My name is Sarah. I have problems. A lot of them. But thats okay. If your taking the time to read this, you must love me

yeah, that unattractive female in the icon is me.

STFU

THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES (These have all happened):

Me: how can you fall asleep listening to crap?
Devin (my 9 yr old brother): what?
Me: that stuff on your radio. you fell asleep listening to it.
Devin: oh, RAP!
Me: oh, well excuse me if it's one freaking letter off!

Brittany: so i guess if you go down...
Me: you're going down on me...

Sara: Shnoz
me: shnoz?
Sara: shnoz. it's the German word for nose...
Me: i thought that it was booze...
Sara: no, that's Shnapps.
Me: i thought THAT was SHNOPPS!

Thomas (Justine's Dad): what do you want for breakfast?
Justine: spicy chicken strips.
Thomas: they're in the freezer. Sara?
Sara: Grilled Cheese.
Thomas: Justine, make Sara a grilled Cheese.
Justine: okay.
Thomas: that about you Sarah?
Me: i want a turkey cheeseburger.
Thomas: for breakfast?
Me: You let Justine had spicy chicken strips and Sara have a grilled cheese and i cant have a freaking turkey cheeseburger?

Devin: Sarah! Abby! watch me run. (starts to run.)
Me and Abby: trip... trip... trip!

Abby (watching a movie one night): oh my god! he tripped! His face is in a puddle!
Me:Oh, no! a tree just fell on him and he can't get his face out of the puddle! HE'S GOING TO DROWN IN THE PUDDLE!

Daiquan (Devin's friend): Sarah, guess what!
Me: what?
Daiquan: Devin carried Diamond all the way from his room to the living room!
Me: why...?
Daiquan: because we were playing deers and Diamond was hurt so Devin had to take her to the hospital.
Me: ...
Daiquan: what?
Me: (starts to laugh) you were playing DEER? why?
Daiquan: ... i'm not sure...

Me: god, dude! don't you have a house?
Daiquan: yeah, i just don't live there.
Me: rawr.

Devin: can we take a drunk picture?
Dad (who is in the other room and only heard 'drunk'): WHAT?

Justine: we can do whatever, but at eight sharp, we're watching the Prego Show.
Me and Sara: the WHAT NOW?
Justine: it's about a freshman who get's pregnant at band camp.
Me:...
Sara: CLICHE!!

Mom: what are you reading?
Me: twilight.
Mom: what is it about?
Me:A girl named Bella Swan who falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen--
Mom: EDWARD CULLEN?
Me: yeah...
Mom: he's the doctor who gave birth to you!
Me: HOLY CRAP!

Me: hey, Mom, guess what.
Mom: what?
Me: Me and Sara are starting a band.
Mom: oh really?
Me: yeah. guess what it's called.
Mom: Open your Mind To the Future?
Me: close but no. it's called Hyperbotastic! (pronounced hi-perb-oh-tast-ik)

Me: what... is that? do i see pink?
Dad: what?
Me: You're doing man laundry! why do i see pink?
Dad: there' is no pink!
Me: yes there is! right freaking there! Devin! did yo steal my shirt again?
Devin: crap. i got caught...

Mom: Damn!
Me: what?
mom: The fucking ants got into my brand new Agave! stupid little fuckers!
Me: that just sucks!

Me: (asleep)
Mom: Sarah! Wake up?
Me: What?
Mom: get up honey. you have to get some pajamas on.
Me: why are you still up?
Mom: I'm about to take a bath.
Me: What time is it?
Mom: two.
Me: Two AM?
Mom: yeah...
Me: YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE A BATH AT 2 AM??

Me: (looking through some nail polishes and finds a light purple one) this is pretty.
Mom: it's called Liberated Lilac.
Me: huh... (looks though bag again)
Mom: what are you looking for now?
Me: Fabricated Freesias

Mom: You found a place?
Travis (my 19 yr old brother): yeah
Mom: where?
Travis: Manassas
Mom: oh, god
Me: what?
Mom: you've become a Manasshole.
Me and Travis: MOM!

Me: oh, you like Taylor.
Curly (AKA Gian): No I don't
Me: yeah you do. i've seen the texts
Taylor's face: i'm going to kill you
Curly's face: holy crap holy crap holy crap!
Sara: what?
Me: Kidding.
Curly: (sighs in releif)
Taylor: (mouths) i will kill you!

Me: i'm pacing my house, that's what i'm having for breakfast
Sara: tasting?
Me: no, pacing
Sara: oh, PACING! why don't you taste your house?
Me: ew. gross, Devin lives here
Sara: i lick my house. (She was totally joking)

Sara: you got a 60 dollar bill
Me: oh, that's possible!
Sara: yeah. i got a 600 dollar bill!
me: Oh! racist aginst us chicken people!
Sara: yeah. but later on, you trade in chicken for fish
me: so i become a fish girl?
Sara: yeah
Me: then they're racist agianst chicken AND fish people!

Sara: shmoke in a pankake?
Me: dude! this omelet is huge!
Sara: why don't i have a huge omelet?
Me: becasue you're having Englesh Muffens, that's why.
Later... Me: i want some homefries.
Sara: Give me some homefries!
Me: i don't have any! that's why i said i wanted some!
Sara: dude, i'm going to order some homefries
Me: and not eat them?
Sara: NO! i'm going to order hashbrowns from IHOP and go get them in my mom's boyfriend's truck.

Me: (braclet pinches me in resilt of Devin hitting my arm) OW! damn you.
Devin: Sarah, guess what?
Me: what?
Devin: fuck you (remember, now. he's nine)

Sara: you can't grasp... the concept... of screamo (sneezes)

Sara: you need to get a haircut, Tim
Me: get a buzz cut!
Tim: no, my head is shaped funny!

Me: My name has double "Ds" in it. and double "ks!"
Sara: well, that would be triple Ds and double Ks.
Me: what ever! wait a sec... he he he...
Sara: that's sick. beisdes, that's no match for my... Y!
Me: yeah, if you add all mine up, all you get is like a Q.
Sara: a Q is still pretty big!
Me: it's like hot-air baloons protruding from your chest.
Sara: what about Ys!!
Me: that would be like... mountains... protuding from your chest.
Sara: wow... 'it's cold in here!'
Me: That would REALLY be like mountains!

Sara: Panic at the Disco got rid of their ! so now its not Panic! at the Disco... it's Panic At The Disco
Me: I know... it went from an amazing two sentances to... a name.
Sara: it... it sucks!
Me: its offical. Hyperbotasic has a ? at the end
Sara: and one of those inverted ! too
Me: like the i?
Sara: yeah!
Me: dude... ole!

Dad: did you eat my cookie?
Me: yes.
Dad: then i'll have the donut that i just baught for you
Me: that's okay. i have Ramen

Sara: let's start Team Leah
Me: Team Leah, becasue she didn't get a happy ending.
Sara: in a way she did. she joined Jake's pack and so now she doesn't have te hear Sam
Me: she doesn't ahve to hear Sam think about his inteamte moments with Emily
Sara: then think about how pretty Leah is. Sam's a douche!

xXXx

A Funny Story about me and my friends: Me and my friends were in the gym listening to Mr. C talk about the DC trip. we were all psyched about it. well, not me. I used to live there. So, it's all quiet except for Mr. C talking about the itinarrary, when suddenly, Ronnie Radke form Escape The Fate starts singing from Brittany's phone. "ONE LAST CHANCE TO REVERSE THIS CURSE!" Brittany goes, "Shit! cough! cough!" so, Sara, Britt, Justine, Jake, Dekker, Veronica, Jessica, Gian, Shaun and Me start haking up a lung, cutting Mr. C off. Everyone is staring at us. we're all caughing our brains out while Britt is trying to trun her phone off. And not just Mr. C was staring, no it was everyone in the Gym. we started to laugh under breath as Mr. C and the rest of the teachers were trying to figure out why the ten of us started to sponatiously start coughing at the same time. The End

xXXx

there were three things going through my mind when Renesmee called Edward "daddy" in Breaking Dawn.

1) aww, that's cute
2) wait, now Edward's old...
3) i wish my dad was Edward! Dad! get your fat ass off the couch and eat some mountain lions Vamp Style!