Notice: I have a broken arm. Meaning I'm going to be going on a semi-hiatus for the next three months. Sour.

Forum Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/myforums/Rein-Hellfire/2567280/. For story information and challenges. Check it out!

Blog Link:

Just so you all know: I am in fact doing a 'Let's Read' of various stories that I find... interesting. That's what the blog's for.

Email: TheReinHellfire@gmail.com

Name: Rein Hellfire. No, that is not my true name. Seriously...

Age: Somewhere between 2 years and 99 years.

Gender: I have two testicles and a penis. Either I'm a guy, or... something else.

I need to work on my humor...

Likes/Dislikes: I like writing, reading, and... Comedy. Dislikes? I have a lot of those... easier if I make a list.

1. Spelling mistakes: Absolutely loathe spelling errors, but it is understandable if one is not a native English speaker or is dyslexic. It's just one of those things that depresses me everytime I see an example in writing.

2. Yaoi fanfics: Don't have anything against gay or lesbians, it's just that the very thought of Yaoi is... Off putting to me. It's just junking up every single archive I've been on, there's so much of the stuff. I DON'T want to read about how two men can diddle about with each other for fifty-thousand words, thank you very much.

I do make exceptions if the storyline is good though. We're talking God-level writing here by the way. It has to be fucking GOOD, so good that a god (lowercase g) would bow down and praise the plot because it is that good. If you're writing Yaoi, you're going to have to impress me before I go near your story without a ten-foot pole.

3. Whiny brats: Yes, those twelve year old people who constantly whine and whine and complain about how much your stories suck when in fact they cannot, and I mean cannot back said complaining up with evidence. While I have nothing against constructive (emphasis on constructive) criticism, flaming is amusing for a while, then it gets irritating. For my views on flaming, see the massive rant I posted near the bottom of this profile.

4. Lag: I absolutely dislike laggy computers. My computer is so laggy, that it's gotten to the point where typing is actually an ordeal sometimes. I'm not going to pay for another one though. And it's not all that bothersome to the point where I cannot do anything, but watching Fate/Zero to do research for fanfiction is annoying as hell when you have a clunker of a computer.

5. Massive Crossovers: Now, I like crossovers, don't get me wrong. But crossing Naruto with Bleach with Soul Eater with Harry Potter with Avengers with Percy Jackson with Twilight with Battlestar Galactica with Code Geass with Infinite Stratos with Hellsing with Neon Genesis Evangelion with Campione! With Negima with Lord of the Rings with Transformers with Fate/Stay Night with Starcraft with Warcraft with League of Legends... Seriously? There comes a point in time where one just has to put their foot down. No. There is such a thing as too much xover. If you're going to do a crossover, do a crossover of the fucking series that you put in the description. Crossing Naruto and Harry Potter and then adding Bleach to the mix... no. No. No. That just kind of irritates me. Just a little (A lot). There are some exceptions of course, but if you're going to be doing a mega crossover it had better be damn good, or else I'm just going to get annoyed.

6. Bad Stories: Self-explanatory, really. I like reading stories. I love reading, I love writing, and one of my favorite things to do is pore at a dusty tome for hours and hours on end. But if there's one thing that gets on my nerves, if there's one thing that rustles my jimmies, it would be reading a piece of shit story. Fortunately, I have a very, very narrow definition of 'bad', so there are actually very few stories that get on my shit-list. But if I read a bad story... That just puts me in a bad mood.

Bad stories include:

-Mary Sues

-Contrived, generic plot

-Horrendous spelling/grammar errors

-Extremely large amounts of fan-service (Compious amounts of BL and/or harem antics)

-Bad in-universe mechanics (No, the main character is not god)

-NO CONFLICT

-Overuse of the 'cliffhanger'.

-NOT WRITING IN ENGLISH WHEN THE STORY IS MARKED AS BEING IN ENGLISH. If you throw in Japanese or French, or whatever, at least give a fucking translation, please. I don't want to read half a paragraph of English, and another half a paragraph of... Of SWAHILI. Writing in another language is sort of justified if it is done in small amounts, but the emphasis is on the word, small.

These are dislikes, by the way. I don't really hate any one thing at the moment: these dislikes are things that just plain annoy me when I see them.

Goals for the future:

I have a goal. It's more like an ambition. There's a certain man that I want to kill.

No, not really, just kidding. (Seriously, Sasuke?)

It would be nice to have a fic with a thousand reviews on this site one day. Really nice.

And on to...

Rants: Flaming:

This is to all of the jerk-wads that keep sending me hate-mail. If you haven't flamed me before (If you're not an arrogant twit, that is.) don't read this rant.

I understand that I'm not the best (Read: I'm pretty shitty) author out there. I get that I do stupid shit sometimes, and somehow get away with it. I understand that you're whining and complaining to me, because apparently you have no life, seeing as you have the goddamned time to sit in front of your crappy, cheap-ass computer and write illegible profanity to someone who could honestly care less.

Because that's true. I honestly couldn't care less. I understand that criticism is important in improving a story, and I wholeheartedly accept GOOD criticism, constructive criticism.

However, in case you, the flamer... If you're so illiterate, so idiotic and uneducated, and just plain too stupid to understand what the hell I'm typing, I'll simply go ahead and say it.

Flaming is not constructive criticism, therefore I don't give a rat's ass about flames.

I don't care that you take a whole goddamned 10 minutes out of your precious day to go ahead and flame something that I'm doing for fun, because apparently you, the flamer, is an arrogant, brain-dead, pompous, egotistical brat who whines and screams like a whiny baby who cannot get his way. Essentially, how I view you, the flamer, is as a whiny, spoiled, six-year old borderline mental patient, who snivels and screams at the smallest thing, who is spoiled beyond all comprehension, and who is a complete illiterate dumbass who is currently failing out of pre-school.

I do view flames as an indicator of sorts, as if a lot of people are flaming that means somethings wrong with the chapter. BUT! If it's only one or two people who choose to consciously act like a motherfucking fool, I'll just say this to you, in what is to be one of the most eloquent phrases that I have ever typed up in my history on this site.

I see your flame. Your stupid, crappily written, almost illegible flame that is essentially the ravings of a mindless fool. Am I supposed to care?

Because, I really don't give a shit what you flamers think about my goddamn story. I write for my own amusement, you stupid monkey. I don't write to satisfy YOU. Yes, it's fucking self-centered as all hell, but I'm still fucking human, dammit. I have my own desires, and I'm not going to drop my pants and bend over just because some idiot flames me.

Constructive criticism will be acted upon. However, if you're too STUPID to understand that Flaming is NOT constructive criticism, I have some advice for you.

-Go to your backyard. Pick up a stick. Make sure it has lots of splinters.

-Proceed to shove it up your ass, because apparently you hate fun.

Oh, and one last thing, for you Flamers?

Take your computer, and proceed to shove THAT up your ass too, you pompous douchebag. Maybe that'll satisfy your perverse fantasies.

(This only applies to flamers. Not people who give me ACTUAL CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. I want that to be understood.)

Rants: Updating:

This is... Actually, a bizarre rant. Usually, I'm pleased when people ask me to update sooner. That means that there's actually an interest in my story.

HOWEVER! I am not amused when someone tells me to, and I quote, 'Is this story dead? If it isn't dead then you should update it, like now. Or else I'm going to find where you live and kill you.'

... I got a death threat. Over fucking fanfiction. What in the actual fuck. That's just... no.

Or how about,

'It's been a month without updates... Such a shame, this guy could have been a good author, but now he's shit.'

Fuck. Off. Read my goddamn profile. I update whenever the hell I want to. It's my goddamn stories. I'm writing for my own fucking pleasure. It's self-centered, but that's the cold hard truth.

If you can't accept that, please get out. Seeing these kind of reviews or PM's make me NOT want to update, just to spite the little impatient morons.

Rein Hellfire's ten tenets to Fanfiction:

1: Spelling matters. Capitalization matters. Syntax matters. Beat this fact into your brain, because it does matter. It's the difference between an average at best writer versus a skilled writer. If you cannot spell, or your English is bad, simply use spell check or get someone to proofread. I know for a fact if I see a summary filled with grammar and spelling errors, I'm immediately not going to read that story. Because if the SUMMARY is that bad, just how much worse can the actual story get?

... Of course, if there is a legitimate reason as to why there are so many errors, I'm not going to hate on you. However, if there is no reason... Sigh...

2: Never, ever say 'My summaries suck' or something along those lines. Have pride in what you have created, have confidence, stand up and be strong!

3: If you want reviews, review other people's stories. Really, if you want people to commentate on your work of creativity, is it not fair for you to do the same to theirs? It's simply polite.

4: Do not use script format. Never, ever use script format. It is unprofessional, sloppy, speaks volumes for one's childishness... using a script format is tolerable in certain circumstances, but most of the time, it's simply idiotic. And I find it very annoying, but that's a personal matter.

5: OCs. It really depends on the type of OC. Well rounded, balanced, fleshed out OCs that the general audience can relate to are alright in my books. However, Mary Sues are intolerable. Mary Sues ruin stories, and self-inserts kind of also ruin stories. If you write a story with an Oc or self-insert, it had better be a damn good story, with well-developed characters and a very good plot, otherwise you might as well write gibberish for all the good it'll do.

6: Know your lore. Half of the stories I read don't follow any of the guidelines that the creators of the original 'canon' material have given us. Now, while almost all fanfiction is AU, you have to stay within acceptable parameters of the universe that you are working in. Saying 'This is AU so I can do whatever the hell I want' is not a valid excuse.

7: Never let someone else dictate to you what they want to read. You write your own stories, they'll write their own. Follow your own vision as to what you write. And never regret the paths that you have chosen. But never write something you don't want to write simply because someone else told you that you should write.

8: On the other hand, listen to criticism. Listen to your peers, because they can help you improve as a writer and as a person. Heed their words, for your reviewers can be one of your greatest friends, or one of your greatest enemies. But pay attention to what they have to say, as they can stop your story from going into a deep cesspit of idiocy.

9: Read other people's works. They can inspire you, give you ideas that you can then implement in your stories. However, do not steal from your fellow authors, do not copy and paste their words into your story. That's stealing, and that is not good for you and for them. They are being robbed, and you are merely climbing on the backs of other's achievments, you are not improving as an author.

10: Have fun when you write. This is a site for entertainment. This is not a job. If you feel as if you are struggling with a story, having problems, feeling as if it is more of an ordeal than anything else, just drop the idea. It's not worth stressing yourself over. Above all else, have a good time when you write a story.

Quotes that I find memorable and hilarious. Or just pure win.

'For you haters, here's what you could do with yourselves since all you really did is just let me get off my lazy ass and make a better story: start licking the screen of your computer or laptop or tablet or whatever it is you're using to read this because it will be the closet thing to sucking my dick that you will ever get.'

-Nightmares Around Winter

I got this from Steal-yo-Lunch's profile. Don't know where it came from, but this is just win.

FIRST OF ALL!

Uzumaki Naruto was not in any way, shape or form abused by the civilians of Konoha.

There is no such thing as the 'Civilian Council.'

There is no such seal able to maintain a full body Genjutsu(for Genderbend characters.)

Naruto is not going to randomly realise his feelings for Hinata. Like seriously. I'm fed up of NaruHina because of bad authors on this site. I have yet to read a good NaruHina story with realistic character development, not just 'omg u always luved mi hinata-chan, lets abuse ur father so that he letz us get married.'

'Sannin' is not a Shinobi rank; it is a title given to Tsunade, Jiraiya and Orochimaru from Hanzo after they managed to fight him to a stalemate.

Kurama is not capable of altering Naruto's genes, bestowing him a Kekkei Genkai. 'i call dis da kamigan, u cant defet me neji i shall avenge hinata-himes defet.'

When someone just randomly pops into Naruto's life, he isn't going to ditch everything, name them his precious people and assure them that he 'never breaks his promises because it's his ninja way, blah, blah, blah.'

A random character is not going to waltz into Konoha, yell at the Sandaime, take Naruto out of the village for a few years and train him to a god-like level at the age of 12.

Sasuke is not an uptight character that's going to demand techniques from Naruto, and if refused, report to the 'Civilian Council' where 'Sakuya Haruno' the 'howler monkey' will call for his death and for the handing over of Naruto's possessions. You know what I'm talking about, right? 'u listen here demon, we demand respect because we are the civilian council. hand over your stuff to uchiha-sama!?!?!?!?!?'

Sakura is not a useless fan girl; she's a support type. Her job as a medic is to heal, not fight. Whilst she was basically useless in the first 25 episodes, she's come a long way, proving herself worthy of a Sannin's apprentice.

Kakashi is not a Sasuke-favouring bigot! In no way, shape or form has he ever showed favouritism. The only reason he trained Sasuke exclusively during the exam break was to keep him alive. Honestly, did Neji have a psychotic demon running rampant around his psyche? Would Neji have slaughtered Naruto should the opportunity present itself? No.

Dark Naruto fics are horrible. Well, they can be good, but only when written by someone with half a brain. It's usually Naruto masking his emotions, yada, yada, yada. And then he ends up marrying Hinata and living happily ever after.

Update Schedule:

A lot of people have been inquiring into my update schedule. So, I'll just give a brief rundown on how I do things.

I write whenever I have free time. That's pretty much it. Generally, I wait until I have a stockpile of at least three chapters to go on, before I update. So I'll write an entire story arc, post one chapter after writing an Author's Note (A/N), and make revisions to the other chapters in storage depending on the feedback that I get. That's how I've been doing things for the past few months. It seems to work, so I'm not going to say anything else on the matter.

I have a very haphazard schedule in terms of updates. Don't expect regular, frequent ones like I have been doing so far. There will be times when I just have a bad case of writer's block, or if real life is calling. So if I were to go on a brief hiatus, don't panic. I don't abandon a story once I've begun it, or if I do, it's because I have a damned good reason. After all, that's my responsibility as a writer to all of those people who read my stories.

Unless I have a damn good reason for deleting a story. Then that changes. Basically, I do whatever the hell I feel like when it comes to my stories. Why wouldn't I? I'm the ones writing the damn things in the first place.

That's really it...

Stories:

Fate/Zero Hour: Discontinued. Rewriting.

Fate/Zero Hour Redux: Season One complete. An AU story (Technically all fanfiction is AU) about what would happen if a broken man was drawn into a conflict for an all powerful wish granting device. (Naruto and Fate/Stay night)

Contradictions: In progress. An AU story about a man who killed a god, and the consequences that arose from this action. (Naruto and Campione!)

Rein Hellfire's Ramblings: Writing is underway. Ideas and the like are welcomed (Drop a PM or give me a review).

Sayonara. Bye. Ja ne. Vale. Adios. Hasta la vista. Adieu.