An Elf with a thing for Orcs finds an Orc with a thing for Elves. Just enjoying their good luck would be too easy, so they begin a snail's pace trek across Middle-earth with a group of Orcs as strange as they are annoying.

An injured Ranger finds himself with an unlikely rescuer.

After Mordor falls, a hunter from the Misty Mountains joins a displaced Isengard Uruk in hopes of claiming some of the loot in the ruins of Sauron's domain. Along the journey they develop unexpected (totally expected) feelings. Can they get the big cash money wad or will they die like pigs in hell? Slash.

A midlife crisis, a mysterious escort, and blackmail. What more could Lucius Malfoy need? PreHBP. LMHG

WARNING: Contains bad language, character bashing, imaginary basilisks, inappropriate student teacher relations, babelized French, crossdressing, 'The 24 Hour Soap Opera Network', violence, Communism and eye of newt.

Ginny's fifth year. She feels ignored and unloved, so she does what any irrational teenage witch would do: bring back a sociopathic young dark lord who tried to kill her. Of course, this time she's in complete control of the situation. Really.

Throughout the CoS period, Lucius Malfoy keeps a dia... er... Chronicle of events. Last updated: 26th Sept. COMPLETE

Harry Potter gets in the way of a pregnancy potion meant for Narcissa Malfoy, leaving the boy-wonder pregnant. He's not best pleased! How is he meant to save the world from Voldemort when he has to go on maternity leave? (NOT slash - just silly) COMPLETE