1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

If you think Yami's the reincarnation of a sex god, copy this to your profile/signature!

If you love Yaoi/Shonen-ai, copy this to your profile/signature!

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You wanna know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

('.')# I was gonna give you this waffle

#('.') But then I was like

('#') I'm hungry

('.') So I eated it

(^.^) Merry Christmas!

kakazu; gimme 7 buks ore die ;

me; heck no GIMMIE$7 ore fase the rath of mha white glove!!! ^

kakazu 'NO" ANYTHING BUT DAT PLEASE!!!

me; works evry time.

Disney XD editor 1: well looks like no blood to edit in this... um.. what is tobi doing in this episode?

sir should we edit this out

smacks in head*

lead editor: of Course not!! what are we 4kids?

Kakuzu briefcase Bitch Slap = WIN

Twincest Gives new meaning to the phrase "Go F^ck yourself" XD

Man: "whats your adress???"

sasori: "uh...42...BIG WALK WAY...

Man: "BIG WALK WAY??.."

Sasori: "BIG WALK WAY! right next door to...SMALL WALK WAY!!!

ACROSS THE STREET FROM CHOPSTICK TOWN!!!

from a fanfiction called binding the fox by KrimsonGemini ...(seriously wanna make this my caller I.D. for my phone ...XDDDD)

"You've reached Gaara's." Said Gaara's voice.

"And Naruto's." Came the gentle voice of Gaara's lover.

"Apartment." Came Gaara's voice again. "Currently we are A: Asleep. B: Fucking like rabbit's in heat. C: Enjoying foreplay or D: Drinking coffee. Doesn't matter which of the above it is, you still need to leave a message, and hang the fuck up. Chances are we wont call back."

"Thank you." BEEP.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,

the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,

but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

"no fair, his is bigger." Renji pouted,(this wus in a fanfiction i wus obviously reading an i broke in the biggest laugh of mylife XDD hahah)

when a certain orange haired strawberry passes out from mind blowing sex this is wut u must always say 'Fuck im good' XDD (laughed my ass off reading it)

"You look like a retarded skittle,"(say this to renji if he is dressed in outrageous colored clothing) XDD

Three guys wanted to set a Guiness World Record.

First guy: "I bet I have the longest nose!"

Second guy:" I bet I have the smallest dick! "

Third guy: "I bet I have the best voice!"

6 months later... the 3 guys met back up with eachother..

First guy: "Wow! I really do have the longest nose!"

Second guy: "Wow! I really do have the shortest dick!"

Thrid guy came back and said: "Who the fuck is Michael Bolton!?"

I do the Creep like a Boss on a Boat after i jizzed in my pants cause I Just had sex. (; (lonely islands yea)

got this from reading a fan fiction xD (naruto fanfiction)

"Alright. What are we having?" N

"Pasta." S

"Come on dude, we had pasta last time I was here." N

"So what. That was an Alfredo Pasta, This time its just simple spaghetti." S

"Ugh...dude, pasta sucks." N

"You suck." S

"You blow." N

"You lick." S

"You Swallow." N

"Damn right I do." S

"Dude, that's just nasty. I did not need to hear that. I really didn't." N

"Dude," Sasuke said mocking Naruto, "You started it."

"Your mother started it," Naruto grumbled.

I was walking around in a supermarket when i saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy... this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: (1) Copy & Paste this on your wall (2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart. (: (made me so sad i wanted to cry that poor boy)

I was Sexting while on my way to Candyland for Happy Violentine's Day when people started yelling, "S my D!" I told them to get some GFA, cause they weren't getting any. One started to Scream For My Ice Cream, so I Bewitched his ass infront of Innocent High, screaming, "Fuck The Rest, We The Best!" The rest started to jump me, and It's On Like Donkey Kong. I beat their ass 'cause they Can't Have What I Got since Love Sucks. And that's how I got my P.L.U.R.(BOTDF SONGS IN AN EPIC SENTENCE XDDD)

some bleach fan-fictions have been rated m for Nnoitra's mouth XD

OMG WTF?

YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)

marizzle

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

black panther

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name):

alison campbell shed

YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name):

fremaell

YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

silver monster

YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of you dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name):

aelaace

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name):

YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black bell

:.:7 Ways to Scare your roommates:.:

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

"Why does everyone yell for the helicopter, when the pilots can't hear them?" ...does anyone knw the answer

when looking at a big plate of food ur stomach says no but ur mouth says yes. XDDD

IT HURTS that 2NE1 don't have more views. These girls aren't UGLY and aren't LONELY. CAN'T NOBODY hold them down. Dara adds FIRE to this group, everyone wishes to give her a KISS. YOU AND I can agree that Bom brings the melody to a song. CL and Minzy, when they perform with their amazing energy, we ask that they PLEASE DON'T GO. 2NE1, DON'T STOP THE MUSIC. Blackjacks, CLAP YOUR HANDS for 2NE1. Haters, GO AWAY. 2NE1 says to haters, TRY AND FOLLOW ME because I AM THE BEST and I DON’T CARE.

"Watch out for that baby on crutches!" *Nails it* How did we end up at the Chidren's hospital? *Thump thump thump* Oh dear! Little wheelchairs flying through the air! Crippled orphans exploding on impact! Why? Why? "Please don't do this anymore!" Little dead bodies floating on wings of blood and gore! THE CARNAGE!

¤ø„¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º

¨°º¤ø„¸ϟƘƦƖןןΣx¸„ø¤º°¨

„ø¤º°¨FOREVER¨°º¤ø

¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤ºº¤ø„¸¨°º¤

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" Sakura shrieked. "NARUTO CHEATED! SASUKE WOULDN'T BE DEFEATED LIKE THAT. NARUTO MUST HAVE USED A NINJUTSU TO BEAT SASUKE! REMATCH!"

Naruto's eye twitched. "Kami. How can someone like her be that stupid?" Naruto thought.

"One of Life's greatest mysteries, kit," Kyuubi said. She was appalled at how stupid the girl was.

"Sakura, Naruto fought fair and square. He defeated Sasuke without resorting to using and ninjutsu techniques. Sasuke on the other hand directly disobeyed me and fired a Katon jutsu at Naruto's back," Iruka explained patiently.

"NU-UH! SASUKE NEVER FIRED A FIREBALL! THAT WAS SASUKE'S AWESOMENESS RADIATING FROM HIM!" Sakura screamed.

"That sets a new low for being retarded," Naruto thought.

"Kami! She's even more imaginative than the people who invented singing," Kyuubi thought.

Miniclip

Four cavemen were sitting around the fire.

"Grunt"

"Grunt grunt"

"Grunt grunt. Grunt"

Grunt."

"Oh, Oh, Oh

For the longest time

Oh, Oh, Oh

For the longest time," they all sang in unison.

"If you said goodbye to me tonight."

"Oooh ooh ooh," one sang.

End Miniclip.

"Don't you have a quicker way of doing paperwork?" Naruto asked. The Hokage looked up so fast that Naruto thought he heard the Hokage's crack.

"Do you know of a way?" the Hokage asked. Naruto nodded.

"Have you tried Kage Bunshin?" Naruto asked. Naruto left by Sunshin. The Hokage was in shock. He slowly got out a slip of paper that his students gave to him years ago. On it was a circle. In the circle, it said, "Bang head here."

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid," the Hokage said, while hitting his head on the slip of paper on his desk.

''found this on youtube in comments''

Me= Mom listen 2 skrillex

Mom= put headphones on

her reaction-_-

then leeavs the room,drives 2 the mall,buys evry album he has then threatens the cashier because she wants him 2 make another album

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