Funny things that I just happened to come across .:

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN FREAK RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FUCKING AWSOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

BEST FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter

BEST FRIENDS: Would copy and past this into their profile

This proves that the human race is completely screwed - we shall die of stupidity.

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (But that's the only time I have to dry my hair.)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (You chose to tell me this now?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (No way.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Well then.)

On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could really reduce work accidents if we could get all the four year olds off of those cranes.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that why I bought it?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Other option?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Which is...?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (-_-)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (But it's fun!)

On plastic wrapping: "Do not put on head...may result in suffocation." (O.o I did not know that.)

Now that you've smiled at least once, spread the stupidity! Copy and paste this into your profile!

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes, be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

I do not deny everything!

Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.

Best friends are the only ones brave enough to walk in my footsteps. They do it because hitting the wall is fun.

In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.

I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hysterical!

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared!?

I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words.

Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday.

Some people deserve a high-five... in the face... with a steel chair... attached to a car...

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who drank my water!

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run--he hates that.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

I’ve already won so shut up and bow before me.

When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then you sit back and watch the world wonder how in the world you did it.

Dear Cool People: If you're so cool, why isn't there a candy named after you? Sincerely, the Nerds.

If you're cooler than me, doesn't that mean I'm hotter than you?

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

You can’t spell 'BEAUTIFUL' without 'BE U'.

Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, snap! She's up!"

I know who I am...your approval really isn't needed.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Yes, I hit like a girl. If you hit a little bit harder, you could too!

I'm not scared of death! What's it gonna do, kill me?

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

It doesn't matter how it explodes, as long as it explodes.

What's normal? Is it a disease? OMG! Don't come near me! I might catch your 'normal'!!

I use the force to open automatic doors... But I'm still working on the regular ones.

Stand back! I'm trying science!

Nope, can't go to Hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me...

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something...

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, then you’re screwed.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

There are three kinds of people in the world: those that can count, and those that can't.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I dream of a better tomorrow- where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

The statistics of insanity is that one in every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When you carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. When he sees you living it, he flees. And just when you’re about to re-post this, he will try and discourage you. I just defeated him. Copy, & Paste this if you’re in God's Army :)