Ollah! Just in case you were wondering, no I can not speak espagnol.

I love the book maximum ride and I love writing stories about it.

If you HATE High School Musical with a passion, and think those people have no real talent, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his freakin' cereal, and leave the friggin rabbit alone put this in your profile!

1. Your real name -
2. Your gangsta name (the first 3 letters in your forename plus "izzle" in the end) -
3. Your detective name (your favorite color and your favorite animal) - Purple Fox
4. Your soap opera name (your middle name and current street) -
5. Your Starwars name (the first 3 letters or your sirname, the first 2 letters of your forename, and the last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name) -
6. Your superhero name (your secod favorite color, and you favorite drink) -
7. Your witness protection name (mother's middle name) -
8. Your goth name ("black" and the name of one of your pets) -
9. Your Arab Name: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):
10. Your Nick Name (First three letters of your name and -ie):

All About Yours Truly

Ummmmmmmm...well...

I'll get back to you on this y'all!

Important WordsThese words will be very important for your future happiness

balderdash - someone with a rappidly receding hairline

smitnessish - someone who likes to work with metal or blow stuff up, but only kind of

slanguage - the slang of any language

proctological - so smart you could pull a made up word out of your butt (i guess i'm just not smart enough to get that)

spudtatoe - a hybrid of the common spud and the potatoe

festesio - when insulted you say "At least i'm not a festesio" look the person up and down as if they were covered in mud, stick your nose up and walk away.

obesen - escaping a converstion you are not willing to have

Example: Max was in obeson. Her mom was trying to have "the talk"

Maximillism - to believe that Maximum Ride is awesomw (made by the max herself)

Nudgetalk - to talk like your life depended on it

If you agree with the following paragraph paste it on you profile page:

I AM A PROUD ST. FANG OF BOREDOM SUPPORTER! JOIN THE CULT!

I AM ADDICTED TO MAXIMUM RIDE! JOIN THE CULT!

HANNAH MONTANA IS STUPID...wait a second...

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen

Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you

A good friend will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell going "That was fun! Should do that again!"

Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid thing ALONE

Good Friend: Knocks politely at your door BEST Friend: Walks right on in and shouts ‘I’M HOME’

Good Friend: Will bail you out of jail BEST Friend: Will be sitting on the bench next to you saying ‘Damn that was fun! Let’s do it again!’

Good Friend: Will help you cry when you are rejected by a boy BEST Friend: Will go up to the boy and say ‘Its because you’re gay, isn’t it?’

Good Friend: Asks nicely for your stuff BEST Friend: Shouts ‘GIMME!!’

Good Friend: Waits to call you until a reasonable hour BEST Friend: Calls you at 2 in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile

If you or your best friend (or both) is insane, copy this into your profile.(me...mostly)

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

~~If you think that writing fanfics is fun, put this in your profile!~~

~~If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this into your profile.~~

~~If you are odd and proud of it, put this in your profile.~~

~~If you think that Writers' Block sucks, paste this into your profile.~~

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy:No.

Girl: Choose—me or your life?

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and boy runs after and says..

The reason you don't cross my mind is becauseyou're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason why I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is becauseI would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!! WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted.

I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish

I'm a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar

I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass

I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life(I want 2 be)

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch

I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention

I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean

I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare

I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend

I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports

I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi

I WEAR GLASSES and RETAINERS, so I MUST be a nerd

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm HALF ASIAN HALF BRITISH, so I MUST be short

I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I HAVE a BIG FAMILY siblings, so WE MUST be financially challenged

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too

I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist

I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans

I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature

I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet

I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I must just be Emo.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be Emo.

Don't Just assume - listen...

Middle School Drama
Girl: I'm always here for you
Boy: I know
Girl: What's wrong?
Boy: I like this girl so much
Girl: Talk to her
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me
Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won't like me
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say
Girl: Tell her how much you like her
Boy: I tell her that daily
Girl: what do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her. I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh some boy
Boy: Oh... she won't like me either.
Girl: She does
Boy: How do you know..
Girl: Because, who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You
Girl: You're wrong, I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.

9 Things I Hate About People
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor...
6. When people who ask, 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'life is short'. What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here?

Girl Talk (girls only, duh!)
Did you know kissing is healthy?
It’s good to cry.
Chicken Soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
Lying is actually unhealthy.
Only apply mascara to your top lashes.
It is actually true, boys do insult you when they like you!
It is impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. (P.S. I'm not so sure about this one.)
89 percent of guys want you to make the first move.
Chocolate will make you feel better!
Most boys think it’s cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide hickeys!...not that you have any.
Boys aren’t worth your tears.
We all love surprises!

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us..
5. Germans drink beer and eat sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like: Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
OUR Government Is Trying To Correct This Problem

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! (I don't even want to know how many I have done)
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

A Conversation:
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

WHY FANG SHOULD NOT DIE!

1. He's too hot to die.

2. Because he's a sexy beast.

3. There would be no reason to kill him cause if you did that would help the other company even more then this (WTF? What does THIS mean?!)

4. He's beautiful.

5. Max would go into depression.

6. People would go on a rampage.

7. Suicide ranks would go UP (up to ~heaven~ with the dead hot bird kid.)

8. The flock would die.

9. He can ~fly~! (LIKE ME!)

10. Fang shouldn't die because I don't know anyone else who apparently has an unhealthy obsession with black.

11. Because his black hair is so... silky smooth and awesome. If he dies, how will I ever get a chance to run my fingers through that lucious hair?

12. All his fangirls will roast the killer over hot coals, with skewers through him/her arms and legs holding him/her up. And not a blazing fire, because hot coals will take longer.

13. Fang. Is. Awesome.

14. Fax is legendary.

15. What the heck is Fax without the /f/. Ax, that's what! And God knows there's /way/ too much Ax in the world. Geez, guys. They commercials aren't actually true!

16. The fans will unleash their wrath.

17. MR addicts will destroy the murderer.

18. If the flock is captured once again, the school will have one less expiriment to torture.

19. The murderer will never have ANYTHING with coffee or cocoa beans in it EVER AGAIN! (I have my ways.)

20. Max will kill herself and the whole flock will die.

21. HE HAS TO MARRY MAX!

22. Max would die.

23. The flock would fall apart!

24. Fang has a cool name. People with cool names shouldn't die. (Like me, Domenica. GO ITALIAN NAMES!)

25. If Fang died, the entire flock would be lost, including Max.

26. If Fang is gone, Faxness is gone, which will probably be replaced by something nasty- like Miggy- it's just plain un-canon!

27. Fang's name spelled backwards is "gnaF" which actually, in another language, means "cannot die until after age 25 so hah"

28. If someone killed Fang, Max and the flock would seek revenge and dude who killed him and would be in for a fate WORSE than the death he/she gave Fang. It would be in her/his best interests to NOT PO Max.

29. There will be at LEAST fifty girls that I know of who'll be crushed that he died.

30. Without Fang, Nudge will have no silent listener and will therefore ramble on with everyone else in the Flock, and they won't be too happy about that.

31. The dude just found his power, give him some time to use it!

32. A lot of FanFics (including mine) will become invalid because they're about Fax or Max and Fang's kids, and without Fang those really can't happen, can they?

33. If Fang were to die, Iggy might (MIGHT) get attracted to Max and therefore he'll be taken, which will crush even more girls (including I, dimistar546.)

34. Fang is actually a really important person in the Flock, he needs to be there to drive Max crazy (and I quote, Max: "I hate you!", Fang: "No you don't!" :D) and save her whenever she goes to Germany.

35. Lissa is going to be pissed (not that we care, but I may as well add that).

36. Sam will try to get back with Max without the "protective younger brother" in the way.

37. Fang is hot.

38. The flock can't survive without him.

39. Max would be lost without him.

40. The fangirls will torture the killer for all of eternity~

41. Max and Fang are in ~love~.

42. Who else am I going to have perverted dreams about?

43. He's funny.

44. Fang always has a witty comment on hand, he just doesn't always say it out loud.

45. We all love him!

46. He's so lovable!

47. Who's going to run the blog?

48. He needs a hug, not a funeral.

49. We. Will. All. Die.

50. He's hot!

51. He's so smexiny!

52. Max really needs him.

53. Max just figured out she's in love with him, he can't just go DIE on her!

54. "Max and Fang, flying over trees, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" What would this be without Fang? "Max and no one flying over trees, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Max kissing without a partner is... awkward and creepy.

55. The flock is no flock without Fang.

56. Who the heck is Max going to let out all of her adolescent hormones on?

57. He's Max's right hand man!

58. He's second in command.

59. Who is Iggy going to turn to, when he wants descriptions of "hot beach bunnies"? Gasman is too young, and Max... uh, I don't even want to know.

60. He's Max's only possible future boyfriend. If Max wants to have a family or have a boyfriend or whatever, then only Fang could do that. She needs someone like her! Not a stupid weiner, like Sam. She NEEDS Fang!

61. He's the tall, dark, and silent one! We need a quiet person in the flock! If we have a Nudge, then we need a Fang!

62. He's the only one who could catch Max when she falls.

63. He's what makes up 50 percent of her heart! Without that 50 percent, Max is a goner.

64. Her heart will be /four/ sizes too small. She'll make the Grinch look like a compassionate pillow maker!

65. WHAT ABOUT THE BLOG! HELLO! FANG owns the blog. He writes and updates the blog! People who read the blog NEEDS Fang to run it!

66. HE IS HOT! WHO WOULD WANT TO KILL SOMEONE CUTE?!

67. WITHOUT FANG THERE IS NO FLOCK!

68. But Fang is Max's BF. I don't want to see her in more pain. I, myself, have...mixed feelings for Second in Command. His actions, his words. LIKE is probably too big a word to express me to him. Because of Max, I will never kill Fang. Only for her benefit (and besides, killing Fang is unnecessary. What satisfaction would I get out of killing him?) I'm not really a fangirl am I?

69. He's too hot for little things like /death/.

70. All the MR fanfic writers would be too depressed to write, hence the end of MR FanFiction.

71. Because disneydork would be depressed and would not shed her dorky light on the world.

72. There's no reason /to/ kill him!

73. Max will track the killer down!

74. Nope. Do not even consider his death. He. Is. Too. Hot. To. Die.

75. Do not discuss this, for everytime I think about the death of Fang, I die a little inside.

76. He's hideous (sarcasm).

77. He's as stupid as a rock (sarcasm).

78. He's a flabbery german clog dancer (sarcasm)

79. He's bloddy brilliant!

80. He's a manly robust italien model.

81. Whoever killed him would die a slow, painful, tourtureous, excruciating, agonizing, unbearable, insufferable death by fanpeoples in a surely cruel, brutal, pitiless, malicious, spiteful, and vindictive manner.

82. Fang has "a wicked fashion sense and pays a mean harmonica" You can't kill someone who plays the harmonica!

83. Fang can't die without telling Max how he feels! Well, again!

84. Fang can't die because Max would never have anyone to talk to about what's really going on.

85. Fang can't die until all the Figgy and Fudge fangirls die first!

86. The most important reason by far, Max would fall apart and not be able to save the world without Fang. Do we want a Europe repeat?

87. He simply cannot, and will not. I'll throw myself in front of a bullet for him if that's what it takes!

88. If he dies, we will kill EVERYONE!

89. We will send as many letters to the heads of our respective continents and tell them we KNOW.

90. We will take ALL our money out of the banks and watch the world's currency collapse, and tell everyone we know to do the same.we will rule the world because WE have all the money in the world. the world will panic.

91. Fang's too sexy for his shirt, too sexy for his shirt~

92. He's the bestest!

93. He must live and thats that! Besides, who else would I stalk if he died...0.0...sorry, just let out my little secret... hehe...

94. Fang can't die because Fang is amazing, and even though I write about him dying I really don't want to. THE PLOT BUNNIES MADE ME! As for why Fang is so awesome, there are no words to describe.

95. Fang must live! For without Fang, Max would now be dead.

96. Where would the worls be without Fang's blog?

97. All the fangirls would be like "I love cookies, but who doesn't? who doesn't like those little circles of heaven?" Then a fellow fangirl would say "Oh, yeah, Fang. Ya know, because HE'S DEAD!"

98. The world of MR fangirls would unravel without him!

99. Max will die of a broken heart, thus resulting in ANOTHER failed experiment, and I'm sure you don't want that.

100. Rabid fangirls will track you down, murderer, and kill you using their claws, DA pictures of Fang, pitchforks, and grates from their fireplaces.

101. Fang has been voted 'Most Likely Cult Leader'! That is too cool!

102. The dude's fabulous! And not in the gay way!

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!:

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Amazing quotes:

You say you have enemies? Well done. That means you stood up for something you believed in at some point.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctors cute, screw the fruit"

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

Best friends through thick and thin!
If you cry, I cry,
If you laugh, I laugh,
If you fight, I got your back,
If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall,
If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me

Boys are like slinkeys. Completely useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them

You call me a bitch? A bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on a tree, trees are part of nature and all nature is beautiful. So thanks for the complement!

Men are like a deck of cars: you need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to beat them, and a spade to bury the bastard.

I'm the girl that can watch hundreds of horror movies without flinching, but then screams at the top of her lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me...hehehehe...

If you don't like me then remember, its mind over matter: i dont mind and you don't matter

they say true love hides behind every corner: i must be walking in circles!

People like you are the reason we have middle fingers

When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes

Allways forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them as much

i couldn't repair your brakes so i made your horn louder,

Someday we'll look back at this and plow into a parked car

If the sky is the limit, then what is space?

whoever said nothings's impossible, obviously never tryed slamming a revoling door!

if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

ifr quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it...

WARNING: DO NOT follow in my footsteps...I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up however...

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and bitch slap someone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I am enjoying every minute of it.

I believe that you should live everyday as if its your last, which is why my room is such a mess. I mean come on who wants to clean their room on their last day?!

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver...

Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!

If you don't like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalks.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I used to be normal, then I met the freaks I call friends (I love you guys! :D)

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that I just got that happened yesterday

Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head says, " This is going to take more then one night..."

I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless. Maybe.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree.

I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you

I'm not random, I just have many th- OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!!

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Chaos, panic, pandemonium: my work here is done.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and geting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they are amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

But boys are like wine; They need to have the shit kicked out of them and left be left to mature for a while before they become something you are able to have a meal with.

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."-M. Monroe

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.