Maddiebre13
 Author has written 1 story for Misc. Tv Shows. If you haven't heard "What I've Done" by Linkin Park, then you are a crazy lunatic! It's probably the BEST song on the planet. Well, what are ya waitin' for? Go to iTunes or Youtube and listen! While you're there, listen to "In The End" by Linkin Park too. My favorite artists/bands? 3Oh!3 Ke$ha Scotty McCreery Brad Paisley Selena Gomez & The Scene Cody Simpson Justin Bieber The Band Perry Taylor Swift Big Time Rush Carrie Underwood The Fray Jackson Guthy Katy Perry Lady Antebellum Luke Bryan Maroon 5 Miranda Lambert Plain White T's Rascal Flatts Tim McGraw Zac Brown Band Lauren Alaina ONE DIRECTION Colton Dixon Skylar Laine Allstar Weekend Follow Me On Instagram and Twitter! @maddiebre13 Time for... DUMB BLONDE JOKES!!!! (I'm a brunette, but this is so me) Let's Flip a coin. Heads; I'm yours. Tails; you're mine! January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm...car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911..."duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!! 333 Ways to Be Kicked Out of Wal-Mart 1. Take someone else's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart. 2. Walk up to a complete stranger and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham. 4. Go up to an old man & say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE!" 5. Take something from someone else's cart and when they say, "Hey, that's mine!" call the security and say that the other person was trying to take your items. 6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 7. Hide in the center of the clothes circles and when people find shirts, jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" 8. Go into a dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!" 9. Get a Batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN TO THE BATMOBILE!" 10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME!" 11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 12. Take up an entire aisle in the toy section by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 13. Hide in a clothes circle, and when someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from their basket. 14. Grab a guitar and start singing "What Makes You Beautiful" in a loud shrieking half screaming voice. 15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts. 16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say, "Code three in house ware" and see what happens. 18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the store. 19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of wrapping paper. 20. Set up a concert of singing One Direction dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time, then start dancing wildly. 21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock. 22. Open a pack of Pokemon cards and challenge random people to a duel. 23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. 24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..." 25. Attempt to drown in an empty kiddy pool. 26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say, "I changed my mind." 28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the "Surfin' USA" theme song. 29. Go up to employees and say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?" 30. If an employee comes within 30 feet of you, scream, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" then run out of the store screaming. 31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like, "How come this store is called Wal-Mart?" or, "What's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags? Can't you all remember your own names?" 32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 feet of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them. 34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out. 35. Hide in a clothes circle and when people walk by squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it!" or say, "You got chicken legs!" 36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible". 37. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply, "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food". 39. TP as much of the store as possible. 40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, "Clean up on aisle _" fall to the ground sobbing screaming, "The voices are back" then when intercom turns off, get back up & act normal. 41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say, "The rooster is in the nest." Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper, "Use this wisely." 42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke. 43. Walk along, look at someone and giggle at them & say to no one, "I know I know... hehehe" keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off. 44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a bag of marshmallows. 46. Broadcast K-Mart commercials over the intercom. 47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!" 48. Over the intercom, say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and the first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free & see what happens. 49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in people's carts. 50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 51. Run through the store and jump in random people's carts singing, "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!" 52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night. 53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras. 54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items. The person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand. 55. Go up to some of the customers while you're carrying a paper bag and say, "Trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face. 56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by. 57. Get a stuffed pigeon/bird and walk around the store stoking it and saying, "Yes Kevin, Zayn is a lovely guy." 58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a McChicken sandwich. 59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden), walk into a stall, make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet, then say "Phew, That's better". 60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!" 61. Go to a clerk and tell them you lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker. When they ask you his name, make up a ridiculous name. 62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 63. Hum the theme to "Mission: Impossible" while wearing all black and knock over cans. 64. Take all the CD's and put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again. 65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you. 66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell, "CILLY COME BACK!" 67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing. 68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!" 69. Grab a can of whipped cream, find a bald guy, and spray it on his head. 70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say, "Your wish is granted". 71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs. Then yell, "ROLLBACK!" 72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say, "Sir/Madam...don't think that". 73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there." 74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" while pointing to a random woman. 75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the Friends theme song. 76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead. 78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell, "Hands off my dollar!" Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you. 79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous." 81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham. 83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle. 85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. 86. Swing on the half price banners. 87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask, "What are you looking at?" And walk off like you're annoyed. 88. Burp and say, "Mmmm, tasty!" 89. Hold a Barbie doll for ransom. 90. Run around with a country music CD and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You" 91. Throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart. 92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying, "Let's bust this joint!" 93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!" 94. Do your own radio show over the intercom. 95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your Darth Vader mask. 96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up. 97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming, "EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!" 98. Find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you. 99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices. 100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over. 101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price on the receipt to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund. 102. Get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby's. 103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..." 104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded. 105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customer's items. 106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!" 107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell, "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!" 108. Hug some random woman and say, "I love you mommy!" 109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit. 110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming, "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!" 111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around. 112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!" 113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!! NOOOOOO!!" Then start rolling around 114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..." 115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married 116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!" 117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in 118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture. 119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you. 120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying. 121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend. 122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins. 123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart 124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too. 126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. 127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure. 128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store. 129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can. 130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song. 131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized. 132. Light a match under a sprinkler 133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away. 134. Buy something that is like 5 and give the cashier all pennies. 135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy. 136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this" 137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up. 138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone. 139. start hitting on the mannequins. 140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up. 141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap. 142. Put women's clothes into men's carts. 143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking. 144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!" 145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won. 146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!" 147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!" 148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel 149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME! 150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!" 151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused. 152. Ask for Goat Milk 153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened. 154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!" 155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people 156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!" 157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!" 158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?" 159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans! 160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer. 161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA" 162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!" 163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way. 164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker! 165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins 166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head. 167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3. 168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it. 169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face 170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time. 171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg. 172. Start playing the violin. 173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!" 174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead. 175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in. 176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum 177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!" 178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily 179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan. 180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend. 181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically 182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!" 183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!" 184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff 185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes. 186. Walk around in a court jester costume 187. Run at people with a pitch fork 188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack 189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them 190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two." 191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!" 192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people 193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair' 194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can. 195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day 196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals 197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera 198. Yell curse words at people 199. Knock down as many displays as you can 200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away. 201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people 202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away 203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?" 204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle 205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces 206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!" 207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone. 208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming. 209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes. 210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store. 211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!" 212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years. 213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short. 214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!" 215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!" 216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock 217. Tap dance through the store 218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican 219. Rip open every package you see 220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way. 221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically) 222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi." 223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again. 224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!" 225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are. 226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!" 227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers. 228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see. 229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish. 230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face. 231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you. 232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target 233. Throw a party in a busy isle 234. Test drive lawn mowers 235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store 236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around 237. Carry a bomb and make it explode 238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it 239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager 240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by 241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!" 242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you. 243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar 244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!" 245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers 246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car) 247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac. 248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!" 249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?" 250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it 251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?" 252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda 253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!" 254. Order a pizza from the cashier 255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred 256. Start a food fight 257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?" 258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves. 259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you 260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt 261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious" 262. Flip off the manager 263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too... 264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!" 265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!" 266. Throw a dance party 267. Write on the floors 268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling. 269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear. 270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint. 271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it. 272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!" 273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them. 274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out. 275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!" 276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down. 277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie! 278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done. 279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase 280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra 281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time. 282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow 283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks 284. Flirt with the manager's wife 285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman. 286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil 287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!" 288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun... 289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in 290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register." 291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people. 292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!" 293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...) 294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them. 295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...) 296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!" 297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!" 298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!" 299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint 300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!" 301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas 302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey 303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar 304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over. 305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry. 306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes. 308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is. 309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!" 310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run. 311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples." 312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!" 313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?" 315. Spit in the manager's face 316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad 317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car." 318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt 319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles 320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!" 321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!" 322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!" 323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people 324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance 325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!" 326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person. 327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!" 328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them. 329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!" 330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years. 331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!" 332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song. 333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!! Quotes of awesomeness You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder A wise man once said "I don't know go ask a woman" It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 to reach out and slap someone Don't knock on deaths door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Vegetarian: Indian word for 'lousy hunter'. Boys are like trees – they take forever to grow up Boys are like slinkies – useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs! ~Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is. ~Be yourself. That's crazy enough. ~You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail. ~Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. I guess I can settle for second place. ~They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" i don't think you'd kill many people ~Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. ~I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves. ~The trouble with real life is that there is no background music ~I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere ~Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything. ~Forecast for tonight: darkness ~If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do? ~I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. ~Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~How come when you mix water with sugar, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? ~If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something ~Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die. ~Hell is full of musical amateurs ~There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line ~I'm not random I just have many thoughts ~I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes ~I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. If a species is to triumph and prevail, the female of the species must be more deadly than the male. Don't ever argue with an idiot. They'll bring you down to their level and beat you through experience. To oppose something is to maintain its existence. If people lead, the leaders will follow. Some people are born great, some people achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. ~If you had a life you would stop talking about mine ~We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! ~Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over. ~Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies ~Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner. ~People are like slinkies. Basically useless and yet its so amusing to watch them fall down stairs ~There is no great genius without a mixture of madness ~When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. ~You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me. ~Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor. ~PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a *. ~Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much ~If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense ~One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ~When life gives you lemons make grape juice, lay back, and let the world wonder how you did it. ~I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah! ~Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway. ~I have a dream and in it, something eats you. ~Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical ~My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems ~If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?! ~I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. ~I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words ~Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret! ~Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll. ~By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life ~I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday ~Have you considered suing your brain for non-support? ~I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my *! ~I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! ~Wherever there is life there is love ~Boy break hearts so why don't we break their necks? ~I'm NOT SHORT!! ... I'm fun sized! ~Strawberry Laces! Cause not every kid can afford crack! ~Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses! ~When you call us * we just look at each other and crack up, because we knew that WAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU DID! ~When a boy tells you to "Suck It!" Just smile and say "Sorry but my mother told me to never put SMALL things in my mouth!" ~Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell? ~HELL- Where all the fun people end up! ~I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it! ~When I die, I'm going to haunt the * out of you people! ~ If I had half a mind..I would still be smarter than you!! ~Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss. ~Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water! ~All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege. ~Where there's a will...I want to be in it. ~A clean house is a sign of a broken computer ~I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster. ~To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Damn you must be kidding... ~Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. ~Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. ~Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING? ~When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. ~Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "brightness," but it doesn't work. ~MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men! ~Come to the dark side. We have cookies. ~In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place. Slinky + Escalator = Endless Fun! Being weird is like being normal, only better. When you say I'm weird, I laugh because I knew that wayyyy before you did. Your just jealous 'cause we act stupid in public and people still love us! Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems! I'm not weird, your just to normal. ~I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster. ~To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Dang you must be kidding... ~Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. ~Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Being weird is like being normal, only better. NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG! NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you! NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY! NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation Female Comebacks Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!! You know you're a writer... -If you talk to yourself. Favorite Quotes. "When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and let the rest of the world wonder how you did it." "Every book has an ending...but in life every ending is a new beginning." "The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." "People think it must be fun to be a smart, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." "There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or you suck.” "Be a loser because 'cool' is overrated." "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." "We may not make good decisions But hell, we make good stories." "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. " "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " "Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs. " "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." "Imagination is more important than knowledge." "The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” –Inception “That’s for me to know and for you to dot dot dot.” “If I see something I haven’t seen before, I’ll throw a dollar at it.” “But at the end of the day, love really did conquer all.” “What's so special about this Bella girl? Edward's so whipped.” “We met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.” “Wait till you see what I can do with the fog.” “It's all so Rah-Rah go team!” "I was feeling epic... Whatever." "Shut that key up!" "Ah fans of crime." "Hermitage, where the party never stops because it never even started." "Perfect is just a ridiculous myth." "The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think." "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.” "Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand." "The thing is, our generation, we fight every day to get through life." "Why not stand up, pump your fists in the air, and scream like a maniac." "Be Unforgettable." "When we think we know people inside out and we think we know what's best for them we should try to remember we don't even know what's best for ourselves.” Funny Quotes That Will Change Your Life (Maybe...) "My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile." "Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?" "You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it." "Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!" "Life was so simple when boys had cooties." "I make the cowardly lion look like the Terminator!" "I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends." "You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder." "I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday." "Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But tastey, not so much." "I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love." "I'm not obsessed! I'm dedicated." "All the good ones are either gay, taken, too old, too young, or fictional characters in books or movies." "We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong." "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." "I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call 'a floor' - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive." "It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone." "Life isn't about how many breathes you take, It's about how many moments that take your breath away." "One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching." "Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together." "Education is important, school however, is another matter." "Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick." "Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't." "Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls." "Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped." "He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. "Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that." "Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door." "I'm the kind of girl who falls and apologizes for it." "I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it." "I smile cause I don't know what the flack is going on." If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?". Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you start getting anti-social because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends. Crazy is when you are taking a math test and go over on ur scrap sheet of paper to work out the problem, and start drawing spirals until the teacher says,"Five minutes left!" Crazy is having a major argument with your friend...and I mean major...it's still going on and it has already been a year...about which one is better: pudding or jello. Crazy is not sleeping 3 nights in a row because you stayed up reading fanfiction and then jumping in bed at 7:00 am when you’re mom comes to wake you up so you can get ready to go to work with her, where there is a computer where you continue to read fanfiction. Crazy is laughing your bum off while you’re supposed to be giving a report on Pluto and then being threatened by your teacher that she will fail you if you don’t stop cackling like an idiotic hyena. Crazy is freaking out because you saw a silver Volvo and tripped on the sidewalk laughing like a (Twilight) maniac. Crazy is when you start laughing until you bum falls off for no apparent reason and your mom comes in the room and goes like, "What the flack is going on?" Crazy is if you suddenly yell, 'PARTY IN MY TUMMY!' and everyone stares at you in Pre-Algebra class. Crazy is when you compare everything and everyone to One Direction. Crazy is when you're listening to Pandora and "What Makes You Beautiful" comes on and you start singing and dancing like a deranged freak...in public. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list! One Direction: If you haven't heard that name before then get the flack off my profile. One Direction is my love, life, day, night, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Harold (Harry) Edward Styles, Niall Timothy Horan, Louis William Tomlinson, Zayn Javaad Malik, and Liam James Payne. Words couldn't even become close to express my love for these five boys. My heart is taken by four British and one Irish boys. Niall Timothy Horan is my one true love. My life would be complete if I got to see him in person. Most people think he shouldn't be in the band, and he cried after a group of girls told that to his face during a signing. That's one of the many reasons why I love him. He's so sensitive; not afraid to let his emotions show. That and he loves food:) You think you are a Directioner? Biotch please, Which boy is afraid of spoons? Loves carrots? Likes to cuddle with cats? Loves to eat at Nando's? Obsessed with his image? Answer that and I'll stop calling you a Directionator! JK... Vas Happenin'?! The only other person Harry Styles can marry besides me? Louis Tomlinson:) "NO!" Jimmy protested. |
You'll Be Safe And Sound by cupcakesandglitter reviews