tennislover26
 Author has written 3 stories for Misc. Books, and Twilight. Twilightlover226: Behind the Writings (Dramatic much?) Hey! My name is Madeline. I love all sports (besides golf). I'm on my middle school drill team and I'm in seventh grade. I love to write (of course I mean why else would I be here??) and run. I'm an only child sadly. (but when I go to my friends houses that have siblings I'm kind of glad) Thats about it. I'm currently working on: What Twilight has done to all of us. And I might start a story about A crazy Twilight Fan. Falling for a Spy- I'm am currently finishing up chapter three and will post when I am totally done because I've continue to change the plot.(Falling for a spy isn't based on anything. I just made it up.) Current stories on hold: When You Win a Contest... (I also made this one up to.) My favorite books: Fav: The truth about forever, by Sara Dessen Twilight series The Gallagher Girl Books The Uglies series The clique books Annie between the states The secret identity of Devon Delaney Fame, Glory, and other things on my to do list It's a mall world after all And all the other books by Sara Dessen Fictional Characters I am in love with... Zach Goode!! Edward Cullen!! Jasper Hale! Emmett Cullen! Jacob Black! (Though I'm all the way Team Edward!) Favorite quotes: "Bubble Brain" I say as I poke their head, "Pop!": Me "Did you say Edward Cullen?! : Me "My bumper sticker reads, drink till he's cute. That's what I'm going to do." Jessica Andrews "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." Edward Cullen "Why did you stab him? Not that I object." Edward Cullen "I will kill you in your sleep tonight.": Me "Over my pile of ashes." Rosalie Hale "Sorry, I was thinking with the blond side of my brain: Me "It's just ONE side... I thought it was your whole brain that was blond." :Friends "Did you see that volvo?": me "No": Other person. "Opps! That was just my imaganation again.": Me For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profileIf you're in love with the fictional character, Zach Goode, (KARC) copy and paste this onto your profile If you scream when a volvo (any color) passes, you scream so loud that your parents ground you-KARCCopy and paste this onto your profile (That actual happen to me. Wow!) II like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!f you have the biggest amount of OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder)-KARCCopy and paste this onto your profile If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile If you're in love with a fictional vampire that goes by the name Edward Anthony Masen Cullen-KARCCopy and paste this onto your profile If you like to smile-KARCCopy and paste this onto your profile :P :0 =) I f you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! If you envy Bella Swan with a burning passion that burns hotter than the flames of hell-KARCCopy and paste this onto your profile If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you have an MP3 and love rocking out to it, post on profile. If you can't walk over a flat stable surace without finding something to trip over, post this on your profile. If you are a magnet for danger, not just accidents, post this to your profile. If you have ever stayed up for over 48 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile. If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you or your best friend (or both) is insane, copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer. Funny Quotes I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you! When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.! The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe. People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers. Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is frowned upon in most societies. ~Charlie and the Chocolate Factory They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I ran with scissors, and lived! An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. Come to the dark side. We have EDWARD! I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. (So true -sigh-) Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. (So do my friends...) "Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face." Education is important, school however, is another matter. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. (Hehe.) I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (Even more fun in you push them down.. Hehe.) "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." (but now I can store jelly up there!) Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it? (Unless you have 2 cakes. Yum!) Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. (Painted black...Good idea, I can rob my neighbor now!) I'm not insensitive, I just don't care. (Thats nice.) And Carlisle said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood (Real gooooood) OMC- Oh My Carlisle A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work. (He's not a loser... He's a dead loser!) "The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide." "Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that." “I am sick of people having a near deathexperienceand saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD... It's a Maglight!” -Tony V. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. Friends: will always be like "well you deserve better" BEST FRIENDS: will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days." Man: Where have you been all my life? A list of stupid crimals: -Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there. -A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. -A man was arrested for stealing a car. When he was taken to court for his arraignment the judge asked, how do you plead? Instead of saying guilty or not guilty the man said: "Before we go any further, judge, let me explain why I stole the car." The judge ruled in record time. -An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed... -Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe using a Laser Tag gun. -The police showed up at the victim's house after receiving a call of a break in while the man was away at work. The house was in a nice upper-middle class neighborhood. The police walked around to the side of the house with the victim, where they were shown the pried open sliding glass patio door. Clearly the entrance for the criminal. When asked if anything in the house was missing the man said nothing except his stash of marijuana. Police, not believing what they had just heard asked the man to repeat himself. The man, realizing that he had just admitted to possessing an illegal drug stammered and finally said, "oh forget the whole thing." He waved the police off and went back into his house. The police walked away laughing. -When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times." -(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a 20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the 20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars ._.s_s _ If you're a girl and you've ever Why America has some issues (just for jokes, not serious, obviously) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE: A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl:Slow down, I'm scared! Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy:Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love. 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Oops) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Really? R u sure?) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (Who's body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (But no sleeping?) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (ouch!) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to outerspace?) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (What outfit does?) Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen 10. Tell him only to address you in a cute English accent. 9. Call him Carlisle, but be sure to pronounce the “s”. When he corrects you, give him a weird look and tell him the “q” is silent. 8. Ask if blondes really do have more fun. 7. Inquire as to what he actually does on his night shift on the hospital, with all the pretty nurses in the ER. 6. Instead of telling him to “get lost” in an argument, tell him to swim to France. 5. When he annoys you, respond with “times have changed, old man”. 4. Ask what type of superhuman power compassion is – what does he do in a fight? Love thy enemy to death? 3. Leap out from behind the desk in his study when he isn’t expecting it and spray him with Holy Water. 2. Call him McSteamy or McDreamy. And the Number One way to annoy Carlisle Cullen? 1. Run around the Emergency Room screaming “I’ve been bitten! I’ve been bitten!” 10 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale 10. Beg him not to eat you. 9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen. 8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry. 7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must have gone to his brain. 6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away. 5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood. 4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts. 3. When he gets too close made your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”. 2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction. And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale? 1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style. 10 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen 10. Sing “Discovery Channel” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near. 9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride. 8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically pedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it. 7. Ask how Tanya is. 6. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.” 5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face. 4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?” 3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga. 2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again. And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen? 1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna. 10 ways to annoy Emmett Cullen 10. Tell him he looks like a creepy stalker rapist. 9. Inform him, as politely as possible, that he has grizzly in his teeth. 8. Ask who wears the pants in his relationship. 7. Try to stab him through the heart with a stake. 6. Tell him brawn is out, scrawn is in. 5. Inquire as to how he feels to be the least-liked Cullen male. 4. When he is around, wonder aloud what Rosalie calls him in bed. 3. Ask if he is overcompensating for something with that jeep. 2. Ask if he is overcompensating for something with those muscles And the Number One way to annoy Emmet Cullen? 1. When he denies the above tow claims, respond with "That's not what Rosalie saaaaaid!" 10 ways to annoy Alice Cullen 10. Take her credit cards and shopping vouchers, hold them above your head and tell her to "Jump for them." 9. Tell her if she were just a few centimeters shorter she could legally be a midget. 8. Wear the trashiest possible clothing whenever you can. 7. Tie her up in a straight jacket. When she protests, tell her she needs to go back to the loony bin. 6. When you go into the sun with her, fall into a twitching heap on the ground and moan "I'm melting." 5. Pelt her with cloves of garlic. 4. When she gets a vision, ask if her "spidey senses" are tingling 3. Trip her and ask her if she saw it coming. 2. Ask her what you will be doing in five minutes every ten minutes. And the Number One way to annoy Alice Cullen? 1. E-mail her dozens of application forms for the position of speaker on psychic hotlines. 10 ways to annoy Bella Swan 10. Ask about Eric. 9. Ask about Mike. 8. Ask about Jacob. 7. Ask about Edward. 6. After asking about all these boys, inquire as to how much she is paying them, and where in the white pages she looked for fake fan boys. 5. When she complains about not being a vampire, throw glitter on her and claim she sparkles just like a vampire in the sun. 4. Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her... happy. 3. Say that since Edward is technically dead, she is into necrophilia. Tell her that is sick and wrong and, she should stop with her weird fetishes. 2. Tell her we all know the real reason she married Edward- the honeymoon. And the Number One way to annoy Bella Swan? 1. Tell her that you and Jacob imprinted on each other, and are getting married. Tell her you are pregnant, and will be with him forever. Video tape the reaction. 10 Ways to Annoy Rosalie Hale 10. Tell her that, because everyone thinks she and Jasper are twins, they should get together. When she asks why, say that Incest is in at the moment. 9. Call her “Ice Queen” behind her back and to her face. 8. Whenever she argues anything, respond with “Whatever, bimbo.” 7. Claim that being a human ain’t so great. 6. When she argues the above claim, respond with “Whatever, bimbo.” 5. Try to exorcise her and her evil ways. 4. Tell everyone that Edward didn’t go to Italy because Rosalie said Bella was dead – he went to Italy because he envisioned Rosalie’s ugly face. 3. Call her “Hoe-salie” at least once, to her face. 2. Remind her that Edward chose a pathetic human girl over her. And the Number One way to annoy Rosalie Hale? 1. Steal her silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Roxanne” by The Police. When she asks why the hell you did it, say that she reminds you of Roxanne. 10 Ways to Annoy Esme Cullen 10. Let it slip what Carlisle really does during his night shifts at the hospital, with all of the pretty nurses. 9. Tell her all about the names of your future children, when you want to have them, what genders you want them to be, etc. 8. Ask her if her hair looks like caramel, does it taste like caramel? 7. Politely ask if Carlisle asks her to dress up as “Nurse Naughty” in the bedroom and if he demands she calls him “Doctor Dreamy” 6. Tell her that Carlisle is much too old for her, and that he is clearly a cradle-snatcher or phedophile. 5. Take a chunk of her hair, put it in a blender with milk and hand back the final product, claiming it’s a caramel milkshake. 4. Tell her what the nurses at the hospital really think of Carlisle – then smudge lipstick on Carlisle’s shirt collar and spray him with perfume. Laugh loudly when Esme notices, and videotape the reaction. 3. Ask if she likes Carlisle’s cute little English accent. When she says she loves everything about Carlisle, call her an “uncultured swine” and storm off. 2. Inquire as to how she jumped off a cliff and survived. When she can’t answer, ask if she is secretly Batman. And the Number One way to annoy Esme Cullen? 1. Anonymously send her a package of baby clothing in the mail. 10 Ways to Annoy Jacob Black 10. Never use English around him – instead, bark. 9. Call him a space heater. 8. Tell him that dogs make good pets, not good partners. 7. Ask him if he has RSVPed to the wedding yet. 6. Inform him that real men sparkle. 5. Walk up to him and claim you have imprinted. Say you love him and demand his paw in marriage. 4. Tell him that even though he may run at a boiling 108.9 degrees, Bella doesn’t find him hot. 3. Inquire as to how Leah is… and if he dreams about Sam the way Leah dreams about Bella. 2. Ask him if he likes to do things… doggy style. And the Number One way to annoy Jacob Black? 1. Make him a day-by-day flip calendar, counting down the amount of time Bella will remain human. |
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