My family? Wow. What a gong show! And it just got even crazier!

Okay, so, I am the oldest child in a very blended family.

My father? Is lawyer, Patrick Cross. He married Melissa Turnbull, his highschool sweetheart, when she turned eighteen, and then they had me.

They hit some tough times though, when I was two and they got divorced.

Then, my dad married Misty Shaw, and they had Derrick and Dominick, the twins. After that, Misty had really bad post partum, and ran away to Los Vegas to be a showgirl. She sent my dad their divorce papers in the mail and left him to raise the twins on his own.

Meanwhile, my mom married this huge asshole, named Crosby Jenkins. He used to beat her really badly. Like she was hospitalized a few times. The only good thing to come out of that marriage was my sister, Nan. Short for Nanaimo, where Crosby was originally from. Nan still has to go visit him every second weekend. The guy is so creepy.

Then, my mom fell in love with our family doctor, Trent Saxton and they dated pretty seriously while he helped her to get her divorce from Crosby. We all thought that Trent was going to marry her. And they did get engaged and pregnant. With my brother, Stewart. But then, Trent's crazy ex wife started threatening to kill herself if he didn't come back to her, and the fool went back to her, instead of having her committed. And then they had a baby, Stewart's half sister, Kristen. Yes, they named her that on purpose. Kristen hangs out all the time because her parents are weird. And Dr. Saxton is still our family doctor. It's super awkward!

Then, my dad ended up marrying a clerk from his law firm, this cute little blond thing thing named Hennessey Ford. She was only 19 when they got married, and not nearly mature enough to make it work. But that didn't stop them from having my brother, Trevor and my sister, Gemma, who wants to change her name to Jewel. After a while, Hennessey had a nervous breakdown from the stresses of being an adult. And she decided to divorce my dad and move back to her parents house in Pennsylvania. Leaving Trev and Gem with my dad.

And then? A miracle happened! My mom and dad decided they were done trying to get with crazy people, and they got back together again! They remarried and then they had my brother, Anderson, and my sister, Tiffany. So these days, all eleven of us live together as one big, happy, crazy family. And now...?

We're joining a cult... O.o