BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:
FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs. and grandma and grandpa by their last/first names
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night
BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you’re not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you
BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the crap out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts your best-friend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him and say "You have seven days to live and maybe less if I feel like it"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying
BEST FRIENDS: Already has a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall
BEST FRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much, retard?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain
BEST FRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, LOSER, RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when you’re rejected
BEST FRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Tell you that you look nice.
BEST FRIENDS: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

FRIENDS: Say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced.
BEST FRIENDS: Help pick out your studs, take before after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

FRIENDS: Roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend (the fourth time that night).
BEST FRIENDS: Start gushing with you.

FRIENDS: Smile when you get obsessed with something.
BEST FRIENDS: Get obsessed with you.

FRIENDS: Say "sees you later!"
BEST FRIENDS: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hug you.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Forgive you.
BEST FRIENDS: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad ... here's a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd ass that left you

FRIENDS: Tell jokes with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Have countless inside jokes with you.

FRIENDS: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.
BEST FRIENDS: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

FRIENDS: Annoy you.
BEST FRIENDS: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
BEST FRIENDS: Would walk right in and say, “I’M HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think you’re insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline
BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover
BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them
BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick
BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running through bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"
BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with

FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this crap.

Two Dead Boys
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
and ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don't believe it's true,
go ask the blind man, he saw it too.+

I'd tell you to go to hell but i work there and I really don't want to see you every day.

I died, but Heaven wouldn't let me in and Hell was afraid I take over. So here I am! Aren't you glad?

If you have ever been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered what it was like in another dimension, copy this onto your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is slightly annoying sometimes, copy this onto your profile.

If you have read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste onto your own profile, then do so and copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this onto your profile.

'An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctors cute, screw the fruit.

Sarcasm is your mind's natural defense against stupidity.

When life gives you lemons, make Grape juice, sit back, and watch the world wonder how you did it.

It's you and me against the world...we attack at dawn.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird

if guys came and took me to the loony bin, I wouldn't blame them.

How to live a long life: Don't annoy the crazy people.

Don't follow me, I'm lost too

Haha. I don't get it

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time, and he'll evolve.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Don’t play dumb with me, I'll always win.

There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.

If you've fallen off a cliff, you might as well teach yourself how to fly on the way down.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

-I'm nobody...Nobody is perfect... so I'm BETTER THAN YOUUUUUUUUUUU

"First, God made men... but then he had a better idea"

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 muscles to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure does make misery a whole lot more pleasant.

I have a grip on reality--just not this particular one.

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions

Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine...

I didn't fall from heaven, I rose from hell.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run- he hates that.

Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!

You aren't drunk until you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth

Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much

Have you ever heard that stupidity is a virus? Careful you might catch it! Ahh, too late...

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable

The next time someone tells me 'Stick and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' I will throw a dictionary at them.