If you have found this page, prepare for your hard-drive to melt (If you wish to hear Evil Laugh, press 1. If you wish to hear Angry Chuckle, press 2. If you wish to hear Annoyed Giggle, press 3. If you wish to speak with a human than you're an idiot cause this is on the Internet!)

Just kidding the name's Darkide. Why Darkide you ask, well it was supposed to be DarkSide but I missed the s when typing and I'm to lazy to change it (that and DarkSide has already been taken, meh). The name came from the Twisted Metal character of the same name, (you know the semi-truck) and I used it when I played Battletech for my call sign and it’s been with me since.

Now I guess you want my name, rank, serial number huh? Alright not that you would want my identity because it sucks most of the time. Don't believe me; ever hear of Murphy's Law? If anything bad can happen it will. But that won't get me down because all you have to do to not get depressed is to laugh it off.

Name: Michael

Rank: 23 (years old for those of you that didn't know what the number meant) Collage Student

Serial Number: Lucky Charms

I am a man's man, but gentle. Like the dad on Little House on the Prairie. (I had a counselor at a camp tell me to be this. I and everyone in the cabin almost died laughing.)

I’m not afraid of commitment. I just don’t want to be locked up in an institution. For a wise man once said, “Marriage is wonderful institution. If you enjoy being in an institution.”

Disclaimer: Yo momma's so fat... What? That's not what a disclaimer is? Snap.

Like: God, Anime (see note), Food, Video Games (see note ), Movies (see note ), Food, Reading, Hanging with my friends (I've known these guys my whole life), Cartoons, Santa, My room (got the medieval thing down swords and rock walls everything except the smell), Food, Family (their fun to be around), Music (see Music note), My dog Biscuit (short for Coyote Biscuit), History, Football, Hockey, Cold weather, Sci-Fi but not their original movies because those are just bad beyond belief and did I mention Food.

Note: Gundam Wing, Bleach, D. Grey-Man, Claymore, Naruto, Inuyasha, Fate Night Stay, Trinity Blood (even though it ended badly), Orphan, Slayers, Rune Soldier, DBZ, FMP and Fumoff

Note: Metal Gear, Wild Arms2, Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven, Fire Emblem (FnK & SS), Super Smash Bros, Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and Ocarina of Time, Soul Calibur 3, Megaman Series, Metroid Prime, Golden Sun, Armored Core, Halo 2 and Halo, Kotor, Fable, Dragon's Curse (game I'm making), Knights of Honor, Wii Sports (Boxing Champ), just to name a few.

Note: Star Wars VI (then go down from V to I), Pirates 1-2-3, Transformers, 300, Fantastic Four 1 and 2, Spider-man, plus so many other classics I don't have time to type them all out but mostly mindless violence.

Cartoon Note: Kim Possible (yeah I know but Ron is the man!), Danny Phantom (again I know but it has witty humor), Loony Toons, Duck Dodgers, Robot Chicken, Futerama.

Music Note: Mostly CCM (Christian Contemporary Music), Rock, Classical, Pretty much any thing (I believe everyone as at least one good song)

Dislike: Most animals, Big crowds, Stupid people, Waking up before 9:30 (though 10 is better), Traveling, Hot/Warm Weather (above 65 it is too hot), Bad singers, Reality T.V. shows, Most Sitcoms, Math (I can do it, I just don't like), You (just kidding or maybe I'm not?), Laundry (worked in a Nursing Home and did this, hate it now), People that threaten or make fun of my family (me you can do that all you want), The Sun (fair skin), Summer time, Work, School, NASCAR (sorry guys), My piece of junk car (all of my cars are pieces of junk), yeah that'll do for now.

I am not serious person, because my philosophy on life is that most days suck so just laugh at any thing and everything. (It also helps to have been raised on 3 Stooges, Marx Bros. Danny Kay, Cary Grant, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. I blame my father, you rock dad!) My head is full of movie and T.V. quotes so if you see one at the end of a review then that means I like you, or it means that I'm odd. (If I was a betting man it would be on the latter more than the former)

Also if I insult you in any way I'm sorry. In my family we do that all the time (I become so good at it I don't even realize I do it sometimes) and it’s all in good fun. This is why I have a very sarcastic streak in me. So once again if you feel I have insulted you I apologize but this is the way I am.

I am writing what originally was supposed to be my first fan-fic right now. Soul Calibur, Rite of the Soul: Descent into Darkness. I will not post it till it is done being written because I get side-tracked easily ( Ooh, shiny) so this way I know it gets done. I am new to all of this, (except the reading, despite what my family says) but I will try my best and if you see some bad spelling remember I have big hands and little keyboard.

With any and all stories I plan on writing, flames are welcome. Because flames cause forest fires and as the saying goes. "Only forest fires can prevent bears."

I have a small Christmas Naruto fic up, just because I needed to get it up for the holidays. However, I am still working on my Soul Calibur fic, it will be kind of long and so I might upload it when I get close to the half way mark. I haven't gotten very far because of a major re-write of the first chapter and a long writter's block on the fifth chapter. And a new additon to my repertoire, Tears of the Lost. A sad, tragic even (guess who would have said something like that. Hint; he liked to exit the stage by going right or left) that some how wound up a NaruSaku, sort of. If you don't like sad tragedies, try mine anyway. You might be suprised. (Or horribly scared for life, one of the two)

And here's a shameless plug for my friend Jess: Ahem! Go read her story, The Love Story of Naruto and Sakura. (Of course you really don't need to read anything before chapter 14 or so because the early stuff was terrible... And Jess if you ever see this; the dirty ape made me say those things) Seriously though, go read it, it's not half bad (insert witty remark).

Now with a word from our sponsors:

Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, death hates that.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Never ever push the red button.

Mercy is the sign of a great man. I'm just OK. (From the great show Firefly)

Area 51 is only a cover-up. The real secret is Area 52

The most dangerous thing in the world is a penguin with an AK-47

Buy high, sell low or is it the other way around.

It’s only a felony if you get caught.

Communism was just a red herring.

Never buy something from a local fiend with three hands.

A-Gore-Aphobia. It's not just the fear of Al Gore, but all people named Gore. (Foamy rules!)

Swing the banana!

Always remember the impotence of pants.

Never stray from the straight path. (Ha-ha, you said straight path) Shut-up Robomac.

I came. I saw. I ate a cookie.

A tall man can not hide in the short grass. (Take that Confusion... I mean Confound... I... You know who you are Asian man.)

I have the mind of an evil genius, with hands of an idiot side-kick.

Everything is simpler with a grenade.

Insanity runs in my family; it practically gallops.

If hunting a giant rock monster, don't lean up against a pile of rocks, that's just stupid.

Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit?

A wise-man once said... silence

I learned Morse code by watching Jerry Springer. (If you don't understand. It's all the sensorship. Beeping, beep, beeper!)

Nazis are the craziest peoples. (Loony Toons Rock!)

Out of the West came another partner to make a silly Axis out of himself. (Also from Loony Toons)

My name is Wile E. Coyote super genius. I like the way that rolls out. Wile E. Coyote Super Genius.

He who fights and runs away has a bigger friend waiting for him.

You can invade my mind if you want to… But it will just be like France and Germany in WWII. A really quick invasion.

If you can't say something nice, you're probably on a talk-show.

LEEROY JENKINS! (Nuff said)

A word of wisdom from SongSiren:

"Evil cannot be totally vanquished, only beaten down for awhile"

What do you suppose we do then?"

"Beat it with a stick"

(This was so funny I had to put it here, funny yet so true)

Some words to live by from Bythorsbeard (Posted on Urban dictionary.com)

John Wayne could have worn high heels, a flowered dress, and makeup and still have been eight times the man you are. (Truer words were never spoken)

This beep moment has been brought to you by the letter F, a faithful supporter of the beep moment program, when you need a beep moment, think F (Robomac is a king for thinking this one up. You son-of-a-albino-ape)

This as been a word from our sponsors. Now back to Dr. Phil and the scanky coke whore and may the horse be with you (Guess who said that)

This page is dedicated to: Robomac, Toucan, Shadow, Chum, Dr. Danger, Sr. Wagg, and of course Gold Johnson.

Quote of the Month: You whine like a mull, you are still alive! (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)

Now with that new spell-check smell! With new formats! (Yeah it sounds like a used carlot)