![]() Author has written 7 stories for Ninja Turtles, Animorphs, Transformers/Beast Wars, Danny Phantom, and Avatar: Last Airbender. Hey guys. It's me!!! Name: Hamato Sakura Age: 20 Birthday: August 14 Home: America And that's all you get. :) Have a nice day Friends or Best friends FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food FREINDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs. and grandma and grandpa BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRAMPS FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail at 2 A.M BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN we really messed up!" FRIENDS: Would leave you if you were a criminal. BEST FRIENDS: Are the ones you call in the middle of the night to tell them you killed someone and they would say "SHIT, what we gonna do with the body??" FRIENDS: Would help you up if you fell BEST FRIENDS: Would laugh at you and trip you again FRIENDS: Never seen you cry BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you’re not down anymore FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad ... Here’s a tissue" FRIENDS: Look at you in disapproval when you do something really stupid. BEST FRIENDS: Will be at your side doing something stupid with you. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what everyone else is doing BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door BEST FRIENDS: Would walk right in and say ,"IM HOME what we having for dinner?" FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life FRIENDS: ask you why you're crying BEST FRIENDS: already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. BEST FRIENDS: Will knock the shit out of them! FRIENDS: would say "He wasn't good enough for you" BEST FRIENDS: would walk up to the person who broke your heart and yell at the top of there lungs "IT'S BECAUSE YOUR GAY ITSN'T IT!!" FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste” FREINDS: Will ignore this BEST FRIENDS:Will repost this shit An Ode To My Mom 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. (My favorite) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special? Maybe it's plot by Frito to get people arrested so they don't have to pay up!) On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (and that would be how??...) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...) On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because??...) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious) On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Iron: Do not place in any bodily orfice while turned on. (because some things are not meant to be ironed out.) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity Duct tape fixes EVERYTHING. Well, except when you're cooking. Adding duct tape to chicken does NOT un-burn it. If chicken is burned, then it's going to stay burned.” Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account." Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost this... If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity. REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks" You can finish this 'ice ice _' | |||||||
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