hi i love to read and write sorys but sadly i always have sucked at writing in my opinion . my grammer and spelling is horrible and i read EXTREAMLY fast like i can read a 200 page book in two hours if it has really small print . i am like the picturegirl for trouble and am the compleet oposite of a goody goody . i have a twin i speak english and italian fluently and am extreemly tough i LOVE ALL THINGS divergent and am exactly like the female version of tobias

sorry if thats all really randome i havd no clue what to write oh and theres this thing i stole from another persons profile but i liked it so much that had to post it here it is

Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

hope u found the comebacks halarious i did

also some funny quotes i love

I'm not afraid of death. What's it gonna do? Kill me?

Copy and paste this to your profile if you haven't died yet.

When life gives you lemons, make grapejuice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Cross over to the dark side... WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!!!!

When life gives you lemons, throw lemons back in life's face and go back to feeling sorry for yourself

If your name was Mr. Crunch, and you went into the navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

They say 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I've got ADD and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have

Never knock on Death's door, ring the bell and run away, he hates that

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

Elmo knows where you live!

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

An apple keeps the doctor away, if well aimed

Taste the rainbow: EAT CRAYONS!

Last night I lay in bed looking at the stars and thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

When there's a will, I want to be in it

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much

- Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. -

- I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? - .

- You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

- I hate it when people say: "When life give you lemons, make lemonade." Well, you know what, life never gave you water and sugar, so you can only make lemon juice.

- "It's always in the last place you look" Well duh, who keeps looking after they found it

. - To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

- When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how the hell you did it.

- I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

- A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'

- 1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 807 islands, 7 seas, and I still had the unfortunate luck to meet YOU.

- When someone's laugh is so much funnier than the joke.

- "Can I help you?" No, I just waited in line for 20 minutes to say 'hi'. -

- "Dude, she just called you blonde!" "What? That's not my name?"

- Sometimes, you gotta hand it to short people. Because most of the time, they just can't reach it.

- It's not that I hate you, no! Just put it this way, if you were on fire, and I had water... I'd drink it.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bitch run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" that was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".

(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".

(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".

(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".

(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".

(And you thought?...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".

(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".

(And...I'm taking this because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".

(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".

(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".

(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"

(I was so looking forward to being able to fly.)

Why do Boys Fall in Love with Girls

(This was written by a guy) Don't break this; it's so sweet! :) 1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo. 2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder. 3. How cute they look when they sleep. 4. The ease in which they fit into our arms . 5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world. 6. How cute they are when they eat. 7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while. 8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside. 9. The way they look good no matter what they wear. 10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth. 11. How cute they are when they argue. 12. The way her hand always finds yours. 13. The way they smile. 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the caller ID after you just had a big fight. 15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later... 16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight. 17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you". 18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you... 19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry. 20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly. 21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt. 22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it). 23. The way they say "I miss you". 24. The way you miss them. 25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore... 26. The way that she looks almost always happy around you Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitabley consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. This chain started in 2002. It is a love chain letter. In an hour you are supposed to repost this. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!! NOW THE CONSEQUENCES!! The consequences are: If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!! Congratulations!! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the internet. Once you read this letter, you must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) post it with the title "why do boys fall in love with girls?" After you send it, make a wish and it will come TRUE