I moved to a new account. These stories will stay here but new ones, better ones in my eyes anyway, will be on my New account . Good luck guys and thanks for being around!

tf time: joor=roughly an hour; orn=roughly a day; and stellar cycle=roughly a year; vorn=83 years

30 SIGNS OF A RABID TRANSFORMERS FANGIRL!!

1. Can recite the entire movies from memory.

2. Can tell you what Decepticon and Autobot is fastest, toughest and smartest and can give you exact specs.

3. Always has tabs on the best Decepticon and Autobot fanfiction, wallpaper and apparel.

4. Gets into accidents on the off chance Ratchet might pick her up.

5. Whenever she leaves home yells ROLL OUT!!

6. Will stare out their car window as a Camaro, Peterbuilt Semi, Pontiac Solstice, GMC Topkick, or Hummer drives by.

7. Dreams transformer pairings.

8. Wishes that her phone was an Autobot and would name it after a fallen Autobot.

9. Has used movie quotes to finish her sentences.

10. Cusses like Ironhide, Ratchet, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Rumble, or Frenzy.

11. Makes references to Transformers in every school subject.

12. Wishes that Wheeljack could help blow up some certain people.

13. Immediately snaps awake from sleep when someone says something about Transformers.

14. Sings the Transformers theme in the shower, on the way to school, and on the way home.

15. Gives her friends labels as some of the Decepticons.

16. Gives her enemies labels as some of the Autobots.

17. Wishes she could use a double plasma cannon on her sister. (I'm gonna have to ask Hide about that one...

18. Has posters of her favorite Transformers.

19. Reads wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many fan-fictions about these guys.

20. Has her username having to deal with Transformers.

21. Listens to a song and then immediately thinks of a Transformer.

22. Pairs the TFs with other TFs because it's fun.

23. Squeals at the sight of a Police car and thinks of Prowl and Barricade.

24. acts and pretends to be a transformer constantly.

25. When she sees 2 or 3 jets automatically knows it's the Sexy Seekers and screams, 'OH MY PRIMUS! IT'S STARSCREAM, THUNDERCRACKER, AND SKYWARPP!!'

26. Will do anything to get her hands on G1 models.

27. Screams out the names of random transformers.

28. Can't help but cosplay as them constantly.

29. Talk to electronic devices, saying that they are Autobots or Decepticons.

30. Thinks every electronic device she owns is a Transformer...

-You hug every yellow vehicle thinking its bumblebee.

-You suspect every semi truck with flames is Optimus Prime,

-You name your green Jeep Hound

-You don’t trust black cop cars for fear that it is Barricade.

-You constantly wait for things to crash from Decepticon attack.

-You cannot look at a boombox the same anymore.

-You used to hate technology and now you love it.

-You have read every bit of fan information to see what is going to happen in TF 2.

-You see the title Deception and think Decepticon.

-You mistake Auto body Repair with Autobot Repair.

-Radio Controlled robots are no longer good enough for you.

-You go to the Hoover dam to make sure Megatron is nice and safe in layers of ice.

-You write your congressmen and senators asking to stop Sector 7 funding.

-You start fights with Pirates of the Caribbean and Harry Potter fans and state a 200-page thesis why the Transformers are better then pirates and wizards.

-You know more about the Transformers then the actors themselves.

-You get an Autobot tattoo..

-You see an ambulance and think it is Ratchet.

-You claim one of the NASCAR’s is actually Hot Rod in disguise.

-You state that Jenny (XJ9) is sucky in comparison to Arcee.

-You know each song ever used in TF.

-You think Stan Bush is hiding secrets to the locations of real TF’s.

-You think Darth Vader is a wuss and Megatron is the real Lord of the Sith.

-You want to join the Air Force or Navy just to fly a F-22 or F-15 or F-16.

-You write an essay for school about what you want to grow up to be and you say you want to be an Autobot when you grow up.

-You call the White House and suggest sending Scorponok to Iraq to end the war.

-You are a scientist and want to be called Dr. Jetfire, or Dr. Starscream, or Dr. Preceptor.

-You are known as General Jazz.

-You call your gun Ironhide.

-You claim that the train you took last year was Astrotrain.

-You are a boy and change your name to Sam, Spike, or Sparkplug.

-You are a girl and change your name to Carly or Michaela or Maggie.

-You own every DVD, VHS, and Blu-Ray disk of TF.

-You write your college essays on the show and its mythological parallelisms.

-You pray to God for your very own Bumblebee.

-You pray to Lord Primus instead of God.

-You think your teachers attitude resembles that of Shockwaves.

-You get your parents obsessed with it as well.

-You give people headaches from constant babble on TF theories.

-You start calling all insects; Insecticons.

-You name old cassette tapes after Soundwaves.

-You cannot hear the word blackout without thinking of Blackout.

-You start trying to talk like Blurr.(I already actually!)

-You name your other green Jeep Brawn.

-You say you are the real Prime.

-You start allegiances at your school and cause a school wide war with the other side for power over the playground.

-You think your teachers are really Decepticons in pretender shells.

-You use Jetfire as a source for a science paper.

-You cannot call construction machines by their proper name. And you start calling them by Constructicon names.

-You think all UFO’s are Cosmos.

-You go to a museum on natural history and call the dinosaurs by dinobot names.

-You call your twin brothers Frenzy and Rumble.

-You start comparing Real political figures with Decepticons and Autobots.

-You run for class president under the saying “Peace through tyranny.”

--or You run for class president under the saying “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”

-You separate your family by fraction and sub-group.

-You used to hate the color yellow and now love it.

-You are a boy and wear pink to advertise Arcee for TF2.

-You call Nasa and give them suggestions on improving technology based on Transformers designs.

-You look at a map of astronomy and try to locate planet Junk or Cybertron.

-You play Prowl vs Barricade instead of Good cop vs Bad cop.

-You think Decepticons caused the California forest fires.

-You claim every earthquake is caused by Rumble.

-You claim the oil crisis is caused by Megatron wanting Energon.

-You have reoccurring dreams where you are a Transformer.

-You tell your physics teacher he/she is full of it and that the Transformers have proved that you can travel faster then speed of light is a possibility.

-You covered your walls with TF pics.

-You call your computer Teletran one.

-You have the TF 2008 Calendar up on your wall and it is just 2007.

-You are over the age 16 and still want Transformers bedding.

-You want to collect the Dreamwave Comics even thought they went bankrupt and are incomplete stories.

-You do not call electricity; electricity anymore and call it Energon now.

-You refer soda as Energon as well.

-You call your local garbage man Wreck-Gar.

-You build a model of the Ark.

-You also build a model of the Nemesis.

-You then stage battles between your two new models.

-You want to move to Iacon.

-You think your local minister is really a member of the Ancients.

-You try to do Circuit-su.

-You state that Global Warming is really a Great Shutdown of the planet.

-You don’t say WTF anymore you say What the Matrix.

-You call your soul a spark now.

-You think the head of congress is really a Quintessian.

-You try to build a space bridge.

-You think the end of the world will come from Unicron.

-You want Vector Sigma.

-You take to the shooting range to learn how to shoot moving targets. That way you can shoot down Decepticon Seekers.

-You join Transformer fanclubs.

-You own a Transformer related site.

-You are the leader of a Transformers fanbase.

-You need to seek psychiatric help for delusional disorder from transformers induced hallucinations.

-You see anything TF and go fan crazy.

-You want every toy even if it means importing it.

-You want Takaras autograph.

-You want to be a truck driver because you might get to meet Optimus that way.

-You bought the DVD the first day it came out.

-You saw the movie over 25 times.

-You read this entire list

(did not write this)

Ten Signs of Transformers Obsession Dissorder (T.O.D.)

10) You insist on wiring your garage with full internet/cable/satellite access, "Just in case Bumblebee stops by."

9) You leave your car a list of chores to do over the weekend, and are angry when they don't get done.

8) You have ever been arrested for a road-rage incident involving a vehicle with a Decepticon logo.

7) You frequently use PRIMUS as a curse word.

6) F-15's flying overhead make you nervous.

5) You never start your car without shouting, "Transform and roll out!"

4) You sob uncontrollably whenever you see a yellow VW bug in a junk yard.

3) You have ever destroyed a blue cassette player in "self defense".

2) You never go to the copy room unarmed.

1) You salute every red semi you pass.

“ironhide doesn't have a southern accent. southerners have an ironhide accent”

“ratchet is the reason waldo is hiding.”

“redalert doesn't wear a watch because he decides what time it is”

“jazz doesn't blink:its just bursts of sleep”

Rules of the Ark

1. When on monitor duty, you are not allowed to spend your shift playing solitaire on the computer.

a)Nor are you allowed to spend it Googling yourself.

b)Downloading human porn onto Teletraan-1 is strictly forbidden

2. When reporting after a mission, do not start with “which version of the truth do you want?” because I will not be amused.

3. Plan A never works. Plan B only sometimes works. Plan C is usually your best bet, but when in doubt, use Plan D.

(Courtesy of Special Operations)

4. You are not allowed to practice Jet Judo on the Aerialbots.

5. Paintball is strictly forbidden.

6. Nothing in this galaxy is idiot-proof.

a) Nothing is Wheeljack-proof, either.

7. No more bets on who’s interfacing with who.

a) Ironhide is happily bonded to Chromia.

8. Do not push the little red button.

9. Do not attempt to leave the medical bay before Ratchet clears you.

a) This means you, Sideswipe.

b) This especially means you, Ironhide.

10. The Toaster Incident will never be mention again.

a) EVER.

b) Period.

11. Do not mess with the scientists.

12. In conjunction with the last rule, never, ever startle Wheeljack when he’s in his lab.

b) I should not have to say this!

13. Do not chase your fellow Autobots while exclaiming “Somebody needs a hug!”

a) Especially in front of human ambassadors.

b) You may do this to a Decepticon however.

14. The medics do know what’s best for you.

a) For the love of Primus, listen to them!

15. No more gossip in your mission reports!

a) Jazz may be interested, but I am not!

16. You are not allowed to paint the Ark.

b) Sunstreaker.

17. Pop music is hereby BANNED in the recreation room.

a) It is also banned from being played over the loud speakers.

b) Especially as a method of revenge.

18. All fire extinguishers must be maintained and checked at least once a month.

a) Wheeljack’s should be checked every week.

19. Do not mess with the security cameras.

a) They are there for a reason.

20. In relation to the last rule, you are never allowed to use our security cameras to film pornography.

21. Keep the production of illegal high-grade to a minimum.

a) Sideswipe is the only exception because, frag it, he’s good at it.

22. Do not threaten to immobilize the mini-bots with bumper stickers.

23. For the love of Primus, please, please do not read auto-mechanic handbooks like they’re porn scripts.

24. Stop bringing cats into the Ark!

a) Hound, I’m looking at you.

b) No, Bluestreak, you’re not exempt from this one, either.

25. Do not build pyramids out of empty energon cubes.

a) Not only do they waste space, they’re a hazard.

26. Do not switch the rec-room energon with high-grade.

a) We do not want a repeat of the Fourth of July fiasco.

b) Neither do the local human authorities.

27. Speaking of the Fourth of July, from henceforth, fireworks are strictly contraband.

a) I don’t care where you got them.

28. Pay your own Primus-damned speeding tickets, Sideswipe.

a) I don’t care how.

29. This is not M*A*S*H.

a) Stop calling Ratchet "Major Hoolihan"

b) Be nice to Radar. I mean First Aid.

30. Never tell Bluestreak to shut up.

31. Gears, no potatoes.

a) Sideswipe, don't even think about it.

32. All excursions must be cleared by Red Alert.

a) No exceptions.

b) You may not go over his head to Optimus Prime.

c) Sending in the Big Guns will not help. Leave Bluestreak and Fireflight out of it.

33. "Walking on Sunshine" is a song that will NEVER be sung around Sunstreaker.

34. Selling incriminating photos to our local slash-fanatics is strictly taboo.

35. Glitter wars are forbidden.

36. I never want to hear the words "Hey, guys! Watch this!" again.

a) Especially out of you, Jazz.

37. The Dinobots are not beasts of burden.

a) Nor are they to be used in the Annual Autobot Rodeo.

38. There is no such thing as the Annual Autobot Rodeo.

39. Stop calling Fireflight "The Hindenburg"

a) It is not funny.

b) His brothers do not appreciate it.

40. Beachcomber is not huffing the "good stuff."

a) Stop implying such nonsense.

41. I never want to see any of you on "COPS" or "America's Most Wanted"

a) I don't care what misunderstandings there might have been.

42. There is no conspiracy. Stop making Red Alert fritz.

43. The human ambassadors are not representatives of the Lollipop Guild.

44. Indoor hockey is strictly forbidden.

45. Blaster is not Uhura.

a) Ratchet is not Doctor McCoy.

b) Wheeljack is not Scotty.

c) In short, stop it with the Star Trek comparisons.

46. Rule 28 is hereby revoked. Yes, I do care.

47. Kool-Aid in the wash racks. This is a BIG no.

48. Stop harassing the Portland Police.

a) And the Highway Patrol.

49. Hanging out in crowded parking lots and scaring the shoppers goes against what we stand for.

a) Stop doing it, Sideswipe.

50. Stop telling humans crude jokes about tail-gating.

The stars in the night

They lend me their light

To bring me closer to heaven with you

I reach towards the sky

I've said my goodbyes

My heart's always with you now...