Hi. The name's Madison.

My dream career is to become an author, I kept on telling myself to join this website, never found time until now. I'm only a modern and rather limited-vocabulary writer. But we all start somewhere. I don't just write fan fictions, but I write original stories about myself and friends or my private life. I love writing smut, it's my passion, but I love writing about blood and death too, dramatic things basically, I need to advance in my romance writing though.

As Yukina Himuro says! You have to experience it to write about it properly! Well- I can write about tragedy and what it's like to make it to second base, but no further then that. Let's just say for someone who spends a lot of time online, I've had my fill of romance that a fourteen year old like myself would like experience in this day in age.

But I have a problem- I have not the ability to write about tragic deaths. I do not feel sadness or sympathy when someone dies, no matter how close. If my mother, father, or brother died, I'd suffer unbelievably, but I have yet to feel true sadness aside from choking and chest-killing want to be with someone. I can't even participate in Remembrance Day because I simply do not care, I wish I could, I really want to care, but I can't. And that's something, as an author, I will have to learn to train myself to write about from other books and movies.

Current Targets to Advance My Writing Skill:

- As mentioned above, I am rather psychopathic towards feelings. I need to witness a death, go to a funeral to study emotions, and see what I can gain myself, I have never witnessed somebody cry from true sadness, there's a possibility as I've been told, if I witness true sadness my body and sub-conscious may learn what it is, and I will gain that emotion.

-Physical and Mental Emotions I Have Witnessed and What Caused Them

- I've had depression and anxiety my whole life. Never knew what caused them, it may be hereditary from my mother, for she had bad experiences when she was little.

- Love, only a week ago my long developed feelings for a boy named Tyler had begun to fade, he will be previewed in multiple stories. Love feels rather pleasuring when something positive occurs between you and this person. You gain chest pains and the urge to hurl when something negative occurs between you and this person. Common side effects from love are low-self esteem, anxiety, and large distractions from school or work. (Knowledge gained from personal experience with this boy and multiple other experiences I've had with former boyfriends and 'crushes')

- Loneliness, it's not a negative thing for me, I enjoy it, i will need to experiment a bit to see if I can feel true loneliness to write it properly. I know the feeling of being shut-out though, come on, we've all experienced once or twice.

- Lust, my experience with it was brief, but for a month (Actually, this month, November) last year that my current ex-boyfriend was sick while we were together that I craved his being, never really liked him, but my body begged for attention, this was also the month that the boy I loved at the time, Noah, was in the children's hospital for attempting suicide, of course he failed and returned in December, shortly before I transferred to my current school, meeting the boy I'm currently fallen for, Tyler.

- Suicide and angst, I transferred schools for a reason, that being extreme bullying I was put through, my whole life I have been bullied and stepped on, I moved schools, and now the bullies are my allies, I've learned what it feels like to be saddened from people putting you down and hating you, I've dealt with it until I transferred to my school that I'm in presently, which is an art-centered learning school, I'm accepted here, and I'm loved by my many friends, I've never had more then one close friend at school, but now I have- 1, 2, 3, 4- a lot! But suicidal feelings are something I can easily write about, my plan for my first novel circles this subject.

- Protectiveness and trust, my best friend- I only know her over the internet, her name is Autumn Dahmen, I'd give every fiber of my being for her beautiful self. This is non-romantic love in it's purest form. I grieve on a regular basis for her due to my fear that she will gain her mother's Huntington's condition (or disease). If Autumn gains this, I will kill myself to be with her, I don't care if it sends me to hell, God will understand my pain.

- Faith, I'm Christian, you talk shit about my religion and you're dead. I prey to God regularly, thanking him for great things that occur in my life.

- Honesty, I'm horribly blunt, I will say what's on my mind. I had my friend Marissa tell my her uncle died in war just a week ago before Remembrance Day, and I replied with 'So?'. Yes, I will speak how I feel, it doesn't matter how or why. Tyler? Yes, he has become used to my occasional 'I love you'. He will have to get used to not hearing it now though. But trust that when I say 'Penis' or 'Anus' (A common attribute of myself), I'm not thinking about them!

- Happiness and optimism, I am an optimist, I love everybody and everything. I get picked on and nowadays I laugh with the bullies, I smell the horrid smell of gasoline in this huge city I live in I shout aloud to the people around me 'God I love you Calgary!'. Everything in this world just makes my body want to explode with love, everything, war, peace, hatred, divorce, passion, everything makes my body feel amazing. I don't care what anyone says, I never want this world to change.

- I've also felt guilt, curiosity, pureness, dislike, excitement, pleasure, disgust, illness (I'm not very aware of this subject, I feel more pain then illness when I am sick, I have a large immunity and the most I've felt is stress and PMS pains. I don't know what illness directly feels of, but I will sometime), pain, unwanted, paranoya (I have it mildly

Feelings I Have Yet to Witness

- Hatred, as mentioned above, I'm an optimist, I may of felt hatred in the past, but I no longer remember it, my bullies, enemies, all turned me into the beautiful person I am today, I could never thank them enough. I still need to feel hatred.

- Sadness in it's purest form, never felt it, mentioned above, I have to study this feeling.

- Fear, I don't know what it feels like, I fear nothing, not even death. I know how to be startled by jump-scares though (Big fan of PewDiePie and ChaoticMonki right here)! I looked forward to discovering the true meaning of fear.