"You could have told me you were single, you know," he almost shouts as he's pulling her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side. Or, in other words, Jughead figures it all out

A s1 and 2 mashup with large portions of canon ignored and tossed out. Jughead wants to get the girl and Veronica wants to help him do it. Betty wants to find her sister and Archie is...Archie.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a group of teenagers within earshot of an argument will stop to listen. In which the voyeurs share their thoughts and Archie learns what fear is. (a satirical take on the hot mess that is the show that we love...most of the time)

When the shortest route isn't always the best and the long road can take you places you never knew you wanted to go. Or, Jughead takes seven steps to Eden.

Oh fuck this guy is her first thought about the asshat that just stole her parking space. Or, in other words, parking spaces are sacred.

It's less than a week before he's half in love with her. After that, he starts to talk to her, really talk to her like he's not wearing sarcasm as a shield and anger as armor.

It all starts because Jughead Jones is many things but stupid isn't one of them. When he overhears Jason Blossom whining, actually whining, about how he can't take out Polly Cooper unless someone also takes out her little sister, Betty, he thinks this could be his chance. Or, in other words, Jughead flips the script to get the girl, no matter how unconventional it might be.

Sometimes the only way to glue what shatters back together is with sheer determination. Or, Jughead Jones needs to fight for what he helped break.

What the fuck is that horrible sound? is the only thing Jughead can think as the pounding in his head competes with the god awful racket interrupting his sleep. He hears a faint and feminine hello and his eyes pop open. Oh yeah, he thinks with a slight grin through the hangover, her. Or, in other words, Jughead Jones has a damn good Halloween.

Sometimes history repeats itself until you get it right. Or, in other words, two idiots in love figure out how to make it work.

Betty Cooper shows Jughead Jones what he's been missing

She jumped as she felt hands slide across her lower back. Looking over her shoulder she met Jughead's eyes as his hands slipped around her hips, moving her gently forward and out of his way. "Sorry, Betts," he said to her in a soft tone, a slight smirk on his face. Or, Jughead Jones knows what he wants and spoiler alert- It's Betty Cooper