Things You Should Know About Me:

I like reading FanFictions more than writing them. I have an idea for a Twilight story but I'm not going to post it yet.

I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN.

I HATE Jacob Black with a burning passion. I can't believe that Stephanie Meyer made Bella fall in love with both Edward and Jacob. That is her one fault. Bella and Jacob are only good as friends and only barely. When Edward came back and Bella asked him to try and get along with Jacob better he did it, but Jacob didn't even try. Jacob didn't even get the hint to stop going after Bella after she broke her hand punching him to get him to stop kissing her. I will admit that Jacob was sweet and loyal to Bella in New Moon, but how can you stay on his side after all the things he did in Eclipse.

These are the most important things, and I know they were pretty random but thats what you get for looking at my profile

My Favorite Books

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Harry Potter series, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory(its a classic), Pride and Prejudice and the other five books by Jane Austin, The Naming, The Golden Compass, Stardust, The Outsiders, Eragon(the Inheritance Trilogy), My Sister's Keeper, Keeping Faith, and Salem Falls.

My Favorite Movies

Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Rent, 300, Juno, Transformers, National Treasure, Epic Movie, Scary Movie 1-4, Date Movie, Pride and Prejudice, Becoming Jane, Eragon, Click, Raise Your Voice, Just Friends, 50 First Dates, Along Came Polly, Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Never Been Kissed, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, and so many others I can't think of right now.

My Favorite Bands

The Used, Trapt, Paramore, Snow Patrol, Lifehouse, Fall Out Boy, The Hush Sound, Muse, Greenday, the Fray, Daughtry, 30 Seconds to Mars, Say Anything, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cartel, Mute Math, Linkin Park, Coldplay, Nickleback, Panic! At the Disco, Jordin Sparks, Kelly Clarkson, Vanessa Carlton, Colbie Caillat, Avril Lavigne, Carrie Underwood, Timbaland, and random songs.

My Favorite T.V. Shows

Bones, House, Gossip Girl, Degrassi, Instant Star, About a Girl, The Best Years, Gilmore Girls, and ANTM.

My Favorite People

Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Alice Cullen, Esme Cullen, Isabella Swan, Captain Jack Sparrow, William Turner, Elizabeth Swan, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Ruebious Hagrid, Johnny Depp, Daniel Radcliff, Emily Browning, Jesse Spencer, Chace Crawford, Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick, Taylor Momsem, Leighton Meester, Hugh Jackman, Emily Deschanel, Kiera Knightley, Rachel McAddams, Freddy Highmore, Blake Lively, Patrick Stump, and my bffl Vanessa.

My Favorite Plays/Musicals

Rent, Hairspray, Wicked, Mama Mia!, Sweeney Todd, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, The Color Purple

Other Stuff

If you know that this ain't a scene, it's an arms race, if you hum hallelujah just off the key of reason, if you're crashing, but you're no wave, if you're thnkfl fr th mmrs, if you know you should do your part to save the scene and stop going to shows, if you've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth, if you've got all this ringing in your ears and none on your fingers, if you know the takeover, the break's over, if you know how cruel the golden rule is, if you know the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad, if you set your clocks early 'cause you know you're always late, if long live the car crash hearts, if you slept with someone in Fall Out Boy and all you got was this stupid song written about you, if your lawyer made you change the name of this song so you wouldn't get sued, if you've got headaches and bad luck but they couldn't touch you, if you're falling apart to half time, if you're just a notch in his bedpost, but you're just a line in a song, if nobody puts baby in the corner, if you look so good in blue (so good in blue), if you keep telling yourself you're not the desperate type, if they're the therapists pumping through your speakers, if you only do it for the scars and stories, but not the fame, if love never wanted you, but you took it anyway, if you're broken down on memory lane, if you're a scar away from falling apart (apart), if you're so miserable and stunning, if you wrote a goodbye note in lipstick on your arm when you passed out, if you're alright in bed but you're better with a pen, if gay is not a synonym for shitty, if you're going to take this to your grave, if you were dead on arrival, and if you're a die-hard FOB fan, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE RIGHT THIS SECOND OR ELSE.

If you wished that homework didn’t exist, copy and paste this into your file.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

If you ever ran into a pillar or a wall, copy and paste this into your profile.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.

And Carlisle said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood.

If you think Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur profile! (If we could solve wars with rock paper scissors, everyone would love each other...)

If when you have a boy, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.

If when you have a girl, you'd consider naming her Isabella, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. (Wait...huh?)

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile

If you are part of the PN association put this in your profile (PN - procrastinate now... but if you were a procrastinator, wouldn't you procrastinate your procrastination, while still procrastinating to do that???(ow))

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever stood straight up, then fell down for no apparent reason, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever lost your sunglasses, then found then on your head, copy this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever lost a bet to yourself, copy this to your profile.

If the name of your world ends in land, world, topia, or burg, copy this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd.

If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you agree, that purple bunnies who are high on CATNIP and eat TACOS WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile Too many people have smoked marijuana.

If you haven't, write this to your profile If you sometimes spontaneously break into song, But my feelings for you last forever, because days come and go, copy this into your profile, dry your tears, it is time to let you go.

I like cheese.

I have seen purple cows.

If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball?

Milk tastes good.

People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random!

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If when ever someone asks you your name, you have to think about it, copy this to your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you bite someone because they tried to take twilight away from you. Crazy is when you write Jasper or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders with doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Twilight related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you go to the most expensive store within fifty miles of your home, try on almost every piece of clothing, then walk out with nothing, saying none of it was your style. Crazy is when you break a bone and laugh, when you put on a Halloween costume in the middle of the year for no reason and walk around the park singing a random song. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you've ever been called weird because you typed OMC instead of OMG copy and paste this into your profile

If whenever you see or hear the brand "Volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrollably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile - Now Entering ~du nu nu~ the Twilight zone- (he he)

If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

I like my men pale, immortal and bloodthirsty.

If you plan to name your kids Alice, Jasper, Edward, Bella, Rosalie, or Emmett copy and paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward", you freak out because you love him so much, copy this to your profile. (EDWARD WHERE?!?!?!?)

If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out copy and paste this into your profile.

I read New Moon and Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD where the sun don’t shine paste this in your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this to your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile. (o.o whoa)

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy this to it to make it longer. (:D)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever slapped/punched a relative because they took the last piece of your gum, copy this into your profile.

If you are writing a book, copy this into your profile

If your obsessed with fan fiction, copy this to your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters from Twilight in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile (I’m not a people person, I’m a lock myself in a room with a computer, bookstore where I don't have to pay and get books delivered daily (one of every copy thing unless I ask for more) a bed, toilet, shower, store (same system as book thing) you know what, I just don't like people...)

If you have a problem with counselors, copy and paste!!

If you know what a lemon fly is (for those who don’t, it is a mythical lemon with wings. ha! now you know!!)

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you bit some one before you even read twilight or new moon and your whole school is afraid of you for it, but not to afraid that it would keep them from calling you a freak. (I bit my friend when she tried to take my iPod)

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! (I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! dee lee dee dee)

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. (I run into things all the time!)

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry.

If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile

If you throw French fries at birds, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If your grammar is so bad it made your newest Beta Reader hit you copy this to your profile

If you have pretended to be someone your not but learned it's better to be you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you freaking COULD, copy this into your profile

If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and SUCCEEDED, copy and paste this into your profile (in dreams you can achieve so much! ha ha)

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. (I seriously didn’t)

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. (Yeah now I have discolorations from it.) I'm bored...

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (You should see me in class)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!

When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eye.

Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Do not take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I am not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Friends are like stars, they come and go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.

I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have!

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. :)

When you’re stressed just... YODEL!

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Have fun, laugh at things that aren't funny, and make a HUGE loser out of yourself in public.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Anyone can make you smile, anyone can make you cry, but it takes someone real special to make you laugh with tears in your eyes.

Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER!

Take candy, not drugs.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

My imaginary friend thinks you have problems.

Caution, water on road during rain.

Hold your head high, gorgeous, there are people that would kill to see you fall.

The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth.

Even the best fall down sometimes.

Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

Read my lips : Olive Juice: Thanks for listening, have a nice day.

Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.

A friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again.

Live your life with arms wide open, you never know what might be thrown at you...

I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate!

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well, I'm pretty sure the guns help because if you stood there and shouted 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill a lot of people.

Do NOT label me, I'm no soup can!

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindors sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colors indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class sky clad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy this into your profile.

If you think the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leperchaun alone, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a very unhealthy obssession for any or all of the Cullens, and you don't want to admit it because even though admitting you have a problem is the first step toward healing, and frankly you don't wanna heal, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen backwards off of a chair, copy this into your profile.

If some random people have ever taken your bible study's spot in a Seattle's Best, copy this into your profile.

If you are in love with Edward Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you are in love with Edward Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you are a proud stalker and obssessed fan of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you support the 'Make Edward Change Bella Into a Vampire' club copy this into your profile.

Fang 98 percent human, 2 percent bird, 100 percent hott! If you believe that Fang is hott, copy and paste this into your profile

If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy this into your profile.

If you ever wish you could give Erik a nice, big hug to make him feel better, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy this into your profile.

If you've read Twilight over four times, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever read past 2 in the morning, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obssessed with something that now everyone is afraid of you because of the results, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how gorgeous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said gorgeous Edward Cullen to hear, copy this into your profile.

If you have Twilight and New Moon memorized, copy this into your profile.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullens Including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

Emmett Cullen: Stronger than you since 1916

Jasper Hales: Smoother than you since 1843

Rosalie Hales: Better than you since 1916

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than you since 1901

Edward Cullen: Hotter than you since 1901

Boys are like slinkies. Useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs. Except for Edward Cullen, of course!

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are planning to form a mob to attack Stephenie Meyer's publisher because you want Breaking Dawn now, copy this into your profile.

If you get ticked and throw a fit until all the people in a room run away whenever someone says the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this into your profile.

If you wan't Bella to turn into a vampire, copy this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could take Bella's place in Twilight, coy this into your profile.

If you think I'm an obssessed geek because of the above, copy this into your profile! - stolen from BellaBunny1292

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know when to call somebody. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

92 percent of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the eight percent laughing their asses off at the others!

Random Quotes

“Where is it? Where is the thump-thump?” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

Will Turner: You want me to find this?

Jack Sparrow: No. You want you to find this, because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-her-face. Savvy? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Boat!” Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“This is not my vessel. My vessel is magnificent, and fierce and huge-ish and…GONE. Why is it gone?” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“You smell funny.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“I like mayonnaise!” deleted scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“I'm the family kook—I have a job, a house, health insurance...” National Treasure

“A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Tia Dalma: Davey Jones cannot make port, cannot step on land but once every ten years. Land is where you are safe Jack Sparrow. And so you will carry land with you.

(hands Jack a jar of dirt)

Jack Sparrow: Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.

Tia Dalma: Yes.

Jack Sparrow: Is the jar of dirt going to help?

Tia Dalma: If ya don't want it. Give it back.

Jack Sparrow: (turns away, hugging jar to his chest) No.

Tia Dalma: Then it helps. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid.” Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“Heave! Heave like you're being paid for it!” Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“But why is the rum gone?” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Captain Ammand: (about Barbossa) Shoot him!

Captain Jocard: Cut out his tongue!

Jack Sparrow: Shoot him, cut out his tongue, and shoot his tongue. And trim that scraggly beard of his! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pintel: No one said anything about cold.

Ragetti: I'm sure there must be a good reason for our suffering.

Pintel: Why don't that Obeah woman bring Jack back the same way she brought back Barbossa.

Tia Dalma: Because Barbossa was only dead. Jack Sparrow is taken body and soul to a place not of death, but of punishment, the worst fate a person can bring upon himself stretching on forever. That's what awaits at Davy Jones' locker.

Ragetti: Well I knew there was a good reason. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pintel: You know you can't read.

Ragetti: It's the Bible—you get credit for tryin'. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Ladies, will you please shut it! Listen to me. (to Giselle) Yes, I lied to you. (to Scarlett) No, I don't love you. (to Giselle) Of course it makes you look fat. (to Scarlett) I've never been to Brussels. (to Giselle) It is pronounced egregious (to Scarlett) By the way, no. I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies. (to both) And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy? Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Leave 'im lie... unless you're planning to use him to hit somethin' with!” Jack, talking about dear, unconscious Will, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Jack Sparrow: My compass is unique.

Norrington: Unique here having the meaning of broken

Jack Sparrow: True enough. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Look alive, men! It's not for naught it's called Shipwreck Island where lie Shipwreck Cove in the town of Shipwreck.” Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish... flipper conories little sausages. Pin them up together and they will devour each other without a second thought... Human nature, in'it? Ooor... fish nature... So yes... we could hold up here well-provisioned and well-armed and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or... ahh... as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful... I rather doubt it. Can we in fact pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth...Captain Swann. We must fight.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Will Turner: Will you marry me?

Elizabeth Swan: I don't think now's the best time!

Will Turner: Now may be the only time! I love you. I've made my choice. What's yours?

Elizabeth Swan: Barbossa! (to Barbossa) Marry us!

Barbossa: I'm a little busy at the moment! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Will Turner: Elizabeth Swann, do you take me to be your husband?

Elizabeth Swan: I do.

Will Turner: Great!

Elizabeth Swan: Will Turner, do you take me to be your wife, in sickness and in health, with health being less likely?

Will Turner: I do.

Barbossa: You may kiss—You may kiss —JUST KISS! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“I could join the circus!” Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Elizabeth Swan: I propose an exchange. Will leaves with us. And you can take Jack.

Will Turner: Done.

Jack Sparrow: Undone.

Lord Cutler Beckett: Done.

Barbossa: (to Elizabeth) Jack's one of the nine pirate lords. You have no right.

Elizabeth Swan: (scoffs) King! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Now we're being followed by rocks. Never had that one before.” Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks.

Jack Sparrow: No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we dont' have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“If I may lend a machete to your intellectual thicket.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Jack Sparrow: William, tell me somethin'. Have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressin' damsel? Or... rather damsel in distress? Either one...

Will Turner: No.

Jack Sparrow: Well, then you wouldn't be here, would you? So you can't be here! QED—you're not really here! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Will Turner: What vexes all men?

Tia Dalma: What, indeed.

Gibbs: Well, the sea!

Pintel: Sums!

Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil.

(all stop and stare at him)

Jack Sparrow: (exasperated) A woman! Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Dearly Beloved, we be gathered here today… (is set upon by a fish-person, who he kicks in the face) …to nail yer gizzard to the mast, yer poxy cur!” Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“MY peanut!” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pintel: (watching Norrington, Will and Jack fight whilst Elizabeth is screaming and throwing rocks) How'd this go all screwy?

Ragetti: Well, each wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mr. Norrington, I think, is trying to regain a bit of honor. Old Jack's looking to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there, I think 'e's trying to settle some unresolved business twixt him and his twice-cursed pirate father.

Pintel: Sad. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“But why is the rum gone?” Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“You may throw my hat if you wish. (Gibbs throws Jack's hat) Now go and get it.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pintel: ...I always heard it said "kray-kin"

Ragetti: What? With a long “A”?

Pintel: Uh-huh.

Ragetti: Na-na-na-na-no-no no "Krah-ken"'s how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian, and "Krakken"'s closer to that.

Pintel: Well we ain't original Scandinavians, are we? Kray-kin.

Ragetti: It's a mythological creature, I can calls it what I wants! Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Wonder what would happen if we were to drop a cannonball on them...” Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“And to what do I owe the pleasure of your carbuncle?” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Ragetti: (studies his upside-down Bible intently, then looks up) Well, I say it was Divine Providence what escaped us from jail.

Pintel: And I say it was me bein' clever.

Pintel: (turns to the dog with the keys) Ain't that right, Poochie?

Ragetti: Well, how'd you know it weren't Divine Providence what inspired you to be clever? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Elizabeth Swan: It's real!

Norrington: You actually were telling the truth.

Jack Sparrow: I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.

Will Turner: With good reason. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“He needs the Pearl. Captain Turner needs the Pearl, (to Elizabeth) and you felt guilty, (to Barbossa) and you and your Brethren Court. Did no one come to save me just because they missed me? (Everyone looks around. Pintel, Ragetti, and Jack The Monkey cautiously raise their hands) I'm standing over there with them.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Jack Sparrow: Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past…one of you succeeded. (all look at Elizabeth) Oh, she's not told you. You'll have loads to talk about while you're here. As for you… (going to Tia Dalma)

Tia Dalma: Now don't tell me you didn't enjoy it at the time.

Jack Sparrow: Fair enough. You're in. (begins going do the line of pirates on the beach) (to Ragetti) Don't need you, you scare me. Gibbs, you can come, Marty, Cotton…Cotton's parrot, I'm a little iffy…At least I'll have someone to talk to…Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Oh, Mother Carey's chickens! What happened?” Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“What about Jack? I can't leave without him! (sees Jack getting chased by cannibals) Time to go.” Will, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

(holds up jar of dirt) “Oi! Fishface! Lose something? Eh? Scungilli!

(falls down stairs, holds up jar again) Got it! Come to negotiate, eh? Have you, you slimy git? Look what I got. (sing-song) I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Will Turner: I said to myself, think like Jack.

Jack Sparrow: This is what you've arrived at? Lead Beckett to Shipwreck Cove so as to gain his trust, accomplish your own ends? It's like you don't know me at all, mate. And how does your dearly beloved feel about this plan? Ah, you've not seen fit to trust her with it. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Guard: Mr. Swann...

Governor Weatherby Swan: Governor Swann, still. Do you think I wear this wig to keep my head warm? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Jack Sparrow: (examining the map) Up is down. That's just maddingly unhelpful. Why are these things never clear?

Miniature Jack 1: (voice) Clear as mud, Jackie…

Jack Sparrow: What? Eh?

Miniature Jack 1: (appearing from Jack's left dreadlocks) Stab the heart.

Miniature Jack 2: (appearing from Jack's right dreadlocks) Don't stab the heart.

Jack Sparrow: Come again?

Miniature Jack 2: The Dutchman must have a captain…

Jack Sparrow: Well that's even more than less than unhelpful.

Miniature Jack 1: Sail the seas for eternity.

Jack Sparrow: (smiling) I love the sea...

Miniature Jack 2: What about port?

Jack Sparrow: I prefer rum...rum is good.

Miniature Jack 2: Making port, where we can get rum...once every ten years.

Miniature Jack 1: What'd he say?

Jack Sparrow: Once every ten years.

Miniature Jack 1: Ten years is a long time, mate.

Jack Sparrow: Even longer, given the deficit of rum.

Miniature Jack 1: …But eternity is longer still.

Miniature Jack 2: And how'll you be spending it? Dead?

Miniature Jack 1: …Or not…The immortal Captain Sparrow.

Jack Sparrow: Well, I like that.

Miniature Jack 2: (looking out to the sea) Come sunset and it won't matter.

Jack Sparrow: (realizing) …Not sunset… Sundown! And Rise….. Up! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means no.” Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“The captain does seem to be acting a bit strange…er.” Marty, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Captain Jocard: Who is this traitor?

Barbossa: Not likely one among us.

Elizabeth Swan: Where's Will?

Jack Sparrow: Not among us. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Jack Sparrow: You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things.

Gibbs: Like?

Jack Sparrow: I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.

Gibbs: What did you call him?

Jack Sparrow: (pause) Larry. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“You add an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium.”Jack?, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

(Barbossa is giving orders and Jack repeats the order)

Barbossa: What are you doin'?

Jack Sparrow: What are you doin'?

Barbossa: No, what are you doin'?

Jack Sparrow: What are you doin'?

Barbossa: No! What are you doin'?

Jack Sparrow: What are you doin'? Captain gives orders on the ship.

Barbossa: The captain of the ship is givin' orders.

Jack Sparrow: My ship, makes me captain.

Barbossa: They be my charts!

Jack Sparrow: Well, that makes you (pause)chartman.

Pintel: Stow it! Both of you! That's an order! Understand? (Jack and Barbossa stare at him) Sorry. I just thought with the Captain issue in doubt, I'd throw my name in for consideration, sorry.

Ragetti: (to Pintel) I'd vote for you. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Pretty speech from a captor, but words whispered through prison bars lose their charm.”Elizabeth, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Mullroy: There has definitely been a breakdown in discipline aboard this vessel.

Murtogg: I blame the fish-people.

Mullroy: (Sarcastically) Oh, so fish-people, by dint of being fish-people are less disciplined than non-fish-people?

Murtogg: (as Jack is taking the chest) It seems contributory. Of course, if there were no fish-people, then there would be no need to guard the chest.

Mullroy: And if there were no chest, then we wouldn't need to be here to guard it. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Gibbs: Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea.

Jack Sparrow: Yes to the first. Yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.

Gibbs: Ah, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain.

Jack Sparrow: I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs. Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something! Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Murtogg: This dock is off limits to civilians.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry; I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Jack Sparrow: We are very much alike, you and I, I and you... us.

Elizabeth Swan: Oh. Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene.

Jack Sparrow: Trifles. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“Don't eat me! Don't eat me!” Cotton’s parrot, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Abigail Chase: (referring to the underground staircase) How did they build all this?

Ben Gates: The same way the built the pyramids.

Riley Poole: Right...the aliens helped them. National Treasure

“And that was without even a single drop of rum.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“You mistrust me? Listen, you can mistrust him, trust me.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Lord Cutler Beckett: You're mad.

Jack Sparrow: Thank goodness for that, 'cause if I wasn't this would probably never work. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Think like the whelp. Think like the whelp... Think like the whelp… (sees bars) Half-barrel hinges. Leverage…” (breaks cell gate) Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?” Riley, National Treasure

“Well, slap me thrice and hand me to me mama!” Gibbs?, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

"I can't breathe!" Elizabeth, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“I don't have the face for tentacles.” Jack,Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Elizabeth Swan: There will come a moment when you will have the chance to do the right thing.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I love those moments, I like to wave at them as they pass by. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Murtogg: I said no lies!

Mullroy: I think he’s telling the truth.

Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn’t have told us.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn’t believe the truth even if he told it to you. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

“He’s got me eye!” Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“So he wasn't always so... tentacley?” Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“You can fight and all of you will die, or you can not fight... in which case only most of you will die.” Lord Cutler Beckett, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Davey Jones: Do you fear death?

Jack Sparrow: You have no idea. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“I leave you people alone for just a minute and look what happens. Everything's gone to pot!” Jack, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Tia Dalma: A woman. He fell in love.

Gibbs: No, no, no, no. I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.

Tia Dalma: Same story, different versions and all are true. See it was a woman, as changing and harsh and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain had caused him was too much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die.

Will Turner: What exactly did he put into the chest?

Tia Dalma: Him heart.

Ragetti: Literally or figuratively?

Pintel: He couldn't literally put his heart in a chest. (pause) Could he? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

“These aren't pieces of eight, they're pieces of junk!” Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“No course is lost if but one fool is left to fight.”Will, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End