Welcome faithful and faithless, readers, writers, and reviewers alike. I am your host The irreplaceable Helpless Romantic. Amazing stories, breathtaking tomes, and unforgetable characters await you...man its hard to write like this! Enjoy yourself please. My staff of specialy trained Sableye work hard to keep this page up and running.

And that is harder than it sounds!

If there are two things I always like; its chocolate and CRAZY IDEAS. You will find a healthy supply of both here.

Name: Well, some people call me the space cowboy, some people call me the ganster of love, some people call me Maurice. Just call me the Helpless Romantic, or H.R. for the ladies ;)

Age: 15,003 years of age.

Gender: Uh, male. It's a little weird you would ask...

Remember

No Matter Where You Go

There You Are

TO ANY AND ALL ARTISTS

Y-ello everybody! Don't know if anyone will ever read it, and don't know if any who read it will answer it, but I'm putting it out here anyway. If anyone out there happens to be a fan of mine (few in number though they may be) and if they fancy themselves a pretty good artist, I'm looking for YOU. See, I feel like I need a really descent Profile Picture, something that you can look at and go: "now THAT is the Helpless Romantic if ever I saw him." I can't offer you anything in way of money, only asking this favor and repaying with my ETERNAL thanks and loyalty. So if anyone out there happens to be interested, let me know via PM.

The Helpless Romatnic's Hall of Fame: (where I pay tribute to writers and their attributes!)

ToBalanceToSlay- for writing amazing fantasy

NightFall00- not only for being an amazing writer, but for being a comrade

VivianShadowGirl- for loving Sableye almost as much as me

Glory For Sleep- for having the coolest Nom de Plume I have yet to see

BeastieMaker- for pairing Kululu with Angol Mois (its about time the crazy guy got the girl)

MarLuna- simply for her and her friends being random. It pleases me so

Miss Pookamonga- for showing beyond a doubt that Arthur Penhaligon and Suzy Turquoise Blue belong together

Crimson Cupcake- for fianlly giving the Times the acknowledgement they deserve

DoomsdayHarbinger- for the creation of Sewa, the only human to steal Kululu's heart *sniffile* so beautiful

Foxchicka17- for giving the funniest, gentlemanly skeleton, Brook, a drabble of his very own!

Favorites:

My favorite book series are: The Keys to the Kingdom, Artemis Fowl, The Skulduggery Pleasant Series

My favorite anime include: Death Note (mostly just because of Ryuk) Bobobo-bo-bobo-bo One Piece Soul Eaterand Seargent Frog

My favorite movies are: 9, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, The Cat Returns, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, Moulin Rouge, The Time Traveler's Wife

My favorite characters in any type of fiction are: Death the Kid, Shinigami-sama (aka Lord Death), Humming Brook, Ryuk, Sableye, Skulduggery Pleasant, Mister Monday, Lady Friday, Luffy, General Jelly Jiggler, and Kululu

I Like:

Anything thats chocolate and doesnt have nuts

Steampunk (google it)

Clocks and Keys

Poetry

Cheesey Jokes

Steriotypical romance stuff i.e. Poetry, NOT vampires,

I got nothing against Twilight or its fans, just kindly leave me out of it.

I Despise:

Idaho (don't ask)

People who call me Steve

The color pink

Any kind of character death no matter who it is or what the story is

Some of my Favorite Quotes

"In a mad world, only the sane are mad."--Mad with Wonder

"Comedy is tradgedy happening to someone else"--Anonymous

"The impossible is mereley the illogical, and the illogical is all too possible"--The Helpless Romantic

"Love is a many splendored thing."--Anonymous

"What the Frog?!"--Keroro from Sgt. Frog

"We're all mad here!"--the Ceshire Cat

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."--Neil Gaiman

"I have never lied to you. I have only ever told you the truth that you didnt want to hear."-- The Helpless Romantic

"Sometimes fear is the appropiate response"-- 1 from 9

"It will sting a little, yes."-- Kululu/Kururu from Sgt. Frog

"Live your life like a sea-urchin...F*ing ridiculous."--Joriri from Sgt. Frog abridged created by TheMidnightFrogs

"Madness in great ones, must not unwatched go."--Claudius from Hamlet

(Sableye: Did you really just quote Shakespeare? H.R: It was more like copyright infrinchment)

"Insanity is like gravity...all it takes is a push."--Unknown

"Doors are for people with no imagination"--Skulduggery Pleasant from Scepter of the Ancients

"That will teach them to underestimate stupid people!"--Ghastly Bespoke from Scepter of the Ancient

"Garbage is eww, and you're not!"--Patti from Soul Eater

"I'M BACK BABY"--Lord Death from Soul Eater

When Someone Calls You Crazy-- If you're like me (and lets be honest, so little of you are) people constantly call you crazy, bonkers, beserk, cracked, crazed, cuckoo, daft, delirious, demented, deranged, dingy, dippy, erratic, flaky, flipped, flipped out, freaked out, fruity, idiotic, insane, kooky, lunatic, mad, mad as a March hare, mad as a hatter, maniacal, mental, moonstruck, nuts, nutty, nutty as fruitcake, of unsound mind, out of one's mind, out of one's tree, out to lunch, potty, psycho, round the bend, schizo, screw loose, screwball, screwy, silly, touched, unbalanced, unglued, unhinged, unzipped, and wacky--and these are only the ones in English! Point being, people call you crazy, so I have compiled a list of witty phrases to bounce back at them. Now it is impossible for me to comile an entire list by myself, so if my fans, followers, and fellow writers (who are just as cray as me!) think of any I have missed, please send them to me so I can add them and tribut the comback to you. For now enjoy my own...you wonderfully mad people.

Crazy today, The Helpless Romantic

"Are you crazy?"

"I don't know, but there's one way to know for sure!"

"Define crazy?"

"Crazy? No, I perfer to think of it as eccentric."

"Are you blind?"

"What color is my underwear? See, I can ask stupid questions to."

"Just enough."

"Ask me that later, when my crazy idea works."

"You're insane!"

"Thank goodness for that, or this would never work."

"That's what the voices in my head tell me."

"Thank you."

"There's a thin line between insanity and brilliance...I crossed that line long ago!"

"I'm a lot of things. And yes insane is one of them."

"No I'm not. I just never found a need for sanity."

"If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that."

"I'm rich, I'm allowed to be crazy."

"Maybe. Or maybe everyone else is and I'm the only sane one."

"How crazy are you?"

"How crazy an I? How crazy am I? I'm crazy enough to repeat the question twice, thats how crazy I am!!"

"Somewhere between completley and not at all."

"Do you suffer from insanity or something?"

"No, I don't suffer at all."

The Helpless Romantic's Poem of the Month

Yeah that's right, romance! We gonna have a problem? *horde of Sableye standing behind him* Yeah, didnt think so.

This poem reminded me of a Sableye so I thought I would put it up here. It will be up year round, but is not the Poem of the Month.

My Heart's Keeper

Amorous pools sable and deep
Set lightly upon lustrous smile
Thy moonlit skin my heart doth keep
Stow’d away upon distant isle
Evermore to serve thy desire
Thy will my own ‘till I retire
-- Beach Leanbh

February

Bitter Blow of Love

Love! you dealt a bitter blow –
You lay me cross the mortal plains,
Bedewed, bedimmed amongst a show
Of tearful clouds: eternal rains
To weep at my enduring foe

Of harsh reality – searing pains of
Destiny: dependable propensity
To fool myself repeatedly
That I could ever triumph over love!

--Mark R Slaughter (c) 2009

Jokes!! Starring Ryuk and Sableye: (Cause it's my profile and I can do that!!) Updated 11/30/11

Sableye and Ryuk are eating breakfast

Sableye: *gasp* Ryuk, there's a message in my Alphabet Cereal!! Its says, "OOO"

Ryuk: Sableye those are Cheerios.

Sableye gets a report back from his doctor and Ryuk reads it to him

Sableye: What's it say Ryuk?

Ryuk: Bad news guy. It says you have AIDS.

Sableye: Oh my God! What could be worse than that?!

Ryuk: It also says you have short term memory loss...

Sableye: Oh well, at least I dont have AIDS.

Its the middle of the night when Ryuk suddenly gets a phone call...

Ryuk: Who is this?

Sableye: Ryuk its Sableye. What time does the library open?

Ryuk: Not till nine a.m. Whay are you calling me this late to ask me that?!?

Sableye: Not till nine huh?

Ryuk: YES NOT TILL NINE! Why do you want to get into the library so late?

Sableye: Who said anything about getting in? I wanna get out.

Sableye busts into the room screaming in pain...

Ryuk: Oh my god! What's wrong?

Sableye: I got bit by a snake!! You have to suck the poison out!!

Ryuk: Yeah okay! Were'd you even find a snake anyway?

Sableye: I sat on it.

Sableye and Ryuk are going through their old books...

Ryuk: Hey Sableye were'd we get this cookbook?

Sableye: Ehh, you can just throw that one out. I never use it anyway.

Ryuk: Too much fancy work involved huh?

Sableye: I'll say! every recipe starts with, "take a clean plate"

Sableye: Hey Ryuk. Ya know what's more contagious than AIDS?

Ryuk: Uh..no what?

Sableye: A big old smile!