Once upon a time...

FOR THE STALKERS

Name: Taylor. Yeah, I'm gonna give you my last name.
Age: Old enough to get "looks" for riding carosuels at the mall, but young enough to still find "that's what she said" hilarious.
Location: Here's my address, for all those ninjas going to slit my throat for not fowarding five million chain mails.
Heritage: South Korean, but I was adopted when I was not even one.
Looks: I have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth.

ABOUT ME

It doesn't really matter who I tell you I am, because you already have your own ideas about me.

I wish my homework was asexual so it would do itself.

I run into walls for attention.

I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way paper can beat rock. Paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. I mean, whenever I pick rock and they pick paper, I have to resist the urge to punch them in the face and say "oops, sorry, I thought paper would save you."

Basically, I have two tracks: extremely deep and philosophical, like to the point where it's creepy, and immature and crazy.

I use my craziness as a mask. Truth is, I'm basically done. I don't really want your romance or your faith. I don't really want anything. I have friends still patient enough to say I mean something to them, a MapQuest page with directions to my escape, and music to keep me alive. So I'll just keep breathing, heart beating, wearing the smile I've composed for my role during daytime, and that'll be enough.

It annoys me when I laugh in class and my teacher asks "Do you find that funny?" Well, obviously.

Since beggars can't be choosers, I'll go with the choosing. Hit me straight out, but that's a fight you can count on losing.

Note to self: cannot divide by zero.

My friends tell me I'm gonna get myself killed if I don't start taking life more seriously. I say I'm gonna die anyway, so why not die doing something breathtakingly amazing?

I can't believe it's not butter!

I'm smart, but not. I am amazingly booksmart: I read faster than I can talk, about a page per 30 seconds ("page" based on formatting/size of hardback Eclipse), I am a freshman in Honors Algebra 2, I take all honors courses available and have straight A's. But I have no common sense.

People are constantly telling me I'm immature and I need to grow up. But I don't think I will yet.

I am told I am hilarous. Things I say often leave people laughing for over a minute. I think I'm funny. But not that funny. Maybe everyone I know is just wierd.

Sarcasm can't be typed. I'm screwed.

I will travel anywhere, so long as we can dance when we get there. I want to lay in the sand of a beach, fully clothed, and just listen to the waves and laugh. Can we please just jump in the car and go, I don't care where we're going, let's just go.

I have a black belt and spar in Tae Kwon Do. Not to brag, well what the frack, I'll end up bragging anyways, so nevermind. I am really good. I'm on the elite sparring team, which is a huge deal.

Yeah, I'd love more than anything to hear the song you wrote, and no, I don't care who you wrote it for. I will tell you it is beautiful, guaranteed. Please tell me your life story, because I promise you, I will care. If we just met yesterday, that's more than enough time.

I seldom think before I speak.

Get like you? Nawww, get like me.

If a tree falls in the forrest, but no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise? I dunno, but I will. I support a greener world. I recycle and I conserve energy.

I can't cross my eyes, hit a tennis ball, or roll my tongue. And it pisses me off on a daily basis.

Carry me, or I'll carry you, we'll go swing in the night and run bare foot through the grass, because it's so much easier to be ten years old again with the cool darkness upon us. Or maybe we should just lay here on this couch, upside down and backwards talking the night away. We could turn on the radio and find happiness, because I swear this is my favorite song.

I play goalie in hockey. I'm practically a brick wall.

Whenever I can't think of the right word, I say "like" 500 times, then use a slightly less effective synonym, with either "ish" or "esque" tagged onto the end of it.

Behind every beautiful girl, there's a jerk of a guy who did her wrong...and that made her strong.

I run with scissors.

THINGS I LOVE LIKE ASDFJKLSEMICOLONGAHHHHHCAPSLOCK

Bands, Singers, and Music in General: Paramore is freakin' amazinggg. They own my soul, basically. Classic Rock is the ish...Janis Joplin, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Yes, Cream, Jimi Hendrix, Deep Purple, love it.
Movies: I refuse to succumb to HSM pop culture. Blech. I love comedies. I only watch horror because my friends force me (I couldn't sleep for a week after 1408.)
Books and Poems: I read like a maniac, and extremely fast. I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in about two hours...not to brag? I love, love, love: Sense and Sensibility, Eragon/Eldest, The Testament, My Antonia, Flipped, Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, Maximum Ride, Anne Karrenia, The Wish List, Go Ask Alice, Wish You Well, Forever and Never, Uglies/Pretties/Specials/Extras, (I admit it) Harry Potter, Godless. I read 24/7. My parents have grounded me from reading for pleasure. True story.
Television Shows: House, M.D. is my infatuationnnn. I also love Parental Control (the only decent show on MTV, in my opinion). I admit it, I watch American Idol. Drake and Josh is immature but hilarious.
Food: Gelato, watermelon, gummy bears.
Drinks: Not gonna lie, I basically live off of Red Bull. Seriously, my hands shake from caffiene. Root beer, Vault, Cheerwine, chocolate milk. A bay bay.
Other Coughcoughrandomcoughcough: Mmmmm, the whole blind pyro mutant chef thing. 'Nuff said.

COMPLETELY RANDOM MEMORIES THAT BASICALLY DEFINE ME

I have no idea why I remember them, I just do.

When I was really little, my best friend got mad at me once and threw my Barbie down the stairs. The head popped off and I was really upset; I cried for hours. It never really fit on right again.

There was this girl who lived across the street, she was two years older than me, and she was like my sister. One day, she told me if I ate to much watermelon, a worm would grow in my stomach. I obsessed about that for weeks. Then, she told me it was all a joke, which was a huge dissapointment.

I loved my cat Tiger. And I loved jump rope. Therefore, when I was seven, I decided Tiger would probably like jump rope. So I tied a jumprope to the doorknob on the door at the end of the hall and held the other end. Then I dragged my cat in and put him in the middle. I turned the jumprope and, surprise, the cat didn't move.

AMAZING (SADLY) FICTIONAL GUYS AND ONE WORD EXPLAINATIONS

Edward Cullen: Sex.
Emmett Hale: Hilarious.
Iggy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmazing.
Fang: Strong.
George Weasley: Laughriot.
Fred Weasley: Dead.
Draco Malfoy: Hot.

IDOLS

Hayley Williams, the singer from Paramore. She's gutsy. She is also hilarious, but at the same time deep, insightful, and totally dedicated. She's not afraid to be herself, or be goofy, or be insane, because she knows you only get one chance. Oh, and, by the way: Best. Band. Ever. Alice Walker. Just read her essay "Beauty: When the Other Dancer is the Self" and you'll see why. David Sedaris/Dave Barry: They're so funny! And yet they bring to light things you may never consider. I, personally, prefer Dave Barry, his work is more laugh out loud. But David Sedaris is great.

QUOTES BY ME

"I like the kahkis. They say do me, but I still have class."
"Yeah, that was supposed to be funny, but I guess it wasn't."
"You did not pwn me. Give me proof that you pwn me. Yeah, yeah boy, that's what I thought. Citation needed mother-beep?-er!"
"Dude, like, who am I waiting for, I have no friends."
"My call would be fowarded to an automatic voicemail system."
"You better be grateful, I risked my life for you." "No you didn't." "Yes I did, I texted you while I was driving."

FANFICTIONS I HIGHLY RECCOMEND

wingsgirl1313's The Talk (MR): Hilarious beyond compare. Jeb gives Max, Iggy, and Fang "the Talk." That's right, the birds and the bees. Lighthearted and funny. My favorite is the end of Iggy's talk.
EdwardAddict's Love is Just a Swing Away (MR): Phenomenal. Fang/Max dynamics were in perfect harmony, and I loved the entire concept. Little kid Fax, but sweet, not nasty. Very in character, and very well done. Basically, this fanfic owns my soul.
XxVampireluvaxX's Can You Keep a Secret? (MR): Sweet, amazing, Faxy. Honestly one of my favorites ever. In character. Angel reminseces on a young Fang sharing his feelings for Max. Angel looks at the present through the secret, and truly sees. Phenomenal.
The Queen of Aces' Fun Fights (MR): A light, Faxy read. So in character that you could basically insert it into one of the books. Humorous and romantic at the same time, which is quite an extraordinary feat.
acavoo's Because of You (MR): A dark songfic about Jeb and how Max feels about him. Warning, though, angsty. Very well done. Lyrics are incorporated seamlessly into the flow. Great song choice and effective style/delivery. Amazing.
Y.Halo.Thar's Figures (MR): Hilarious. Love, love, love it. A short light, two-minute read. Hilarity ensues when Iggy attempts to teach Fang how to cook. Love it. Favorite.
ducksrule71821's Ask Aunt Emmett (Twilight): A light advice column. Random, and hilarious. Seriously, I'd laugh out loud, people were looking at me like I needed a tranquilizer. Sometimes in character, mostly not, but love it to death.
DataIntergrationThroughEntity's Taking Over Me (Twilight): A songfic. Song is Evanescence, which I love. Bella reflects on Edward's leaving. Very angsty and dark. Made me feel like crying.

MY FINISHED FANFICTIONS

The Best Thing (MR): Oneshot. Extremely remely remely short. I'm talkin' less than half a page. Very sweet, with a suprise ending. About when Max is twenty and settled. She is happily married when her daughter wants to hear about the first boy she ever fell in love with. Oh, no! How will her husband react to her description of Fang? And, for that matter, who is her husband? Author's Note is funny (I think.) T rating for language (only one word, used once) in A/N. Uhhh, R&R? Bamm, R&R.
Never (MR): Putting it under finished is kinda a stretch, I guess. Collection of angsty peices, some oneshot, some not. Max reflecting on life forced on her. Some peices are very depressing. I put it under finished because at all times at least one peice will be done. May include some songfics later. I, personally, think it's quite good. And I'm not obnoxious about it at all? Anyway, mucho angst, so don't say I didn't warn you. Uhhh, R&R? Bamm, R&R.
Tension (Twilight): Very very very very very very short. Oneshot. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice have a rather...interesting conversation concerning Edward and his sexual repression. They have some funny realizations about how his life was in the early 1900's. Supposed to be funny. Rated T for sexual innuedo, but no cussing or violence, unless you count Emmett pounding the couch. Uhhh, R&R? Bamm, R&R.

MY IN-PROGRESS FANFICTIONS

Switched (MR): Supposed to be hilarious, not sure if it really is. Has gotten quite popular, I'm proud! When a bomb accident leaves Max and Iggy (that's right, I said Iggy, not Fang!) in each other's bodies, they agree to respect the Golden Rule of the three older flock members: Flock comes first. So in order to keep the rest of the flock from worrying, they keep their switch a secret. But when Fang finds out, he decides to have a little fun seeing just how far they'll go to keep it a secret. Uhhh, R&R? Bamm, R&R.

BASICALLY JUST ONE OF THOSE STOOPID SECTION BREAKS

...and they lived happily ever after. The end.