I was never a happy child, so ill start before my life began with my parents.They were not a happy couple. My mom had 2 sons that were not his, he had a duaghter. They fought all the time.When my mom told him she was pregnant with me he ran. Leaveing my mother with three children in a very bad neihborhood.
Around the time I turned one, my mom got a boyfriend name Mike.The only thing I remeber about him is that every day he can home i would look out the window and he would wink at me, id try to wink back.From what I hear from my grandmother today he was a slimbeball. He left my mom.So most nights macoroni and cheese was our dinner, we had electricity and water, that was it. My mom had to heat our bath water in a microwave. Some nights she didnt eat so we could. My mom decided we were moving when somone got stabbed under the stairs of our apartment.When my brothers and my mom put the matresses on the groudn outsde with the other stuff, went outside and came back down, the matresses had been stolen.
We moved in with a man named Brian. He did drugs and alchohol, For the next few years, all i really remeber is fights. I thank god he wasnt abusive. The worse thing he did was throw a glass on the ground. After these fights my mom would make him sleep outside, in his truck. We never had much money.Brians duaghter came to live with us on weekends, she became my best friend.
I wasnt very nice, i was a brat i bit and scratched. It was around the time I grew out of it that Brian started trying to quit.I was nto a happy kid, i was envoius that my step-sister (( as i considerd her, my mother and brian werent married yet)) who could be happy. I never really was, i had good days but i was never worry free. We used to have terrible fights were i blamed her and her father for my mothers anger.
So i continued to go on suffering, never telling anyone. Around the time i was 10 i began to wonder about my real father. Was he even alive?Did he remeber me? What did he look like?So i began to talk to ask my aunt about him. She told my mom. So my mom let me write him a letter, that was in June, felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.That was the last time i remeber being happy.
In late august i recieved a letter from him.It included pictures of him, my older and younger half sisters and his wife, my stepmother.He included a phone number.I called him that night, we talked this way for about a year before i suggested that we meet, we met on 9/14/01.But before we go there, let me tell you about somthing else.
On 9/3 i woke up at 1 oclock in the morning to yelling. I have a tendancy to eavesdrop. So i listened in i could here my oldest brother yelling, witch wasnt uncommon sense he has a hard time controlling his anger, he usually punched a whole through somthing.He was yelling at my older brother(( who was younger then him))" what the f* did you take? what the f* did you steal?* i opened the bedroom door to see my older brothers eyes roll back into his head and fall straight back onto the ground.it turned out that he had taken 40 stolen cough pills while his friend had taken 26.My step-father (( my mother and he had just been married)) dialed 911.
You will never know what its like to have the paramedics at you house tell they have been.Its somthing that happens in movies,to neibors. I remember rushing outside whenever the paramedics would come to somone i our nieborhood.I always wonder what it would be like. Now i know.
I stumbled to my sisters bed were she and her best friend slept. (( we shared a room)) Her friend woke up. i could barely speack, i was too choked up with tears.We were driven to the hospital were we waited in the emergency waiting room were we waited tell 5 am.My brother would make it.
So there i was 11 days later meeting my bio. father. One of the biggest mistakes in my life.I was very uncomfortable around him, he kept staring at me. A few months later i found out why. My stepmother hated me and mistreated my sisters.I learned this from my oldest half sister.
During my 7th grade year, i lost all my friends but one. It was incredably hard, but now i have true friends, im not insulted, not hurt by them.
In the begginging of my 8th grade year,I decided that i was depressed. One of my newfound friends was too,and we began talking. we talked about suicide, drugs, hurting ourselves, we never did any of that. one day i told her i wondered what it would be like to cut myself. I found out she had been, one day i did it, it gave me relief. It was my way of self medicating myself.So i did it again, and again, and again. It was addictive. i couldnt seem to stop.
My friend had stopped, i was proud of her. I was afraid to were short sleeves, i was afraid somone would notice, on the other hand i wished somone would ask.And when somone finally did, i made up and excuse, it was a lame one. There had been somthing on my bed, while i was sleeping it has scratched me.
I decided i had to stop. Thats when my friend found this website. Now i can stop. I cut myself again on The day before christmas, and a few days ago. But i will stop. Ill stop today. Ill take my antidepressents. Ill get the help i need.
Christmas came and went this year along with my birthday, no phone call, no card, no letters, no presents from my bio. father or eldest half sister. Ive always wanted a father. But i relize i have one right here at home. Brian may not be perfect, may not always be understanding, but he loves me and hell always be there.And with my friends help i will never self injure again. They love me too, and one of them takes me to church with her. Shell never know that helped save my life. The other friend is understanding, shes been there, and when i decide to tell my counsolour about my self injuring, shell be in there with me.They are true heros.

Ive decided that a famous quoute was right " What doesnt kill you will make you stronger" In may case, as you can see, ther absolutley right.