Some amusing quote's

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
-- Oscar Levant

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
-- Ronnie Shakes

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
-- Jim Loy

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
-- Jerry Seinfield

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
-- Ernest Hemingway

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
-- Mark Twain

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
-- G. K. Chesterton

There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts.
-- Charles Dickens

If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
-- Frankie Boyle

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
-- Frankie Boyle

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

--Me..

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.
-- Peter De Vries

cientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown.
-- Conan OBrien

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
-- Steve Martin

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy

The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
-- Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

Publication is a self-invasion of privacy.
-- Marshall McLuhan

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on a Grecian Urn' is worth any number of old ladies.
-- William Faulkner

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.
-- William Faulkner

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
-- Josh Billings

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk.
-- Stephen King

here are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-- Somerset Maugham

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.
-- Somerset Maugham

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.
-- Mel Brooks

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
-- W.C. Fields

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
... -- Somerset Maugham, See what i mean?