Hi everybody. Hello. Hola. Ni hao. Bon jour. Hallo. Ciao.(this really means hi and bye) and all of those other tihngs that I'm too lazy to write down. My name is Lydia (beautiful, ain't it? lol) and I come from the States. I am rather partial to the romance category, and I'm kinda a freelance in the pairing category, so don't yell at me if my fav stories vary...
Stuff to make you smile:
1. Love is temporary insanity cured by marriage~Ambrose Bierce

2. Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night~ Charlie Brown

3. USA today has come up with a new suvery; apparently 3/4 people make up 75% of the population.~ David Letterman

4. If it weren't for electricity we would be watching television by candlelight.~ George Gobal

5. I've been accused of vulgarity, I say that's bullshit~ Mel Brooks

6. I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was ridiculus-everyone hasn't met you yet. ~Rodney Dangerfield

7. The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. ~ Marty Fieldman

8. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ~ Steven Wright.

9. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.~
Jerry Seinfeld.

10. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.~Mel Brooks.

11. I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.~Emo Philips.

12. You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.~Rowan Atkinson

13. He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.~Joseph Heller.

14. The biggest way to loose marks in finals is to get the wrong answer~Dr R Taylor

15. You're under arrest for stealing empty cardboard boxes! The company needs those boxes to meet it's recycling goals. ~Catbert

16. I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. ~Unknown

~This was sent to me in an e-mail. I just thought it was funny.~

~EVER WONDER...

~Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

~Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

~Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

~Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

~Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

~Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

~Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?

~Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

~Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

~Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

~When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

~Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

~Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

~You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

~Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

~Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

~If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?

~If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

~STUPID LABEL INSTRUCTIONS ON ACTUAL CONSUMER GOODS~

~On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair)

~On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner No purchase necessary.Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

~On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...)

~On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

~On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." well...duh, a bit late, huh)

~On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

~On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." but wouldn't this save me more time)?

~On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

~On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???...)

~On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

~On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

~On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

~On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

~On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

~On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

hahahahahahaha. This just puts a smile on my face. You smiling? Case closed. lol
I'm kinda the ECCENTRIC type and have quite a few inside jokes, so if I say something not easily understood, I'll gladly clear it up for you. I'm thinkin' of writing my own story, strange as that may sound. please IM/email me if you have any GOOD ideas. Oh, and I think that mostly WOMEN are on this site, so I'll take a poll.(IM/email also, please.) -_-