A Revelation:

When writers die, they go to Hell and become editors

"For in that sleep of death what dreams may come." - William Shakespeare

Disclaimer: I am soo sick of putting disclaimers on every chapter so I'm setting the record straight. deep breaths DO I LOOK LIKE A FRICKEN GENIUS? No? It's coz I aint Stephenie Meyer-- Duh! Not Steph Meyer, so I don't own the Twilight series... I do get to mess with the characters though... cue the evil laugh! Oh yeah, this'll be fun!

Upcoming Project(s)

The Real Me (Vamp fanfic)

When Bella moves to Forks she's normal... well technically not normal... but still very normal... but still strange... get it? Bella has a secret.

Edward is wondering about this strange girl who sometimes he wants to kill and sometimes scares him like she can see right through him. But who is the real Bella?

A Lesson of Love and Lust

We've all read the Edward is Bella's hot, new student teacher fanfictions but I've always wondered what the story would be like if Bella was the teacher and Edward was the student.

Bella was a partier in high school but she sobered up in college and studied to be a teacher. She gets a job substituting in Forks High. All Bella keeps thinking is 'Why high school? Why be surrounded by teenagers who constantly reminded her of the angel she hadn't been?' She didn't count on taking her frustration out on a certain Edward Masen.

At first Bella reckons Edward's little crush will put her career in jeopardy but she realizes she doesn't think about how much she hates high school when she's having an exciting, fun affair with her student! Will everyone find out about them? Will Bella realize there is way more than lust between them?

Edward is a total angel... and God made angels... and Carlisle made Edward... Therefore Carlisle is God!!

And Carlisle said, 'Let there be Edward' and it was good... it was sooooooooo good

Our Edward,
Who art in Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles.
Thy Volvo comes, thy will be fast,
On Earth as it is in the meadow.
Give you this day, our daily blood;
Forgive us our heartbeats,
As we worship Carlisle for giving you life.
Lead us into temptation,
Deliver us to you.
For thine is the vampire,
The music and the hotness,
For ever and ever,
Ed-men

Normal Guy VS Edward Cullen - HA!

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.

“Well, I wasn’t going to live without you..” He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. “..but I wasn’t sure how to do it. I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi.”

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

He smiled my favorite smile. “Hurry back to me.”
“Always.”

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

“I heard the music before I was out of the car. Edward hadn’t touched his piano since the night Alice left. Now, as I shut the door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lullaby. Edward was welcoming me home.’

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

EDWARD CULLEN: SEXIER THAN YOU SINCE 1901

JASPER HALE: CHARMING LADIES SINCE 1843

EMMETT CULLEN: STRONGER THAN YOU SINCE 1916

COME ON GURLS! WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR FACE! GOTTA LOVE 'EM CULLEN BOYS

Awesome Fanfiction Quotes

Edward attempts to dazzle Bella (who's a Vamp)

Bella laughs

Bella- And Edward. That doesn’t work anymore.

-- Wow! Is That Really Bella?

Edward- Shouldn't I drive?

Vamp Bella- Trust me. I have better reflexes

-- Memories

Edward- Right…sorry…you don’t still want to kill me...do you?

Bella- Don’t drop me...again

-- Who Needs Love

Bella- Were you going to listen to your own advice and come after me at all or were you going to wait until I realized how much I loved you?

-- Dairy Queen Summer

Edward- Bella, I’m fine. If I need ice I can assure you it’s not for the bump

-- The Grand Harbour Group

Edward- But seriously, what is it?

Bella- It’s a tampon, Edward.

Edward- What’s that?

Bella- You really don’t know what it is?

Edward- Do you eat it?

Emmett- Geez, what did we miss last night?

Carlisle- Edward came home from Bella’s last night asking what a tampon was!

Emmett and Jasper- What’s that?

--Edward and the Tampon

Jasper- And that is why I go shopping.

Jasper- Now, come on, be a man and pick out some lingerie. (Contradiction of terms, much? Lawl)

Jasper- Do you have a mental illness?

Emmett- Mad Cow.

--Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

Carlisle- Well, Edward, looks like we found you a singer

--Bloodshed For Your Entertainment