Laws of Anime: They Are Awesome.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility

Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13 - Law of Energetic Emission

There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility

No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary - Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't...

#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26 - Law of Feline Mutation

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

#34 - Law of Probable Attire

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.

#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination

Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation

#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

First Corollary - Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41 - Law of Xylolaceration

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia

There is no Law #43.

#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect"). First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are: 1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 2) They just don’t give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: 1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy". Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring: a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy". d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes: a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver. Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either: a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and exposition), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toasted.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in: a) The hero escaping. b) Clean-up for the underlings. c) The villain getting toasted.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics: 1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. 2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because: 1) It’s his girlfriend’s. 2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 3) Chicks will dig him more. Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 1) It’s her boyfriend’s. 2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...") First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle... Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect). Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur. First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members: 1) The captain 2) His Lieutenant 3) Various female technical staff 4) A hotshot pilot 5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 6) The Doctor 7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 1) Extreme coolness/luck 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible irritation 4) Extreme cuteness 5) Irresponsible drunkenness 6) Homophobicness 7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklines- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

Honorary Member of The Book of Log

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Worshipper

Possible Book of Log Positons:

Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off.

'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy. and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.' -book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.' -book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads. you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.' -book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.' -book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none. -book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.' -book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
1. We have cookies!
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life
7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. Does there have to be a reason? The dark side is fun! *Flails arms*

(Welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised we lied about the cookies?)

(Repost if you're against homophobia)
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

The Difference Between Friends and Best Friends:

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, and I kick your sorry ass!

The First Casualty of War is the Truth. - Slogan for R.U.S.E.

If you want to know the truth, then you must have the courage to accept it. - Krim from .hack//SIGN

Growing Old is Inevitable, Growing Up is Optional. - Unknown

When you're thirsty and it seems that you could drink the entire ocean -- that's faith; when you start to drink and only finish a glass or two -- that's science. - Anton Chekhov

Every time history repeats itself, the price goes up. - Unknown

Whoever came up with the idea that words can't hurt you OBVIOUSLY didn't take into account the fact that dictionary covers are HARD. And made of wood. - Unknown

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, and I kick your sorry ass! - Unknow

Foolish little brother...if you want to kill me...despise me, hate me...Run...run...cling to life...and survive in an unsightly way...Foster your hatred...Then someday...when you have these same eyes...come to me. -Itachi

We are just ordinary people driven to revenge in the name of justice, but if revenge is called justice then that justice breeds yet more revenge... and becomes a chain of hatred. -Pein

I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees. -Unknown

Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupidity. -Unknown

I'll have you know that there's a fine intersection between insanity, sanity, stupidity, and bravery, and it's the cross between Society Avenue and Label Road. Lucky for me, I live in Otaku Nation, far from those dumbass places. - Jinso Kitsune

You should never avert your eyes from death, never look away from the lives you have taken. And you should never forget the people that you have killed, because I can assure you they will never forget you. -Solf J. Kimblee

There is no such thing as overkill...only open fire and reload... - Unknown

I'll give you five seconds to guess a two-word action that I'd do to you if I had a gun. Hint: It starts with shoot, and ends with you. - Jinso Kitsune

I hear you making noises, but all I see is a bull's shit being spewed from that dank hole you call your mouth. - Jinso Kitsune

Tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity? - Hiei

Disturbing? Who am I disturbing? This is a coma ward! Don't you WANT them to wake up? - Unknown

When it comes to Bloodline Clans, Konoha is the only Hidden Village in the entire world to truly embrace its mutant freaks. - Unknown

"DIG IN! LIKE IT'S GONNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE! NOTHING WILL PROTECT YOU FROM ME! NOT MEN, NOT WEAPONS, NOT ARMOR! TAGGART! YOU SUICIDAL MORON!"

"How do you catch the attention of an officer? You start killing all of his men."

"Red Crown be advised--I'm not in fucking Blackwatch."

"I gave you the "Mercer Virus." That's what they call it, right? The same virus two years in a row. And the same Blackwatch here to save New York...wake up, Heller. This is no viral outbreak. This is a bioweapons test. Designed by Gentek--controlled by Blackwatch--blamed on me. This peon here is going to you. James Heller, meet Blackwatch Lieutenent Mark Simon...Yes. Let it happen. Let it come to you. Let the truth sink in."

"I've heard you talking. I've seen your weird virus shit. But I haven't seen nothing that'll make me believe you over them."

"No? They cut you, Heller. They put you in a cage with fifty starving infected, and then they tried to burn you alive. I didn't release the virus. And I didn't kill your wife and kid."

"Koenig...I'm gonna gut you like a fuckin trout."

"Save your breath Koenig. You'll need it for screaming."

"It's not often that I'm this disappointed in someone, Sergeant Heller. You've disrupted my plans, wasted all that Whitelight. Now everything I planned for you--everything I've given you--you're not even capable of appreciating it. Such a waste. Goodbye, Heller."

"You can't kill me. You can't kill me, motherfucker. Alright then, let's see if that goes both ways."

"It would've been quick. But now...I'm gonna make you suffer."

"You're gonna tell me--either on your own or after I skull fuck you and drain your memories out the hole."

"Huh. Scary. You just don't get it do you? I gave you everything. And this is how you come to me. Can't you understand what I'm doing? Humanity is stagnant. Dying. I would give it one body. One mind. Think about it--no more conflict. No more disease. No more suffering. Don't you see? I'm giving it a second chance."

"Enough of your fucking weird, fucking rambling, shit! Give me my daughter!"

"No...no, I don't think so. It's time you gave me something! You see young Amaya shares your brand of annoyingly resilient DNA. And when she's ready, your daughter will become the mother of the New World. Now the only thing standing between me and Earth's true destiny--is you."

"Huh. Welcome to the top of the food chain."

"Establishing a kingdom where beauty has absolute authority is the dream which I must make a reality!"

"They think they're in control, but they have no idea what I'm capable of."

"I cast off my frail humanity and became something greater."

“How the mighty have fallen. Your Umbrella has folded and now you are a fugitive in the same world you once sought to control. We shall meet again before the conclusion of this drama. Then you will learn of the history…I will write for this world.”

"The right to be a god...That right is now mine."

"The right to be a god...you? Arrogant even until the end; only one truly capable of being a god deserves that right."

"The only thing that can defeat power is more power. That is the one constant in this universe. However, there is no point in power if it consumes itself. I will enlist the help of an old friend against our common foe; I will use one pawn to eliminate the other, and emerge with the spoils for myself... "

"Uroboros is on the eve of its appearance. Six billion cries of agony will birth a new balance."

“Soon even you will understand, Chris. One glimpse of my new world and it will all make perfect sense!”

"Let me clarify something for you, Chris. I don't think of myself as a king. No, I am a god! And even kings bow to gods!"

"Has it never occurred to you that this planet is overpopulated? Only a handful of humans truly matter. Everyone else is just so much chaff. So now I have to separate this chaff from the wheat. And with Uroboros I can finally accomplish this."

"Uroboros will be released into the atmosphere, ensuring complete global saturation."

"Only those with superior DNA will be chosen by Uroboros. Only those fit for survival will be allowed to carry their genes into a new age!

"Every day, humans come one step closer to self destruction. I'm not destroying the world, I'm saving it!"

"A new genesis is at hand and I will be the creator!"

“Natural selection leaves the survivors stronger and better. Humans have escaped this winnowing for far too long.”

“War and pestilence wherever you go. Everywhere, nothing but loathsome humans.”

“The human race requires judgment.”

"You cannot run from me. I am the flood that purges this fallen world. I am the fire that consumes all creation and lights the way for a new humanity. I am Thanatos and here I am God!"

"The Diablosis has consumed this tower. Chaos Prevails. Now I cannot die. The Gillskins control this Ark. All Nosferatu will be slaughtered. Even that mutation--Filena. I will tear you apart."

"Syd! Our only value is in battle. Our only purpose is to destroy. Syd! Fighting with that Nosferatu means nothing! If you kill me, and destroy this Ark, she will die just the same! We are Gillskins, Syd! Give up that Nosferatu!"

"This does not end. It never ends. The cycle is eternal and undying."

"In the end, all creation succumbs to chaos. Here, you now gaze upon chaos itself!"

"The progenitor has transformed me. And with that mutant Nosferatu, I will evolve again and destroy everything!! I will live on! I will not die!You cannot kill me! I will live on in your nightmares forever! "

"Remember the other Arks, Syd. You know she will die!"

"No, no. Chaos cannot die!"

"How far would you go to save that mutant, Syd?"

"Life and death mean nothing to me. Chaos is eternal!"

"You're not chaos. I am."

"All is chaos, exile. You. Filena. Individual manifestations of eternal chaos. Through chaos, we bring new life. Your mutation, your chaos is more valuable than any of the other vessels of this tower. You are indeed worthy. We will become one. Give yourself to me, exile."

"I am now one with this Ark! I know everything! I will be complete!"

"Yes...The suffering...! Can you feel her, Syd, writhing in pain?!"

"Once complete--like you, exile--I will live on! This Nosferatu will free me from the Ark!"

"Oh, these memories! All these memories of lies! The monster! The nightmares are back! Hah hah hah hah!"

"No...No...I was to be the culmination of everything within this tower. The victor. The conquerer. I alone was to bring destruction. I was an anomaly, but you two...Enemies together...You are an even higher order. This cycle is complete. But it will never end. The experiment...The evolution...You are chaos."

"The Nosferatu are my protectors. Filena, you are my chosen guardian."

“I am not the devil, Anthony. I was his teacher.”

"War! Are you here to play executioner? They should have sent all four of you."

"Did it amuse you, to deny me what's rightfully mine? With my powers restored, I am like unto a GOD! I could suck the marrow from your bones before you drew another breath. I could...but I too have a code by which I do business. Besides, say what you will about Balance and your rediculous Law. I recognize a quest for revenge when I see one. And revenge, I respect."

"The Nex Sacramentum is MINE. I decide when the angel dies. Not YOU."

"I offer you this choice, Horseman. Would you serve in Heaven, or rule in Hell."

"I choose what once, a coward did not."

"You have taught me something, Abaddon. Sometimes duty must be cast aside, to do what must be done. It is not for duty that I kill you now.

"Reap what you have sown, betrayer."

"What's so damn funny? Even you wouldn't laugh at your own funeral."-"I'm laughing...at yours."

"Hellguard bitch! What did you do?!...no...no...NO!!! I'm going to pull your guts out through your halo!

"All who live know my name, all who oppose me shall know Death."

"I helped you once before, Horseman. Look at me now. How I curse that day. How I curse you.

"Careful, Crowfather. I'm not here to put you out of your misery. Not yet."

"Why should I care about your brother's fate?"

"Bring mankind back from extinction? Madness!" "If it's madness, then who better to show me the way?"

"No...the voices, they curse and threaten without end. They cry to return! You myst destroy it."

"Your secrets die with you...old fool." "My secrets...but not yours..."

"Who are you to command a rider?"

"Whether pure as rain or black as sin, the tears will end this stalemate."

"And what makes you think I have a soul, old one?" "Isn't that what troubles you?"

"It is not safe here. For flesh, or for stone. There is no shame in turning back." "No point, either."

"The Corruption has burned off like rain on a hot forge! You were right!" "I was wrong."

"He's beyond my help, Horseman! Do your worst!"

"You won't survive this." "I am a Maker. That task defines my very purpose, as the reaping of souls defines your own."

"And so you have come, bearing your sin like a badge of honor. What do you seek, Pale Rider?"

"Who are you?" "I think you know. Once you called me, Brother."

"Eden belongs to Man." "It belogs to those who take it!"

"That one moment...Begot Corruption...and crowned him Kinslayer."

"Forget what I said about sparing you, door-keeper."

"I have no time for you, Horseman. I hear the pleas of the dead, not the damned."

"Humans...always so frightened."

"A path? No, I will clear the entire realm.I will burn away the shadows...with Holy Light!"

"Where...Is...The Key? Where is it?!"

"May the light of all that is holy destroy you!"

"The demon Samael plays a game of his own devising. And we are his pawns."

"Do you blame me for hiding? You are Death. Where you ride, no one is safe. Not even your mother." "You are not...my...mother."

"Flawed castings from a perfect mold."

"How can you defeat that which seethes in your own heart?"

"You may tap the power of the Well to restore the Kingdom of Man...or you may resurrect the Nephilim. But know that choosing one will forever doom the other."

"The dawn of a new age begins with me."

"Belial. The Legions of Hell must be in a sorry state, to make you a Lord."

"Curb your tongue, Horseman, or I will tear it out."

"Nephilim. You will die here." "We both know that isn't true."

"Trust me angel, if you live until the last star burns, until the Creator Himself has died and putrefied away to nothing, you still won't even begin to understand how depraved we were."

"Foolish, prideful children...There was one among you who could have jeopardized my great plan...but in your recklessness - you mistook her for the true threat! "As I was your beginning - so shall I be... your end."

"The zerg performed their function as I had planned...My hybrid are proof of this. Now, the last of the protoss will fulfill their function...In death!"

"Oblivion is all that awaits you!"

"Feel the cold embrace...of death!"

"Your efforts are futile. My harbingers will usher in a new age!"

"All shall be remade in my name! Behold my greatest creation!"

"Every hand is turned against you. Even the ground beneath your feet carries the seeds of your destruction!"

"Prepare for death! Surrender to despair!"

"Still you cling to hope? Do you not see the futility?"

"I shall return! I shall rise again!"

"I am the swarm...vengeance shall be mine."

"I am the swarm, armies will be shattered, worlds will burn. Now at last, on this world, vengeance shall be mine...for I...am the queen...of blades."

"Lend me your ears...and fangs. Destroy this world..so that the true utopia...can...be...born!!! Judgement day has arrived!!

"No this is not a veiled threat. This is a direct one. Should you fail to comply, the collapse of the economy will be on your head. I will make sure you are stripped of power, shamed and hated. Is that clear enough for you?"

"Freedom? Well you seem to have all the freedom you need. The freedom to murder my heir."

"Mankind. And what would mankind do with freedom do you suppose? Because when I arrived, they had it. And what do you think they did with it? They fought, they killed, they starved. I brought prosperity. I brought structure. And what have you brought? Besides violence, war, death!"

"You know what Mundus, you're right. It wasn't for mankind. It was-it was for revenge. I gotta tell ya-killing your child like that, watching it explode into little wet chunks, hearing you scream like one of your little demon bitches. Priceless."

"The path is clear for us to rule."

"No...no we'll be nothing like Mundus. We'll respect our subjects, not enslave them."

"Don't be so simplistic. Humans are frail. They're like children. They need protection. Not just from others, but from themselves! We-you and I-have saved them."

"If you can't see the chaos the humans will cause, if you don't want the responsibility of protecting them, then stand aside. I'll rule alone."

"I didn't destroy Mundus so you could take his place! I can't let you do this, Vergil." "And I can't let you stop me brother. Stand aside."

"You've chosen the wrong side. You're not human, Dante, and you never will be."

"The church teaches us, that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and that since vampires evolved without eyes, it is a soulless creature to be...eradicated. But I have seen the soul of a vampire, and let me tell you it is far pure than that of any man. Now you ask me what I am? I am the bringer of the tide...I am the wave that will wash clean this unclean world...and you, and your...priest, will help me do it."

"We were slaves once. The daylight guardians of the vampires. I was born into servitude. Yet I harbored them no ill will. Even took a vampire for my bride. It was forbidden, our union. Viktor feared a blending of the species. Feared it so much he killed her. His own daughter. Burnt alive for loving me. This is his war. Viktor's. And he spent the last 600 years exterminating my species."

"I guess it never occurred to you that you might actually have to bleed to pull off this little coup."

"And that petty sentiment explains why you rejected your sons? Why you stood by for over half a millennium as William suffered alone in darkness? No, Father, I have no respect for your petty sentiment."

"Oh, not Lycans, Father, or Vampires. A new race created in the image of their maker. Their new God. Me. And a true God...has no father."

"You are asking me to help you kill my son - YOU, a Death Dealer? How many innocents have YOU slain in your six-century quest to avenge your family? Spare me your self-righteous declarations! You are no different from Marcus and even less noble than William - at least HE cannot control his savagery!"

"I've lived by their rules my entire life. I've protected them. envied them. and for what? To be treated like an animal. We are not animals! Is this want you want? We can be slaves, or we can be... LYCANS!"

"Death Dealers will undoubtedly be on the hunt. And they will eventually find us. But not by her doing. I trust Sonja with my life, and as long as I'm in command so will you."

“You have his heart, now I'm going to break it.”

“Your Penance stare won't work on me. I've no soul to burn. Guess the caretaker forgot to mention that…surprise! He sent you to bring me back, I’m not going back, I like it here!”

“There's an old saying: Raise no more devils than you can lay down. My father raised one too many.”

“How does it feel to have all that evil inside of you? All their power? All their souls? A thousand souls to burn. Look into my eyes. Your souls are stained with the blood of the innocent. Feel their pain.”

“Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply... are.”

"You will be the voice of our people"-"I will be more than that."

"I can sense fear in you. Anxiety and distress. The Reapers are winning."

"Our beacons…you found one. You saw it all—our destruction, our warnings…Why weren’t they heeded? Why didn’t you prepare for the Reapers, human?"

"I was a soldier, not a scientist. Skilled in only one art: killing."

"Among my people, there were…avatars of many traits; bravery, strength, cunning. A single exemplar for each...The embodiment of vengeance. I am the anger of a dead people, demanding blood be spilled for the blood be lost. Only when the last Reaper has been destroyed will my purpose be fulfilled. I have no other reason to exist. Those who share my purpose become allies. Those who do not become casualties."

"Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls, and asks the ghosts if honor matters…The silence is your answer."

"And the last thing the Reapers hear before they die will be the last voice of the Protheans sending them to their grave."

"When I was born, our empire was already at war with the Reapers. The first thing I remember was seeing my planet on fire."

"Any could oppose us if they wished. And if they had won, they would have ruled. Many tried. None succeeded."

"Mercy is not a weapon—it is a weakness."

"I am disturbed the “EDI” machine was made to look physically attractive. I suggest your “Joker” pilot undergo a mental examination."

"Our scientists believed it was the only force in the galaxy that mattered. They called it the “cosmic imperative”. The strong flourished. The weak perished."

"As stone is shaped by the one who carves it. The stone has no choice in the form it will take. You and I Commander…war is our sculptor. And we are prisoners to its design."

"Organics do not know how we were created. Some say by chance. Some say by miracle. It is a mystery. But synthetics…know we created them. And they know we are flawed. They are immortal. We are not. They see time as an illusion. We are trapped by its limitations. Above all, machines know the reason they were created. They serve a purpose, while we search aimlessly for ours. In their eyes, organics have no reason to exist."

"There is room for only one order of consciousness in the galaxy; the perfection of the machines, or the chaos of the organics."

“Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, you touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension, I am Sovereign.”

“Your civilization is based on the technology of the Mass Relay, our technology. By using it, your society develops on the path we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.”

“Your words are as empty as your future. I am the Vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over.”

“We are the harbingers of their perfection. Prepare these humans for ascension.”

“The forces of the universe bend to me.”

“We are the beginning, you are the end.”

“Human, you’ve changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction.”

“Know this as you die in Vain; your time will come, your species will fall, prepare yourselves for the arrival.”

"There's an old saying here on earth; may you be in Heaven half and hour before the Devil knows you're dead."

"If you're a bad little soldier, well, that dear old mom of yours, that adorable little sister, I'll make certain that they both live long enough to know the chewy taste of their own intestines. No, Jake. I'm not bluffing."

"Oh, this isn't just any gun, Jake. This is the only gun in the whole universe that can shoot me dead."

"Oh, my. I'm shocked at this unforseen turn of events. Go ahead, Jake. Squeeze that trigger. Be all you can be. This will all be over. Your life can go back to normal. Of course, the Army won't take you back 'cause you're AWOL. But I'm sure you could get your old job at the factory back. But then, on the other hand, the rest of your life, and your family's, could be money and honey, health and wealth, every day is ice-cream sundae. And all you got to do is this one little thing."

"I'll get to you in a minute, champ. But I'm proud of you--knew you had it in you. Sit a spell. So, Dean...I got to thank you. You see, demons can't resurrect people unless a deal is made. I know, red tape--it'll make you nuts. But thanks to you, Sammy's back in rotation. Now, I wasn't counting on that, but I'm glad. I liked him better than Jake, anyhow. Tell me--have you ever heard the expression, "If a deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is?...Well, it's a better shake than your dad ever got. And you never wondered why? I'm surprised at you. I mean...you saw what your brother just did to Jake, right? That was pretty cold, wasn't it? How certain are you that what you brought back, is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know, that's what's dead, should stay dead. Anyway...thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family."

"You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!"

"I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back." "Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve."

"When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester."

"Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead."

"I know God, and you, sir, are no god."

"Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God. Ever hear the story of my fall from grace? You know why god cast me down? Because i loved him. More than anything. And then god created...[ chuckles ] -- You. The little... Hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you -- to love you, more than him. And i said, "father -- I can't." I said, "these human beings are flawed, murderous." And for that... God had Michael cast me into hell. -- Now, tell me...does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when i was right? Look at what 6 billion of you have done to this thing. And how many of you blame me for it?"

"You're not fooling me, you know that, with this "sympathy for the devil" crap. I know what you are. You're the same thing only bigger, the same brand of of cockroach I've been squashing all my life -- an ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego."

"So you’re willing to die…for a pile of cockroaches, why?"

"They are broken, flawed, abortions!"

"Amateur hocus pocus…don’t forget, you learned all your tricks from me; little brother."

"You’re doing the best are you? Well then do the best of somebody better!"

"See, War and Famine, even if I could cram the rings back on their bony fingers, I doubt it would do much good. They're withered husks right now, fetal position on the floor, all thanks to you. So I don't want the rings. What I want is retribution. And I'm going to rip it right out of your ass!"

"This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you."

"Lucifer has me bound to him, some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you, I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his weapon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child having a tantrum."

"Disease gets a bad wrap, don't you think? For being filthy, chaotic, but really that just describes people who get sick. Disease itself is very pure. Single-minded. Bacteria have one purpose: divide and conquer. That's why in the end, it always wins."

"However you feel right now, it’s going to get so very, very much worse…questions?"

"Oh, if Satan wants them so bad, (yelling) he can glue them back together!"

"So, you've got to wonder why God pours all his love into something so messy...And weak. It's ridiculous. All I can do is show him he's wrong, one epidemic at a time. Now... On a scale of 1 to 10, how's your pain?"

"I thought of sending in a few of my bruisers, really letting them go to town. But then, well, trial one was kill a Hellhound, trial two was rescue a soul from the pit. So, from here on, I'm gonna keep everything hell-related--demons, et cetera--away from you. Safe side and all that--plus, I just thought it seemed fitting. From what I understand, Sammy took that bird's breath away. What's the line? Saving people, hunting things--the family business. Well, I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused--the one thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes! They're your life's work, and I'm going to rip it apart piece by piece--because, I can--because, you can't stop me--and because when they're all gone, what will you have left? You want to keep those people alive. I want complete and utter surrender. The tablet, the trials --you'll give them up, or we'll keep doing this dance. Your choice, my darlings."

"You have no idea what it would be like...to be plucked from obscurity, to sit at God's feet, to be asked to write down his word. The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, 'father's left, but look what he's left us...paradise'. But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone, you ran me from my home! Did you really think you could do all of that to me, and there'd be no payback?"

"Not even death can save you from me!"

"My brothers, at long last we stand reunited. The Infernal Gate has been prepared, and the time of our final victory is at hand. Let the way to Hell be opened! And the Evil that was once vanquished shall rise anew. Wrapped in the guise of man, shall he walk amongst the innocent, and Terror shall consume they that dwell upon the Earth. The skies shall rain fire, and the seas will become as blood. The righteous shall fall before the wicked, and all of Creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell!"

"Now my young brother, the time has come to assume your true form! Arise Diablo, Lord of Terror!"

"I have walked the earth, always searching for that which will make me whole. High in the mountains of Killaronn, deep within Mount Arreat lies that thing. I shall have it. My brothers will not have died in vain...and I shall rule unchallenged!"

"Tyrael! The ancient law of the High Heavens strictly forbids us from interfering with the mortal world, yet you have done so; brazenly."

"All I am guilty of, Imperius, is bringing justice! While you hide, cowering behind your throne!"

"Silence! You will now answer for your transgressions."

"You cannot judge me. I am justice itself! We were made for more than this! To protect the innocent! But if our precious laws bind you all to inaction...then I will no longer stand as your brother."

"I cast off these petty illusions. Behold the true vision of the Lord of Hell!"

"You thought you were so clever, that you had outwitted us all. One by one, our brethren fell into your trap. But not me. I defy you. I know the Black Soulstone is the key, and it shall be mine. Soon my armies shall pour forth from the Shattered Mountain ravaging this world and all hope of resistance. My minions will find the stone wherever you choose to hide it. Then at long last, Azmodan shall reign as the Prime Evil."

"Even in the heart of heaven...angels...can still feel fear."

"My old enemy! You cannot hide from me, no matter what form you choose to wear. Let your true self be revealed...Diablo!"

"Our long war ends today, Imperius!"

"Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

"Gaze upon the destruction I have wrought. It'll be the last thing you see. Iskatu, destroy the nephalem!"

"You think yourself free from the chains of fate, Nephalem, but all will kneel before Lord Diablo!"

"My armies flow through the hell rifts. Heaven will be destroyed long before you set one foot into the Silver Spire!"

"You shall never wake from this nightmare."

"All that you have known - all that you have ever loved - shall die along with you, Nephalem!"

"Dear me...such a heavy sword for such a...fragile creature. Come child, let me take your burden."

"Er, Perhaps I'm not making myself clear, I have something of yours and you have something of mine!"

"Actually Shen they have taught me that everything comes to he who waits...but quicker yet to he who takes!"

"Now that wouldn't be wise...that wouldn't be wise at all!"

"I know its death that I'm holding now."

"Did I ever have a choice?"

"Oh it is pretty isn't it? Yes, yes I like that , I like it a lot! Oh please give it to me or I'll kill the old man...painfully and I can be...QUITE inventive."

"With every age that comes to pass, there is one, born to greatness, sent from Heaven to shape the world to a divine vision. I am...the one. So where's the sword?"

"General Flying Fox...I will choose to believe that the reason you let it slip through your hands is some...oh, elaborate attempt at humoring me, and not because you are an incompetent fool!"

"Did something speak? I can smell something fishy...Bleugh! Like a rotting octopus crawling with slimy maggots."

"As opposed to a ssssexless, skull on a stick...with knives poking out of every orafissss."

"SILENCE!" "...is my middle name sire."

"Dear Shen...you see, my sole purpose is to bring order to the disparate tribes of this land. Would you allow your people to suffer, all for the sake of your silly pagan beliefs?

"What have I told you about calling me that word? It's bad enough seeing you blot out the sun each day without being reminded that you sprang from my youthful and exuberant loins."

"Roach! Go and make our guest a little bit more...uncomfortable. Hang him somewhere nice and high, so that he can be seen by his devoted daughter."

"So now I have it, the whole land will bow to me and bask in my reflected glory."

"What is your purpose Nariko, exactly hm? To die valiantly, to shed blood for a worthless cause, perhaps? Well whatever it is, it's over."

"I am going to kill you, and I'm going to kill that walking flesh-bag son of yours."

"You must come home with Kai! Like a good girl."

"Welcome! What a glorious day this is. To celebrate the capture of the Heavenly Sword, I invite you all to indulge me in my little distraction. The rules are quite simple...last man standing, lives! Everyone else dies. Enjoy!"

"Very entertaining, VERY entertaining! Let's heat things up a bit, shall we?"

"Shut all the gates...and bring her back...NOW!"

"Girl trouble, sir? Well, I could slice her nicely for you...but I presume you still want her alive and...kicking?"

"Presume? I do not pay you to presume. Forget Nariko, my troops will take care of her. I trust that you can handle...the little one?"

"With...er...delicacy...Sire."

"Peek-a-boo...Asshole!"

"Send this message to your loathsome master! If you have the courage of a real warrior then you will come and meet our steel. We are ready, Bohan. We are waiting!"

"I have brought peace, order, harmony to a fractured people. And yet...there are still those who refuse to see our greatness. Barbarians! Cannibals who want to...eat our brains and...and sully our souls! And we must cleanse the Kingdom of the perverts, the fanatics. We must annihilate the degenerates who defile our pure and wholesome minds with sick pagan imagery, and foul our mouths with hot and spicy muck that masquerades as nourishment! But most of all...we must destroy that female hell-hag, that demi-devil wholures me ever towards her, waiting, waiting...for the moment when she can sink her slavering jaws into my sacred genitals! Kill her! Wipe her out! It is my will!"

"We have prepared this fortress well for the final assault. My thanks to you all. When the dawn comes we will be outnumbered by a thousand to one. But we are warriors...we are great warriors! We have walked with death every day and it has made us strong. Take heart that the Heavenly Sword is still on our side. It is wielded by Nariko. She has rescued many of your friends and brothers, regardless of creed or Clan. Many of you are here today because of her actions. say your goodbyes now so that tomorrow you can enter battle with a clear head and a strong heart. If this battle is indeed to be our final hour, then let it also be our finest!"

"Once death has been fully accepted, there is nothing to fear. You are free."

"Don't you know when you're beaten, Nariko? Kneel before me and I will show mercy to your people. If you resist then you will all die together!

"So many people have died because of this sword, and what did it ever bring in return? Nothing. Nothing. You have won. You have damned us all, and now you deign to say my time has come? You hold me captive and you choose this as your moment to destroy me? No. All you do is corrupt. You waste our lives, and what power do you really possess? It's me that's holding you. You can't even kill me. I won't let you kill me."

"I have tried... really, really hard to bring this land to order. I have... I've shaped it, I have... I have prepared it for a brand new era, and only this "girl" this... beautiful "girl" stands in my way. Grant me power; power to send her back to the underworld that spat her out... Please."

"A battle between Heaven and Hell, here on Earth, Nariko... have you stopped to think which side you are really on?"

"You are nothing, Nariko. NOTHING! You were never meant to be. You are an abomination. No one will remember you!"

"Hell is waiting for you, Nariko. It is calling you home."

"Please my Lord, don't let me die like this...I could accomplish so much. Arrghh! Please...spare me, I beg of you. Arrghh!"

"I'm not sent from heaven, father, and neither is this sword."

"Your voice sounds so lovely when you're wimpering in agony."

"They have dared to enter this house, built on blood and honour. I will see them roast in the deepest pits of Hell!"

"I highly recommend pissing yourself, followed by a course of praying to your impotent God."

"That's rediculous, you fool. There's no such thing as an immortal." "Yes I know, and once I have your head on a stick everyone else will know it too."

"Come on, get up, attack me! You've only suffered the loss of your legs! Summon up your familiars...transform your body...heal your severed legs and stand! The evening is still so young, come on, hurry, hurry, hurry! Pull yourself together, the fun has just begun! Come on, hurry!"

"Silence! I'm a dog...then you're dog food."

"Don't you dare question my resolve! I have already given you your marching orders, soldier! You will search and destroy! SEARCH AND DESTROY! Any resistance you encounter is to be CRUSHED! Hellsing does not run from our enemies! Kill them all! I order you to leave nothing but bloody stains in your way!"

"Good work soldiers...now good night!"

"Purpose...what a silly question my beautiful fraulein. Purpose, how quaint. To put it in the simplest possible terms fraulein, our purpose, is the total absence of purpose. You should be aware, fräulein, that there are some people in this world, some irredemable louts, for whom the means does not require an end. I speak of course of myself."

"Be sure to eat every bite. If he turns into a ghoul, I will not be happy."

"Did I just hear someone from Iscariot questioning my sanity? Then let me ask you, if your God would allow my madness to flourish across the globe, then wouldn't it seem to you that any god like that would be just as mad as I?"

"But nevermind that, try to stop me then you self-proclaimed 'normal people'. But unfortunately Iscariot is not my true enemy. My true enemy is Britan...the Hellsings...well really that man laughing in the corner back there!"

"My friends, it has often been said that I like war. My friends, I like war... No, friends, I love war! I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats. Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth. I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle. My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed high into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds. And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger 88 to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling. Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy. The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers! When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I'm in ecstasy. I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed. I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the yark bombers flying overhead. Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it that you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!? Very well. Then kreig is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known! We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is equal to a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy. Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand vampires is going to burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war! At last the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill. Attention all soldiers of the Millennium Battalion this is a message from your commander… friends, let’s bring them hell."

"The wings of Hermes is my name, eat my wings! To make myself tame..."

"Alucard, take heed. Here are your orders. With you silver gun, paint the white army crimson. With your iron gun, paint the black army scarlett. I will know my foes by the stains of red you leave upon their chests! Now search and destroy! SEARCH AND DESTROY! Run them down! Do not let any of them leave the island alive!"

"It's coming. The River comes...the river of death! The dead will dance...and Hell will Sing!"

'What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them.'

'Salt, gathered from the tears of a thousand angels, restraining the essence of Sammael, the Hellhound. The Seed of Destruction. This I can promise, Sammael, for every one of you that falls, two shall arise.'

'It is said that at the dawn of time, man, beast, and all magical beings lived together under Aeglin, the Father Tree. But man had been created with a hole in his heart, a hole that no possession, power, or knowledge could fill. And in his infinite greed, man dreamed of expanding his dominion over the entire earth. The blood of many an elf, ogre, and goblin was spilled in their war with man, and King Balor, the one-armed king of Elfland, watched the slaughter in dread and despair. But one day, the master of the goblin blacksmiths offered to build the king a golden mechanical army, seventy times seventy soldiers, that would never know hunger, and could not be stopped. Prince Nuada begged his father to agree. "Build me this army," the king said. And so, a magical crown was forged that would allow those of royal blood to command the Golden Army, if unchallenged. "I am King Balor, leader of the Golden Army. Is there anyone who disputes my right?" And in his throne room, no one challenged his word.'

'Let this remind you why you once feared the dark...'

'The humans... the humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the earth, and for what? Parking lots? Shopping malls? Greed had burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled! They will never have enough!' 'What humans do is in their nature. To honor the truce is in ours.' 'Honor? Look at this place! Where is the honor in this? Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet?'

'I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright! And for that I will call upon the help of all my people and they will answer. The good, the bad... and the worst.'

'He may have mused in the past 'am I mortal'...you are now.'

'Abraham, many people have died for this crown, and he will too. If you want to save him, and see her again, you will find the missing piece and bring it to me.'

'Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!'

"You are reborn. The birth of one of Kain's abominations traps the essence of life. It is this soul that animates the corpse you...lived in. And that, Raziel, is the demise of Nosgoth. There is no balance, the souls of the dead remain trapped, I cannot spin them in the Wheel of Fate, they cannot complete their destinies. Redeem yourself, or if you prefer...avenge yourself. Settle your dispute with Kain, destroy him and your brethren, free their souls and let the wheel of fate churn again. Use your hatred to reave their souls, I can make it possible...become my Soul Reaver...my Angel of Death."

"This at least had remained constant, the endlessly swirling vortex of the abyss. My tomb...and the womb of my rebirth."

"Answer me little brother, or I will beat an answer from your horrid lips."

"Tell me...did it trouble you to murder your brothers?" "Did it trouble you when you ordered me into the abyss?"

"Eternity is relentless, Raziel. When I first stole into this chamber, centuries ago, I did not fathom the true power of knowledge. To know the future, Raziel. To see it's paths and streams tracing out into the infinite. As a man, I could never have contained such forbidden truths, but each of us is so much more than we once were. Do you not feel with all your soul how we have become like gods? As such, are we not indivisible? As long as a single one of us stands, we are legion. Our futures are predestined. Mobius foretold mine eons ago, we each play out the parts fate has written for us. Free will is an illusion."

"I found the tomb of Sarafan, Kain. How could you profane a priest by turning him into a vampire?!"

"Who better to serve me than those whose passion transcends all notions of good and evil?"

"The Sarafan were saviors, defending Nosgoth from the corruption that we represent. My eyes are opened, Kain. I find no nobility in the unlife you rudely forced on my unwilling corpse!"

"All great movements require a few martyrs."

"You're a righteous fiend, aren't you?" "Apparently, I am."

"Or maybe your just hungry. Could it be as simple as that? Wouldn't that be poetic irony? The greatest adversary to the vampires turns out to be the biggest parasite of them all."

"Ah, yes. I like that look on your face Moebius. You really don't know what to do now, do you old man? Here you are, caught with out your damned staff, and I suspect things aren't progressing as you'd hoped. You're not used to the fly turning to confront you in your web, are you?"

"Precisely. I had a choice, and I chose mercy."

"And what about Kain? You're leaving your quarry behind!" "You kill him, if its so damned important!"

"But now all your little schemes are whirling in ruin around you, aren’t they? All because I chose to exert my will for once, rather than obey the demands of sorcerers and spirits and demons all singing the same tiresome refrain, kill Kain!"

"Surrender, vampire, and we promise you an easy death!" "I would promise you the same... but it would be a lie."

"Vae Victis - woe to the conquered! I have found the Heart of Darkness. And you - go to Oblivion!"

"Whatever victories your demon blood grants you will soon be unraveled by your human weakness."

"Son of Succoria, suckled by the dry teat of man."

"You are half so many things, I doubt any part of you is whole. Is there even a word for a creature such as you?"

"You're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans of seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, ever put, a trap."

"I have a message and a question. A message from the Doctor and a question from me. Where is my wife? Oh don't give me those blank looks. The twelfth Cyber Legion monitors this entire quadrant. You hear everything. So you tell me what I need to know. You tell me now and I'll be on my way." "What is The Doctor's message?{the fleet explodes behind Rory}" "Would you like me to repeat the question?"

"Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked, I have been there! Where the hell were you today?!"

"I couldn't have prevented this." "You could have tried!" "And so my love, could you."

"Colonel Manton, I want you to tell your men to run away." "What?" "Those words. "Run away." I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you Colonel Runaway. I want children laughing outside your door, 'cause they've found the house of Colonel Runaway. And when people come to you and ask if trying to get to me through the people I love!... is in any way a good idea, I want you to tell them your name."

"It's strange. I have often dreamed of dying in combat. I am not enjoying it as much as I'd hoped."

"I've taken lives...I got worse, I got clever...I manipulated people into taking their own."

"Hell is descending!"

"I am so old now, I used to have so much mercy...you get one morning...don't lose it."

"The Daleks have failed! Now why don't you finish the job, and make the Daleks extinct? Rid the universe of your filth! Why don't you just die!?" "...You would make a good Dalek."

"You just killed somebody I liked, that is not a safe place to stand!"

"It's taken me all these years to realise, the laws of time are mine and they will obey me!"

"Hello, I'm the doctor...run."

"You have no weapons, no defenses, no plan!" "Yeah, and doesn't that scare you to death?"

"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."

"A very old saying. The oldest. “Demon's Run. When a good man goes to war.”

"The tracks left the doctor spreads, will travel where the doctor ends...His friends are lost forevermore, unless he goes to Trenzalore...This man must fall as all men must, the fate of all is always dust...The man who lies will lie no more, while this man lies at Trenzalore...The girl who died he tries to save, she'll die again inside his grave"

"This man must fall as all men must, the fate of all is always dust...the man who lies will lie no more, when this man lies at Trenzalor...the girl who died he tried to save, she'll die again inside his grave."

“I’m the stuff of your nightmares…Actually, I’m the stuff your nightmares wake up screaming about.” – Blood Captain

"I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you"

"Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world"

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. Baltasar Gracián

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut

Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot

Golf Balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Knowledge is power; power is the root of all evil. Therefore study to be evil.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

I've been given sugar. Please use this time to prepare for the end of the world

Don't piss me off today; I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

I'm not shy, I'm just quietly plotting you imminent doom.

I'm smiling... that alone should scare you.

The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken. The one who fights the most is the one who wants to find peace. The one who encourages others is the one who always feels useless. The one who seems insane is the one who is just following a life no one else understands, or will ever believe. Nor do they want to. Not everything is as it seems. Remember that.

I didn't steal it I just borrowed it without permission and with no intention of giving it back...ever...

I've got a shovel and an acre of land. I don't think anybody will miss you.

Careful, or you'll end up in my novel

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Today, I'm giving out butt-kickings and lollipops and I'm all out of lollipops

Stress is when you wake up screaming, and then realize that you haven’t fallen asleep yet

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. -unknown

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

There cannot be a crisis this week!; my schedule is full.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is.

If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday

So many boys, such little minds (found this on a magnet!)

You! With the hair nicer than mine! Off my planet!

I never said I was normal, you just presumed I was.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Don't mind the horns; they're just there to support my halo.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh harder

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask directions.

Vegetarian: Tribal slang for the village idiot who cannot hunt

6 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

Bad things to hear on an airplane 10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know. 8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?. 7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding. 6.. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming! 5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory. 4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks! 2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?Thanks for reading!! 1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS: 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.