Alexis Ride
 Hi. I'm Alexis Ride, but you can call me Alexis, Alex, Lexi, Lex, or Ronnie. I don't really know how to make a profile, so don't criticize this, please. Okay so, a little about me. Location: Did you really think I was going to tell you? Addictions, Maximum Ride, Fanfiction, reading, writing, and probably some other stuff that I can’t think of right now. Mood: Tired, wishing school would just end miraculously... Siblings: Older sister, older brother Gender: Um, girl, I thought it was kind of obvious, but… Favorite color: Black. Sane-o-meter: Not sure just yet, but only time can tell with Fanfiction… My thoughts on me: I’m weird. Maybe your definition of weird, maybe mine. All I know is I'm weird. Hates: Mr. Chu, Dr. God, all evildoers in general, Dylan, and other things. (It’s a growing list...) Likes: Anything Chocolate, anything Maximum Ride , Fax, books, California and my family. Warning: I have anger issues… I'm the girl that walks into things, yells at them, and then says sorry and that I was having a off day. (If that sounds familiar, then you've read Anna Ride's profile, if not check her out, she's awesome!) HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY I am the boy who never finished school because I was called a fag every day. I am the girl who got kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I was a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they wouldn't allow my partner of 27 years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up to the nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before my high school graduation. It was just too much to bear. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one bedroom for two men. I am the one person who does not know which bathroom to use so the management doesn't come for me. I am the mother who is not even allowed to see the children I bore, nursed and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the father who never hugged my son because I grew up afraid to show affection to males. I am the Home Ec teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians could teach it. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed the doors to my kind. I am the girl ashamed to tell my own friends that I am a lesbian because they make fun of them. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men said they needed to 'teach me a lesson'. I am the person who needs to hide what this world needs the most: love. Seriously, people. Gay people are just like everyone else; they want love. But because minorities are discriminated, they are usually unable to find it. I have gay friends. I have friends with gay parents. I know gay people. It's not like they act differently or think differently than anyone else; is it really so bad to love someone? IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG- REPOST THIS (Bisexual and PROUD!!!) Relationship status: Single (I saw that and I HAD to put it on my profile!) A Fictional Blog From Heart of Diamond For all you single gals in a hurry to get married, here's a piece of Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz, Marriedaz, and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz; make sure he respects Yoaz! You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When... 1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog. You know you lived in 2010 when... Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, Who calls you back when you hang up on him, Who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat, Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead, Who keeps your picture in his wallet, Who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, Who holds your hand in front of all his friends, Who thinks your beautiful without makeup, One who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, The one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER! Everyday, I fight the urge to text Or call you, Telling myself that if you wanted to talk, You would. Ask me out and I'll laugh. Ask me if I like you as more than a friend and I'll ask, "Are you serious?" Ask me if I'm dating someone and I'll say, "Yes, my computer. We have a three-year-long relationship. Our anniversary is on Friday." Ask me if I'm busy this weekend and I'll think it over and say, "Well, I have a date with Ben on Friday. Then Saturday I have a date with Jerry. And on Sunday I have a date with Exercise. Mom set us up after she found out about Ben and Jerry. So, dammit, I guess I'm booked." Ask me if I want to go to the school dance with you and I'll say, "Sorry, but I already have a date with my T.V." A good or best friend! A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, idiot?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend will get angry at you for calling them late in the night. A best friend will ask why it took so long for you to call. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial. A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you. A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story. A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries. Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away Friend: Will help me up when I fall down Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me Friend: Will bail me out of jail Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we messed up...Wanna do it again once we get bailed out?" Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me FRIENDS: Tells you she knows how you feel. BEST FRIENDS: Just sits down and cries Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad" Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry. Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. A friend hates your ex-boyfriend; Best Friends flirt with him just to annoy you. A friend will push you in a spinny chair; Best Friend steals the chair sits in it and demands you to spin them. A friend asks for the cookie, Best friend steals the bag and says PLEASE? A friend asks for the cookie, A best friend gives me the puppy dog look, holds out her hand and says "Cooooookiiiies?" A friend laughs with you; Best friend laughs at you. A friend says "I love your dogs!" Best friends are secretly plotting on how to steal them. A friend will encourage you to go after a guy you like. A Best Friend will throw a chip at his head, point at you, and scream, "IT WAS HER!" to get you to talk to him. A friend doesn't say anything when your boyfriend cheats. A Best Friend tells you everything, cheers you up, and then helps you plan his demise. A friend will shrink away from you when you start singing along to a song on the radio of a store. A Best Friend will make people pay money to watch you. A friend will borrow your things, and then give it back. A Best Friend will wreck and/or lose what they borrowed, say "Oops." and give you a tissue. A friend will take away your drink when they think you've had enough. A Best Friend will watch you stumbling around, scowl, and say, "Finish that up! You know we don't waste, girl!" Friends: Disappear after graduation. Best Friends: Are there when you're 90 at the local Senor Center talking about the nutty things you've done together. Questions to Ponder... Why can pizza get to your house faster then an ambulance? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? Where's the good in goodbye? Why are they called apartments when they all stick together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Am I the only one who finds it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is abbreviation such a long word? If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? When the guy first discovered milk...what do you think he was doing? Walmart- things to do 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some toliet paper!!" 6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. 7. Try on bras over top of your clothes. 8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms. 9. While walking around the store, sing an annoying song in a loud voice. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10". 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this stuff, anyway?" 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. 16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually. 17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" 20. Put M&M's on layaway. 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!" 26. Toilet paper as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" 31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 33. Take bets on the battle described above. 34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red Lipstick vs Facial Hair...) 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible." 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 41. Two words: "Marco Polo." 42. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc. 43. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. 44. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them. 45. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. 46. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 47. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 48. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 49. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie." 50. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 51. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 52. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 53. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 54. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 55. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." 56. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 57. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 58. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 59. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 60. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 61. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 62. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" 63. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 64. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." 65. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters If you believe that Kristen Stewart and Robert Patterson would make a terrible Max & Fang, copy and paste this on your profile. (If you don't agree with this, you're INSANE.) If you like to read fanfiction more than you like to read books, copy and paste this on your profile. If your addicted to your iPod, copy and paste this on your profile. If your parents loves to embarrass you, copy and paste this on your profile. If your profile is waaaaaaayyyy too long, but you keep making it longer, copy this and put it on your profile. If you have ever spent too much money at Barnes and Noble, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't do drugs and never will, copy and paste this into your profile. If you get too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy and paste this in your profile. If you feel the need to read through someone's profile even when you don't know them, copy and paste this into your profile 30 percent of kids go to college. The other 70 either drop-out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are in the 30 percent that you know you're going to go to college, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and past this to your profile. If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. If keyboards hate you, copy and paste this. If you have ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this into your profile. Cats, dogs and goldfish count. (Oh, Great-grandma Vi…) If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this on your profile! If you have ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. (I talk to myself daily. Usually talking about a book I'm reading/writing because my friends don't listen.) If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you support werewolf rights, copy & paste this into your profile. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If 2 gooses are geese, then why aren't moose meese, or when 2 foots are feet, why aren't 2 footballs feetballs? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If your random and proud of it, put this on your profile! If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it, put this on your profile. (I hate it when that happens!) If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes or more, place this on your profile. If you have ever tried to lick your elbow even though you knew it was physically impossible, paste this on your profile. If you and/or your best friend are insane, put this on your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. If you could easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If you have ever eaten something none of your friends would try, copy/paste this in your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile. If you have ever ran into a door, copy this into your profile If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. (I’ve read till 6 A.M.) If you have ever walked into a wall before copy this.(DUH. I'm a klutz!) If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (I have, like, 6… is that bad?) If you ever spent too much time of the computer, copy and paste this to your profile. If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile. (Do the cars in front of you, about to kill you, count?) If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (How else would I be reading this and not have any fangs or missing limbs or rotting teeth?) If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or visa versa, copy this onto your profile. If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile. (Duh. Flying would be SO awesome...) If you have laughed so hard that you couldn't breath and ended up laughing silently while half crying due to lack of air, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing while reading a book and people look at you funny, copy and paste this into your profile. (Every time I react to a book character, actually...) If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. (If you've ever stayed up ALL NIGHT reading, raise your hand. *raises hand*) 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. (All the freaking time!!!) If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Is it EVER going to come out? They said it would LAST YEAR!) If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. (That so is impossible. I felt totally shocked when I read this.) If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever thought about something while you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile. 98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alchohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile. Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If FanFiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Did you READ the ones above this?) If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this onto your profile. (Wait, some people HAVEN'T?) If you're searching for 'the Max to your Fang' (or vice versa) copy and paste this onto your profile. If you wish school didn't exist, copy and paste it onto your profile. (I love these things!) The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...Don't you hate when people act like this? I love this guy's reaction, though! ;) If you ever been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6 (hoo yeah), GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc.(:D), Ice wolf13, AlyxtheDarkWanderer, BellaSwan321, Bookworm614, MelRose520, Anna Ride, Alexis Ride, I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who would rather someone ask them to marry them by taking out a Green Lantern Ring and saying, "I chose you, Max," who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, XXForrestStarXX, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, flyaway111, MyNameIsCAL, SareRide9, MelRose520, Anna Ride, Alexis Ride 93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?", copy this onto your profile then add your name to the list:Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A, Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A.,Evil Genus of the C.O.C.A., Invador Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, BellaBookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Spottedlilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.for.all.the.emo.boyz, I'll have some stupid Cliche, rainxface, maximumride24,FangsGirl24601, A Silenced Angel, UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND, sunshine2006578, SareRide9, XXForrestStarXX, MelRose520, Anna Ride To every girl out there who thinks they're not pretty (I was one of them): I'm not going to spew some crap about inner beauty, becuz, even though it's true, we all know that it's not what 99.9% of today's teenage girl population wants to hear. I can guarantee that everyone has someone who thinks they're beautiful, and everyone has someone out there for them. I know it's the truth. I mean, there are like, nine billion people on Earth. There's always someone out there! Sometimes it comes out of nowhere, and sometimes it was there all along. Everyone has something about them that would make someone like them, I assure you. And, hey, you don't have to believe me! But, let me tell you, life's a whole lot brighter when you do. Copy and Paste this onto your profile if you agree. (Put this on your page if u like music) Put this in your profile AND FINALLY... if you actually took the time to read all these, copy and paste this into your profile! People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs. If you can't convince them, confuse them. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. What happens if you get scared half to death... twice? Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous. I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk! Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door... Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there! I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me? Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie! Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. (No Mom. I really don't want to keep Scruffy.) When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them! I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead. Stressed is Desserts backwards :) When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back! Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I am in shape...round is a shape. I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder. Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up. Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. Forecast for tonight: darkness. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?! I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water! Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. Woman have to work twice as hard as men to get the same amount of credit. Luckily, this isn't hard. (A quote I saw in my ELA classroom.) I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! (Love that movie [Finding Nemo, My big sis and I quote it all the time!) When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand vodka. Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened last week. "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns “When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words. My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. I ran with scissors, and lived! I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. Borrow money from pessimists- they don’t expect to get it back! There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can’t. Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. You have the right to remain silent. Anything that you say will be misquoted and distorted, and then used against you. A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs, trips you again, and laughs harder. A man’s room is where he can be alone with his manly things. His razor for instance. THE STORY OF JACK SCHITT Jack: It's pronounced "shit", don't get it wrong. Who is Jack Schitt, you ask? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation! Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schit married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherloc, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding. The children of the Schitt-Happens are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left the home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!", you can correct them. Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line 15 Things to do when you’re in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" "I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no flipping way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole." In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)- PREP X You own a cell phone. Total: 4 GOTHIC X Black is one of your favorite colors. (Black is an awesome color. Goes with everything, makes you look thinner...) Total: 6 PUNK X You can skateboard (My cousin tried to teach me once, but I fell over all the time.) X you dislike pink. Total: 5 GEEK X You love the computer. Total: 6 ATHLETIC X You watch/watched the Super bowl. Total: 1 (That’s sad…) HARDCORE//SCENE X You like loud music. Total: 6 Your guy side X You love hoodies. Total: 16 (Great! Sixteen. I'm a girl, by the way.) Your girl side: X You wear lip gloss/Chap stick. (Make-up is not natural, so I don't wear it, and my lips never get chapped unless I'm REALLY REALLY sick, which is once in a blue moon.) X You wear eyeliner. X You hate wearing the color black. X You smile a lot more than you should. Total: 7 (This is just sad.) Max: Do I ever cross your mind? Fang: No Max: Do you like me? Fang: No Max: Do you want me? Fang: No Max: Would you cry if I left?!? Fang: No Max: Would you live for me? Fang: No Max: Would you do anything for me? At all? Fang: No Max: Okayyy...Choose--me or your life Fang: My life Max knees him, glaring, and runs away in pain and anger. Fang runs after her, wincing, and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. Max bites her lip and says, "Ohhh...You need some...err...ice?" If you find this to be incredibly Faxish, copy and paste it into your profile. What a guy means sometimes, when he says some stuff- "You know how bad my memory is!” “Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.” "It would take too long to..." 1. Who’s the last person you talked to and what did you say? A: Mom. I don’t remember what we said. 2. What’s the last thing you ate/drank? A: Ate: Spagettios with franks; drank: apple juice. 3. What was the last thing you thought? A: Why do they have such stupid commercials these days? 4. What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW? A: Err...nothing... 5. Have a conversation with the nearest living thing by you. A: *Looks around.* No one's near me. I scared them off. 6. Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, and word 6. A: "Jeb" (Book; Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel) 7. If you could be anybody from Maximum Ride, who would you be? A: Ella. Cuz she’s (hopefully!!!) gonna get Iggy ;D 8. Type your name with your elbow. A: Alex (Yay! I did it!!!) 9. Stand up. Close your eyes. Start spinning around for three seconds. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see? A: Me (in a mirror) 10. Where are you? A: My room 11. Look up, now look back. What did you see? A: My ceiling 12. What's your personality like? A: Sarcastic, weird, funny. 13. Say 'George Bush'. What was the first thing that came to your mind? A: Angel. 14. You have a million dollars. What do you do first? A: Pay off my mom and dad’s house. 15. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? What does it remind you of? A: ME Y ROAD ND D MR A Y! My wicked road and the Maximum Ride angst, why? HE : Can I buy you a drink? HE : I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? HE : Your face must turn a few heads. HE : Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out. HE : I think I could make you very happy. HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? HE : Can I have your name? HE : Shall we go see a movie? HE : Where have you been all my life? HE : Haven’t I seen you some place before? HE : Is this seat empty? HE : So, what do you do for a living? HE : Hey baby, what’s your sign? HE : Your body is like a temple. HE : If I could see you naked, I’d die happy. HE: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? FAVORITE QUOTES: '“I hate you! You’re a pig trying to convince himself he’s a human!”' Max Martinez, written by yours featherly. '“What did you do?” “I fell for the most stubborn girl in the universe.”' Anna and then Fang, my book. "Come here!" "Uhm, no thank you. That's what the Big Bad Wolf said." My sister and then me. '"Do you think that one moved?" "Oh my Iggy, that fried worm just moved! Don't touch it! Yeah, the one near the soy bean pod..."' T and then me at lunch, staring at her brown noodles. '"What are you looking at?" "An idiotic Psycho."' Frootloops and I at lunch after I looked at him for spazzing out. '"Can I have your pickles?" "NO!"' Ty and I at lunch after I was talking to Max and Nudge, my two best friends. '"I'm not the Rock anymore...I'm the trashcan." "No way! I'm the trashcan!" "No, you can be the garbage bin, I'M the trashcan!" "FINE."' Un and I during recess as Emo Elmo Emu watched us. "If I just stuck out my tongue...I'd be able to lick his chin." Max, Life's Rough. '"I shall nov eat de shickhars bahrs!"' Gazzy, Maximum Ride. '"What are you ON?" "Wouldn't you like to know."' Gem-Mama, my sister, and I, sitting on the couch. Gem found this totally hilarious. '"That's the first step to becoming a QP!" "What's a QP?" "A perky, preppy, peppy, poppy."' My friend and I at lunch. I was the one talking about the QPs. '"Do you think I'm Bipolar?" "Yes, I do." "Why are you even here? I don't even like you." "That's my emo corner." "That's a shadow. Go away." "No. That's my emo corner."' Me and Emo-Elmo-Emu at recess. '"Hey, Shorty." "I'm taller than you." "No. It just seems that way because you have two inches of tall, fluffy hair on top of your head." "You have one too." "No I don't. My hair is flat." "Than you just have a big head." "No, wait, I think it's only one inch of fluff, the rest is YOUR big head."' Me and Total, my best guy friend, bickering on the way to lunch. '"Oh my god. Your curls! They are so gorgeous. Can I touch them?" "No, you may not." "They're so smooth!" "Please stop touching my hair." "Your curls are like Nick Jonas'!" "I don't care if I lose! Get away from me!" "I WIN! I AM VICTORIOUS!"' Me and Dillie at his house, the last two playing the game as I won. '“Come on. There’s Ben and Jerry’s in the fridge. They’re the only men who aren’t rats other than uncles, grandfathers and dads.”' Anna, in afore mentioned book, soon-to-be FanFic. '“That’s my line, Idjiot. Maybe you’d remember that if you weren’t playing tonsil hockey with Lissa 24/7. Honestly, I hope one of you chokes due to lack of air. Or, better yet, BOTH OF YOU.”' Max, my FanFic, to Fang. '“Yeah, guess you hit my head a little too hard.” “Yeah, you ended up losing your brain.”' Fang (1) and Max (2) in my FanFic. '"C'mon, Nicky, we should go before we catch a disease." "What, like BRAINS?!"' Lissa, then Max and Tami in my other book. 'Do I open it? Do I open it? OF COURSE I FREAKING OPEN IT!' Max, ending part of Fang. 'The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.' First line of the first chapter of the first book of Maximum Ride. '"Have you been playing in the toxic waste recently? Been bitten by a radioactive spider?"' Fang, Maximum Ride, after Iggy and Nudge each got new powers. '"I believe in you, Max. I'll always believe in you."' Angel's 'last words' to Max in the latest Maximum Ride book, Angel. '"Woody Dean, you are a idiot and a philistine."' Nell, It's A Boy/Girl Thing. '"OW! What was that for?" "For thinking that." "Thinking what?" "You know what."' Me and Un after I whacked her for thinking that Total liked me. Everyone gets a glint in their eyes when they think it, so I knew. She tried to play innocent, though. '"Go die in a hole." (Nudge) "Make me." (Frootloops.) "We could. We'd need a bag and a fishing net, and then we could dig a hole, dump him in and leave. Ooh, and make sure it's six feet deep." (Me.) "You hear that? Anna and I have a plan." (Nudge.) Nudge, Frootloops, and I. '"Olive! There's a boy here! He mentioned something about your hand in marriage!" "Oh, Mother! I was thinking I would have to spend my diary on pills and cats to numb the pain!"' Olive and her mom, Easy A. '"Wow-Wow-w-w-wow!" "That was beautiful." "Never had a single lesson." "That boy from yesterday dropped this off for you." "Well, put it in the pile of gifts from my other suitors!"' Once again, Olive and her mom. '"Olive has a boy in her room." "A boy?" "A boy." "A boy?" "A boy." "A boy?" "A boy." "Wow."' Olive's Mom and Dad. '"Listen, Son, even when two people love each other the way your mother and I used to..."' Olive's dad. '"That was smart. You must be related to me." "Only by marriage." "Give me something."' Olive and her dad. '"You are so weird." "Thank you. Weird means different and different means unique."' Un and I, many times a day. '"I am awesomesaucetastic sprinkles!"' Me, walking to school with Bayls of Hay. '"OW! WHAT THE HECK?! WHO THE FLIP JUST STEPPED ON MY FREAKIN' KNEE?!"' Me, at my friend Max's birthday slumber party, at the same time her mom appeared at the doorway. The universe hates me. 'There you have it, folks, the twisted logic of a teenage boy.' The Universe Hates Me, chapter 17, Fang. '"I don't get you sometimes." "You're not supposed to."' Un and I over email. '"We must recruit the Terminator as part of our army to rule the world." "Of course. And Captain Kirk." "Let's not forget Voldemort." "Ermmmm...I'm not sure..." "He's the Dark Lord, Dude!" "Yeah, but he can die..." "Not unless you destroy his crap!" "Fine."' Emo-Elmo-Emu and I planning our fake world domination. '"They're just trying to be cooler than our none-club-group." "YEAH, but they can't be. We're going to take over the world with awesomesaucetasticness and a army of ants!"' Un and I talking about the 'Miss-fits'. 'This time I didn’t refrain. I shot him a flipping HAWK.' Max in my book, Boring Is Better, written by yours featherly. '"Are you making fun of me, Riz?" "What?"' Me and then Chalaey. And a lot of other people, sadly, because I only say that when someone makes fun of me. '"Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke-Pokemon!"' Me, right now, really bored because I'm weird enough to be awake at 4:35 am...but, shh...Don't tell my Mama! '"I'm NOT a dumb blonde! I am simply a DIM blonde!"' Me to my friend after she looked at me like I was dumb. '"Brown and blonde hair is impossible, right Anna?" "Um...Hell-ooo?!" Nudge and then me, as I twirled my DIRTY BLONDE hair around my finger. '"You have de-clared war on the Cyber-men." "This is not war. It is pest control." Cyberman and then Dalex from Doctor Who. "Every human knows about Utopia, where have you been?" The Master. "I'm a bit of a hermit." The Doctor. "A hermit with friends?" The Master. "Hermit's United. We meet up every ten years. Chat about top caves and such. Quite fun...For a hermit." The Doctor. The Doctor and The Master from Doctor Who. "Humankind. It's amazing. Television in their stomach. That is evolution." The Master, watching Teletubbies. "Ugh, CHIVALRY IS DEAD. FACE IT, EMBRACE IT!" Me, watching NetFlix. "BUT THEY NEVER LISTEN TO ME! They always go into the closet or the basement after I scream at them not to! I even throw popcorn!" Me, watching horror films and getting annoyed. "Are you afraid of ME?" Random kid, puts scary look on his face. "Naw." Adam. "Then why are you scared of her?" Random kid. "HEY! Wait, why ARE you afraid of me?" Me, looking down at Adam, who looks scared. "Cause I know you." Adam. "HURTFUL!" Me again. This is at Natures Classroom as we got ready for lunch after I beat Adam and Anthony's butts in basketball. '"Not cool, Man." *Snort from me.* "If he's a man I'm scared for mankind."' Chalaey and then me, talking about Jack. '"Oh my god I think my dog has red eye! Wait...nope that's just his blood around his eye."' Me on the phone with my friends. Giggle. '"If someone was staring at me right now they'd think I was a crackhead. Because, you know, I'm staring at the ceiling fan and giggling."' Same phone call, still me. Singing. '"I'm putting Spongey in the MIIIIICRO-WAVE! I'm putting Spongey in MIIIICROWAVE! Wait...Is that thing still on speaker?"' Me, same phone call, making Spongebob Mac and Cheese. Yuperooni, I'm special. "Anna, do you like Ryan?" Random kid in my art class I don't know. "No..." Me, trying to remember where I'd heard Ryan's name before. "But you're dating him." Random kid I dunno again. "No I'm not! I don't know the guy! I don't know most of the people at this school!" Me, disgusted and flabbergasted. "Who am I?" Random Kid. "I DON'T KNOW!" Me, having a freak attack because this kid is asking me all these questions while I'm trying to paper mache my pathetic excuse of a toucan. "Who is he?" Random Kid, pointing at a guy I talk to at my table. "I DON'T KNOW!" Me. "Brian!" Jess, next to me. "BRIAN!" Me, screaming, pointing at the kid, trying to get other kid to LEAVE ME ALONE. "Brian?" Random kid, laughing. "That's what she told me..." Me, pointing at Jess. Later, same art class... "Anna, are you really dating Ryan?" Random chick I don't know. (HOW DO ALL THESE PEOPLE KNOW MY NAME???) "WHO IS HE?! REALLY, WHO IS HE?!?" Me, going ape on poor girl asking me about a rumor. "Well, there's a rumor going around that you are." Random chick, leaving. WHO IS RYAN?!?!?!?! "Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?" Britney, Glee. "Haha, no, I'm not planning my dream wedding. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now I'm just planning on how to find out if my future-fiance loves me or not in the most embarrassing ways possible. You should try it." Me. "Uhm, what's your plan?" My friend. "Oh, he has to propose on a train, have them play the musical 'Red Riding Hood' in the background, order The Sub, use my proposal speech-yes, I have one written-, sing something embarrassing and unsappy, and then take out an onyx engagement ring, no diamond crap." Me. "Wow, you've really planned this out." Friend. "Totally. Now all I have to do is wait for the idiot who actually goes through with my ridiculous plan." Me. "I wanted to see the universe, and so I stole a Time Lord and left." The Tardis, Doctor Who. "Borrowed shows the intent of bringing it back. Why would I return you?" The Tardis, Doctor Who. "Hey, Honey. I'm home." The Doctor. "And what sort of time is this?" River Song. (I just copied this entire thing of Favorite Quotes from Anna Ride) The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts. Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours. Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless I snap crackle and pop rice krispies. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. Workin' hard or hardly workin'? Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! Everyone is entitled to my opinion. I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly Almost everybody hates me, but I dislike them too, so it's even. Relax. Nothing is ok. I love deadlines. I like to wave at them as they pass by. Always forgive your enemies... nothing annoys them more. "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you. If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk off the occasional cliff. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional... Kid, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. Got a problem with me? Solve it. The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas... When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide. Smile. It confuses people. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' Help, I've fallen and I can't...hey, nice carpet! It's soo pretty! Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. The cops never find it as funny as you do. I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it. I believe that dragons, unicorns and sporks do exsist. The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole. Behold the mighty...chihuahua? When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu? Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron. Snot is brain juice leaking out of your nose. If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. "All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!) "He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it." "Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought" "Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way." (Lol...) Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a avian-human hybrid and doesn't want to envolve me in the crap he is in. Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it? What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding. I'm an optimistic pessimist. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend! It takes 48 muslces to frown but only 14 to flip some one off. I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it. I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always. Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door. (Like you don’t gasp every time you see three fourteen yearolds, an eleven yearold, an eight yearold, a six yearold, and their scotish terrier.) I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself. Strangers have the best candy. You stare because I’m different...(0.0) ('.') ('.') ('.')I stare because you're all the same. Free hugs. Your epidermus is showing! I do what ever my rice Krispes tell me to. You dropped your pocket. I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny. Its all gouda. My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices. When Edward goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Harry Potter. You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a bridge. I laugh. I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight. Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!' 'We're gonna kick Luke and Titian arse.' 'What? Luke has a tight arse?' Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye. Your year book picture still haunts me. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere. Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral. Don't you look at me with that tone of voice. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker. Love can be so boring. Many a grandchild was spoiled because you simply cannot spank Grandpa. Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Ahh pure love (smiles wistfully) It makes me sick. You're a special kind of stupid aren't you? I never wanted a prince to save me from a dragon and whisk me away. I wanted a dragon for a best friend that would help me destroy the idiot that pulled on my braids in class. Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen. Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat. You say crazy like it's a bad thing... One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor... "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? (said during baseball game) Anything going that fast should have seatbelts and a flight attendant Stop with your premeditated spontaneity. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, drop the fruit. If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable. How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way? A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password I trippped over a wireless phone Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug. They say ignorance is bliss; I would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT. Never say 'things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge The world is big enough for Werewolves AND Wizards. "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. I'm easily distrac- Look, shiny!! Emily is not the wolf girl. I am. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I'm a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it. If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'sh!t' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. Aww heck no, I didn't kill him. Every day I think people can't get any stupider. Every day I am proven horribly wrong. Life is all about arse. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that. If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate. In an average room there are about, 120,496 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you. Including the room itself. I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. You break it, you buy it, and, Honey, my heart is priceless. "Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork." Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?! So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun. If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!" I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. (Too. Freaking. True.) I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs Music is my boyfriend. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have! I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over. Fanfiction...Beacuse it's cheaper then therapy. There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's... an egg salad sandwich Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls. Slinky Escalator = Endless fun Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it." Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. You can't spell awesome without ME! A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too! I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try' Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? 'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.' I was normal before I met you! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, when life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh at the looks people give you. 'I'm not moving backwards, I'm just moving forwards in another direction.' You break it, you buy it, and my heart is pretty damn expensive. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. Wrinkles merely show where smiles have been. Life was so simple when boys had cooties. You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch. Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder. Every time you open your mouth, you get in trouble. Alternatively, just stick up your middle finger under the table. I have reviews from teens and you don't. In your FACE James Patterson. There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry. Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary. Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided. Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional. When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then. You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had. Yeah, I’m a loser. But the coolest loser you'll ever meet. "We may not make good decisions, but hell, we make good stories." I'm not lying! I'm just blowing up the truth! "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. " "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " "Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs.” "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." "Imagination is more important than knowledge." "The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."" If you believe in Jesus Christ put this on your profile. Did you know that 96% of people even if they say they are Christians will not stand up for him. So if your one of the people that is in the 4% group put this on your profile. If you deny it you are denying Jesus Christ yourself. In the bible it says that if you deny him he will deny you right in front off his father. So put this on your file if you ever want to walk through the gates to heaven. Please do this. :D :D :D :D This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and even if you don't. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t re-post it? Re-post this if you truly believe in God, and even if you don't. Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile |
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