Being British is very precious. You sometimes hear badly educated people say there is no such thing as Britishness! I wonder which nationality (and its friends) they think defeated Hitler? Which nationality does the Queen represent? Geography shapes identity and being an island people makes us distinct. We have enjoyed more stability than the Europeans and, as a result, we are a generally fair minded, tolerant people who are being misrepresented by corrupt politicians.

Guide to fanfiction's codes and slang

AU= Alternative Universe. The characters are in a different world than in the movie/book/show/whatever. For example, an AU for Twilight could be that all the characters are human, instead of Wolf and Vamps.

Canon= Basically the opposite of AU. The story going along with/continuing what's in the books/movies/shows/whatever, In the same universe.

OC= Original Character. A character that the Fic's writer has made up.

OOC= Out Of Character. The character is acting differently to what you would expect in the book/movie/tv show etc.

a story with only one chapter. Doesn't take a genius then to guess what a twoshot is.

Ships= short form of Relationships

Name a x Name b = a relationship. A and B are in a relationship in this story. Eg. JacobxBella. Could also be Jacob/Bella. Or some weird mix of the two people's names, like Dramione (Draco and Hermione from Harry Potter). OR just the initials: J/B or JxB, or even JB/BS or JBxBS (both initials in the name. Jacob Black)

Lemon= *Cough* basically ... er, stuff to make it Rated M, if you know what I mean ... no? Alright, it means Sex. There's going to be Sex if it says "lemon". There, happy? Don't ask where they came up with the name, I have no idea. And I really don't wanna know.

Slash= same sex relationship (girl/girl or boy/boy)

Yaoi= boy on boy relationship.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

Random Quotes!

"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."

"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."

"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"

"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."

" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"

"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."

"OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."

"I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong."

"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."

"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."

"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"

"I'm not awesome, you just suck."

"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."

"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!

A large percent of authors do not know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference, copy and paste this to your profile.

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could've made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I'm awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Be Quiet! Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse;
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now;
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream.
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless;
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

Child abuse, make it stop!! DX

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of s!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

(add this to your profile if your against child abuse)

Have you ever wondered:

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin...

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines.

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.

No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.

Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.

Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.

When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.

When all else fails, use duct tape.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon."

"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt."
"So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"

They locked you in?"
"No, I locked THEM out! Why must you always see these things backwards?"

I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.

I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"Never memorize something that you can look up."
— Albert Einstein

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are.
The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

If you could read that put it in your profile

How about team shut the f$@% up?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money!)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!

You always get what’s coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

"Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies."

I ran with scissors, and lived!

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Skill is being able to walk across Niagra Falls on a tightrope without falling. Intelligence is not trying.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn't kill me. Therefore, not lifting weights makes me stronger.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

please note: CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN CANCELLED!
apparently, YOU told Santa that you have been GOOD this year. He died laughing.

Nobody goes to McDonald's for their salads. That's like going to a crackhouse for vitamins.

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

I've had a REALLY bad day! I rear-ended a car today. The driver got out of the other car and he was a DWARF! He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT Happy!" So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?" That's how the fight started.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like hell!

Knowlege is knowing that a Tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

There are three types of people...those who can count...and those who can't

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

In a British University, a final exam question on Business was:"Define what risk is".
The shortest answer ever at one word was :"This."
The student handed the essay in and got 100.

Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other got out their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came to arrest the two young boys. If you don't believe my story's true, ask the blind man; he saw it too!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever. Then you get to the end, and a monkey starts throwing barrels at you.

Two men look out a window: One sees mud, the other sees stars.

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

Science does not know its debt to imagination.

Lord have mercy on my enemies, cause I sure as hell won't.

Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The first casualty of war is always truth.

The real proof there's intelligent life out there because they've never tried to contact us.

I stopped believe in fairies, dragons, good people, and other mythological creatures a long time ago.

I know Karate... And a few other Japanese words!

Our sun is one of 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe. It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living things in that enormous immensity.

Imagination is intelligence having fun.

Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

You have enemies? Good, because that means you've stood for something sometime in your life.

You spend the first two years of your childs life teaching them to walk and talk, then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWAHAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life

7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

95 of teens would cry if they saw Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5 that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP".

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insanse, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you're Defying Gravity, and no one can pull you down, copy this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you read in bed until past 3 in the morning, put this on your profile!

If you have TONS of books in your room and think it's odd when people just stare at them, put this on your profile!

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.

I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, deathxbyxdawnxgurl, weasleybabe24, ga nat nat, evil older sister, Frozenfan, slygirl16, Raxacoricofallapatorius, B00K FREAK, ghost13579

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you could read a 700 page book in a day copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that in reality the Doctor's universe is real and we live on a parallel world where he does not exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever heard of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN TWO MALES, TWO FEMALES, OR A MALE AND A FEMALE, LOVE IS LOVE!! ...if you agree, put this in your profile.

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! (a.n Jesus that hurt, I was on roller blades, and that hill was STEEP!)

If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you've ever started singing out loud for no reason known to man copy and paste this in your profile

Geeks are smart. Geeks are cool. Geeks make up over 70 percent of the Universe's populace, or this one's, anyway. So geeks overpower all the rich and popular people, anyway. If you are a geek and proud of it, put this on your profile. (a.n. I am actually a nerd but you know, most people don't care)

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmemories, Misfit Band Geek,Laby Anne Boleyn, Horsie Friend, kiss-her-theta, Crazy Psycho Book Freak, ghost13579

If you love it when your room is a mess, but your friends disagrees, copy and paste this into your profile (a.n. it's not mess! it's organised chaos)

If you solemly swear you are up to no good copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wondered if you were adopted because of your sibling, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If YOU get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile

If you hear bits off TV shows or Movies in your head but don't know whether its on a nearby TV or not put this on your profile

If you dislike those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this to your profile.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, put this in your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it have written, and you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off its orbit" for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this into your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If you confuse people with big words, then tell them to look it up in the dictionary, but they never do and keep pestering you until you tell them what it means, but didn't tell them, put this on your profile!

If you can easily finish a novel in one day, put this on your profile!

95 of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing on the edge of a tower ready to jump, copy and paste if your a part of the 5 yelling "Jump Bitch!"

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your fashion sense is "is it comfortable?", copy this to your profile.

Instructions for Health

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop.

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS." -Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID." -David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH." -Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION." -Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER...ONCE." -Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU." -Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

The Guide to Life (Copy and paste this into your profile, and add your own!)

1. Never tell your secrets to a parrot
2. Never piss off someone who has magical powers
3. Never let somebody who strongly dislikes you dye your hair
4. When in doubt, ask fictional characters from your favorite fandom in your head for advice

5. Never listen to reason

6. don't eat the green stuff

92 of the teens have moved onto rap. If you are part of the 8 that still listens to real music, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy an paste this in your profile.

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Make your mother proud, dont smoke pot or stop breathing because Abrocrombie and Fitch tell you its not cool to breath.

I am the girl who got kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I'm a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working in the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds my gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parnets who buried our daughter long before for time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones, I guess. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply to much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system suddenly grow cold and distant when the found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-econormis teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.

Re-post this if you think homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. No one deserves it.

Nine Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile

If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to you're profile.

If you always say 'uhhhh...' when someone questions you, instead of replying shortly, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you're putting this in your profile only for entertainment purposes and to make your profile longer then it already is because that's just plain awesome, copy and paste this into your profile to make it longer then it already is by copying and pasting this into the profile you're trying to make longer and yes, I'm completely aware that I'm saying all this just to make this cope and paste a hell of a lot longer then it has to be, I'm just smart like that!

If you're a self-proclaimed genius, copy and paste this into your profile!

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' COULD, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something twice and not even noticed, copy and paste this into your profile

If you love italics, copy and paste this to your profile!

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, put this in your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, add this to your bio.

If you like to read people's profiles when you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sigh at the fact that because your profile is so long there is little chance someone would actually take the time and read it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.

If you have pretended to be someone your not but learned it's better to be you copy and paste this into your profile

If you're proud of yourself because you looked this far down, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the power of the chibi face should be the solution for everything, copy and paste this into your profile.

Who are you? You look familiar...If you have short or long term memory loss, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you love ice cream, copy this and paste this into your profile.

I LIKE CUPCAKES!! If you are random, copy this and paste this into your password.

If you have ever ran into a door before, copy this and paste this into your profile.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! If you are evil, copy this and paste this into your profile.

X3! If you love making sidefaces, copy this and paste this into your profile

If you're a fan of horror stories, copy this and paste this into your profile.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! If you have anger management problems, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read these 'copy and paste' things, copy this and paste this into your profile.

Fashion is dressing like everyone else and being trendy. Style is when you dress like yourself and are unique. If you think fashion is shit and style is what's really important, copy and paste this into your profile.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffine

People think you're insane.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mummy).

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin humming the theme to Star Wars.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant roach into the room and release it nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

42. Dress like the professor.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

Really Stupid Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would only hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

put this
(o on your page
if u like music

IF YOU HATE TWILIGHT WITH A BURNING PASSION AS HOT AS THE SUN COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE.

My to do list.

1. At Lunch Time , I Sit In my Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. And See If They Slow Down.

2. Page MYself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise My Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks me To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All My Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All my sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever I go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That My Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because I'm Not In the Mood.

16. Have Co-workers Address me By my Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell my Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Repost if you laughed. Thank you to MysticGypsyGirl for having this on her profile page.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love.

If you believe the medical industries are deliberately hiding сures, simply to profit off the rampant sickness that is plaguing the world today, copy this to your profile.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE it is weird. If you agree, copy this to your profile.

If you're not confused when I say the Mario brother's brother is Mario, and the Mario brother's brother's brother's rival is Waluigi, copy this to your profile.

If you try to expand your vocabulary on a regular basis, copy this to your profile.

If you think double-negatives (and beyond double negatives) are entertainingly confusing, do not not anti-un-copy this into your profile.

If you drink tea, and find it to be vastly superior to soda, copy this in your profile.

If you are a night owl, get up late and go to bed even later every day, copy this in your profile.

Just because we eat animals doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing...or does it? I think so, after all, God certainly doesn't forbid it. If you are just fine with fur coats, clothing, boots, etc., copy this to your profile.

If you think Tails is superior to Sonic, copy this to your profile.

If you like soundtrack music, copy this to your profile.

If you like techno, classical, jazz, and some weird foreign music, copy this to your profile.

If you like looking up things and finding out stuff from Wikipedia, copy this to your profile.

If those stupid Soviet Russia jokes amuse you, copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied something to your profile, copy this to your profile.

If you're bored and wish to subject others into wasting 5 seconds of their time, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you said it, copy this to your profile.

If you believe yourself destined to rule the planet with an iron fist, copy this into your profile. (I personally plan to rule with a platinum fist)

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this into your profile if you're part of the 8 percent who would be garnering amusement from the ordeal.

If you think that girl's dad in the Eggo Waffle commercial needs psychiatric help for trying to take her waffles, copy and paste this into your profile.

I don't write slash, incest, or pedophile. If you don't either, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know our society is moving in the wrong direction, copy this into your profile.

If u belive that grammer nd speling are imprtent, than copy this nd paest it onto ur profiel

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather than reading. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV, then copypasta this into your profile.

98 of teens have been drunk or high. Paste this into your profile if you like bagels.