Fictionpress, for you idiots who couldn't "find it".

The Mary Sue Litmus Test (please note, this test is NOT, I repeat, NOT, always accurate.)

I'm here to help rid PoT of shit one fic at a time.

EDIT: Yeah, bitches, I'm back! But I'm in the holiday spirit! Look out for me, I'm giving out long, constructive, holiday-friendly reviews! (Yes, I SHOULD be writing. But I've decided to give up my valuable writing time to help poor souls. How's that for holiday spirit?)

Now here's a thought!:

A sign of maturity is not only how well you write, but how well you take constructive criticism . While I admit that I am harsh in my reviews, I only review fics that need it. I'm harsh, because little idiot authors who get "omg ur stroie rocks!!1!1" are full of themselves and don't believe anything can possibly be wrong with their writing. The only way I can get it through these little authors thick heads and huge egos is to let them know the harsh truth without any extra padding.

I don't leave completely pointless flames, I really don't. In every review I have left I leave something to improve on, even if I'm not extremely specific. If you lash out at me, defending your "amazing" writing and then send your friend after me, I'll laugh. You won't ever improve as a writer that way.

On the other hand, if you actually LOOK AT WHAT I AM SAYING and TAKE IT INTO CONSIDERATION you CAN improve. People who do this I honestly respect more than anything, probably because they're like me: they WANT to improve and DO take messages into consideration. They see past the "cruel, hateful" words, shrug those off, and say to themselves "What is it I'm really being told here?" And they IMPROVE. They go back, they edit, and they realize that their writing is not the most wonderful piece of fiction ever to be written.

Were you told you write Sues and have come here to bitch about it? Or do you want to try and OC but don't want him/her to end up like the rest of the shitty OCs in the PoT section? All right, then click on the "homepage" button above and you'll be off to the Mary-Sue Litmus Test. Please note that passing the litmus test does NOT always mean your character is not a sue! I repeat, it does NOT. Litmus tests do not factor in skill level of the author. Many great authors can make a Sue work. However, if you have been flamed you obviously cannot. The litmus test is just there to give you a general beginning idea (i.e. if you score 50 then you shouldn't be writing in the first place).

To the idiots who say "but it wuz mi frist fic!!111!1!1"

So what? If it was your first fic YOU SHOULDN'T BE WRITING A FUCKING OC IN THE FIRST PLACE! Honestly, do is make ANY sense to write an ORIGINAL CHARACTER BEFORE you have characterization down of the ACTUAL ONES? No? Didn't think so.

In light of the recent Sue invasion (which has thankfully died down...a little bit...maybe) stories this account has been created so that it may bring the Tennis no Ohjisama section back to its original glory.

You have received my message for one or more of these reasons:

1) Your story wreaks of Sue. This is most common.

2) Your grammar and spelling are worse than a pre-schoolers.

3) You have made the characters so OOC that every true PoT fan wants to vomit.

4) You have turned Sakuno into a Canon!Sue.

5) You claim that Ryoma now has a twin. He does not. He never will. His family is his father (Nanjiroh), his mother (Rinko), his cousin (Nanako), his MALE cat (Karupin), and his adopted brother (Ryoga). Nope, I see nothing about a twin there.

6) You do not follow the ToS or the Guidelines. (i.e., Interactive fics, do not check spelling and grammar, original fiction, etc.)

7) Your plot is extremely cliché and/or overused.

If you want to fantasize about yourself with the characters leave it to your notebook. Or go find some Dream Novels. (Looking for DNs? Google or PM - I know good sites. Because I like a self-insert now and then, but the difference between you and me is that I don't post my fantasies for other people to read).

Prince of Tennis can be separated into four main categories.

1) Well-written serious fics - these involve almost always only the canon characters. They have a some-what serious tone and are normally written extremely well (because it takes an experienced author to write a serious fic).

2) Crack and or Parody - you find these a lot because of the insane themes in PoT. Some are well-written while others suck.

3) CanonxOC - these almost alway suck. They are characterized by horrible grammar, clichéd plots, Mary Sues, Canon!Sues, and such.

4) Pointless and unadulterated fluff - these stories, whether het or yaoi, involve a lot of fluffy little romantic bits that make fangirls squeal. If well-written they can be quite nice (though mass fluff has a tendency to kill readers). In PoT it is most commonly found in yaoi, because anything het is normally CanonxOC or Canon!Sue. That does not mean that there are no good het stories, it just means that they're very hard to find.

Common Arguments

but u dunt hve eny stroies so y shud i lisen 2 u?!/'

I do have stories. Over fifty of them, in fact.

Over thirty of them are Prince of Tennis.

I have been writing fanfiction since 2005. I've been writing Prince of Tennis fanfiction since 2006.

So don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

it wus mah first storie!1!b niccer!11

So? Your first story or your thirtieth, if it's not up to par, I'm going to get to you. Or somebody else will. In fact, you should be lucky I got to you earlier on - then you have more time to improve in other works, instead of already having a large amount of stories that stink already written.

shut the fuck up its my storie why do you caaare?!@!

I care, because I remember a time when the PoT section was free of bad fanfiction. Or mostly free. A few bad stories would pop up now and then, but they wouldn't take off and the authors of those stories realized that their writing wasn't the greatest thing since sliced bread and they CHANGED IT so that it didn't suck so much. I want to help restore the PoT section to its original glory. Harry Potter, Naruto, and Lord of the Rings already went down the drain, PoT doesn't need to be the next fandom and you can't venture into, because it kills brain cells.

dis stroei is 4 me and mah rfriends!11221! SO FUCK OFF!!

It may be for you and your friends, but if it's only for them then why don't you keep it to...oh, you and your friends? By posting a work of fiction on the internet you are allowing tons of thousands of people to access your work of writing. Tons of thousands of people who are not you or your friends. And these tons of thousands of people have the right to their opinion about whether or not your work of fiction sucks or not. Just like you have the right to post your story on the internet, I have the right to think you're an idiot who can't write.

my chracter is NOT a sueee! so shut up!!

It's true what they say: the truth hurts. The stages in accepting that you have a Sue on your hands are much like the five stages of grief.

1) Denial - this is where you pout and scream and reply to me saying "I DON'T HAVE A SUE SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

2) Anger - this is where you ask yourself/a friend/me "WHY THE FUCK WAS I FLAMED!?" or "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU FLAME MEEE?!" If you're replying to me, you may try to hurt me with insults. The most common (and ineffective) of these are posted below.

3) Bargaining - this doesn't really come up too often in the acceptance of a Sue. Still, I've seen it happen, and when it does it looks something like "Shut teh fukc up or ill tell dadadyY!!" or "flame so-and-so, they suck more than meee!!"

4) Depression - this happens to Suethors who are too immature and emotionally unstable to be online. They get all upset and go and cry to their parents/friends/myspace/etc. These rants often look something like "I hate writing. I'm never going to write again. They crushed my hopes and dreams. I hate life."

5) Acceptance - this stage, unfortunately, doesn't happen very often. When it does, however, it tends to look like "Yeah, you're right, I've got a Mary Sue. Can you help me fix her?" People who make it all the way to step five, I smile and help.

u ddnt even reda teh stroesi!!1!

On the contrary, I did. I may not have read every word and detail that went into it (VERY few authors can get me to do that, even some of my favorites, INCLUDING real authors), but I can assure you that I DID read your story. Maybe I didn't read all of it, maybe I did. If I read farther it means that your spelling, grammar, and/or spacing didn't make me want to stab my eyes out with a rusty spork sooner. So kudos to you, for delaying the sporking of my eyes!

u dunt have a life! ur al oser who hsa noooof riends!!

Contrary to popular belief, I do have friends. Quite a few of them, in RL and online. I don't have a life however, but that's not because it's spent on fanfiction. I don't have a life, because it's spent on my studies, and the part that isn't is spend on pouring myself into my favorite sport: competitive swimming (which is, also contrary to popular belief, a year-round sport.)

ur a fat 40yr old man who lifves in his mams basement!!

I am not forty, nor am I male. I am female. I do, however, live with my parents. But the reason for that would be that I'm under legal age. So I'm legally required to live with a parent or guardian. Though I don't live in the basement, so you'd be wrong on that point too.

y r u so fuckign meaaan?!

If I review you and I'm mean, it's because I hate you with a passion and I wish you would go and jump off of a cliff. No, dumbass, I'm mean because you've mutilated what used to be a beautiful fandom. You might say "sooo?! so and so is WORSE than meee! so im not that bad!1!1" That's like saying "So what if I helped rob a bank? THIS guy came UP with the plan, so THEY should go to jail, not me!" Yeah, real smart. If I'm mean, it's because you've pissed me off. And because when people sugar-coat things fucktards like you don't seem to get it; your story sucks. You need to IMPROVE. Drastically. When I sugar-coat things you just go "oh, whatever" and don't think about it. But if I put it in your face in big, bold, fucking letters, then you'll NOTICE IT!

did u have a bda childhod?!

Not bad, per se. It wasn't the best. But I can tell you that whether or not my childhood was good or not will not affect the way I review your story. Unless, perhaps, your story contains incorrect details about something that I have had first-hand experience with.

This list to be continued.

Quote of the 'whenever I feel like fucking changing it':

“If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon.” ~Johannes Brahms

Other Things:

-Yes, I am the same G-chan that is the creator of S.P.A.M.S.P.O.T. (no longer around) and S.P.A.M.S.P.O.T.II. So um...stop PMing me saying "I NUW WHOOO U R!!111!!" It's not a secret.