have
the Best CANDY

-I Deem Thee Unworthy!

"In my dreams I remember you & me, baby, askin who's gonna jump first."

-Brompton cocktail is an elixir made from morphine or diacetylmorphine (heroin), cocaine, highly-pure ethyl alcohol (some recipes specify gin), and sometimes chlorpromazine (Thorazine). It slows down pain, makes you feel okay and eventually kills you.

-Just cautious that way. Or is that paranoid? Hmm. Tomato, Tomaato, it's still a vegetable. If you're one of those people that think a tomato is a fruit then have your delusion, it's so a veggie. I mean Veggie Tales wouldn't lie to us, and Bob the Tomato is one of their main characters. Proof positive that tomatoes are veggies. --Laurell K. Hamilton, Author of the Anita Blake series

"Once lost"

I wish you were my enemy,

Wish the deepest regret I vow.

Still waiting, still fading,

losing myself to a little girl.

In your eyes little more than a fuck,

I hope you choke,

I hope you choke as your standing over me.

Love me, fuck me, need me,

Leave me, break me, hate me...

Watch me crawl.

Right to the core it breaks me,

On the inside it takes me,

To a place where all I feel is nothing at all.

Not for a second would I wish this, upon my most hated,

It burns a hole through everyone that feels it,

let the blood spill that cries for the end.

Love deceased, trust betrayed,

Silent screams of suicide.

You start the war,

You start the war,

And I'll fucking end it.

Bolt the door,

Smash the light,

Leave my here to rot.

--thestorminthemirror (the author's pen name)

-It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Sasuke: Your parents aren't home, right?
Naruto: Yeah, so?
Sasuke: So why are my clothes still on?

We cannot all be masters, nor all masters can be truly followed. --(Shakespeare can be interpreted in very different ways...)

Yaoi is totally the fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. No one ever hears about him because he's always off riding the sixth Horseman.

Guard: "You look new here. Say, you're kinda cute. Let me teach you some... things."
Cloud: "Things?"
Guard: "Wipe that stupid look off your face. I was only going to teach you how to get on the next floor."
-FFVII

-Blessed are the obsessed; they get shit done. -- Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake series and the Merry Gentry series

Clearly I don't own Harry Potter. If I owned Harry Potter, the whole thing would be one long, giant-ass Sirius/Remus series. xD