I'm sure you want to know ALL about me. But I'm sorry, I can't tell you.
It's secret. shhhhhhh...the walls have ears!
I'm sure you're going crazy now, so I'm here to tell you,

1) relax
2) take a deep breath and grab a jar of peanut butter, stuff it in your ears, and run around.
3) just kidding, please unstuff your ears so you can hear my real advice.
4) you can either remain calm and spend your time waiting for me by reading my stories.= yes!
5) or you can refuse to read my stories and run around with peanut butter in your ears
6) just kidding. okay, seriously
7) just run out on the streets because you're positively insane and there will probably be a bunch of people dressed in white who would be more then gladly listen to you. You'll be very happy with other people who are story-deprived like you.
8) the choice is up to you
9) just kidding, it's up to me. just don't touch the peanut butter
10) okay, got that? good.