Once upon a time, during the Forgotten Age when gods, demons, and everything in between walked the earth alongside Man, there was a monster-infested territory known only as the Hellwood. Only one fearless soul, armed with a hatchet in one hand and a katana in the other, had the audacity to call this unforgiving territory their home. She was a half-elf Juggalette, known as Kristyl Dagir, who ran around the Hellwood on a tricked-out ten-speed bike with ghost flames painted on it, blasting horrorcore rap out of her boombox, living off of demon-flesh and Faygo soda-pop. When an army of soul-less gangbangers tried to step to this bitch, she curbstomped the lot of them and flayed them all alive, using their skin to make wallpaper to redecorate her bedroom, whereafter she got High As Balls with her new human-skull-bong. Then she ate a bag of barbecue-flavored Better Made potato chips and took a nap.

Now, in modern times, Kristyl lives in Detroit, Michigan, which incidentally stands where the Hellwood once stood eons ago before Kristyl accidentally burned it down trying to make a bonfire big enough to be seen from space (according to her best friend, The Rabbit on the Moon, she failed big time). She now makes a living as an overnight grocery clerk and spends her free time playing video games, watching anime, and writing fanfiction. And of course, she still slaughters gangbangers for the lulz and gets high as balls with skull-bongs, though even today's dankest of Cali bud cannot compare to sumdat Hellwood Kush.

What follows are her hella fresh offerings for your consumption.