Hi, I'm Brónach and feel free to skip the next bit. I got a bit carried away and this is after I cut about half of it out.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

if technically after midnight it's
morning, then why do we call it the middle of the night? shouldn't we call it
something like the early morning

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

"Everyday is a gift, that’s why they call it the present."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

"This is on me" is what Dorothy Parker wanted on her tombstone

"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." --Tommy Lasorda

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

You have to have darkness for a dawn to come.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship

The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!!

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

"Guns don't kill people. I do."

"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'"

"come to the dark side we have cookies" -David and Goliath

"One day, we will look back on all of this and laugh."~ The original carrier of the Black Plague