I never know what to write here, and yet I feel the need to write something. Maybe someone like-minded will one day come across this and want to say hi.

I'm 31 years old.

I'm a mother.

I'm an optimist.

I'm the hermit type.

Writing is my air, my lifeblood, my sanity (probably my insanity too), the love of my life.

I balance between childlike joy and wonder of the universe from the quantum to the galactic scale, and the darker joy I get from my twisted fetishes and fantasies.

I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, hence I've mostly stopped worrying whether someone might think I'm weird.

I dislike smart phones and anything that provides constant easy distractions and keeps a person from taking time to really think about things.

Cup noodles, snowstorms and the teachings of Alan Watts make me happy, among fifty other things I'm not going to list.

I love reading about space and quantum mechanics, and the more I read, the more excited about them I get, because science and the infinitely surprising ways the universe works is awesome.

Currently working on:

- Light of Dawn, ch 5

- Unexpected alliances, prologue (a sequel to Unexpected emotions, name might still change)

- A rewrite of Pressure (gotta get that Optimus right)

Thank you all who have commented on my stories, reading them always makes my day.

Found this from somewhere and couldn't resist.

Write Down Thirteen Random Characters From Your Favorite Movie!

1. Optimus

2. Megatron

3. Soundwave

4. Ultra Magnus

5. Knock Out

6. Wheeljack

7. Fowler

8. Dreadwing

9. Starscream

10. Bumblebee

11.Breakdown

12. Steve

13. Ratchet

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Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their own house. What happens?

Ultra Magnus invites Soundwave and Dreadwing to dinner on board his ship, the Iron will. They have a civilized energon meal, before concluding that talking is going to get them nowhere and draw weapons.

You need to stay at a friend's house for a night. Whose house, One or Six?

I need to choose between Optimus and Wheeljack? Umm... how about one night with both? No? Then... … … Optimus.

Two and Seven are making out when Ten walks in. Ten's reaction?

Megatron. Is making out. With Fowler. O.M.F.G. Get that image out of my head!! Bumblebee walks in and has pretty much the same reaction as me. He leaves without a word and mentally scarred for life.

Three falls in love with Six. Eight is jealous. What happens?

Soundwave falls in love with Wheeljack. Dreadwing is jealous. Apparently Wheeljack's fight with him impressed Soundwave profoundly. And apparently Dreadwing harbors a secret tentacle fetish. He challenges Wheeljack to a duel. Soundwave sees and hears everything and finds out about it, intending to stop the fight, but Wheeljack tells him not to, since he's never one to back out of a good fight.

Four jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who rescues you, two, ten or seven?

Ultra Magnus jumps me in a dark alleyway (what protocol did I violate now?). Am I rescued by Megatron, Bumblebee or Fowler? Megatron doesn't care one bit, Bumblebee is no match for Ultra Magnus' authority, so it has to be Fowler. Yep, the tough as nails special agent is my man here. They start a heated argument and I slip away unnoticed.

One decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what happens?

Optimus starts a cooking show (oh no, I think the pressure of leadership is getting to him finally). It's a new spin to cooking shows and might gather viewers, if Ratchet wouldn't surprise-sedate Optimus, forcing him to rest until his obviously glitching processor is fixed.

Three has to marry either Eight, Four, or Nine. Who do they choose?

Soundwave has to marry/choose a sparkmate either Dreadwing, Ultra Magnus or Starscream. (what about his love for Wheeljack?!) Well, an Autobot is out of the question, and Soundwave anticipates Megatron would prefer him keeping a closer eye on Starscream, so the Seeker it is.

Seven kidnaps Two and demands something from Five for Two's release. What is it?

Fowler kidnaps Megatron and demands something from Knock Out (what the absolute f..k is going on here?!). Fowler tells Knock Out to land and surrender their ship and everything in it. Knock Out isn't interested, since he's already plotting with Starscream to rule the Decepticons without Megatron.

Everyone gangs up on Three. Does Three stand a chance?

Everyone gangs up on Soundwave. Everyone is f..ked.

Everyone is invited to Two and Seven's wedding except for Eight. How does Eight react?

Megatron and Fowler are having a wedding (the horror never ends...). Dreadwing is not invited. He's slightly perplexed by this, but doesn't question his lord in the matter. He's more puzzled by Megatron's illogical interest in the human.

Why is Six afraid of Seven?

Why is Wheeljack afraid of Fowler? That's a good question since Wheeljack's never afraid of anything. Perhaps they hang out together one drunk night and Fowler tells so many gross stories about humans that Wheeljack can't take it anymore.

Nine arrives late for Two and Seven's wedding. What happens and why were they late?

Starscream arrives late for Megatron's and Fowler's wedding (sigh... what have I done...). Starscream was in charge of the rings and lost them. He managed to find them eventually, but not before causing chaos and damage on the Nemesis. No one is surprised by this.

Five and Nine get drunk and end up at your house. What happens?

Knock Out and Starscream get drunk and come to visit? Oh my... I'm strangely excited and scared at the same time. This might need its own M-rated story.

Six and One are in mortal danger. Does Six save One or themselves?

Optimus and Wheeljack in danger. Not much to think about, every Autobot would save their friends first. Wheeljack will definitely save Optimus as well.

Eight and Three go camping. But they forget food. What do they do?

Dreadwing and Soundwave go camping and forget their energon proportions. At least Dreadwing does, Soundwave never forgets anything. Dreadwing accepts his mistake and decides to suffer the consequences stoically. Soundwave says not a word as he splits his own proportion and hands half of it to Dreadwing. After all, a weakened Decepticon is not much use to Megatron.

Five is in a car crash and is critically injured. What does Nine do?

Knock Out is in a car accident, badly injured, and Starscream is there. After about five minutes of lecturing him about how a car alt mode is inferior to flying vehicles, how foolish it is to run off to partake in human car racing, and some gloating for Knock Out's ruined finish, Starscream will call for a groundbridge and get Vehicons to retrieve Knock Out to the med bay.

Five is pregnant with 12's baby. How does 10 react?

Knock Out is pregnant with Steve's baby/sparkling (there's a sentence I never thought I'd write). How does Bumblebee react? Poor, confused Bee doesn't want to know anything that goes on up there on the Nemesis. He goes to play car games with Raf and tries to forget everything else.

The quiz is over. By the way, how did Two and Seven end up?

So what happened to Megatron and Fowler? Nothing, because as it turns out, it was all a hallucinatory nightmare caused by Fowler getting zapped too many times with an energon prod.

I wasn't completely satisfied with this quiz, though (I had to erase Fowler and Megatron from my head), so I scrambled the numbers and did it again, adding my own questions to the end.

Write Down Thirteen Random Characters From Transformers!

1. Bumblebee

2. Dreadwing

3. Starscream

4. Ratchet

5. Steve

6. Sideswipe (G1)

7. Optimus

8. Wheeljack

9. Soundwave

10. Breakdown

11. Ultra Magnus

12. Knock Out

13. Megatron

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Six invites two and ten to dinner at their own house. What happens?

Sideswipe invites Dreadwing and Breakdown to dinner. On the menu: fist sandwiches with a side of tailpipe kicking. Dreadwing and Breakdown naturally accept the invitation and are looking forward to the event.

You need to stay at a friend's house for a night. Whose house, three or seven?

Staying either with Starscream or Optimus? I want to live, so Optimus please.

Five and twelve are making out when one walks in. One's reaction?

Steve and Knock Out are making out when Bumblebee walks in (why is it always Bumblebee?). Bee feels embarrassed, though not really surprised, and walks away, shaking his head as if to free himself of some forgotten nightmare.

Four falls in love with eight. Thirteen is jealous. What happens?

Ratchet falls in love with Wheeljack (YESSS!!). Megatron is jealous for some reason. The next time they meet in a battle field, Megatron concentrates his attacks on the wrecker, pummeling him almost out of commission. Luckily it means Ratchet can take care of Wheeljack, resulting most certainly in a tender moment of snide remarks.

Nine jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who rescues you, two, seven or eleven?

Soundwave jumps me in a dark alley (well I'm dead). Dreadwing, Optimus or Ultra Magnus try to save me. Emphasis on the try. This is Soundwave we're talking about after all. Optimus will still try to save me, but I'm afraid it's all for nothing.

Three decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what happens?

Starscream starts a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later Megatron finds out via Soundwave and bombs the studio down, enraged by his second in command revealing their presence to humans.

Six has to marry either one, four, or ten. Who do they choose?

Sideswipe has to marry either Bumblebee, Ratchet or Breakdown. Sideswipe would never. Ever. Dare to marry Ratchet (not that Ratchet would ever go with it in the first place). A long time commitment to Breakdown would be too volatile, and Ratchet would have to be patching the two up constantly (which again, he wouldn't go with). So set sails for the odd ship of Sideswipe and Bumblebee.

Eight kidnaps nine and demands something from twelve for nine's release. What is it?

Wheeljack kidnaps Soundwave and demands Knock Out to open a groundbridge onto their ship so he can come bash some Decepti-chops.

Everyone gangs up on five. Does five stand a chance?

Everyone gangs up on Steve. Rust in peace Steve. Rust in peace.

Everyone is invited to eleven and two's wedding except for one. How does one react?

Everyone is invited to Ultra Magnus and Dreadwing's wedding except for Bumblebee. What the scrap?! He didn't start that fight last time...

Why is two afraid of thirteen?

Why is Dreadwing afraid of Megatron? Common sense.

Seven arrives late for eleven and two's wedding. What happens and why were they late?

Optimus arrives late for Ultra Magnus and Dreadwing's wedding. Optimus feels very bad for such a mistake and hurries to offer his apologies before sitting down and trying to make himself appear as unnoticeable as possible. He doesn't quite succeed. Everyone accepts his excuse of stopping on the way to rescue a kitten from a tree, a family of ducks from a sewer pipe, an old granny who couldn't cross the busy street and a gloomy teenager who looked like they needed someone to talk to. Oh, and he also died and got resurrected twice on the way.

Three and four get drunk and end up at your house. What happens?

Starscream and Ratchet get drunk and end up at my house. Great. Now I'm going to have to stay up all night, listening to how Ratchet would've needed this and that thing Bulkhead broke, how Megatron never appreciates anything Starscream does, and what a crummy mud ball the Earth is and how much better things were back on Cybertron.

Six and twelve are in mortal danger. Does Six save twelve or themselves?

Sideswipe and Knock Out are in mortal danger. I think it's safe to say, Knock Out can look after himself. Sideswipe will be long gone with a cheery farewell.

Ten and eight go camping. But they forget food. What do they do?

Breakdown and Wheeljack go camping. Of course they forget the food. Those two lugnuts think about nothing else than fighting each other when they get together.

Nine is in a car crash and is critically injured. What does thirteen do?

Soundwave is critically injured. Megatron will see to it that he's given the best care possible immediately, and then burns the world to cinders in search of who did this to his only loyal and competent officer.

Eight is pregnant with one's baby. How does five react?

Wheeljack is pregnant with Bumblebee's sparkling. Steve is glad the wrecker will have to refrain from his usual Vehicon mangling.

How did eleven and two end up?

So what happened to Ultra Magnus and Dreadwing? They might've worked out if not for their different factions. Neither will budge from their respective cause.

Four wants to insult six. What do they say?

Ratchet wants to insult Sideswipe. Wouldn't be the first time. It doesn't really matter what he says, the most hurtful thing is going to be the flying wrench that comes with the insults.

What kink or fetish would suit thirteen? Would two like it too?

What fetish would suit Megatron? Dominance would be the first word to come to mind, along with bondage and biting. Something not focusing much on the use of equipment, but rather a hands on approach. Dreadwing... would probably not enjoy such activities.

Twelve tries to coax you to join their side. How?

Knock Out tries to coax me to join the Decepticons by putting on the smooth charms. Well... there's no harm in coming to take a look, right...?

You throw a costume party. In what costumes do three, ten and seven come in?

Starscream, Optimus and Breakdown. Jack the Skellington, cowboy and Rambo.

Five swears vengeance on eleven. How do they carry it out?

Steve swears vengeance on Ultra Magnus. Unfortunately there's not much he can do, so he has to settle for writing mean gossip of Ultra Magnus on his facebook page.

You're sick with a high fever. Who do you want to take care of you, one or nine? What will they do for you?

Bumblebee or Soundwave? I would probably rest a little more peacefully without Soundwave's featureless visor staring at me silently from the corner the whole time. Bee could read me a story. x)

What present does seven get for eight's birthday?

What does Optimus get Wheeljack? Oh boy, that puts a lot of stress on Optimus. He goes to ask Bulkhead, who just tells him to get his wrecker buddy some new grenades.

You're arguing about what movie to watch. Six wants to see a comedic superhero movie, ten wants a gory horror flick. Three gets to decide.

Sideswipe wants a superhero movie, Breakdown wants a horror flick. Starscream thinks the gory film is a comedy and wants to laugh at the foolish humans who get killed in ridiculous ways.

Four and two are now bestest buddies. What sparked their friendship? (pun intended)

Ratchet and Dreadwing became buddies after Dreadwing was captured by the Autobots and Ratchet fixed his broken wing despite them being on opposite sides. Ratchet thinks Dreadwing is quiet and respects the effort he puts to his work (and most importantly doesn't touch his stuff). Dreadwing admires Ratchet's dedication to his chosen field of expertise.

After a shipwreck, will eleven help you to survive on a remote island?

Will Ultra Magnus help me? I guess that depends whether I can follow the chain of command and properly address him all the time. Until I get it right, the only thing I'll receive from him are angry scowls.

You ask nine to help you with a 5000-piece puzzle. How does that work out?

I ask Soundwave to help with a puzzle. He's efficient. It's done before I can find even one corner piece.

One wants to take over the world. Do they ask help from twelve or five?

Bumblebee wants to rule the world. He can ask Knock Out or Steve to help. Those options don't exactly fill him with confidence and he quickly decides to forget about it and go for a long drive.

Six takes seven captive. How does six interrogate seven?

Sideswipe takes Optimus captive. He must be under some kind of a Decepticon mind-control trick. He starts to make the world's most annoying sound, intending to continue until Optimus gives in. When Optimus turns his audio receptors off, Sideswipe proceeds to carve obscene pictures of Optimus and Arcee on his plating.

It is vitally important for you to interface with a cybertronian. Two, three or thirteen?

Dreadwing, Starscream or Megatron? I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't... but still I will. Megatron. Yolo. xD

Four is trying to escape from ten. Will they make it?

Ratchet is trying to escape from Breakdown. Sure. Ratchet's smart, he can outwit Breakdown and get away any day.

Who's more likely to get you drunk and take advantage of the situation, eight or eleven?

Wheeljack or Ultra Magnus? Definitely Wheeljack (I mean just look at that rape-face on that one episode where he's walking with Arcee). Not that I would mind, though...

Two is recharging soundly. Three walks into the room. What do they do?

Dreadwing is recharging. Starscream walks in and scoffs, starting a snarky monologue about social climbers (quietly).

Seven wants to take you out somewhere. What do you end up doing?

Optimus wants to take me somewhere. We end up star-gazing in the mountains, and it's the best thing ever.

Five is *ahem* having a private moment. Thirteen walks in unnoticed. How do they react?

Steve is having a private moment when Megatron walks in. Megatron is completely indifferent as long as it doesn't happen on duty, but poor Steve nearly pulls his spike off from fright and jumps up to stand in attention (in more than one way) as Megatron passes by.