Mark Twain Quotes

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be persecuted; persons attempting to find a moral will be banished; persons attempting to find plot will be shot. -MT

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.
- A Tramp Abroad

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
- Pudd'nhead Wilson

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
- Notebook, 1895

"That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her."
- From memoirs of Clemens' secretary Mary Howden which were published in New York Herald, December 13, 1925

"In the fields of observations chance favors only the prepared mind." -Louis Pasteur

Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse. -MT

"Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself; and how then shall I choose better than you?" -J. R. R. Tolkien