You can also find me at:

americasham.blogspot.com

Ooberdizzle.blogspot.com

Goodreads.com/americasham

Dream-mystic.tumblr.com

Instagram.com/americasham

Youtube.com/user/Americasham

Fictionpress.com/-americasham

Ask.fm/Americasham

America's Ham:

HELLOHELLOHELLO

TOOTTILLOO!

I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOOOOOOVE THE SISTERS GRIMM

I LOVE HELPING OTHERS(ssssshhhhhhhh, don't tell the dark side- they supply me with my cookies)- so you can always come to me if you ever need to talk to somebody!

I don't mind constructive criticism, I take it very well.

I am really hyper, crazy and more that no words can explain(not all positive!)

I never want to grow up!- strange as it sounds, I don't care if the adults don't understand me, I'm like a little alien to them!

You'll usually find me laughing or smiling, but that's only because I love it when I make other people smile.

I'm here fore anybody who ever wants to PM me whether it's just to be buddies, to talk about writing, or you need somebody to talk to.

I write and read until my feet hurt!

Last, but not least, I'm sorry if my updates are super slow- eventually I'll feel really bad and spew out five chapters in one week- so don't worry!

Favorite books(in order)

Sisters Grimm

Percy Jackson

Vampire Academy

Hush, Hush

Modern tale of faerie

Mortal Instruments

Artemis Fowl

Laurel Series

Hex Hall

Divergent

The Immortals Series

Shadow Falls series

House of Night

Favorite TV series:

Merlin!!!!!!(BUT THE ENDING!!!! T_T)

Doctor Who

Supernatural

Eden of the East:( it ended...

Warehouse 13

Vampire Diaries

The Secret Circle

Pretty Little Liars

Fosters

Haven

Fringe

Ghost Hunt

Favorite Colors:

Purple

Green

Gold

Maroon

Teal

Favorite food:

Basically almost any kind of fruit...

Chocolate

Noodles

Chicken

Coconut Cream Italian Ice from Rita's!!!

Favorite animals:

My Shorkie- his name is Taz and he's my baby

Penguins

Cows

Pandas

Manatees

Fave flower:

Singapore blue orchid

Favorite Bands/ artists:

Demi Lovato

Marianas Trench

Marina and the Diamonds

The Cab

Paramore

The Script

Imagine Dragons

OneRepublic

Sara Barielles

Taylor Swift

Favorite movie:

Lion king(1, 1.5, and 2)

Tarzan

Frozen

Beauty and the Beast

Mulan

Peter Pan (2003 version)

Mortal Instruments:City of Bones

Fave Couples:- I have a lot

Puckabrina(Sisters Grimm)

Percabeth(Percy Jackson)

Nora and Patch(Hush, Hush)

Sophie and Archer(Hex Hall)

Kaye and Roiben(Modern Faerie Tales)

Laurel and Tamini(Laurel Series)

Kylie and Lucas(Shadow Falls Series)

Tris and Four(Divergent)

Sadie and Anubis(Kane Chronicles)

Luce and Cam(Fallen series)

Clary and Jace(Mortal Instruments)

Rose and Dimitri(Vampire Academy)

Zoey and Stark(House of Night)

I dislike:

HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK!!

insects(especially gnats)

horrible people

Birds

pollution

Sabrina and Puck or Percy and Annabeth paired with any body else

Twilight Saga(simply for the mess up in mythology and lack of character)

Hobbies:

Reading

Writing!

Drawing

Painting

Swimming

Running

Fav Quotes*(so many quotes- you'll explode!)

"How was I supposed to know the boy was mentally unhinged?"- Puck(The Sisters Grimm)

""Puck turned to Sabrina. "What is she doing down there?"
"Hiding, I guess."
Puck leaned down and poked his head under the seat. "I found you."
Ms. Smirt shrieked.
Puck lifted himself up to his full height and laughed. "She's fun."
He leaned back down and she screamed again. "I could do this all day. Can I keep her?""-Puck, Sabrina, and Ms.Smirt(The Sisters Grimm)

""Don't duh me!" Puck snapped. "Trying to figure out what you're thinking from one day to the next takes more brains than I have."
"Well, maybe you should stop. I'd hate to burn out that little peanut in your head.""- Puck and Sabrina(The Sisters Grimm)

""So Henry," Puck said as he kicked off his shoes and propped his smelly feet on the kitchen table. "I was wondering what you can tell me about puberty."
Henry turned pale and stammered.
Sabrina wanted to crawl under the table and die."-Puck(The Sisters Grimm)

""That's the coolest thing I've ever seen," Puck said.
"How cool will it be when it kills us?" Sabrina asked.
"Considerably less cool," Puck replied."-Puck and Sabrina(The Sisters Grimm)

"I know he's a bit old to be living at home with his mom, but he's had a difficult time holding a job. He's worked at Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Burger King, but it all ends the same way- he challenges his manager to combat, takes over the restaurant, and enslaves his coworkers. Then it's back to video games." - Morgan le Fay(The Sisters Grimm)

"There's nothing like walking around the city with a big ol' head of broccoli"- Daphne(The Sisters Grimm)

"May the odds be ever in your favor"- Effie Trinket(The Hunger Games)

"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."-Percy, Thalia, Grover, and Zoe(Percy Jackson)

"Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face."-Percy/i think...(Percy Jackson)

"I'm incognito. Call me Fred."-Apollo(Percy Jackson)

"What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"-Percy (Percy Jackson)

"Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum."Percy Jackson

"My dear young cousin, if there's one thing I've learned over the eons, it's that you can't give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the Internet--"-Hermes(Percy Jackson)

"Braccas meas vescimini!"
I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants!"- Percy(Percy Jackson)

"Ah, Mastery of the Five Elements!"
"Is that the one we want?" I asked.
"No, but a good one. How to tame the five essential. elements of the universe - earth, air, water, fire, and cheese!"
"Cheese?"Carter and Doughboy(The red Pyramid)

"In person, if possible, Anubis was even more drop-dead gorgeous. [Oh . . . ha, ha. I didn't catch the pun, but thank you, Carter. God of the dead, drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, hilarious. Now, may I continue?]"- Sadie(Red Pyramid)

"Now the tattoos," Zia announced.
"Brilliant!" I said.
"On your tongue," she added.
"Excuse me?"-Zia and Saddie(Red Pyramid)

"I guessed his name was Face of Horror. I wondered how long it had taken his mom to think of that. Bob? No. Sam? No. How about Face of Horror?"-Saddie(red Pyramid)

"Bow ties are cool!"- The Doctor

"Basically... Run"- The Doctor

"Dude, again with the ham?"- Sam ("Supernatural")

"You can't force love, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love."-Rose (Vampire Academy:Frostbite)

"Ah, my daughter,ʺ he said. ʺEighteen, and already youʹve been accused of murder, aided felons, and acquired a death count higher than most guardians will ever see.ʺ He paused. ʺI couldnʹt be prouder."-Abe Mazur(Vampire Academy:Last Sacrifice)

"There's nothing worse than waiting and not knowing what'll happen to you. Your own imagination can be crueler than any captor."- Rose (Vampire Academy:Frostbite)

"By the way, my name's Rose Hathaway. I'm seventeen years old, training to protect and kill vampires, in love with a completely unsuitable guy, and have a best friend whose weird magic could drive her crazy.
Hey, no one said high school was easy."-Rose (Vampire Academy: Frostbite)

"Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'."-Frank and Percy(Heroes of Olympus: Son of Neptune)

"Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"- Jason (Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero)

"Leo: Rainbows. Very macho.
Annabeth: Butch is our best equestrian, he gets along great with the pegasi.
Leo: Rainbows, ponies...
Butch: I'm gonna toss you off this chariot."- Leo, Annabeth, and Butch (Heroes of Olympus: Lost Hero)

"We're staying together," he promised. "You're not getting away from me. Never again."-Percy (Heroes of Olympus: Mark of Athena)

"I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!"- Jason and Leo(Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero)

"I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy."-Leo (Heroes of Olympus: Mark of Athena)

"Annabeth gripped the hilt of her dagger. “A bounty on our heads…as if we didn’t attract enough monsters already.”
“Do we get WANTED posters?” Leo asked. “And do they have our bounties, like, broken down on a price list?”
Hazel wrinkled her nose. “What are you talking about?”
“Just wondering how much I’m going for these days,” Leo said. “I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe…but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?"Annabeth and Leo (Heroes of Olympus:Mark of Athena)

"Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'
Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."
..."At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."
"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting."-Jace and I think Clary...(Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)

"Is this the part where you start tearing off strips of your shirt to bind my wounds?"
"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked."-Jace and Clary (Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)

"We came to see Jace. Is he alright?"
"I don't know," Magnus said. "Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?"-Magnus(Mortal Instuments: City of Ashes)

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
"It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
"As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon.
"I knew we should have left you a rat."-Clary, Jace, and Simon (Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)

"Don't order any of the faerie food," said Jace, looking at her over the top of his menu. "It tends to make humans a little crazy. One minute you're munching a faerie plum, the next minute you're running naked down Madison Avenue with antlers on your head. Not," he added hastily, "that this has ever happened to me."-Jace (Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)

"No, I'm just a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens. I make rude gestures at nuns."-Jace (Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes)

"Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie."-Jace (Mortal Instruments:City of Bones)

"People aren't born good or bad. Maybe they're born with tendencies either way, but its the way you live your life that matters."(Mortal Instruments:City of Glass)

... Okay I'm just gonna stop there for now...

Find more about me at Americasham.blogspot.com

Hey, PLEASE check out my polls. You don't have to... but it'd make me happy...YEAH!

Fanfics by ME: America's Ham

Silent Night- The Sisters Grim(In Progress)

Severed Chains- The Sisters Grimm (On Pause)

We Are One- The Sisters Grimm (Complete)

A New Game- The Sisters Grimm/ The Hunger Games (Discontinued)

Young Blood- The Sisters Grimm (Complete)

One of Those Days- The Sisters Grimm (Complete)

Family approval- The Sisters Grimm (Discontinued)

So Much More- The Sisters Grimm/ Modern Faerie Tales (Discontinued)

WHO'S BABY SITTING WHO?- The Sisters Grimm (Discontinued)

The Normal Life of a Grimm- The Sisters Grimm(Discontinued)

Food Challenge- The Sisters Grimm(Challenge)

America's Ham - ENJOY!(if anyone reviews in the name of it's me and I'm too lazy to log on)

And here are some interesting random things that I felt needed to be pasted on my profile for no real apparent reason...

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.

I am the girl that people look through when I say something.

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.

I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.

I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.

I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with books, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. If this sounds like you Copy and paste this on your profile

COME TO THE DARK SIDE- WE HAVE COOKIES!

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A,B,C,D,E,F,G, gummy bears are chasing me, one is red and one is blue, one is peeing on my shoe, now I'm running for my life, cause the red one has a knife!

If Youtube, Twitter and Facebook all combined into one website, it would be called "You Twit Face."

93 percent of American teens would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent who would ask the person 'What was your first clue?' 'Your point being?' 'You just realized this now?' or 'Wow, you're even more stupid than you look.', your the only people who understand sarcasm.

My name is Sarah,

I am but three.

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see.

I must be stupid,

I must be bad.

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,

I wish I weren't ugly.

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all,

I can't do a wrong,

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone.

The house is dark,

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car!

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls,

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes,

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping,

He shouts ugly words.

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more.

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it,

And I start to bawl.

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream,

But its now much too late.

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain,

Again and again,

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Annoying things to do on an elevator: read this!:) very funny!!

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it

"You're just jealous 'cause the little voices are talking to me.

"The Boy-Who-Lived died and lived again."

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out
of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
Never take your dad for granted, you have no idea what you are missing. Love him
and thank him while he's alive.

Comebacks For Girlies

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman:Hiding from you.

Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman:Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman:Yes, and it will be if you sit down.

Man:Your place or mine?

Woman:Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man:So, what do you do for a living?

Woman:I'm a female impersonater.

Man:I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman:Yeah, but would you stay there?

Man: Your eyes are amazing.

Woman: Seeing your back would be amazing.

Man:What's your number?

Woman:911

Girl: You should slow down, this is to fast

Boy: This is how a motorcycle is supposed to feel but if you tell me you love me, i'll slow down

Girl: I love you!

Boy: Now you have to give me a hug.

Girl: (She squeezed around the boys boys waist from behind him)

Boy: Now you must take my helmet from my head and put it on you then i will slow down.

Girl: (puts helmet on her head)

Newspaper headline next morning: Fatal motorcycle accident after brakes went out, male died and female lived being the only one with a helmet. In truth the boy knew his breaks went out and told his girlfriend she loved him one last time and to feel her hug then he gave her his helmet so she could live.

A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies."

FRIENDS: never ask for anything to eat or drink when they're at your house

BEST FRIENDS: are the reason why you have no food

FRIENDS: call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and grandpa, by Grandpa

BEST FRIENDS: call your parents by DAD and MOM and grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: would bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: would be sitting next to you saying, "MAN!! We screwed up!"

FRIENDS: have never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS: won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore

FRIENDS: would get you hooked on something unhealthy like Harry Potter :(

BEST FRIENDS: would get you hooked on something unhealthy like Twilight! :)

FRIENDS: ask you to write down your number

BEST FRIENDS: has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back

BEST FRIENDS: loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: only knows a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: will leave you behind if that's what the crowd's doing

BEST FRIENDS: will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you

FRIENDS: would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS: walk right in and say, "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: you have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS: already know not to tell

FRIENDS: would give you the option to let you obsess over what ever you want

BEST FRIENDS: would eventually make you obsess over something you thought you would never love until you try

FRIENDS: are through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: are for life

FRIENDS: will be there to take your drink away from you if they think you had enough

BEST FRIENDS: will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "BOTCH! Drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

When somebody annoys you, it takes up 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to reach out and punch the hell outa them. You can do so 10 times and still have 2 muscles to waste!

If you can't BEAT them, JOIN them

If you can't JOIN them, BRIBE them

If you can't BRIBE them, BLACKMAIL them

If you can't BLACKMAIL them, KILL them

If you can't KILL them, your SCREWED

I will willingly refer to myself as a nerd, dork, or loser.

I have a tendency to talk to myself.

If you think that you would be a pile of soot without the sisters grimm copy and paste this on your profile and add your name to the list: Elligoat,Sabrinagrimm,America's Ham,

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be one laughing like an idiot, do the drill!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have spent multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're in denial over Briar Rose’s death copy and paste this into your profile. SHE IS NOT DEAD!

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

If you have ever made up your own language just for fun, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.

-I had a friend once. Then his rope broke and he ran for it

95% of teens would have a breakdown if the Jonas Brothers were standing on the edge of a tower ready to jump. Copy and paste if you are on of the 5 that would bring popcorn and watch :)

95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, you're exactly like me!

If Joe Jonas was about to jump off the Eiffel Tower 95% of all the girls in the world would die. Would you be one of the 5% with popcorn yelling "do a flip!"?

The one who smiles when all goes wrong has thought of someone to blame

if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Confucius says: Man who stand in middle of road get hit by bus.

I haven't lost my mind! I sold it on eBay.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Yeah, I'm a freak. BUT I'M THE COOLEST FREAK YOU'LL EVER MEET!!

Love your enemies. And that's only one way to annoy them!

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Things To Ponder

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone.

Whoever said nothing's impossible, they never tried slamming a revolving door!

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, buttface!'

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

America is a free country. Of course, you can't get that freedom until you are eighteen, but that's okay, because when you do turn eighteen, you get a bunch of privlieges, like doing jury duty, paying taxes, and paying off bills...

A stranger will stab you in the back, a friend will stab you in the front, a boyfriend will stab you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Be a loser! Because being cool is so overrated!

I talk back to the TV (often quite loudly)

I have choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on)

I think Writer's Block sucks.

I don't care when people make fun of me, but when someone makes fun of my friends I automatically think of numerous, painful ways to kill them.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, then it's weird. Actually, I have lost. My mother then posed this question to me, “If you lost, then who won?”

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or have a thumb war with yourself.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? Milk tastes good.

I hear voices of the characters in my head...

I walk into a room then forget what I'm doing, then start walking away, then remember.

I probably need a life, but I have no intentions of getting one!

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead so shut up.

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

"I know water doesn't bite! What a stupid thing to say! Water doesn't have to bite you! You drown in it you moron!"

It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.

I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else.

At the start of your life, you will be awarded a lifetime supply of air. Use it wisely.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I don't want to rain on your parade, I just want to blow up all the floats!

Before you criticize you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?"

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved problems?

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important. school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

When life gives you lemon, throw them back and tell life to make its own dang lemonade!!

When life gives you lemons, throw it in the trash and tell life you'd rather have money.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel... of course, it's usually the oncoming train

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Percy Jackson Pledge
I promise to remember Percy
Whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
Whenever a spider comes after me
I promise to protect nature
For Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
Whenever I see a sign that says free 'pony ride'
I promise to remember Tyson
Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
Whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoë
Whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
Whenever I see a limo pass by my car
Yes I promise to love PJO
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you still reread “The Sisters Grimm”, copy and paste this on your profile.

Boy-or-Girl ... Survey thing (Bold is yes, normal is no.)

Boy Part:

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night

Girl Part:

You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance?
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.(hey, just because some are absolutely horrid doesn't mean I have to hate movies!)
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joke of it.
Like being the star of everything

(Huh-no wonder my dad says that I'm the boy and my brother's a girl...)

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later

Popular Last Words:

"Oops."

"I didn't know that part came off."

"Oh $@#%."

"Hey, honey! Look!"

"No hands!"

"I don't think that's supposed to bend that way."

"I can too!"

"It's perfectly harmless."

"OF COURSE I know what I'm doing."

I'm strange... but whatever strange is to you, I'm worst- and that's what makes me a stranger. do you get it?
No? you don't? well then now you've learned never to talk to strangers...

('•.('•.* *.•').•' )
-=_ America'sHam _=-
(_.•'(_.•'*'•._)'•. )

OK! FEEL FREE TO PM ME WHEN EVER YOU LIKE!

AND THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REVIEW MY STORIES!

I LOVE YOU,

America's Ham