This proves that the human race is completely screwed - we shall die of stupidity. On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (How does one sleep-hairdry?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (How do you use regular soap?!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (This isn't a Blizzard from Dairy Queen.) On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Naw, derr.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Seriously? It would hurt.) On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Since when do kids drive?) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Oh, really?) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Wow. Any other modes?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Which is...?) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Ya think?) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Everyone knows that!) On plastic wrapping: "Do not put on head...may result in suffocation." (Naw, it allows you to breathe underwater! OF COURSE, IT CAN SUFFOCATE YOU!) 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, Bubble Blower, panache2005, .Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty., Serenity.Jones, crystalshake, KOIZUMI MICHIYO, Rain C. frosty, Pikana, Queen Authoress 'Starcy' Hand, ForeverDreamer12, Astrid16, NindroidZane007, mcbookworm02 If you have ever read a 1000 page book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! TEN SURE SIGNS THAT YOU ARE AN OBSESSED FANFICTION WRITER 1. When you ask yourself a question as one character and respond as another one. 2. When you begin to compare what a friend says to something one of your characters would say. 3. When you are talking to a friend and you suddenly scream, “Oh my god! I just got the greatest idea for a story of mine!” and your idea has NOTHING to do with what you were talking about. 4. When you lock yourself in your room, crank up the music, and act out an entire story…and then forget everything you thought of. 5. When you are listening to a song and go “Oh my god! This song is exactly what (Insert story here) is about!” 6. When you run around the house dancing and thinking of an idea, acting all crazy, and write the scene that turns out to be a very sad, calm scene. 7. When you fear to daydream because you are afraid of your characters hunting you down and killing you for the torture you put them through. 8. When you can’t fall asleep without thinking about what is going to happen in your next chapter. 9. When you begin to in vision your own version of someone else’s fanfic. 10. When you think out loud and start giggling and jumping around talking to yourself when you come up with a good idea. 11. And finally the sure way of knowing you are an obsessed fan fiction writer: you failed english 101 10 THINGS A PRINCESS BRIDE FAN SHOULD DO: 10) Use the word "Inconceivable" as much as possible 9) Avoid saying "to blave". Instead, speak frequently of true love. 8) Eat MLT sandwiches. Make sure the mutton is nice and lean. 7) When someone asks you a question, reply with a rhyme. 6) Ask strangers if they have six fingers on their right hand. 5) Go into a drugstore and ask if you have enough to buy a miracle. 4) Stay out of the revenge business - there's no money in it. 3) Always carry a holocaust cloak because you never know when you might need it. 2) Spend your years building up a resistance to iocaine powder. 1) Have fun storming the castle!! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn... we fucked up … but, hey, that shit was fun!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. We defended the STONE, We found the CHAMBER, We freed the PRISONER, We were chosen by the GOBLET, We fought with the ORDER, We learnt from the PRINCE, And we master the HALLOWS, We are the Harry Potter Generation. MISCHIEF MANAGED 95% of teens would cry if they saw Miley Cyrus at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are in the 5% that would sit there eating popcorn and yelling "DO A FLIP!" Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies such as don't spend more than you can earn, and reliable strategies like adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Neosporin, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, places of worship became places of business, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home without having to worry about the burglar suing you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded $3,000,000 when she sued the McDonalds that had given her the coffee. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.