"People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise."
S. W. Maugham

Flaming Police is a union of two people - a husband and a wife - who have decided to do what every other sane person should, and start a battle against Mary Sues, crappy fics and shitty clichés. Why? Because the quality sucks monkey balls. Anyone can tell you that. If you're checking this profile, you most probably have been flamed, and flamed bad. Burn baby, burn. And then learn.

It's not like we hate you yet. We hate what you write. However, we will hate you if you're stubborn and decide to fight us with the power of grammatically incorrect sob stories. Been there, seen that, and sob stories don't affect us and never will. So you say that this is your little sister's first fanfic and we made her cry, but pal, your sister can't improve if no one tells her what she needs to work on. We're not nice. We're here to wake you up, tell you to grab a dictionary and start using your brains every once in a while.

"To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
E. Hubbard

HUSBAND

Some of those who write and get flamed say "then you write something better". I have. But I'm not giving you that account name because you don't deserve it and flamed people tend to be testy. Online(!) threats don't work either, but feel free to try anyway. My lovely wife and I would never turn down a laugh. Especially at the expense of others. However, in case you actually think that you can learn something, feel free to ask. I have connections, and I can find you a beta.

My name is none of your concern. I'm in my early twenties, enjoy reading, writing, tea, spending money and flirting. I dislike badly written fics and wish for them to stop existing. I'm not kind or nice or polite, never was, and compliments from me won't be heard unless deserved - and sometimes not even then. Cry me a river and I'll laugh. Whine and I'll stop listening. Fight and I'll flatten you.

WIFE

If you are here, looking at my darling Husband and My Profile, then this means you have been Flamed by us. Congratulations, you are trash. As such, you should either write better, atone for your sins and never write again, or kill yourself. Much like my Husband, I have another profile on FF.net, however, I will not be telling you it as trash should not be looking at my profile. I am female, and you don't really need to know anything else about me other then the fact that I will rip you apart if you threaten my darling in anyway, shape, or form. Clear?