Insanity runs through my vains
 Author has written 13 stories for Labyrinth, Twilight, Inuyasha, Hellsing, Kuroshitsuji, Naruto, and Avengers. Hello people, this is miyuki I have no idea what I'm talking about so please excuse me.after reading a story that I forgot the title and author of, I am no a huge fan of soccer. :) well I hope you under stand my rambling. I am on Wattpad!! Murakami_Keiko It's the very first link. I am on Quotev!! @VampireOverLord Age: doesn't matter Height: doesn't matter Gender: female School or no: doesn't matter favorite movies:
Favorite games:
Thing I hate in people
My personality
Looks Hair: Brown Eyes: Swirls of grey and green and a hint of blue. (literally its natural,) Skin: Pale with slight tan Height: 5,2 1/2" Age: somewhere in the teens (Over 13 under 18) Name: first name starts with J last name starts with B Middle name starts with M favorite colors
favorite music artists
And a bunch of others that I can't remember Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile. "If you laugh, I laugh, If you got detention at Hogwarts... A Slytherin would laugh their arse off at you. At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. Remember when: I think, therefore I get a headache." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. FRIENDS: Comfort you when he turns you down. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. FRIENDS: Will help you move. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Will pick you up when your fall FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I must just be Emo. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be Emo. My name is Tiffany I am three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren’t ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can’t do a wrong I can’t speak at all Or else im locked up All day long. When im awake im all alone The house is dark My folks aren’t home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice, So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie’s bar. I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I’m so afraid now I’m starting to cry He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault He suffers at work. He slaps and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And run to the door He’s already locked it And i start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken, "I’m sorry!", I scream But its now much to late His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain Again and again O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door While i lay there motionless Brawled on the floor My name is tiffany I am three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me And you can help Sickens me top the soul, And if you read this and don’t pass it on I pray for your forgiveness Because you would have to be One heartless person To not be effected By this Poem And because you are effected, Do something about it! So all I ask you to do Is pass this on! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE Please pass it on. If you have a lot of fanfic ideas in your head but are unable to bring yourself to write them, copy and paste this in your profile If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile The 6 truths of life... 1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. You just tried to do the above. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot. 5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it. 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face. XD If you are crazy and proud of it, copy this and paste it on your profile! WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU EDWARD CULLEN, THROW HIM BACK AND DEMAND DAVID BOWIE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE JONAS BROTHERS? THEY'RE NOT JARETH. Careful, you're bullshit is showing..." - Anonymous ...S... Put this If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever watched an action movie, and walked away thinking 'I wish someone would mess with me!' so you could use your kung-fu on them, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have inside jokes... with yourself... copy and paste this into your profile. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile "They hurt her" About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. You have strange nicknames and can tell a detailed story about how you got them. (copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions) A white man enters a bar and sees a black man sitting on a stool. The white man says, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK. When I grew up I was BLACK. When I'm sick I'm BLACK. When I go in the sun I'm BLACK. When I'm cold I'm BLACK. When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK. When you grow up you're WHITE. When you're sick, you're GREEN. When you go in the sun you turn RED. When you're cold you turn BLUE. And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism! -If you are GAARA fanatic, copy this into your profile. If you think Sasuke's a manwhore who ditched his village for his own selfish purposes and he deserves to burn for all the screwups he's made, copy this into your siggy All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional characters. Copy if true. You know you live in 2011 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or Facebook 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5 11.) You are now laughing at yourself stupidly 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did This is a true story A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your Kindness will be rewarded. (you better, she will do it!) 11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter; 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that 1 had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping. 92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their @$$e$ off at the others! XD If you hear the characters voices in your head when you read something, post this on your profile! When you imagine the characters in a book and they looking nothing like the actors in the movie, post this on your profile I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile. FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall down FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter A SAD Story: I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than five or six years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just five minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly, "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, "I told Daddy to tell Mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from Target." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy, "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that Mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart "The art of tea is a spiritual force for us to share." - Alexandra Stoddard "You know your a ghost hunter when the spirits know your name…" "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe "I one aspect, yes, I believe in ghost, but we create them, we haunt ourselves," - Laurie Halse Anderson "The best things in life are the unexpected, because there were no expectations." - Eli Khamarov "Home is where the heart is… What a load of rubbish!" "Man is least himself when he talks to his own person, give him a mask and he will tell you." - Oscar Wilde "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Gandhi "Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once." - Unknown "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead," - Benjamin Franklin 17 SIGNS YOUR FALLING IN LOVE SEVENTEEN: SIXTEEN: FIFTEEN: FOURTEEN: THIRTEEN: YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE AROUND. ELEVEN: TEN: YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE. NINE: WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HIM/HER. EIGHT: SEVEN: THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT. SIX: FIVE: FOUR: YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM. THREE: TWO: ONE: Now repost this as '17 sings ur falling in love' and something AWESOME will happen 2 u!!35 Things to do when your in Walmart! - UPDATED- 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" 16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one. 17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price. 18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs. 19. Start a fish-stick fight. 20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruff shampoo you recommended. 21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!" 22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf. 23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner." 24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store. 25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines. 26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section. 27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..." 28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk". 29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught. 30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket. 31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs. 32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts. 33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back. 34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section. 35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR 1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12.Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15.Swat at flies that don't exist. 16.Tell people that you can see their aura. 17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it. 18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" Reason the human race has evolved thus far. On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) 25 Things my wonderful Mother taught me! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast TWILIGHT FANS: would rather-rely on Alice for future predictions NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG! TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME, actually, OH MY EMMETT :D) NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or i'll tell on you! TWILIGHT FANS: Say shut up or i'll get James to kill you NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that vampires are all like Dracula TWILIGHT FANS: Know ALOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires NORMAL PEOPLE: When being chased yell, HELP ME SOMEBODY! TWILIGHT FANS: When being chased yell, JACOB, SAVE ME!! NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing thunderball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat ; ) NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON NORMAL PEOPLE: Yell, the sun! It burns! TWILIGHT FANS: Yell, the sun! It makes me sparkle! NORMAL PEOPLE: Don't have this on their profile TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on their profile! Guys are like... onions. They smell and make you cry. play-do. You can shape them in your mind however you want but, in the end, they always turn out as a crappier version of what you imagined. shuffle. They never quite play the tune you're looking for. guns. If you don't know how to use them, STAY AWAY! Taio Crus. They only wanna break-break your heart. Put this on your profile if you love guys! Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms 2) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class 3) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss 4) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda 5) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar 6) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy 7) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month" 8) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches 9) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!" 10) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm. 11) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor 12) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental 13) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 14) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" everytime I apparate. 15) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. 16) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 17) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand. 18) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 19) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice. 20) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort. 21) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 22) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force". 23) I will not put Muggle fairy books in the History section at the library. 24) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas. 25.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore". 26.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 27.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept. 28.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause. 29.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord. 30.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing. 31.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. 32.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 33.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid. 34.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets". 35.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. 36.)-Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either. 37.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly. 38.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “ 39.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death. 40.). -I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 41.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny. 42.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient. 43.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 44.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate. 45.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy. 46.)I am not the wicked witch of the west. 47.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either. 48.) I will not melt if water is poured over me. 49.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge. 50.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors. 51.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose. 52.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover. 53.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them. 54.) - Especially not all of them at once. 55.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts." 56.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos." 57.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'. 58.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. 59.) -Or, for that matter, Harry Potter. 60.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'. 61.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'. 62.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters. 63.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 64.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms. 65.)-Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either. 66.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 67.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes. 68.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 69.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father. 70.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka. 71.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles. 72.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 73.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin". 74.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape. 75.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it. 76.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume. 77.) -I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes. 78.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either. 79.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron. 80.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times. 81.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it. 82.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade 83.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry 84.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall 85.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work." 86.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot. 87.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it. 88.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive. 89.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast. 90.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day." 91.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling. 92.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways. 93.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously. 94.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions. 95.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 96.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.” 97.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”. 98.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams. 99.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 100.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation. 101.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 102.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room. 103.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow. 104.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 105.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks. 106.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 107.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car. 108.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine. 109.) When fighting deatheaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”. 110.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become. 111.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be. 112.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S. 113.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha. 114.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 115.) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 116.) I will not shave Mrs. Norris. 117.) I will not reenact Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. 118.) I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone its the new Dark Mark. 119.) Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time. 120.) I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine". 121.) It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte". 122.) Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that. 123.) There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts. 124.) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 125.) The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, blond, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support. 126.) I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace, saying I took the "Flu Network". 127.) There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder. 128.) I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather. 129.) Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either. 130.) If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer. 131.) I will not encourage the Holse Elves to form a union. 132.) Singing 99 Bottles of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention. 133.) When detained by dementors, I do not have a right to a strip search. 134.)Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'. 135.) I am not a Vampire Slayer and Professor Lupin is not my Watcher. Nor will I attempt to stake Professor Snape. 136.) If I spot the Dark Mark I shall not shout 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, HO!' 137.) Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die. (Is this Star Wars or The Princess Bride?) 138.) I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class. 139.) Yelling 'To infinity and BEYOND!' was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. 140.) I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers. 141.) Hogwarts is in theUK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights. 142.) Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes. 143.) When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'. 144.) Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable. 145.) There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man". 146.) Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served. 147.) I will not offer Professor McGonagall lasagna. 148.) I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint. 149.) "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 150.) Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth. 151.) I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?" 152.) I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". That goes double for Voldemort. 153.) I'm not on Survivor, and therefore I'm not allowed to vote people out of the common room. 154.) It is not respectful to use a Polyjuice potion to become Lord Voldemort’s look-alike and glare at every person within three feet of me 155.) – Neither should I steal Harry Potters’ wand to complete the outfit 156.) It is not a good idea to teach Peeves pick-pocketing, lock-picking, or any similar thing 157.) – neither is it to convince him to join my side in return 158.) No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them. 159.) I will stop telling tree-huggers to go visit the Whomping Willow. 160.) However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times. 161.) I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid. 162.) I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 163.) I will not steal Veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teachers’ morning tea. 164.) The phrase “Good dragon, nice dragon, please don’t kill me,” doesn't work. 165.) I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.” 166.) I will not tell Umbridge “Voldemort says, ‘Hi,’” every time I see her. 167.) I should not tell Cho Chang Cedric came to me in a dream and wanted me to tell her something, but I woke up before he did. 168.) I should not tell Umbridge that I have a doggie named “Fluffy” she would like to meet. But I will anyway. 169.) I will not say, “What’s the sitch?” into the Order’s two-way mirrors. 170.) A hug is not all Snape needs. 171.) I can not call Professor Snape “the Sheriff ofNottingham”. 172.) I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”. 173.) I must not tell Umbridge that some centaurs have invited her to a party. 174.) I shall not tell Snape, “There is a thing called shampoo in the world.” 175.) I will not refer to Professer Dumbledore as ‘Tim the Enchanter’ 176.) I must not yell “She-who-must-not-be-named is coming!” every time Umbidge walks down the hall. 177.) I shall not say, “I heard that if you hug Voldemort he won’t kill you,” to the first years. 178.) Professor McGonagall likes her milk in a glass, not a saucer. 179.) Wolf whistling at Lupin when he walks by is not funny. 180.) I must not bewitch the door to Professor Snape’s office so that it will only open if he says, “Business in front; party in the back!” 181.) When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 182.) Dementors don’t like it when you walk up to them and ask if they are the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come. 183.) When someone pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the Sorting Hat, I will not say, “You have acquired the Master Sword.” 184.) Saying, “Accio brooms” while first years are having flying lessons isn’t nice. 185.) I am not to ask, “Voldemort: boxers or briefs?” 186.) Mad-Eye Moody’s moto is “constant vigilance” not “custard pudding”. 187.) I do not have a Dalek patronus. 188.) I must not moon Professor Lupin. Even if his nickname is “Moony”. 189.) Voldemort’s nickname is NOT “Filthy Half-Blood”. 190.) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees". 192.) I will not go to class skyclad. 193.) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 194.) I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful". 195.) I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins. 196.) I will not tye-dye all of the owls. 197.) I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood. 198.) I am not a sloth Animagus. 199.) I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout “Long live Lord Voldemort!” because I think its funny. 200.) I will not kiss Trevor. 201.) I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 202.) Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years. 203.) I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey. 204.) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 205.) I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. 206.) I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl. 207.) I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken. 208.) If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already. 209.) Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. 210.) I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead. 211.) Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the prefects with a sword. 212.) I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is. 213.) I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt. 214.) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. 215.) -Or any other Slytherin. 216.) I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves. 217.) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor. 218.) -Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor. 219.) -I am not a Professor, at all. 220.) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice. 221.) -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 222.) -It was not an honest mistake. 223.) I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard. 224.) I am no longer allowed in the student laundry. 225.) -Or the teacher laundry. 226.) Nor am I allowed to ever cast an Invisibility charm again. 227.) While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to Belinda the Buttless. 228.) I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present. 229.) -Especially if I don't tell her what it is. 230.) Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled firewhiskey. 231.) -Charming the label does not change anything. 232.) I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class. 233.) -Even if I brought enough for everyone. 234.) -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior. 235.) Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders. 236.) No matter what Professor Umbridge may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs. 237.) Chemistry and Potions don't mix. 238.) -Testing this last is not funny. 239.) May not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press. 240.) The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence." 241.) I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth. 242.) -Neither is The Fat Lady. 243.) When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent. 244.) -Especially if I can't. 245.) If someone's House Badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin House. It does not mean "The Sorting Hat thinks they're dumber than me." 246.) Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. 247.) Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums". 248.) -Neither does he respond favourably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie". 249.) Hagrid does not have relationships with magical creatures, and I should stop implying that he does. 250.) I am not authorised to sell incriminating pictures of the faculty to students. 251.) -Giving the same pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon. 252.) Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June. 253.) House Elf stew is not on the Hogwarts menu, neither is Niffler Curry, so I should stop asking. 254.) It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's personal post-box. 255.) I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?" 256.) My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf." 257.) Neville is not my valet. 258.) When given a directive by my house prefect, I should not insist that "we don't need no stinking badges." 259.) First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow. 260.) House ghosts do not regularly "slime" anyone. 261.) Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. 262.) There is no bring a muggle to school day. 263.) -And I should stop insisting there is. 264.) I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has ever coughed up a hairball. 265.) I must not spread rumors that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's Homeboys." 266.) I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil." 267.) I will not refer to any Death Eaters as "Trixie. 268.) -Even if it is a legitimate nickname. 269.) I will not tell the Muggleborn first-years that the Forbidden Forest's real name is Mirkwood. 270.) I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom. 271.) I will not go to any fundamentalist websites and argue that Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the concept of "intelligent design. 272.) I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library. 273.) I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News. 274.) I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy. 275.) I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy. 276.) I will not ask Professor Sprout where the Jolly Green Giant is. 277.) I am not permitted to utter the line: "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!" during Charms class. 278.) I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it. 279.) I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother. 280.) I will not enchant the telescopes on theAstronomyTowerto display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams. 281.) Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege". 282.) I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels". 283.) Professor Flitwick has heard all the "swish and flick" jokes before, and is very, very tired of them. 284.) I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas. 285.) I am not to ask if Lord Voldemort is secretly Hitler or Osama bin Laden. 286.) I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations. 287.) I will not die the Death Eaters robes pink. 288.) Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either. 289.) Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here. 290.) I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Professor Snape's sight ever again. 291.) I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas. 292.) -Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, or any other food item. Or any other item that is not a Bludger. 293.) I may not have a private army. 294.) -Not even if it technically belongs to someone else. 295.) I must stop referring to the professors by the embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their school days. 296.) "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell. 297.) Portable Swamps are not funny. 298.) Revel fires are to be danced around. It is not appropriate to dispose of old love letters or other sensitive documents in them. 299.) Bubotubers are not filled with tasty honey, and it is wrong to tell First Years that they are. 300.) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense. 301.) Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy; he does not need to be told... again. 302.) Stealing first-years' clothing and then tossing it into and around the whomping willow is highly frowned at. 303.) Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts. 304.) Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident. 305.) Trying to out-argue a Slytherin will lead to no good. 306.) Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. 307.) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills. 308.) No part of the school uniform is edible. 309.) -Not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible. 310.) Never, ever, attempt to correct Professor Moody about anything. 311.) Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors. 312.) -Not allowed to use silencing charms my Prefects. 313.) -Not allowed to use silencing charms, period. 314.) Not allowed to prophesy the end of the world more than once. 315.) Will not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures. 316.) -Especially not if I actually have them. 317.) Madame Hooch's name is just that, a name. Will not ask her to share. 318.) -Also will not ask her to fly under the influence. 319.) Will not try to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology class. 320.) Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens. 321.) Will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour. 322.) I am not allowed to charm the words Ferret Boy onto Dracos forehead. 323.) I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets. 324.) -Especially if it is only a one-way ticket. 325.) Playgirl and Playboy are not on the reading list for muggle studies. 326.) Woad and other camoflage/body paints are not needed for DADA. 327.) I may not challenge prefects to meet me on the Quidditch field, at dawn. 328.) I shouldn't throw Fanged-Frisbees in the Great Hall. 329.) I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner. 330.) I should not show up at the front gate wearing part of another houses uniform, messily drunk. 331.) -Even if my prefect did it. 332.) I will not only wear "Wizard hat, open robe & tie" and call it an authorized uniform. 333.) Teaching exchange students to taunt other Hufflepuffs is not nice. 334.) Do not dare first years to eat bugs. They will always do it. 335.) I will not refer to McGonagall as "the cat-girl. 336.) - Nor will I attempt to stop her transformation part way through. 337.) - The same goes for Hermione. 338.) I will not use invisibility charms on anyone's clothing. 339.) It doesn't matter if he is going on vacation; I will not comment about how the Minister of Magic is "packing. 340.) The Giant Squid is not to be referred to as 'my lord Cthulhu', nor am I allowed to sacrifice first years to it on the new moon. 341.) I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on theAstronomyTower. 342.) - Likewise the satellite dish. 343.) The Slytherin Gift to Virgins is fictional, and I should not be asking Draco Malfoy or any of the other Slytherin boys if they've mastered it yet. 344.) The Muggle known as George W. Bush is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way and I am to stop insinuating that he is. 345.) I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin. 346.) I will stop asking Professor Lupin exactly what goes on between him and Professor Snape when he brings him the Wolfsbane potion every month. 347.) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'. 348.) I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris. 349.) I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winter and cry 'My god, it's full of stars!' 350.) I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'. 351.) - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group. 352.) -Especially not with kazoos. 353.) The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me extra credit in Potions. 354.) I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!' 355.) I am not a Vampire Slayer and Professor Lupin is not my Watcher. 356.) Professor Flitwick is not to be referred to as the 'Dungeon Master'. 357.) I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity. 358.) -Or Wicca. 359.) -This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated. 360.) I am not allowed to hit Bludgers at spectators. 361.) -Or the referee. 362.) I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperius curse. 363.) I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum. 364.) -I will not give people Veritaserum. 365.) Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus. 366.) -Neither is Professor Snape. 367.) The house elves are not there to do my homework. 368.) -Neither are the ghosts. 369.) I am not a magical creature. 370.) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin. 371.) I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child. 372.) Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed. 373.) I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'. 374.) Grindewald is not my role model. 375.) -Neither is Voldemort. 376.) I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes. 377.) I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it. 378.) I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley. 379.) "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts. 380.) I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names. 381.) I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true. 382.) Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid". 383.) Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus. 384.) Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time. 385.) Providing Peeves with a case of dung bombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again. 386.) Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research. 387.) Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off. 388.) -Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class. 389.) -Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty". 390.) Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not. 391.) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine. 392.) "OMGWTF" is not a spell. 393.) Cornelius Fudge does not appreciate being called "Fudgie the Whale. 394.) Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance. 395.) I will not go into Dumbledore's pensieve looking for graphic faculty smut. 396.) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years. 397.) The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable". 398.) I am not allowed to leave the catnip out in Professor McGonagall's class. 399.) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent. 400.) I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing. 401.) -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile 402.) I will not ask if Professor Lupin has had all his shots, such as rabies. Nor will I ask it of Professor McGonagall. 403.) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity. 404.) Telling people that Professor Snape is an animagus and turns into a snake is not recommended. 405.) Please do not tell 1st years that the fried chicken is really Kentucky Fried Owl. 406.) I will not get a muggle tattoo artist to tattoo the Dark Mark on any part of my body. 407.) I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. Or any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next. 408.) Singing "Wild Thing, you make my heart sing" whenever you see Professor Lupin is not allowed, even though he likes it. 409.) Please stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student. 410.) I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles. 411.) I will not compel Seamus Finnegan to pursue people asking them for their Lucky Charms. 412.) Draco Malfoy is not a vampire. 413.) -Especially not a vampire named 'Spike'. 414.) Pinning Confederate flags to the backs of Death Eater masks is not wise. 415.) Voldemort does not wish to appear in a Visine commercial. 416.) -Or as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. 417.) The ceiling of the Great Hall would not look better as an Omni IMAX dome. 418.) Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is inappropriate. 419.) Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong. 420.) -So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them. 421.) I cannot be a Heffalump animagus. 422.) Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom. 423.) Cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible. 424.) Robes are not optional. 425.) Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match. 426.) There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man". 427.) -Even if I do conjure him up. 428.) Leaving mash notes signed "Your secret admirer, Harry" in Neville Longbottom's books is both unfunny and cruel. 429.) I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by. 430.) -Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song. 431.) -Or "Eight is Enough". 432.) Asking the Weasley twins, "So do you do everything together?" is ill advised. 433.) I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew. 434.) Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around. 435.) -Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice. 436.) Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny. 437.) -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too." 438.) I am not a Balrog animagus. 439.) The house never did fall on Professor Umbridge's sister, nor is she suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result. 440.) I will not ask people what their demons are. 441.) I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house. 442.) I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room. 443.) I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it. 444.) It is not appropriate trade first years between houses. 445.) Frankenstein is not required reading for DADA classes. 446.) -Neither is Dracula. 447.) I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument. 448.) If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated. 449.) Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June. 440.) -Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break. 441.) -If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard. 442.) I will not claim to be able to see the Thestrals if I cannot. 443.) -I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school". 444.) I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously. 445.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. 446.) I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!" 447.) I will not give Hagrid Pokmon cards and convince him that they are real animals 448.) -Likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokmon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum 449.) Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy". 450.) Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea. 451.) "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins. 452.) The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise. 455.) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror. 456.) -Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate. 457.) -Especially if he's wearing it. 458.) Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate. 459.) Comparing Draco Malfoy to Alex Krycek, Lindsay McDonald, Lex Luthor or any similar character is not an appropriate subject for a Muggle Studies essay. 460.) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond. 461.) The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of cross-dressing". 462.) -Even if that is an accurate description. 463.) No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape. 464.) -This goes double for superglue. 465.) I am not to dance naked in the great hall. 466.) -Or on the grounds. 467.) -Generally, dancing naked is wrong. 468.) I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organization on the planet. 469.) The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form. 470.) I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning. 471.) I will not ask Dobby why he doesn't look more like Orlando Bloom. 472.) - Nor will I ask him if he works for Santa Claus in the off-season. 473.) I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door. 474.) Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy' 475.) -Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder' 476.) Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.' 477.) Sending love notes to Professor Snape and signing them 'With Love, Draco Malfoy' is not appropriate. 478.) -Neither is signing them with: 'I had a great time last night, Argus Filch.'. 479.) Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable. 480.) -Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'. 481.) -Or 'I'm too sexy'. 482.) I must never sneak up behind Draco Malfoy and coo "How's my Blondie-Bear?" 483.) Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong. 484.) I am not to tell Draco that I know all about his affair with Hermione Granger. 485.) -Especially if it's not true. 486.) -I also cannot sell the story to Rita Skeeter. 487.) -Or owl Lucius, Narcissa, or Bellatrix with the imaginary details 488.) A ferret is not a proper Christmas gift for Draco Malfoy. 489.) -Asking Mad-Eye Moody to turn Malfoy back into a ferret so I could keep him as a pet was not appropriate, either. 490.) -Giving Draco a bowl of ferret pellets with his dinner was not an act of kindness, nor was it funny. 491.) Asking Harry how his parents are doing is just cruel. 492.) Repeat: Draco and Harry are not secret lovers. Draco and Harry are not secret lovers. 493.) Dont tell Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that Lucius Malfoy goes around singing "Dance, Dark Lord, Dance". 494.) I will not tell Ron and Hermione to get a room every time they start fighting. 495.) -Nor will I say this to Harry and Snape. 496.) -Or Harry and Draco. 497.) Draco Malfoy does not smell almost subliminally of summer peaches. 498.) Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere. 499.) Using Love potion number nine on people are illegal. Therefore I should not make Harry fall in love with Pansy Parkinson. Again. 500.) I will not wear my 'I'm a Death Eater and Proud Of IT!' shirt at school 501.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween 502.) -Or a Death Eater 503.) -Or Professor Snape 504.) -Or Harry Potter 505.) -Or Herimone when she turned into a cat 506.) -Or Draco Malfoy and claim I'm a vampire 507.) -I'm not allowed to dress up on Halloween 508.) I will not put Harry & Draco in a closet together and see if freaking gay sex occurs 509.) In Divinations Class, I'm not allowed to say I predicted that Snape is going kill Neville, no matter how funny Neville's girl screams are. 510.) Fortune Cookies to not count as extra credit in Divinations Class 511.) -That also counts for tarot cards 512.) At End-of-the-year-battle against Voldemort, I will not go up to Harry and say "May the Force be with you" YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. You love jeans. 1st day of school: I'm so excited! 1 week later: When are the holidays? Hey, did you do the homework?" "WAIT, WE HAD HOMEWORK?!" FEELS like 20 minutes have gone by in class. It's ONLY been 2 If there's a fire at school, who's actually gonna stay quiet and walk? (we ALL agree on this...) "Is there something you would like to share with the class?" No, that's why I'm whispering... copy and paste this if your one of these students!! 20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity... Post this on your profile to make someone smile! 42 things to do in an elevator!! 1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come. 42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention. Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has SURVIVED, died, or is LIVING WITH cancer! it's It's all for me. Writers deserve chances, copy and paste if you agree! When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all. When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying. When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever. When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered. When a girl says "I love you." she means it. When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that. Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person. If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you. Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere. So get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Female comebacks Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks @VampireOverLord Follow me!! | |||||||
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